Adjudication [Elpsis]

[Laira Darkhold]

Leonina was speaking the truth. Even now Laira could see that, there was just the guilt and the weight that she would never know for certain because she had not tried. “I am trying and doing my best not to dwell on it. I guess its just the not knowing what difference I could have made.” Logically it made sense that she would have just been another body on the ground with Captain Ul undergoing the assault. Maybe she could have managed rescuing Elpsis herself a minute early if she had sprinted through the battle, but chances were she would not have made a significant impact. Counting on a miracle even then. Laira glanced down at her hands seeing they were gripped tight and having to concentrate on relaxing them.

“Yeah,” She muttered at the mention of the Younglings sent to charge out. “I reacted poorly, I just.” Laira breathed in, “I wasn’t experienced. It was the first real battle I had been in on the ground and I wasn’t ready to deal with that kind of fight. I made some poor choices during it.” She had lost Stalgis and Cix prior to the youngling assault, and then she had injured Leo during the charge when he had struggled to restrain her and keep her from endangering others. She had tried to save up and buy him scar removal treatments, but he had refused. Instead he told her he wore every scar as a reminder of what he has done and when he has been luckier than the next guy.

“All we can do is try to make the one that hurts the least of them without putting our boys in more danger than is necessary.” Laira said. It was a revelation she had in the cavern on Tython, and she understood, but she knew she wouldn’t always know the best path.

“Elpsis is one of my close friends. She was a lover at one time, though I don’t think I want to be that again.” Laira sighed, it had been fun for a while, but she wasn’t someone who wanted the same things as Elpsis. “But she is still my friend, and I owe it to her to make it up to her for not trying to rescue her. I just don’t know how. I can't change the past, so whatever it is, it'll take time.” And it may never be the same.

[member="Elpsis Kerrigan-Alcori"]

 

[Elpsis Kerrigan]

[member="Laira Darkhold"]

The various trainees had mostly settled down for a break and replenish themselves with some food and drink. They obviously had army rations. However, these were quite nourishing since Firemane employe a significant number of elves, who were known for having a high metabolism.

This was problematic during long campaigns, but it also meant that troops had a lot of food stocked. It also meant that twenty-four hour takeaways were quite common in elf settlements. Sienn, Reverence, Sano, Shikoba and Celaena had all ended up camping in the same spot together.

Their trainers stood further away. No doubt this gave the trainees room to gossip. "Command suits you," Nyssa remarked. "The first day is the most crucial. If they think they dance on your nose and get away with it then."
"They'll learn and I'll make good soldiers out of them. Even if I have to drag them into reality kicking and screaming," Elpsis glanced at the trainees. "But I think some have potential."
"Just need the right leader. I like you taking control. Not letting others dictate your life," the Pureblood's hand moved across Elpsis' back. "You know, Togruta woman is easy on the eyes. Pity she's a brat like all her people. Maybe she'd benefit from a firm hand and some personal tuition..."
"Nyssa, they're Padawans."
"And it's not like they're kids and you're an old granny."
"It's not about age. It would be unprofessional. I leave seducing acolytes to Mother." This was a bit ironic considering Elpsis had often slept with her teachers and indeed had a preference for older women, but there was something about seducing her own acolytes that made her very uncomfortable.
"Fair. Spares me the trouble of having to break in a young debutante." Her hand caressed Elpsis' back.
Natalie, meanwhile, was drinking from a flask. Hearing the Pureblood's words, she rolled her eyes. "You're terrible at this."
"What makes you think you'd be the one in control, Nyssa?" Elpsis asked a bit teasingly. She leaned forward, then suddenly stepped back.
Oh? You better deliver on that," the Pureblood drawled while Elpsis suddenly turned away.
"Not in front of the trainees."

Elpsis walked off, heading towards a lone Rhea. She was limping more than she would have liked. Using the Force so much to lead their run had come at a cost. Rather than sitting with the trainees, the Rattataki was still up and about. Holding the electrostaff with both hands, she going through a series of movements.

She swung the weapon at imaginary enemies, launched blows that would have landed on foes with lethal impact and left them shaking in pain from being fried if they had been there, dodged and parried. Exertion was evident, but she persevered. Her speed, enhanced by the Force, was commendable.

So intense was her focus that when Elpsis came close, she suddenly spun around, staff in hand. Electricity crackled across the tip of the staff. Fortunately, Elpsis stepped to the side just in time. Rhea blinked when she saw the interloper. "I am sorry," she stated.
"Good reflexes. You're quick," Elpsis remarked.
"You should not have snuck up on me like that...ma'am."
"You should be taking a break. Mingle a bit."
"I will rest in my own time. If I am to be strong as I promised myself I would be, I cannot relent. Every moment of idleness is a moment wasted."
"And you will not be strong if you do not know when to stop." Elpsis took another step forward. Then she grabbed the staff. The weapon was still active. The pyromancer winced strongly when she felt the electromagnetic pulse course across her hand, but held onto the weapon. "So?"
Rhea switched the weapon off and dropped it. "Fine. I shall take a break and mingle." There was a strong note of distaste in her tone. "These people are so vapid."
"Most people are. Some may surprise you. Now get moving."
"Is that an order, ma'am?"
"Yes."

xxx

Leonina made no comment on Elpsis' relationship status or free love proclivities. She kept out of her subordinates' private lives, unless these affected their work. Such as when it went way beyond even Firemane's, in her opinion, too liberal views on fraternisation, or when they were exchanging telepathic love letters with Sithlings.

That was always awkward. Especially if the Sithlings happened to be patricidal, emo Vader fanboys wearing silly helmets. Or blatant 'temptresses' in midriff-baring robes that looked like they had been borrowed from the wardrobe of Lady Kerrigan's harem girls. For her part, Leonina was not chaste. However, she kept such matters private and found the licentious ways of some of the people she worked with to be over the top.

"Lieutenant Alcori will be informed of your request. You can meet her when she is free. Everything else is up to her. You may remain on the base until then," she said in response. It sounded like a polite dismissal.

 

[Laira Darkhold]

“Thank you,” Laira said, quietly. She hoped the Cathar Tigress would be on her side some when communicating with Elpsis, that maybe she thought it would be good for Elpsis to resolve some of their issues, but it was just a hope. Sometimes one had to rely on hope, and it had to be found in all the uncertainty and doubt.

Laira started to turn away, but instead decided on a different course of action instead. She went in to hug the tigress in what she wanted to be a warm embrace, expecting that it would relay her gratitude better than her words might be able to. Plus kitty fur was usually super soft and cuddly.

Whether she was blocked or not, Laira would leave a moment later and make her way back to the cantina where she had left Saeza who was surrounded by several Firemane troops on their off time.

“Yes, I do enjoy them.” She responded to an innuendo regarding the banana she had been gifted by one of the male soldiers. “Well, yes I like those too. I am not too picky really.” She answered a different innuendo to the amusement of the off-duty soldiers. Either the soldiers had realized she was strangely naive and were playing pranks on her or her misunderstandings had intrigued them immensely.

“Excuse me, I need to talk to my partner.” Laira said, slipping through the small group that had taken an interest in her companion. “Saeza, put that down.” She said, pushing the fruit away from the elven girl’s mouth. Disappointed the others seemed to retreat for the time being.

“How did it go?”

[member="Elpsis Kerrigan-Alcori"]

 

[Elpsis Kerrigan]

[member="Laira Darkhold"]

The trainees were enjoying a, in their opinion, well-earned break before they had to participate in drills again. A group of them had clustered together. Unsurprisingly, they turned to gossip. Sano was particularly vocal.
"The nerve of that woman. Who does she think she is?" she exclaimed. "Why is she even in charge? She is not much older than any of us."
"You know you are all younger than me, technically," Celaena interjected, sounding rather unimpressed. Eldorai aging was strange that way. They took longer to physically mature than humans, but then showed no signs of physically aging until they were well over two centuries.
"That is not the same, and you know what I mean," the Togruta huffed. "She is jealous of me because I was raised by the best teachers that credits can buy. I have perfected my skills to be worthy of my family. She is only in this position because her mother is Grandmistress."
"Yes, you have especially perfected your running skills," Celaena remarked sarcastically. This caused some laughter among the group. "'Ma'am, I cannot go on anymore'," she mocked the Togruta.
Sano glared at her. "I was perfectly fine. I do not need to prove myself. If we had a teacher of wisdom and experience, she would be showing us the ways of the Force and of the lightsabre. Besides, I do not recall you liking her."
"I don't," Celaena admitted. "I do not like anyone who gets privileges because of who their mothers, as a matter of fact," she gave Sao a very pointed look. "Or people affiliated with the royals who left my family to rot on Kaeshana. But you know what I like least? A pompous brat who cannot shut up about how great she is."
"How dare you? Perhaps you require a demonstration of my skills?" Sano challenged her.
"If you want to embarrass yourself sure..."
"Both of you get ahold of yourself," Sienn interrupted. "The rest of us are trying to enjoy our meal in peace. Unless you want the mistresses to discipline both of you."
There was something scatological on Sano's tongue, but she swallowed it. "Fine. I would not want to compromise a comrade's chances."
"Keep telling that to yourself, alien," Celaena retorted.
Before the argument could break out anew again, Sienn took the initiative. "Reverence," the Twi'lek addressed the Dahomian. "Your sister knows the Lieutenant. What's her story?"

The dark skinned trainee shrugged. "Know is too strong a word. They were both on the Scarlet when it went on that expedition to Tephrike. They got attacked by some Jedi during negotiations. The Lt. stayed behind. Sis says she lifted their damn ship up and made them leave when they came under fire. Then she was captured. They tortured her. The Boss went to war. When my sis and the Company stormed the camp she was being held in, they found her and some prisoners surrounded by burnt bodies. She says the camp was smoking. And she was standing there, holding the charred skull of some Jedi bigwig."
The silence was eventually broken by Celaena. "Damn."
"I was told the Yedi think of themselves as defenders of justice," Shikoba threw in. "If anything, they seem too unwilling to use force. Yet this does not square with these Yedi. They seem more like the Xioquo or these Sith."
Reverene scoffed. "Maybe they were worth something once, but they have not been it in a long time. They were not the ones who freed Dahomey's slaves. We fought ourselves."
"Isn't she from there? Tephrike, I mean," Sano pointed at Rhea, who had just finished talking with Elpsis. "That pale girl. Ms I am so much better than you, so I shall sit on my lonesome."
At this point even Sienn had had enough. "Would you like some copper with that irony?"

"That explains a few things," Shikoba muttered to herself and got up while the bickering began anew. Her path led her to Rhea, who had concluded her training and seemed to be fishing for an excuse not to mingle. Then she bumped into the Vashyada. "Hey," she mumbled.
"Greetings. You are not one for crowds, are you?"
"You got a point to make?" Rhea demanded gruffly.
"Truth be told I am not really either. They can be vapid. So many things in this new world seem strange to me."
"I imagine," the Rattataki muttered, not knowing what to make of this. "Until two months ago I thought my little planet was the only inhabited world in the Galaxy and that everything else had been swallowed by the Darkness."
"Until a few years ago, I did not know that it was even possible to travel to other worlds," Shikoba stated. "Then the sky-ships came, and now here I am. On a foreign world, among people of manifold races."

xxx

Leonina was a bit taken aback when it looked like the girl wanted to hug her. Humans seemed to have a thing for that. Maybe because the fur was soft and warming. Regardless, the tigress liked her personal space. She did give the redhead a pat on the back though, and then dismissed her.

After Laira had left her office, Leonina went back to her desk. Pressing a button on her communicator, she called her aide. "Andrea, inform Lieutenant Alcori a Ms Darkhold requests to see her after the drills," she said simply. She would not influence her subordinate's decision or tell her that she should meet Laira. That was Elpsis' business alone. Having gotten involved this much, she cut the connection and went back to her paperwork.

xxx

Elpsis had been about to order the trainees to get to work again, when she received the call. Her jaw tightened, her expression turned cold. "I see," she said frostily and terminated the call.
"Something wrong?" Nyssa asked or rather demanded. "You don't look happy. Does someone need to get their face smashed in?"
"Apparently Laira has seen fit to show up."
"What the frak does she want? Preach about how you should prostrate yourself before the Light and become a naive fool like her?"
"Who's Laira?" Natalie asked, having caught the tail-end of the conversation when she showed up. She had been occupied inspecting the target range. "Isn't she some kind of Jedi?"
"A fool."
"The fact you detest her, Sith, almost sounds like a point in her favour...if I did not really dislike Jedi," Natalie responded. "Why is she relevant?"
"We dated. For a while. Stupid of me," Elpsis shrugged. "Then she left me to rot on Tephrike. Not that it matters anymore. We're done. I do not need her."
"I see." Natalie's expression gave little away. It was calm and poised. Her thoughts on the matter were hidden. "And now I imagine she is here to apologise. I know how I would respond. What do you want to do?" she asked in a measured tone.
"Tell her to sod off. Not worth your time. You don't need her or her excuses," the Pureblood stated.
"No, I don't." Elpsis' tone was chilly. "But only cowards hide." She stalked off towards the trainees. "Break's over. Get your arses moving," she commanded them.

 

[Laira Darkhold]

“Not as well as it could have gone, but there is hope.” The redhead smiled, finding a seat alongside the raven-haired elf and astromech.

“Good. I worried about you when I felt your emotions.” Saeza retorted impassively. Was she capable of worry? Did that not insinuate an attachment? Saeza considered Laira and Leo her only two friends, the only people she had known that seemed to want her around and seemed to enjoy her company, despite her track record of being dirty or filthy. Perhaps that is what helped fuel the redhead’s instincts.

Laira knew it would probably be a while before Elpsis arrived, Leonina did say she had duties to see to before she would be granted any personal time, though she hoped the tigress desired for them to move forward. <How am I going to go at this?> Laira thought to herself.

“I would start by admitting your faults.” Saeza mused, having reclaimed the banana and took to slicing it and eating it with fork and knife at Laira’s advice, much to the chagrin of the off-duty soldiers. Laira looked up at the elf, squinting as she did so. “What?” she responded as she chewed, “I melded with you when we landed. Did you not realize?”

It dawned on Laira suddenly that in her moment of panic and fear, she had found a calm center in her midst. A small, undefined fragment that had reached out and helped her push out the crippling emotions and struggle through the stress. “No, I didn’t. I appreciate it, but ask from now on.”

The raven-haired girl shrugged her shoulders. “Understood. So, cut the connection?”

Laira considered for a moment, remembering how she had been crippled for a moment until she had been able to calm herself. Or be calmed by Saeza. “Yes. I need to face this alone.”

“Very well.” Laira felt a small presence within herself snap away, withdrawn from her own. “I did not calm you, I just showed you what calm was since you were wondering. Master Ryn told me that emotions are not wrong, but one must not let them control you. Admit your faults, understand you cannot change her perception of you with words. You will in time, but you should not expect her forgiveness today.” Laira raised and eyebrow, casting her gaze away from the masked Vong. For all her naivety, she was wise in other ways. Slowly the redhead was beginning to understand why B'rahk had paired them together, they complimented each other, covered for each others flaws.

[member="Elpsis Kerrigan-Alcori"]

 

[Elpsis Kerrigan]

[member="Laira Darkhold"]

After the trainees had been led to the shooting range, rifles were handed out. "E-11s?" Reverence questioned in a sceptical tone, furrowing her brow. "You can barely hit anything with them."
"I recall your people gunning down invaders from the stars with even more primitive guns," Elpsis remarked seriously.
"Well, yeah," the Dahomian admitted. "But that was then. We've moved on since those days, and these aren't the blasters we'd be using in the field now."
Unfortunately for her, the recent revelation had left Elpsis a bit irritated. "Who knows. It's what you're getting and you'll use till you're good at it. Clear? Good." Her tone brokered no contradiction. Even Sano thought better and stifled a complaint that had been on her lips.
"Yes, ma'am," Reverence said obediently and hastened to join the rest.
"If you can hit your mark with this rifle, you can do it with anything. Now form up in skirmish pairs. Load," Natalie instructed, taking over direction of the exercise.
Quickly the blasters were loaded. "This is a lot easier than with the Qadiri's muskets," Shikoba commented. Each pair was spread out across the shooting range.
"On my command...aim. Fire." From their positions the trainees could see targets move in and out of cover. At the sight of them, a crackle of blasters tore through the air. The E-11 and its modern equivalent was not particularly accurate, but its capacity was decent.
"Don't waste ammo. Pick your targets. Rhea, aim. Eyes open."
After the first salvo, the targets intensified their speed, moving a lot faster. This made it more difficult to hit them. Shikoba took her time with firing, having been raised bows and later muskets. However, she was very accurate. Sano seemed to have adopted the mind set that one should spray and paint.

However, just as the second salvo was being unleashed, the trainees would discover another feature of the exercise. Believing that it their job to remain stationary and hit the targets, they suddenly learned better when they were zapped. Trainees grunted or visibly winced when stun traps hidden on the rear sides of the barricades suddenly went off. The discharges were weak, but more than enough to give them a shock.
"Unless you're a sniper and know what you're doing, don't camp in a spot like a it's a holiday park," Natalie declared. "That just earns you a grenade over the barrier. Advance by fire and manoeuvre. Choose your cover, stay mobile."

Thus the trainees had to move in and out of cover themselves, for they would get zapped if they lingered too long. Here and there, sonic projectors fired, simulating the loud noise that would be common on a battlefield. In a later portion of the exercise, two auto-turrets sprayed their covering positions or running trainees with bolts.

These were obviously set on stun, but the firing rate was very high per turret. Some trainees were knocked out, others persevered. Rhea was struck down by a salvo of stun bolts after a trap went off close to her. Reverence turned back to grab her, rushing through the crimson hailstorm. At this point the exercise ended.

"Alright, that's it for today," Natalie spoke. "Shikoba, your aim is good. Sano, conserve ammo. And when you move, don't run in a straight line. Zig-zag. Reverence, that move would have killed you in a real fight."
"A comrade was hit," the Dahomian said piously. "And the Force makes me faster. I could have grabbed her and gotten out."
"I did not need your help," Rhea countered gruffly.
"And unless the Force makes you faster than a railgun shot, rushing through salvoes in the middle of a battlefield ends with you dying in a pool of your own blood," Natalie said frankly.
"But you don't leave comrades behind."
"That's what they tell you in holodramas, made by people who have never had to make that choice. 'No soldier gets left behind' is a good morale building story, but no excuse for being a fool."
"So...we should abandon comrades?"
"No," Elpsis' voice was so low it might have been a whisper, yet she was heard when she suddenly appeared behind the Dahomian. "You must fight like hell to protect them because they're the only ones you can count on. But no one person is more important than the group, and the moment you put it in jeopardy to play hero, you get everyone killed. Sometimes you have to leave people behind. Exercise is over. Return to the barracks. We start tomorrow at 0600."

 

[Laira Darkhold]

Laira ordered a small drink, a non-alcoholic fruit juice that came with a slice of whatever citrus it was squeezed from slipped on the rim of the glass while Saeza drank blue milk quietly. “How do you like that compared to what you were raised on?” Laira asked. She didn’t have any yuuzhan vong cuizine programmed into the ship and Saeza had never asked.

“Hmm? What do you mean, I was raised on things like these. I spent most of my childhood on Alderaan or Corellia in the Jedi Enclaves there, fruits, milks, nuts, berries. They were commonplace.” The raven-haired Jedi responded, popping a crushed walnut into her mouth to chew on them.

“What about before the enclave? What was your favorite food?” Laira asked. The day was getting late, likely Elpsis would be on her way soon but small talk helped. It let her mind wander and turn to good things while also keeping thoughts on the encroaching confrontation. “Like, Leo likes corellian porcine sausages over mashed yarro root drizzled in red gravy. I know that, but I don’t know your favorite meal.”

“When I was that young I was a slave. We ate whatever we found. Usually rodents or insects. Sometimes Killiks.” Saeza answered impassively. “I don’t know, I’ve never considered having a favorite meal. Is it important?”

“Not really, but its something friends should know about one another. Like you know mine, you know my favorite drink, and my favorite dance. I don’t know any of those things about you.” Laira liked her seafood, especially classic alderaanian dishes like smoked fish over rice, her favorite was Jawa Juice as it was fruity but had enough alcohol to loosen her up, and she enjoyed Zeltron-style dancing.

“Ah, I will decide on a few favorites. I did not learn how to dance though, so I will need to be taught a few before I decide which is my favorite.” Saeza sipped on her drink, golden eyes turning towards the door as she did so.

“Yeah, I think that’s her too.”

“Are you ready?”

“No, but I’m not running either.” Laira downed her drink and stood, heading for the door. She wanted to meet Elpsis in the corridor rather than have her walk up into the cantina. “Come on.” Saeza simply sat her mostly full glass on the table and followed, adjusting her reddish brown cloak as she fell in line behind the redhead with the Astromech at her side.

[member="Elpsis Kerrigan-Alcori"]

 

[Elpsis Kerrigan]

[member="Laira Darkhold"]

A tremendous noise was heard. It reverberated throughout the corridors, for a stampede of hungry, thirsty and tired trainees was rushing towards the cantina. Elpsis lagged behind the horde. Laira would probably eventually pick her out amidst the throng of Firemane recruits, meeting her halfway to the cantina.

Elpsis was still dressed in her Firemane army fatigues and combat boots. They fit her well, as if she had been born to wear them. A left shoulder patch indicated her Order of Fire affiliation. Her lightsabre rested on her belt. Her head was bald, for her firemane had been cut off in the prison camp. Her face was scarred. The cheeks were marred by burn marks. Her collar somewhat concealed the electrical burns on her neck. Her milky-white eyes were intense.

She walked with a limp, clearly favouring one leg over the other. One hand was mutilated, lacking a number of fingers ever since her duel with the Grand Inquisitor. "Laira." Her voice was quiet, only a little above a whisper. Her tone was cold. Chilly even.

 

[Laira Darkhold]

Laira pushed off to one side of the hallway, letting the hungry and tired recruits plough past her and her duo of companions. Rowdy tootled the occasional obscene binary, waving manipulator arms at recruits that bumped him too hard, while Saeza shrunk behind the redhead against the wall.

Laira’s eyes took in Elpsis, she had a noticeable limp and a scarred hand missing several digits. A handful of marks across her face and her shaved head. She looked hardly recognizable. Laira had a small set of scars from her ordeal on Tython and Azure, but it was nothing like her friend had suffered. Laira bore only a few scars on her left cheek that could be seen when she was dressed. The ugly jagged messes of flesh on her shoulder and thigh were covered and the thick wound on her stomach covered by her shirt.

A testament to what each of them went through and how it compared. Laira’s mental scars were likely a similar analogy between their sufferings.

“Hello Elpsis,” Laira said, bowing at the waist when she acknowledged the formerly firemaned heiress. The redhead tried to keep the sorrow and fear from her voice. The pity as well. Elpsis didn't need her pity, she was strong enough without such platitudes. “This is Saeza Bolok’Vang, my fellow padawan.” She exchanged pleasantries, Saeza’s gold eyes looked on impassive and emotionless, though her face and body language appeared shy and timid. Saeza could feel the aura surrounding Elpsis even as she suppressed her own. It was cause for concern for the little padawan, but Laira trusted these people. “Is there anywhere you and I can talk privately?” Laira asked once the last of the recruits had passed them by.

[member="Elpsis Kerrigan-Alcori"]

 

[Elpsis Kerrigan]

[member="Laira Darkhold"]

Elpsis acknowledged Saeza curtly, but did not seem to pay her much mind. "Another Jedi," she muttered. It might have sounded like an accusation, but her tone was lacking in emotion. Laira made her request and Elpsis gave no response. Instead she simply turned and walked away with a limp, beckoning Laira to follow her. Passing various Firemane soldiers and other employees on the way, they eventually reached Elpsis' office. The pyromancer opened the door with a casual hand gesture, then stepped inside. It closed soon after.

As was expected, the office was utilitarian, though Elpsis had taken steps to personalise it a bit. It was neatly decorated, but did not have a lot of furniture around. The computer on her desk had a braille keyboard. There were also some braille magazines. Well-cared for plants could be found on a windowsill and a nearby shelf. The latter also contained a human skull. It was alchemised and thus emanated a faint Force aura. Elpsis sat down on her wooden chair and put her cane away. Her milky eyes affixed Laira. "What do you want?"

 

[Laira Darkhold]

Laira breathed in deeply, filling her lungs and grabbing hold of the calm part of her presence with her mind. When Elpsis beckoned her to follow, she did, with her companions in tow along the dim corridors and bare walls until they reached the office. Saeza pulled on Rowdy’s dome-shaped head taking the droid with her to find a spot on a bench outside the office silently while Laira followed the blind girl in.

“I came here to apologize.” Laira started, she was afraid of what Elpsis might say about that. “But that's not enough, so I came to tell you I will earn your forgiveness somehow. Probably not today, it may take me the rest of my life, but I will.” Resolve. Determination. Traits she needed in life. Her eyes watered a little but she managed to keep the tears from falling or welling up in her eyes. The blind girl was so... different. So much darker than she remembered, no longer the happy or up-beat girl she had once known.

Admit your faults. “I abandoned you, left you to be tortured or killed, because I was afraid. Because I was more concerned with what it might do to me to find you dead than I was with saving you. Because I was weak.” The redhead clenched her jaw, tightly. She clamped down on the ache building in her throat to let out a sob. “I'm not weak anymore. I won’t let you down again and one day maybe I’ll prove it to you.”

[member="Elpsis Kerrigan-Alcori"]

 

[Elpsis Kerrigan]

[member="Laira Darkhold"]

"You know I wondered why you didn't. Was it because you thought I was dead? Because your buddies were about to go into a bloody battle and you could let them face a horde of Jedi zealots alone? But it was because you were scared. Of what? And when it was over, you ran off." Her tone remained cold.

She shrugged. "Good thing I didn't need you. I broke my chains myself. Together with my jailer and a bunch of other prisoners. Got a souvenir," she pointed at the skull on the shelf. "He tortured me, brainwashed me, made me murder a comrade. Now he's ashes and a skull."

She had burnt the Grand Inquisitor, and then his minions. Camp guards, inquisitors, functionaries - in one way or another, they had all been complicit in the system of terror. Judgement had been swift and merciless. A cleansing flame that brokered no compromise. Some had surrendered and begged for mercy once the tide had turned against them. They all died regardless. Only Diona had been spared.

 

[Laira Darkhold]

“The battle, my friends, and my recovery after the crash were parts of it, but mostly, it was because I was afraid to find you dead. I was afraid that I couldn’t handle that, and that I would become a monster like my father had been.” Laira set her jaw again.

She had never said that out loud, but she had been told some of the atrocities Darth Vulkan, her father’s former Sith title had participated in. Genocide. Torture. Murder. It used to frighten the young redhead knowing those genes were in her own blood. Her father had been cruel and evil at a time before her birth, and ever since she had been born he had only taken up the sword once or twice. He had even admitted that he was afraid to be a warrior again, because he didn’t think he could keep from slipping back into the inky darkness if he surrounded himself with it again. Especially after the hollow emptiness she had after Kenth and the Imperial Scientist had died to her hands. Guilt she had taken upon herself and contorted in her fear into something more.

“Purity,” The redhead stammered there, recalling the memories of her friends that died and the younglings. All the blood and death, the thousands that trudged up through the mud and rain that never came off that mountain, the horror of it all. The grim reality of it all. “I had never been in a battle like that. I wasn’t prepared for it, and I handled it poorly. I'm not a killer Elpsis, not really. I will when its necessary, but I don't want to kill anyone. And it took me a long time to conquer my fears and understand my own traumas enough that I could come face you. It shouldn’t have, but it did.” Because she had been inexperienced and weak.

“You didn’t need me. You didn’t need any of us.” Laira whispered, “But you deserved me at the very least. I’ll explain any details you want to know, but they aren’t excuses. I should have come for you. I should have done this sooner.”

[member="Elpsis Kerrigan-Alcori"]

 

[Elpsis Kerrigan]

[member="Laira Darkhold"]

"I don't believe in the dark side, as you know. Not as a naughty demon that pounces on you. There are evil forces, but people are damned by their choices. Think being angry will magically give you bad skin and yellow eyes?" Elpsis stated. "My father was a monster. He willingly became one. Unlike yours, he decided to stay that way. He wanted me to be the same. Siobhan killed him." It was one of the reasons Elpsis stuck with the Kerrigan matriarch, even though they often clashed and there was little love between them. "I heard about Purity, from others who fought there. It was hellish." The pyromancer was silent for a moment.

She leaned forward. "Why are you really here, Laira? To ask for forgiveness or to forgive yourself? I'm hearing a lot of 'I' and 'my side' here." It seemed to Elpsis that Laira was focused on coming to terms with what she had done herself. But if that was the case it was all about her and her own guilt that she wanted to assuage, which made it the easy road. "Maybe you should ask about my story," she added in a colder tone.

 

[Laira Darkhold]

Laira listened to Elpsis, they shared some common ground about their fathers. Yes, Draco had decided to retire and live out his life in comfort and at peace, but there was still all that darkness he had once been that she and her brother carried. Not to mention the Organa family tree wasn’t exactly a shining symbol of hope. Laira’s own views on the Force was different, she considered the Dark Side to come from within as well as the Light, but to her the Dark Side was a pit, that once surrendered to become harder and harder to pull one’s self back out of. And it was in that pit that the poison one drank from willingly turned their eyes yellow like a demon’s.

“No, you’re right. A lot of this is still probably still selfish of me.” She admitted, though it was difficult for her to say. As much as she wanted to be friends with Elpsis and help her and ensure her friend was happy and healthy even if it things never went back to how they were, part of her just wanted to be on the Jedi path for herself, going forward and moving with a clear conscience rather than having her misdeeds hanging over her head. But that was not the Jedi way. Selflessness was required. Laira needed to push her own desires and wants out of the way and act only for the good of her friend. “I suppose I just don’t want you to think I’m making excuses. We had to start somewhere.”

There was an old saying that Forgiveness came from within, but Resolution came from others. She just wasn’t sure how to proceed past making her own confessions.

The coldness in Elpsis’s tone was palpable, sending a shiver up the redhead’s spine. “But, you’re right. So far it’s been all about me, and that’s not how it should be.” She did have a sinking feeling the Force had shown her a small part of Elpsis’s story, one that had left her crying and clutching herself in the fetal position in inky blackness.

“You were the one who was wronged, we should be focused on you and what you need.”

[member="Elpsis Kerrigan-Alcori"]

 

[Elpsis Kerrigan]

[member="Laira Darkhold"]

You grew up in a palace. You could play rebel, Jedi or princess depending on what your mood was. I spent my childhood on the streets and had to fight to get anywhere, Elpsis thought. There had been a time when she'd liked Laira's free spirited nature. But now she did not see it as laudable. She wondered whether Laira was here for her, or just for herself. If not being selfish is such a chore for you, Laira, go. I'm not the one who asked for a chat.

Elpsis had found her place. The road to it had been long and arduous. She had made many mistakes on the way, but she had decided what she wanted in life. "I don't enjoy killing. Never have. Battle sucks for an empath. Unless my enemy's a Sith or someone similarly vile, I'll hope they're in a better place in the great beyond and their next life. But I've had to kill to survive since I was young," she said matter-of-factly. "And I'm not gonna apologise for it. War's not a song. You say you don't know what I need. Actually taking an interest in what happened to me would be a start. A real friend would know that."

Either way, she would hear it now. "After I was captured, the Inquisitor who'd knocked me out kept a mob from lynching me. I was brought to a building. I think it was their HQ, but I'm not sure. Anyway, I was questioned. Or rather they wanted to force answers they had already decided upon out of me. Burnt my face, forced hot water down my throat. Then I was shackled and locked in a cell. It was too tiny to lie down in. I used the Force to pull out a slug in my leg and cauterised it with fire. There was a collar around my neck. It triggered electrical shocks any time I used the Force. This shock was very strong. They gave me some medical attention after that," she was quiet for a moment.

"Then the earth started shaking. Bombs were falling. It felt close. I was dragged out and put in some kind of vehicle. The Inquisitor - Diona - and the Jedi who'd interrogated me came along. I don't know for how long we drove. Eventually we reached the camp. My cell was tiny, there were shackles and hungry rats. The food was some kinda gruel. Diona made me say their code to get any." Her tone was a strangely cold, detached one, as if she was talking about something that had happened to someone else.

"I was put to work in a mine. There I met some other prisoners. When the strain got too much and I collapsed, I was taken away to be brainwashed. The inquisitor Jedi woman - Lea - led the session. Diona participated in it. The mentalists started with messing with my memories of why we'd come to Tephrike. They made me believe Firemane had come to plunder the planet and I'd been saved. It did not...add up. I was afraid. When I was back in the cell, I tried to burn the collar at the hinges. Figured out that if I use the Force in real short bursts, it does not trigger. Bit like blinking." She picked up a bottle and poured herself a glass of water. Her grip was tight around the glass. She downed most of it. All this talking was agitating her throat.

"I was not quite done when dawn broke. After doing some chores and meeting one of the prisoners who'd already conformed, we all had to assemble outside. There it turned out I'd been made. I don't know if a prisoner talked or the guards noticed. I tried to defend myself, but the guards overpowered me. Diona stunned me. I was hung from a tree by my hands. Eventually...," at this moment her cool composure seemed to fail her and her voice cracked.

She tried to search for words. "Eventually," then her tone was cold again. "I gave in. I confessed whatever they wanted me to say and said I wanted to be better. I was taken down, washed, given proper food. Then I was...reprogrammed. I was Jedi Roxane. They took off the collar after I murdered a captured Firemane pilot. I was given some better living conditions, but always watched. Diona...guided me. Sometimes she protected me from guards. After running into one of the Jedi I'd injured during the ambush in Nexus while taking care of their wounded and facing her anger, I grew distressed. I wanted to report myself for being impure. Diona ordered me not to because I'd be punished. I reported both of us to the Inquisitor and she praised me."

"Then the Grand Inquisitor came. He was...an evil man. He gloated over having a new drone. Diona was subdued, I was told to do unto her as had been done unto me. I started. Then I saw something in her mind, and snapped. I set the place on fire. She killed Lea. I fought the Grand Inquisitor. He was strong and had my lightsabre. I took it back. His skull is on the shelf. His apprentice - or rather his plaything - Rhea joined us. The prisoners had rebelled, and Firemane was knocking at the gates. We killed the guards, we killed the inquisitors, we killed the functionaries. Tempest came for me. We left. Later Mum bombed the Sith." She did not want pity - or hugs. She would in fact respond very poorly to the latter.

 

[Laira Darkhold]

Laira stopped and listened, just listened. There was nothing she could do but listen to her friend as she spoke. In her heart she wanted to help, to comfort, to fix it for Elpsis, but there was nothing she could do that would simply make the past go away. The truth was, what had happened to Elpsis was beyond her capability of really understanding, it was beyond anyone’s ability to understand without experiencing it.

Elpsis was still angry, Laira could tell as much. Still disappointed in the redhead, and Laira understood. Her thoughts didn’t wander, but she did long for someone to hold her and comfort her.

Alone.

They both seemed so alone. Maybe Elpsis had found comfort somewhere else, Laira wasn’t jealous if she had. Her feelings for the witch weren’t the same. She loved Elpsis, but not in the same sense anymore. Maybe she never really had, just her teenaged brain misinterpreting closeness and friendship, mixed with physical attraction into something more. The redhead wanted to help, but there was nothing she could do but listen and hope that one day they wouldn’t both be so apart that she might be able to bring that comfort to her.

When Elpsis had finished, Laira spoke again, her voice uneasy from having heard some of what all had occurred. Of course the Phoenix had not elaborated on the torture or reprogramming, but it was still quite the ordeal. “Elpsis, you don't need to apologize to anyone.” Laira wasn’t interested in Elpsis suddenly being ashamed of killing. Even Laira wasn’t ashamed of it, though she didn’t enjoy it. Her X-Wing no longer bore kill-tallies and she didn’t keep track or notch her belt or anything. The only thing she kept up with was lost wingmen and friends, names etched on the inside of her cockpit, hidden behind a false panel. "You did what you had to all your life. You always will."

Laira stopped. Elpsis told her a lot, it was a summary, but it was still heavy. She didn't delve into the gritty details, not that doing so would help the shaved-headed woman any good. The Force may have showed Laira some of the details on Tython, but it wouldn't do Elpsis much good to relive the trauma anymore than she was ready to. She wanted to tell her she was brave, she was strong. But it all seemed empty. Like all Elpsis wanted was to share, and that Laira was just supposed to listen. Still, she couldn't just be silent. "You saved so many people on Tephrike. Firemane, Dominion, their prisoners, Rhea, Diona. You suffered, but you came out of it."

"You broke out, you came back from it because you've got this amazing willpower I envy everyday. You found yourself even after all of that, because that's who you are. Who you've always been. You might be hurting still, but you haven't let it stop you. You fell right back into being a heroine, putting yourself on the line to save others, many of whom you didn't even know."

[member="Elpsis Kerrigan-Alcori"]

 

[Elpsis Kerrigan]

[member="Laira Darkhold"]

"Wasn't apologising," Elpsis responded simply. She had a good number of things to feel guilty about. But killing was not something she felt ashamed of. There were some she felt guilty about, such as murdering the Firemane pilot, but those were special cases. "Explaining. And don't call me a heroine. It sounds like that stupid interview I had to participate in."

She had found it immensely irritating, but you did not always get to do what you wanted. She had drawn a line in her chat with Siobhan when she made it clear that what her Mother intended to be her future would not be hers. The matriarch had been angry...but backed down. "I wanted to survive and make our tormentors pay, that's it."

She shrugged. "I'm dealing. I'm in a relationship, got a commission, a small command. What happened was...terrible, but I'm a stronger person in spite of it. Stood up to Sio and she accepted that I'm not her whipping girl. I know where I want to go and I got a rough idea of how to get there. I may be running the Order of Fire one day," she sounded almost proud.

"We got a bunch of Tephriki out. Enough for a small town. Some wanna return one day to fight back. Or at least save more people from Jedi and Sith. When they do, I'll help them."

 

[Laira Darkhold]

Laira nodded. It could be irritating to be held to a standard one didn’t see themselves as. If Elpsis didn’t want to be a hero or labelled as one, Laira wouldn’t force her into the mold. She knew how that felt, what it was like to feel like you had to squeeze yourself into a mold someone else had made without your own heart’s desires in mind.

Elpsis began elaborating on her more recent events and Laira smiled a little, just a touch, “That’s good. I’m glad you’ve found your path.” She hoped vengeance would eventually fade and something brighter and kinder would take its place in time. Vengeance had a way of being consuming, a Laira wanted to ask a hundred questions, but she decided to focus on just two or three.

“I have a couple questions if you wouldn’t mind humoring me. First, why keep the memento mori?” She pointed to the skull on the shelf. It was a little morbid, but understanding why Elpsis felt the need to display might help her understand where Elpsis was at.

“Second, tell me about your relationship. I’m glad you found someone to take comfort in and I’d love to get to know her.” Laira was a bit excited to hear about her friends relationship, Elpsis wasn’t someone she had thought would ever commit to anyone in that manner and so the idea of it was exciting, even if it wasn’t her. If anything it was easier this way since she had felt guilty about growing attached to Leo without having spoken to Elpsis about it.

“Third, your command, are you happy? Does it make you feel fulfilled?”

[member="Elpsis Kerrigan-Alcori"]

 

[Elpsis Kerrigan]

[member="Laira Darkhold"]

Elpsis was not stupid, but she had not received much of a classical education. As a matter of fact, she had very little formal schooling. Thus it took her a moment to figure out what Laira meant. The hand gesture helped. "It's a reminder of when I was weak and someone else's puppet," she said bluntly.

"I won't be a victim again." Some of her comrades had been - rightly - creeped out by it. Leonina had told her to get rid of the skull. On the other hand, Xalda had approved, saying something about how Elpsis had absorbed her foe's strength and soul by claiming it. It had weirded Elpsis out a good deal.

"Think you met her. What was it again?" she knitted her brow in thought. "Right, that zombie attack. Her name's Tempest. She's one of Firemane's officers. Been with the company since the start." Elpsis still did not understand or like monogamy.

That said, most of the recent months had been spent in recovery or working. For obvious reasons she had been reticent about jumping into bed with people or even having a lot of physical contact. Likewise, her at times very revealing attire had become more restrained. It helped that most of her days were spent in uniform.

"Work's given me a purpose. I'm not drifting anymore, or trying to prove myself to get their approval. I can roast bad guys with fireballs, but if I want to make an impact, I gotta do more than that. I have to lead. I don't want to sit on Sio's silly throne and go over profit margins or make nice with snooty aristos. Someone else can do that. I wouldn't be good at it anyway. But I can lead in the field. So I train acolytes. I'll make sure they're strong, can take or themselves and are ready for war. And then I'll lead them into battle."