Private Anxiety Buddies

[BB-610]

| LOCATION: Epicanthix |
| TAG: Corazona von Ascania |


BB-610, once, would have been able to plead ignorance to the concept of family. Now, however, as he stood loud and proud amongst the Nobles, he'd never felt so strongly about something. Family was his everything; his purpose, his drive, his warmth. He understood the urge to love, to feel, and it made him all the stronger for it. He'd watched his family grow over the years - first with the triplets, then with Aris. Given the circumstances, it's no surprise that BB-610 learned very early on that family was more than just blood, which is why when Valery informed him that they were finally taking Cora in with them, he welcomed her with open arms.

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Her first day underneath their roof was met with nothing short of excitement. She'd been a close friend of the Nobles longer than he had, and a part of him felt like the day was long overdue. BB-610 had busied himself with the tidying of their home, as while the additional mouths to feed made for excellent company, they certainly didn't make for smaller messes to clean up. Scampi was hassle enough, but the racyons were more than a handful, and the astromech refused to give Cora anything but the upmost spotless introduction to their new home in Epicanthix; it was the least he could do, given just how terrible the poor Padawan must be feeling after the events Valery had told him of. He could hear her from upstairs, muffled and drowned out by mutual squeals of joy and animal chitter.

It took him all the self-control he could muster to stop himself from throwing him at her. He hadn't seen Cora in so, so long, and he'd been worried an awful lot. But she knew Valery Noble and Kahlil Noble much better, and the last thing he wanted was to step on any toes or ruin a good moment. Bedsheets cleaned, accessories prepped, laundry neat and folded, and Scampi's cage polished to match the shine of brilliant diamond. He knew Cora came from royalty, so he'd silently beg that his efforts would meet her standards. Until then, he was perfectly content with letting them have their fun.

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«CORAAAAAAAA!»

...For a while, at least, before his own excitement had gotten the better of him. ᵀᴴᵁᴰ THUD THUNK! went the weight of his metal as he threw himself down the flight of stairs. Binary squeaking, the astromech sped over to the girl, circling around her again and again, stopping at her feet as he wobbled ecstatically like a pup wagging its tail. Impossible would it be to put into words how happy he was to see her safe and sound, far away from Ukatis and far away from anybody that could hurt her. There were so many questions he wanted to ask her; too many for his droidbrain to keep up with, tripping over each thought and shoving at each other in a desperate race.

Twilight breathed through the windows, a curtain to drape across a long day. The droid nuzzled at her legs, topped off with a synthetic coo. It felt strange to ask them here, though, given how swarmed the poor girl must feel. BB-610 didn't quite have a solid frame of reference for the deeper feelings organics experienced, but he was hardly blind to the underlying anxiety from such a drastic shift in one's life. Cora had been bounced between so many people all at once that he couldn't possibly fathom what she might be thinking. Some air might help-- he'd quite enjoyed the walks he went on with Valery, so the offer couldn't hurt. Peering up at the Padawan, BB-610 bweeped, and softly asked if she wanted to walk with him.

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It was quieter than when he usually walked. So used to the bright blues of the morning sky that BB-610 had completely forgotten to treasure the cascading purples the and oranges of a setting sun. It was warm, but the gentle breeze made quick work of any discomfort. No birds around to sing, with only the distant chirping of insects to serve as their soundtrack. Stars dotted the skies, unburdened by city smog, fireflies brightening the landscape. Peace. It felt, for a moment, as though everything was okay. Things would be okay.

The droid's motors hum as he rolled across the grass, guiding her past the garden and into the stretches of woods. BB-610 glanced up at her, optic trained on her, simply taking in the fact that she was okay. The astromech was always a worry wart, but they were family now, right? He wanted to provide a safe space for her, just as he'd done with the kids. Truth be told, he couldn't quite remember the last time he had spent time alone with Cora, if such a time existed at all. He knew Cora, but he didn't know Cora, and perhaps some downtime with somebody without authority was what she needed.

«It's really good to see you again,» he chirped, droidspeak gentle. «How are you feeling?»

 

[Corazona von Ascania]

"It's really good to see you as well, Bee."

Cora smiled over at the astromech as they wandered along the forested boundary of the Noble homestead. It was lovely, truly, inside and out. The house had more than enough room to accommodate the growing family and several guests, and Cora did genuinely enjoy the liveliness of it all. The children were happy, largely energetic and distracting in a good way. Showering them with sisterly attention warmed her heart and kept her mind from wandering into darkened corners.

Everyone needed breathing room at some point, though. Not wanting to be entirely alone, Bee had thus far proven to be a splendid walking companion.

His next question she couldn't answer with as much certainty.

"I am…content, I suppose."

Realizing that her words didn't sound nearly as convincing as they had in her head, Cora's smile turned sheepish. "I'm honored by how open and accepting the Noble family is. I don't know where I would be without them. Without you."

Valery had hinted to her that the droid had been scrupulous in preparing her room and tending to various household tasks.

"It seems as though you've taken good care of them, Bee." Running a hand along the delicate curve of a vine that wound itself around the trunk of a tree, she peered at him from the corner of her eyes. "And I must apologize for the many messes Lula has caused. She's…well, she's used to being waited on hand and foot."

Cora chuckled quietly, apologetically. The racyon was used to being an only child.

BB-610

 

[BB-610]

| LOCATION: Epicanthix |
| TAG: Corazona von Ascania |


The apprehension in her voice didn't go unnoticed, but neither was it acted upon. BB-610 had questions, but Cora's comfort was a much bigger priority. So he simply nodded, easing her into her addendum, to which he giggled a metallic little giggle. «It's not a problem. I'm used to Scampi,» he replied, the tailend of his snicker carrying his tone. BB-610 was programmed to correct errors, and that would forever persist, racyon or not. That being said, he was a bit more relieved that the Nobles' newest addition was just as much a stickler for perfection as he was.

The forest stretched on for a good while. The cloudless skies grew darker, the area illuminated much more prominently by the wandering bugs and assortment of exotic flora. BB-610 had mapped the spot out several rotations ago; it was his favorite spot of all, he thought. Beyond the leaves and unfurled vines, past the aging trees with bark that glistened under approaching moonlight as the sun drew closer and closer to its rest. A pathway to a grassy hill just up ahead, ascending the ground floor and lifting high above. BB-610 would often come to marvel at the blazing sun, but tonight the brilliant moon would be his friend.

With some chirps and bweeps, he beckoned Cora to follow him, as his motors kicked into gear to carry him up the hill's slope until he finally reached its peak. At its very top were several beds of flowers, each a varied color - an assortment of reds, blues, purples, and yellows that danced with the grass surrounding them, inviting the fluttering butterflies. BB-610 glanced back, awaiting Cora's arrival.

«I like to come up here when the days are difficult,» he spoke, returning his gaze to the rising moon, shifting the hues around them. BB-610 inched to the side, and while he couldn't gesture it, he made room for the girl to take a seat next to him. «It's very pretty. That is one of my favorite words.»

 

[Corazona von Ascania]

Difficult. It was still new to her that droids could experience a difficult day, much like humans and their adjacent species. All sentient life, really.

Did it feel the same, though? Could Bee process feelings the same way that she could?

"Oh," Cora settled on the grass beside the astromech, taking care not to trample the tiny blossoms. "This is lovely."

The exiled Princess folded her legs neatly beneath her, feeling the coolness of the earth permeate the thin fabric of her skirt. It was refreshing.

A slow rolling wind drifted past, ruffling blonde locks and wispy blades of grass. Cora closed her eyes and inhaled deeply, swelling her lungs with the scent of the forest and the night air that surrounded them. "It reminds me of where I grew up."

Ukatis was a difficult subject, but Cora still had some pleasant memories of her youth. Ascania territory was largely rural, and her family's estate had been bordered by woodland much like these. Countless hours had been spent traversing the greenery, clambering up hills and rock faces and fording rivers with her brothers.

She opened one eye, peering at Bee from the corner of her vision, then the other. Cora had only known him as the faithful partner of Valery, but there had been an occasional vague mention or two in conversation, hinting at the droid's imperial past. That was all that she knew, though.

"How often do you have difficult days, Bee?"

BB-610

 

[BB-610]

| LOCATION: Epicanthix |
| TAG: Corazona von Ascania |


Difficult days. Was it strange for a droid to have difficult days? Were his feelings justified, valid? Real? A lot of the galaxy would argue not, that they're simply quirks as artificial as everything else in his system, picked up subconsciously and left to linger without the routine memory wipes that his kind were supposedly designed for. Sometimes he did want to go back to how he was - unthinking, unfeeling, with no heartbreak or fear. But that is no way to live. Ignorance may have been his way of life once, but to go back on everything he's learned and become...

«When Valery is hurt,» he replied, content on leaving it there. She was his everything, and no greater turmoil is caused than when she's not her usual self. BB-610 has done wrong in the past; he's hurt good people and worked with bad people, and to see that there were still people eager to accept him was nothing short of a miracle in his eyes. BB-610 paused, thinking. «...And when I hurt, from the bad people.»

He brought his gaze back to his friend, eyeing her softly. Valery had told him that Cora's family wasn't the greatest. BB-610 hadn't had much of a family before the Nobles, but he knew how it felt still. To be frowned upon, looked at in that way. That horrible way. That look of disappointment that everyone gave him.

«I can't remember much because of all the memory wipes.» The droid added, glancing down at the grass. «I messed up a lot. I was bad. They used to hit me, I remember that.» BB-610 recalled, binary gentle, quiet. He processed things calmly, it seemed.

«Do you ever feel like you deserved the hurt?»

 

[Corazona von Ascania]

When Valery is hurt.

Cora nodded faintly in understanding. It conjured images of Valery, beaten and bloodied in that cell, inspiring a flash of hot anger and heartache beneath the surface of her skin. That feeling faded with the knowledge that her Master was safe and well.

From what she knew, Valery had rescued BB-610 and welcomed him into her home, much like she'd done for Cora herself. Valery and Kahlil were just like that. A thin blonde brow quirked upwards at the mention of the bad people, but she said nothing.

Cora continued to remain silent when Bee relayed the memory wipes, the messing up, the being struck. She was familiar with two out of the three, and the third was horrifying enough to imagine.

A gentle hand pressed against the droid's chassis and Cora regarded BB-610 with a wispy, somber uptick of her lips and compassion in her eyes. That expression pulled into something awkward when she'd remembered that he'd asked her a difficult question.

"I do." Cora admitted quietly, shifting her gaze over to the wooded area beyond them in the middle distance. "I think that it is easier to feel like I deserved the hurt than not. If I did not deserve it, then that means he was…"

A monster? A bad person?

The Padawan found herself chewing on the inside of her cheek before she spoke again, tentative and careful:

"Who were the bad people, Bee?"

BB-610

 

[BB-610]

| LOCATION: Epicanthix |
| TAG: Corazona von Ascania |


The droid listened, the warm breezes slowing to a crawl, quiet gusts of summer air letting the chirps of insects do the talking. The stars shined bright, as they always did in Epicanthix, as the endless night sky stretched across the galaxy, illuminated by a bright moon that cast them in its milky spotlight. BB-610 turned his attention to the hand at his body, cooing. This was nice. It was nice to know that he could exist, that he'd been given that chance to exist. As his gaze drifted back to Cora, he concluded that his hurting times were best spent existing with someone else.

He said nothing -- not in relation to the he in question, that is. The astromech suspected it was her father, and he couldn't possibly imagine that. What if Valery suddenly cast him out? What if she hit him, scolded him for every mistake, and then scrubbed him of any recollection of it so she could do it again and again without consequence? BB-610 gave a synthetic whine, barely louder than a whisper, as he slumped in pensive thought. Who were the bad people...?

There's a stillness. The droid contemplates, trying to find it within him to confess. BB-610 had told Valery, but that was incredibly early on in their relationship - the bandaid had been ripped off straight from the get-go with nothing to lose. He'd known Cora for a long time now. They'd fought together, laughed together, saved each other.

How would she react? Would she still like him? Would she be okay, knowing that she was friends with someone that may have once tried to kill her? Kahlil wasn't always a Jedi, but he'd more than made up for his past misdeeds. BB-610 figured the droid wasn't quite there yet.

«The First Order,» he replied, slow and quiet with a strain of hesitance. The line of BB-unit he belonged to was clearly Imperial in design, but nobody in the Alliance had ever mentioned it. Were they simply indifferent to it, or were they truly unaware? He found that hard to believe. They were probably just humoring him. «And then... the Eternal Empire.»

A low, sunken coo. That one hurt the most. «The First Order created me, and they kept me in line. The memories - foggy as they were from all the wipes - were painful, but they could be worse. BB-610 hadn't truly developed the personality he clung to so fiercely now while under their name, and so it was easier in retrospect to get called an object when you didn't know any better.

«I left, eventually. Scared and confused, I think I just didn't know what to do. And then the Eternal Empire found me.»

And that hurt. It hurt because he remembered people fondly; there were Imperials he'd called friends, who had cared for him. It left such a bitter aftertaste to know they would hate him if they knew he'd defected. Thankfully...

«I was broken in battle once. They left me alone in a dark room for a year.»

...nobody cared. Nobody ever did.

And that's what hurt the most.

«I didn't mean to hurt anybody, I was just... following the first person to make me happy.» BB-610 narrowed his optic, warbling. He remembered the roar of Alliance X-wings when he shot them down. Would they have been friends now if that had never happened? The lives he took when he knew nothing better, did they know Valery? Would they be fighting alongside him?

The droid's head lowered, sinking in defeat. «But I wasn't happy. I see that now... I never was, until Valery, and you, and the family I have now.»

 

[Corazona von Ascania]

The First Order. Then, the Eternal Empire.

Cora knew both of those names well. To some, they'd been cast in the light as villains - Bee certainly seemed to think so, or at least anticipate her negative reaction. While the Padawan had heard of the problematic nature of both galactic powers, their exploits hadn't penetrated into a deep hatred. She'd spent her sheltered youth on Ukatis, where the First Order and Eternal Empire existed as whispers and in conversations among stately, stern men she'd hidden behind grand marble pillars to hear.

If only one thing was clear, it was the shame Bee felt over his past. Two things, actually - the shame and the fear that it would happen again, no matter how pleasant his life was now. It was an irrational fear, but one that Cora understood on a commiserate level.

She kept a hand pressed against the astromech's chassis as he detailed a bit further, in soft bweeps and whistles, what he'd lived. Sympathy creased her soft features at the mentions of him being hurt and scared.

"I think…" Cora swallowed thickly. "…sometimes it's hard not to do things that we think will make the people we look up to, like us more." Blue eyes flickered over to the droid's photoreceptors anxiously. "Even if we end up hurting ourselves…or other people in the process."

She was reminded that, for much of his life, Bee had been on the other side of things. The enemy. It seemed so strange to imagine him, the mother-hen who fretted after the Noble children and warbled like a stern matron at their rambunctious pets, as someone who could cause harm.

Cora wondered, briefly, if Bee would've remained with the First Order or the Eternal Empire if they'd shown appropriate appreciation for his actions. Even if they didn't care, if they'd just given him what he craved.

"The Nobles do have that sort of touch, don't they?" She murmured in appreciation. "A Jedi who'd been frozen for centuries found love with a former Sith Prince, and together they started a blended family. What they have, is…incredible."

Cora's gaze drifted in the middle distance, counting the pinprick light of the stars that dotted the treeline.

"I've often been told that suffering makes one stronger. I'm not sure if I believe that, but I'm so very glad that it didn't turn you cold."

BB-610

 

[BB-610]

| LOCATION: Epicanthix |
| TAG: Corazona von Ascania |


BB-610 mused on her words, giving them the time necessary to sink in and properly linger. Cora's voice had always been so soothingly soft that, frankly, anything from her lips was lifted by an air of sage understanding. Even when she floundered or panicked, as she was only human, there existed something so elegant about how she carried herself. Perhaps it was from life in royalty, or perhaps he simply had a tendency to glorify the people around him; either way, he couldn't possibly imagine feeling uneasy around Cora.

«I think you're right,» he replied, with his head resting gentle against her shoulder. «I've tried forgiving myself, but it's still difficult.» BB-610 added, so viscerally aware of all the times he'd thrown himself into harm's way for the sake of protecting the people around him, careless of the consequences to his own wellbeing. He wondered how much of that was a result of an astromech's subservient programming, and how much came from desperate willingness to redeem himself for the misdeeds he'd carried out all those years ago.

It was dark. The skies had slumbered into a blackening blue, almost calling for them to return home. He didn't want to, though. As he lay silent against his friend, he realized that this had been the most at peace he'd felt in a long time, no matter the severity of their topic of discussion. After so many painful years of abuse and neglect, the solace of knowing that you're safe and cared for becomes the strongest drug there is.

«I like talking to you, Cora.» He chirped, a satisfied coo soon following. «I wish we had met before the hurting. I don't think the pain will ever go away, but people like you make it feel a lot better.» BB-610 said, a quiet whir rumbling at his chassis much akin to the purring of a cat, his circuits a comforting warm. The droid glanced up, and despite the lack of facial features, the way he looked at her seemed so alive. He was steel and metal and machinery, but the glistening in his central optic almost appeared to well with emotion.

«Is there anything you would like to get off your chest?»

 

[Corazona von Ascania]

Cora smiled, soft and somber as Bee tilted his head against her shoulder. Time and time again, she was surprised with just how human the little astromech could be. She rested a gentle hand atop his head and sighed quietly. "There is no need to rush."

Both Padawan and droid were blanketed by the peaceful, ambient silence of night. It stretched between them, slow and languid, demanding no action to fill the quiet. Just like Bee, Cora felt no urge to move and make their way back to the Noble homestead just yet.

I don't think the pain will ever go away, but people like you make it feel a lot better.

Blue eyes flared briefly, then relaxed. A careful expression of genuine appreciation curved her lips for a few moments, before dissolving quickly. Was there anything she wanted to get off her chest? Of course there was. The past year had been a most tumultuous time in the young woman's life. There was so much she wanted to express, but didn't have the tools to. Her shame, her broken pride, her loss of a sense of self that all of the love in the galaxy couldn't fix. Without looking down, Cora realized that her free hand had wound into the grass at her side, fingers tensing as they ripped wispy green blades from the soft earth. Her lips parted to speak in an almost surprised monotone, mouth bypassing every sterile, sanitized explanation, every vague reasoning to express something she hadn't told anyone who hadn't been there to witness the immediate aftermath that had her thrown in a dungeon;

"I killed my husband, Bee."

BB-610

 

[BB-610]

| LOCATION: Epicanthix |
| TAG: Corazona von Ascania |

"I killed my husband, Bee."

Ah. If BB-610 had lips, he'd have pursed them, trying to pluck the right words from his tongue as he settled on a response. He'd known about the homicide, having been fed nuggets of information from Valery regarding the situation, but while it wasn't a total shock to the system, it nonetheless left a foreign taste in his mouth. He wasn't sure where to start, but social cues had told him to not let a still silence drown him out for too long.

Unsurprisingly, BB-610 failed to see Cora in a different light than he'd always had. Sooner would he fabricate his own convoluted storyline to explain away her actions than accept that she could potentially be a bad person. Like a loyal dog, he stuck with his loved ones, even while stranded on sinking ships.

«Valery said as much,» he said, if only to give her the luxury of a reply. «I had no idea, I'm terribly sorry for what you must have gone through.» BB-610 added, droning quietly. The droid remembered all too well the day of Cora's ceremony, for better or for worse, and not once had he caught a glimpse of sadness on her face. She'd masked it well, or perhaps he still had a few things to learn regarding facial recognition in humans, but he'd been under the impression that her groom was all she could have ever wanted.

Of course, he was far from an expert on romance. The astromech had developed a crush before, but it bordered on the childish; an inconsequential puppy-dog love that was almost entirely surface level. Relationships were something he'd not garnered enough experience in to feel comfortably human about the topic, so hard definitions and superficial concepts were all he had to go off of. Valery and Kahlil supplied him with the most second-hand exposure, but it wasn't exactly a subject he inquired about often.

Cooing, the droid asked, «...What was he like?»

 

[Corazona von Ascania]

Cora flinched, a visible reaction that pulled the corner of one lip sharply to the side and crinkled her brow. Her heart sank at the notion of Valery, her idol, telling the sweet little astromech of the evil that she'd committed. While wild rumors certainly swirled around the circumstances of Horace's death - with at least one tabloid putting her to blame - the truth had been limited to a handful of people. Valery, Kahlil, Jasper and Desric. The former two had scooped her from the dungeon beneath the palace where the princess' neck had been awaiting the axe, while the latter pair settled matters with the court of viziers above. The result lead to her release, an exile from the home that had raised her, and an official cover story of Horace's accidental death. She couldn't even remember what it had been pinned on. Beset by bandits? Intoxication?

"Horace was…"

The widow heaved a sigh so heavy that it sagged her shoulders. How to explain her husband's demeanor? There were many words she'd like to use, but the vast majority were inappropriate by her own admission. She'd often talked around how he'd treated her, avoiding the violent truth.

"…a deeply unpleasant man."

Her hands fidgeted nervously against the grass, twisting a blade between two fingers before pulling it apart at the seam.

"He was not a good husband to me. I suppose that I was not a good wife, either. But we were both determined to make the union work, because we saw it as our duty."

Chewing at the inside of her cheek, Cora pressed a hand against Bee's head, her other still firmly rooted in the grass. Two anchors to keep her from floating away in shame.

"I could bear what he'd done to me, but when he threatened my little sister, I-"

Both of her lips curled inward, pressing hard against eachother to stifle the sob deep in her chest. The fight that had lead to Horace's demise had been messy. Cora recalled his hand around her throat as a ghost of a feeling, and she drew her own hand back from Bee to trace the pads of her fingers over her neck. She remembered it all too viscerally, even now. The look in his eyes. The threats from his lips - her fourteen year old sister to be made a concubine. She couldn't allow it. Couldn't bear it.

"I…did it to protect her." Low as a whisper, Cora's voice trembled with conviction. She'd made herself the black mark on the Ascania line, slipped her neck into a noose to protect Fantine. And she would do it again, if need be.

BB-610

 

[BB-610]

| LOCATION: Epicanthix |
| TAG: Corazona von Ascania |


The emotional turmoil she'd endured was palpable. He may still have a thing or two to learn about what it meant to be human, but the pain in her wavering voice and the agony spread so clearly through her features didn't go unnoticed. BB-610 listened, a tad guilty that he'd pried into something so personally wounding, but he had suffered past encounters enough to understand that the first step in healing was to acknowledge the damage in the first place. It hurt to see her like this, as was the case whenever his friends were upset - so bitter is the sight of someone so often sweet and well put together as Cora reduced to barely bitten back tears. The galaxy was cruel and unjust to everybody, organic or otherwise.

The droid flinched, his imagination running wild as the faint snapping of grass was subconsciously likened to a forceful squeezing of one's throat, circuits twisting and churning something horrid as he pictured his friend fighting for her life against the man she'd been wed to. So stupid he felt that he'd never picked up on any signs, that he'd never pieced together such a scarring outcome while it unfolded in front of him. It didn't help that Cora had been forcibly distanced from the Alliance, communications all but cut, and while BB-610 had realized the oddity of an arranged wedding when - to his knowledge - it was the norm for two people to choose each other, the droid had never thought much of it.

It tugged at metaphorical heartstrings, grinding his insides up as Cora's details delved deeper and deeper into obscenities. With several gut-punches, his opinion of Horace grew worse with every passing second. It upset him, it made him angry; some sour part of him wanted the man to still be out there just so the droid could have the pleasure of hurting him until his squirms and thrashes ceased.

The rest of him understood that such a fantasy was a dark path to go down, that Valery would tell him that giving into that hate would end in nothing but pain. BB-610 trembled, shaky with artificial adrenaline. He pulled away from Cora's side, backpedalling until he was little outside arm's reach. For a moment, perhaps it had looked like he'd leave, deeply troubled and no longer trusting of his friend.

In a matter of seconds, he would hastily dismiss such thoughts, as he threw himself onto the girl's front, the flat of his head pressed affectionately against her stomach. It was difficult for BB-610 to hug, but the nuzzles to her chest were a good second-best, he'd thought. He warbled, binary cracking, as the astromech whimpered and whined, inching onto her lap as he doted on her.

«He can't hurt you anymore.» He cried, cooing ever so faintly. Like an emotional support dog providing for its owner, the droid rest his head against her. He could feel her heartbeat, thumping faster than usual. BB-610 hummed, a comforting whirr rumbling from his chassis.

«Every day gets a little easier. You will have to think about him; that's the hard part. But it does get easier.»