Private Atrisian Artistry

[Tae'l Vizsla]

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Iris Arani

"You would have hated Solus'alor" She chuckled quietly, taking the last sip of her tea. "Or well, I guess hate is a strong word in your culture? More like... yeah"

Ah, Stardust Solus Skirae . Her instructor, her vode, her aunt. Even now she could see the training courses on Kamino. The way Solus'alor towered over it all from the observation deck, like the menacing presence of ancient dragon watching over the valley it called home. The way she would bear down on the young Twi'lek when instructing her in the blade.

And yet, she wouldn't have changed a thing. Solus'alor may have been harsh, but she did for family. She was family. Imparting wisdom, skill and in some ways, encouragement.

"Hmmh" Tayl carefully updated the score. Though, she couldn't help noticing that Iris was behind by just a little.

"Remember, you can ask anything. Even if you're not sure I'll answer"
She glanced up at Iris with a soft smile, deciding to keep her next question simple, even if potentially personal all the same.

"How... how are you feeling today, Iris?"

Tally: 7

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[Iris Arani]

".. Who?" Hate was a strong word, but it's not like Iris knew who exactly that was that Tayl was talking about. Someone that seemed to be important to her, at any rate. Then, shrugged. "Oh, uh. I'm not really sure what to ask. I don't.. Tend to small talk. I paint, and people do their thing around me. I'm feeling okay, though. This is nice. I've learned a lot." About Artisia, anyway. The Jedi smiled just a little as she looked back to her drawing. Nodded.

"What's your favorite blaster? Mandalorian's like blasters, right?"

Tae'l Vizsla

 

[Tae'l Vizsla]

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"My aunt. Ex-Warmaster to Mand'alor the Infernal. Very powerful, trained me from birth really" She shrugged, wondering where Stardust might be these days.

I don't.. Tend to small talk.

"Me neither!" She forced a chuckle

"I just... No one taught me how to speak with people, you know? I've spoken to you more since leaving Coruscant then I've spoken to my own mothers in my short lifetime..."

Her arms became folded over her chest, while her eyes seemed to grow more distant as she gave the shadows a sidelong glare.
"Hmh... yet I still haven't figured out how to say more to you than... just petty games"

It always made the colors around her just a little red. her own inability, that is. And she knew that Iris could see it too.

"What's your favorite blaster? Mandalorian's like blasters, right?"

"Right, uhm..." She gave a longing glance at her belt, which was now absent of a holster.

"We, do I guess. Though some prefer slugthrowers for... Reasons, whatever. Too loud for my taste"

"I used to have this cool Hand-cannon. You ever heard of the staccato lightning cannon? It uses a computer to lock on and adjust your shots. Just point n' shoot, she does the rest"

She clicked her tongue, finger-gunning at the wall.

"Some goober stuffed that shit into a pistol. It passed down through the family until Aloy gave it to me. Only ever gave me two gifts, but I treasured 'em both"

"Till a Tusken Raider broke it a few months back..." Tayl sighed "Ran into this wicked smart salvager in Mos Esiley though. She's helping me build a new one, actually

Then she turned to Iris again, pausing a moment.

"...You know, Iris... We don't have to keep the game going. We can just paint, if you like? Maybe I can pick us up some food or something"

Tally: 9

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[Iris Arani]

Iris hummed. Listened in silence. A lot of information from a simple question. Most of which she didn't understand. Guns weren't really her thing, so she hadn't thought much on the history or how they worked or.. Anything more than what to deflect, what to avoid. Like sonic blasters. Sonic rounds hurt. A lot. A lot a lot. "It's not that I don't like the game. Just unsure what to ask. How to keep it going, heh. I do usually just paint, though."

Or draw. Even in a food fight she was drawing. She lifted the pad for a moment, smiling just a little.

".. Why do you want to date me?"

Tae'l Vizsla

 

[Tae'l Vizsla]

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Iris Arani

"Hmmh..." She took a deep breath and leaned forward with her chin resting on curled fingers, pondering that loaded but necessary question.
Tayl had never been the type to question things. Not deeply, at least. She trained to trust her gut and act on pure instinct, taught that good soldiers follow orders. She had never aspired to be much else, or do anything different. Save, perhaps, to finally be recognized as something more a clone of her mother pulled from a vat.

She hadn't dwelled much on the why of her feelings, having only recently discovered what those feelings even were.

Luckily, the words came a little easier than most. Attached to the instincts had been told to rely on.


"There's... more than a few reasons. So, bear with me?

She turned her gaze to Iris, having a little trouble making eye contact initially.
"I mean, you definitely have your own qualities. Aside from you 'Jedi traits', I mean. Not just things like compassion"

"You're... smart. Always seem to know just what to say, even if you say very little. You're strong, but overly concerned with your strength alone. Being artistic is a plus. And yet, you don't waste anyone's time with artistic and flowery words. You're just..."

"You..."

She hummed, sitting a little straighter and giving Iris her full attention now, not just to her own thoughts.

"So effortlessly you"

"You don't seem to let anyone change how you act, what you do. Even through bitter war you've held onto that. Your passion, your strange calmness even in the worst of times. Even without a stupid chip" Tayl poked at the back of her head.

"I don't think you even try. You just... are. And... I like that about you, Iris. It's nice to be around. To watch. Even if we have our differences, As a Mandalorian and a Jedi..."

"You're always your own, unique person. Sometimes, maybe by extension of just being with you, I... I feel more like a person too"
She abruptly looked away, unable to bear the bittersweet mix of thoughts running through her mind now. Her tone always had that slightly pensive but well meaning neutral tone to it. only ever shifting a little at a time. But there was so much more she wanted to say in an episode of insecurities. So much more she wished to convey in her voice. But that chip. That damned chip, perpetually locking her into a state of chemically induced zen, outwardly. Iris was one of the few who would ever know the true nature hiding beneath that polished, soldierly armor. She hated it... But she also loved it. It made her a force to be reckoned with in the field, after all. Cold. Calculating. Quick.

Where warriors may hesitate, Tayl was already planning and enacting her next move. Where another soldier might be shell shocked, Tayl was pushing the line. She loved it... Loved the spike of dopamine it injected into her system whenever she should be feeling panic or anxiety.
But it was only ever strong enough in the field. Everywhere else, it was only just enough to keep the illusion up.

Even her own parents didn't know what was really behind the veil.

"Feel like a person... Even if... I'm not... not really"

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[Iris Arani]

"Oh."

That wasn't anything Iris expected. The most of a response she could come up with was that single word as she turned her gaze back to her drawing. Effortlessly her? Her lips thinned ever so faintly.

"I'm only me because of the people around me. The people I care about, the ones who helped me keep a smile even with my body being chipped away at by war and struggle. It's not effortless. It's not whimsy. I'm a Jedi. I have to be calm."

Tae'l Vizsla

 

[Tae'l Vizsla]

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Iris Arani

"But I care about so much more...!" She blurted, giving Iris an abrupt, wide eyed, and sidelong stare.

"It's a neat little bonus, but there is so much more to you than just being a Jedi. I just- wish I knew how to tell you. show you what it is that I see"

Her became folded over her chest and she looked away again, taking a deep breath as her eyes closed tightly.

"This... this was a mistake" she sighed "This isn't what I was grown for. And it's not something you need in your life right now

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[Iris Arani]

"I.. Guess."

This wasn't an argument she wanted to have. Iris took a breath.

"I really like this vacation."

Tae'l Vizsla

 

[Tae'l Vizsla]

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Iris Arani

"Yeah...? thanks. me too"

She hummed, slowly laying her back against the floor. "I figured it would be... cultured. and that, even if you already knew everything the academy had to teach, that you'd still appreciate being surrounded by art"

"And, you know, being with someone that might find it new and exciting"
Unlike Luric Ee'everwest ... Though, a small part of her had always thought he might be a better fit.

"He's pretty cute you know. Luric. And very... proper. You should test those waters next"

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[Iris Arani]

"I.. Guess he is." She frowned that much deeper. Talking about the other one she was supposed to date wasn't something she wanted either. She sighed heavily before just laying back, staring up at the ceiling. Holding the drawing pad to her chest.

"He's not who I want."

Tae'l Vizsla

 

[Tae'l Vizsla]

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Iris Arani

. . . ?​

Tayl took another deep breath, wriggling into a more comfortable position.

"Then... who?"

"Do you want someone?" Her tone was as curious as it was melancholy.

"You surprised back there, you know? In the club. Maybe it was the drinks. I didn't believe you meant what you said"

"Honestly? I was surprised you agreed to come here with me. Thought you'd be too busy with space monk things" She half chuckled

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[Iris Arani]

"Corin. A Jedi. You've probably never met him, he's been.. Away on a mission." Being a vigilante on Denon. Not that she was going to say anything. Secrets were important. There were some Iris would never just tell people.

"I meant I wanted to spend time with you like this. I really do like this. Having friends, relaxing. Being.. Not a Jedi, if only for a little bit. Well, a little while I guess." She frowned, just a little more before sitting up. Stretching. "I did want to know what I'd feel. Amani said I should take risks. See for myself. .. I like you, Tayl. Just not that way I guess." She paused, as if to let that settle.

Then lifted a brush to reach over and paint over the Twi'lek's nose.

"So I don't want you to be mopey or sad."

Tae'l Vizsla

 

[Tae'l Vizsla]

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Iris Arani

Tayl sat up abruptly, staring wide eyed. "o-Oh...!"

Even despite the implants cutting down on additional thoughts and variables, It still took the poor Twi'lek a moment to process the information given. She did her best to listen attentively, but she still held that stunned expression throughout.

"I'm sorry, Iris. I... I didn't know"

Her eyes drifted off to the side again, only in thought this time. It wasn't the fact that someone else had taken that spot in Iris life, seeing as plenty had tried before Tayl. More so it was the fact that Iris seemed to want them there in the first place.

I like you, Tayl. Just not that way I guess."

This was one of the few times she was thankful for the chip. Not unlike Iris, she outwardly looked as calm and stoic as she had the day they met. At least, now that her eyes had settled and she was over the initial shock. That little nugget of durasteel and wire stuck in her skull kept her from really processing whatever disappointment she might have felt in the situation she had gotten herself into or even any sadness that might come with it.

To a degree, Tayl sometimes wondered if she felt at all. In truth, Iris own neutral posture in life made her feel a little less alien among outsiders.

"Yeah, no! It's fine, I-"

Her nose scrunches up in response to the brush and her hands instinctively go to 'bap' the paint away.

✱gwegh!✱

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[Iris Arani]

"Don't say things like sorry." Iris lowered the blush. Chuckled a little. Turned her gaze back to her little art pad to start drawing again. Something new this time. "And don't lie about how you feel. Unless you're not sure how you're supposed to feel. .. Cause I get that, heh."

Tae'l Vizsla

 

[Tae'l Vizsla]

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Iris Arani

"What color did you just-?"
Tayl sniffed a few times before finally settling down, hopefully having kept it out of her nostrils at least. "Okay, think I'm good!"
"Ss-" She legitimately had to stop herself from saying sorry, for saying sorry.

Shaking herself out of it, Tayl paid close attention to Iris as best she could and as she had always done. But by the end of it, it was becoming clear that her gaze was drifting elsewhere again.

"And don't lie about how you feel. Unless you're not sure how you're supposed to feel. .. Cause I get that, heh."

"Uhm," Her voice was hardly more than a whisper in that moment. "-I don't know"

She forced her eyes shut, unable to bear acknowledging that anyone could ever see her like this. But, Iris was seeing it first hand; The way that left hand would twitch with a mind of it's own, much like in that little drawing. Or the way her other hand would gently tug at the base of her own Lekku where it met her skull.

"It's. It's this damned chip!" Her voice finally raised just a little, the colors around her seeming more erratic than usual.

"It suppresses- things- I don't know what I'm feeling. If I'm feeling"

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[Iris Arani]

"Then.. Turn it off? That's something you can do, right?" Unable to wear cybernetics herself, Iris never did understand how any of it worked. Maybe it was something she should learn, eventually. Not now though. Right now, she was more worried about her friend and what exactly it meant if she couldn't actually turn it off. Having something outside of her control controlling her.

She shuddered inwardly at the thought.

Tae'l Vizsla

 

[Tae'l Vizsla]

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Iris Arani

"No? Not... really, no" She sighed, then jabbed a finger at her own skull "It's in my head somewhere. Not like I can just push a button"

"The doctor put it in almost as soon as I could walk. Said it would make me feel safe"

Jaster Awaud. If only he could see her now, or she could speak to him about her augments again. The colors around her always seemed to drift when she thought about him. Lost and longing, almost. The way they would around a child who had lost their parents.

"It's why you don't see me afraid in a fight. Ever. it's why you've only seen me mad the one time with Samara . Spikes my dopamine and other chemicals if I ever get to... upset, I guess. Keeps adrenaline out of the way too"

"I've never cried..."

"Never had need to explain how I feel. No one's ever thought to ask either"

The colors around her instantly turned a dark blue.

"Like I said, I'm not a person, Iris. I wasn't built to be. And I shouldn't have tried to be more..."

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