Change Doesn't Always Come in the Way We Except

[Amnell de Portiers]

"I do really, truly hope so." Amnell wasn't quite ready to entire get her hopes up, but she was getting there. It was just taking a little more time than most folks. Reaching out, she gently took his hand and slowly rose to her feet. Her body protested nearly instantly, but she managed to keep the pain hidden from view.

His next words, weren't quite what she had expected. Then again, they were already past her point of expectation. There was no hiding anything from him. That she was just beginning to understand. Her eyes fell away to the ground, and a heavy sigh followed. "You may. I know I'm afraid. Who wouldn't be? The clock is ticking, every second, every day. And it's a weight on my shoulders. I fear losing it all. I'm terrified of how it's going to end. There's only so much pain a person can physically endure, before they break."

She could feel tears trying to escape, and was quick to brush any trace of them aside. "I worry that if I ever cross that threshold, that I'll be so broken, so torn apart that nothing can put me back together." Fear. How long had it dominated her waking thoughts, she wondered. How it had gone unnoticed, and these fears long unspoken, that she couldn't figure out. It made her think, and wonder if they'd always been there and she'd just managed to not notice, to not be honest with herself. Maybe, she'd already crossed that line and not known.

She ran a hand through her hair, thinking for a moment and trying to regain her composure once more. At least they'd moved on with the subject, and for a little while she could think about something else while they walked through the quiet streets. "What I actually know is ... limited. I'm told I've some natural talent with using it to control pain, when it gets out of hand. It wasn't something anyone taught me, just something that I think happened out of need and unfortunately desperation." The force was strange like that, Amnell had been able to pick up some small bit of skill simply because it had been needed to get by for a long while. That was back before the first transplant.

"And I know what I've seen of Jedi in movies, and read in books." She gave a slight shrug, "There was a Jedi a long time ago that spoke with me. But ultimately turned me away from training because of how frail I was at the time. Beyond that, I've not seen much. Wars and the like I've generally tried to stay out of. I'm a simple engineer. There was never a need really. I just, fix things. So, seeing it in use has been few and far between. I'm afraid that's it really. Rudimentary knowledge at best."

[member="Kahne Porte"]

 

[Kahne Porte]

"Frail is just a word, you work around it, and through it." The Jedi said as he had several ideas that would definitely get her body into physical shape to supplement the regular routine someone would go through to build muscle and the like.

"The force is within us all, one look into the world around you and you can feel it, feel everything about it." Kahne didn't want to sound repetitive, but just on his part it was something that needed to be said regardless. Kahne would be putting her through various tests, a lot of it would be mainly out in the field, and that in itself meant many different things.

"Battles will come and go, some you might need to be a part off. But don't worry, I won't let anything happen to you, you have my word." The Jedi said as he looked over to her and smiled. "The fields of Naboo were a place that I would go in my teens to relax and mediated on things. Right next to the waterfalls was really a nice place to be. You will learn about it soon enough."

Kahne cleared his throat then took a deep breath in and exhaled slowly. "is there anything you wish to know about me?" The Jedi couldn't help but wonder.

[member="Amnell de Portiers"]

 

[Amnell de Portiers]

"Just a word, right." She gave a nod, trying to wrap her mind around that simple 'word'. Frail is what she had always felt she was. Frail and weak. But if she was either of those, would she have made it, and survived this far in her life? No. Amnell wouldn't have. She had a type of silent strength that she was hardly aware existed. It wasn't something another person could see just meeting her, it was a strength of mind that lingered below the surface.

It was never something she'd given a lot of thought to, how exactly the force existed or that it might be in absolutely every living thing around them. "I'd never really thought about that. I'd always had it in my mind that the Force was more singular, given to a select few who'd won the genetic lottery. I don't think I realized it was so much more than that."

It was a simple bit of reassurance from him, that she actually needed. "That helps, a little. Hopefully anything like that will be a ways away from today. Still, I like knowing that you'll help keep me safe."

She was smiling listening to him talk about Naboo. "I always liked Naboo. It's one of the most beautiful worlds out there. I've only managed to come here a couple of times. It's the waterfalls that I remember most. That calming power just sitting beside them, listening to it and the power of nature. For a small moment I'd always forget about me, and drift off to a different place. Relaxing to say the least."

Amnell glanced up to him for a moment, "A million things, possibly." She said in reply. "I think I'm just curious if you grew up among the Jedi, and what that was like? And maybe, when did you first learn you had the Force?"

[member="Kahne Porte"]

 

[Kahne Porte]

"Soon enough, when your at moment of peace and clarity. You will hear the force speaking to you, as it does to me." She was placing her faith and such into him, and Kahne wouldn't let her down. Naboo is always an ever calming place. Just as she said the waterfalls and such were always magnificent, he couldn't get enough of them. This had been partial his home for as long as he could remember, Sullust now was where he resided on and so he lived in between places.

"I was two when a member of the Jedi Order found me, I was with my family when they were killed. I was the only survivor, the member of the Jedi Order found me and saved my life and also trained me. Living with the Jedi was different, it was challenging but it was nice to have a sense of family around you know. Training on a daily basis, sometimes I trained till late in the night. Would you be willing to relocated to Sullust for a time?" The Jedi inquired.

"We will out and about on a daily basis, but times we will be at the Temple."

[member="Amnell de Portiers"]

 

[Amnell de Portiers]

"I hope so. I'd like to have more than just a sporadic connection with no control really." She sighed quietly, "I just, really need things to change. The path I've been on, the way it has been ... It's not one I like much." She gave a shrug, "Just glad you happened upon me today." Perhaps it had just been coincidence, but maybe it was more than that. Perhaps the Force had guided the two of them together.

Amnell listened carefully, trying to imagine what it was like as he spoke. "I'm sorry about your family. I'm glad at least they found you, the Jedi and kept you from further harm." Her voice quieter now, "My family," The frowned, and shook her head. "Well, I've not been on the best terms with them in a long while." Much of that was her own fault, and she knew it. She'd been good at pushing people out of her life, keeping them at arm's length in a vain attempt to spare anyone further grief. Something she found herself regretting right then, "So, I can entirely understand how good it is to have some sense of a family around."

She bit at her lip for a moment, considering her next words. "Truthfully, there's not been a place I've called home in some time. I'm not really bound anywhere or in any way. Sure, I have places that have been like a home, at least for a while, but not truly my home. If that makes sense. I never stayed in one place for long." Just one more way that she avoided serious connections with the people around her, to spare herself and others pain. "So, changing locations, it's not an issue. Only things I even have here, are just my ship, my droid and a few other items. That's it really. I think, Sullust will work as well as any world."

The city was starting to fade behind them with buildings getting more sparse and open lands taking over, "You know, I am curious, what the most frightening or dangerous situation you found yourself in, was?" At least now, she was growing more curious and getting comfortable enough to inquire more about him, and his life. It was a little progress for them both.

[member="Kahne Porte"]

 

[Kahne Porte]

"Hope, and it was the will of the force." Kahne said with a small smile as he could see the waterfalls in the distance, a bit more to walk and they would almost be there. He was please to here that she didn't mind the move and travel. Granted if she didn't he would have elected to stay and train her here if that was the case. He sense her training would be intense in its own way, and that she would have difficulty and turmoil before the end of it. But with his help and her growing strength in the force and the lightside. Kahne felt and knew that she would be fine.

She had inquired to know something about him, in particular that particular thing she asked about was in fact one of his deepest secrets. Kahne chuckled lightly as he rubbed his chin lightly as he took a glance off into the distance, towards the waterfalls.

Kahne cleared his throat thus taking a deep breath and exhaling. "Can you keep a secret,Amnell?" The Jedi inquired, even though he knew that she could, he needed to hear it from her. The secret wasn't going to shake the foundation of future Jedi and Sith but it was enough to impact the Jedi Master. And while Kahne had done his best to move past that point, it still lingered around here and there.

[member="Amnell de Portiers"]

 

[Amnell de Portiers]

"The will of the Force." She repeated, whispering to herself mostly. It wasn't a concept she quite yet grasped but undoubtedly in time she would. Everything about her gift would make sense to her eventually. She just needed time, and a patient teacher. The patient teacher, that she seemed to have. Time on the otherhand, had yet to be seen.

Amnell paused for a moment, thinking before replying. "Of course, I can. Heavens know I've told you more in a day about myself than I've told anyone in my life... So, I think I can handle keeping one secret." She smiled softly, "I'm just curious, is all. You don't have to share, if you don't want to. The last thing I want is to make you uncomfortable."

[member="Kahne Porte"]

 

[Kahne Porte]

[member="Amnell de Portiers"]

Kahne wasn't planning on indulging the entire thing, just enough for a small glimpse."Well, just for a quick story. I led a group of Jedi and Republic soldiers during a battle on the edges of Sanctum Space, everyone died except me." Kahne glanced towards her with a small nod of his head. "I always think back and wonder if there was something I could've done to prevented their deaths. But, the truth was, this was war, and sometimes terrible things happen when you don't want them too." Kahne cleared his throat and took a deep breath and exhaled slowly.

"I'm grown to be a harbinger of hope, so that something like that will never happen again."

 

[Amnell de Portiers]

Amnell nodded, listening closely. Though at this point in their walk to a more secluded and peaceful location the girl could already feel the pain growing in her chest with every breath. The same with the pain in her legs and feet. For now she did her best to ignore it, banking on the fact that they'd find a place to rest soon enough. "I'm so sorry to hear that you had to go through such a thing. Losses like that, can't be easy. But I know this, questioning the what ifs, never lead to good places. It's in the past now, though it is a part of you and ingrained in your soul, you can't change it. You can only make sure it never happens again." She sighed quietly, "And you are right, war is war. Few get spared such losses. I've been fortunate to avoid war, to hide away from it on secluded planets so far from the front lines. Maybe that wasn't the best of choices, but it seemed the wise one at the time."

She tried to smile though it was getting harder with the aches and pains growing within her body. "I truly hope you never have to go through something like that again. No one deserves that kind of pain, guilt and suffering."

[member="Kahne Porte"]

 

[Kahne Porte]

"These things happen sometimes, I just roll with it and do the best I can for as long as I can. The force usually takes care of the rest." The Jedi said with a small smile, luckily they had arrived at the waterfalls as Kahne could sense that Amnell was in a bit of distress. Kahne took a deep breath as he looked over to her and showed a small smile. "Take a seat, Amnell, rest a bit." Kahne nodded his head as he looked towards one of the rocks that was overlooking the small lake. Kahne glanced over towards the waterfall as he closed his eyes and took a deep breath, his arms slowly crossed across his chest as he just breathed in and and out for a moment. The air and the smell of the lake filling his nostrils.

"Beautiful isn't it?" Kahne said with a small chuckle as he just the watched the scene before him for a few moments before he cleared his throat and looked back over to Amnell. "Amnell, I need you to believe that everything is going to be okay, I will guide you, as will the force."

[member="Amnell de Portiers"]

 

[Amnell de Portiers]

Amnell nodded. Unfortunately, such things seemed to happen far too much in this galaxy. Her attention was drawn to the waterfalls as they finally arrived. She took in a deep breath, allowing the scents and sounds to sink deep into her body. Freshwater falling, a slight mist in the air, something in that was just incredibly comforting to her. She opened her eyes and looked to Kahne as he spoke again. He noticed, she thought to herself. To think I was doing a good job to hide it, not with a Jedi Master around.

"It is beautiful, truly. I love peaceful places like this." Her smile was quick to fade away as she took a seat. With a heavy sigh, she pulled her legs up to her chest to allow her to reach down to rub slowly at them to ease the pain just a small tiny bit.

Her brow knitted together, as a worried frown etched itself into her features. "That's probably the hardest thing you could ask of me." She said quietly. "To believe that, when my body seems to scream otherwise... It couldn't be harder." Reaching up she rubbed at her forehead and looked to him. It meant letting go, and hoping for a better future when she had so little hope at all. This disease had been pulling her down, truly weighing her down for so long and she'd been on her own to fight it. "I can try. Try."

Amnell wasn't certain she was capable of much beyond that when things had been so rough thus far. "And I will. It's just, things in my life ... How it's been so far.... Things have never been okay. It hard to imagine that is possible but I will do my best and give it all I have." That wasn't an easy admission, and hearing it made it far more real than she'd ever admitted to before. "That I can promise."

[member="Kahne Porte"]

 

[Kahne Porte]

"The more you start to believe and know that everything....will be okay. Is the moment things will start to become easier, and you will be flying across the stars like anything ever seen before. Hope is a powerful tool in a Jedi's life, an essential one too."

Kahne took a deep breath as he closed his eyes and took in the essence and feel of things around him. Things were not always what they seemed, and sometimes that was when the biggest surprises would come forth. The Jedi took another deep breath as he then opened his eyes and looked towards Amnell. "I have hope for you, Amnell."

The Jedi cleared his throat as he walked forward just a little bit. "I'd like for you to close your eyes, you don't have to focus on anything in particular, but I want you to be able to feel what is going on around you. Clear your mind, and let it wander for just a moment. The force is there, it will guide you. I want you to tell me what you see and what you are able to feel afterwards."

The Jedi smiled and looked at Amnell. "Do you think you can do that? I know the pain is there, but try not to pay attention to that."

[member="Amnell de Portiers"]

 

[Amnell de Portiers]

Amnell bit nervously at her lip, and nodded. He was right and deep down inside she knew it. She managed a small smile. To her he seemed to believe in her future and life in a way she never had before. That in itself was giving her hope for herself.

She glanced up at him as he spoke, listening carefully to his instructions. She sighed as she sat back for a moment, a little anxious. "I believe I can." Amnell wasn't sure how this was going to work. This wasn't something she'd ever done before. Until now, she'd barely had a clue that she had the force and what that meant. She also wasn't entirely sure her pain could be pushed away, but she was going to try.

Taking a deep breath in she finally closed her eyes. With a breath out she tried to relax a little bit. Her senses went to what was around them first. The sounds, the scents were easy enough to find around them both. The flowing waterfalls, the fresh air, that much was obvious.

Now, her worries and stresses were hard to ignore as she tried to clear her mind. It took her a while, but she did finally manage to let those concerns go. Soon enough she was left with nothing but the soothing sounds of nature around them, and the constant dull ache of the pains that never went away. This task she found harder. It was something she'd felt every day of her life, and only became more apparent to her without other thoughts running through her head.

Taking her time, she did her best to be patient. A few more moments passed, and finally, the pain seemed to fade away, and a sense of something else replaced it. Soon she found herself feeling safe, protected like things really would be okay. Amnell couldn't remember the last time she felt that way. Those feelings led her mind to wander, or so she thought. The Force was guiding her. It wasn't long until she was seeing herself in what felt like just a few months from this moment. She was healthier, stronger, and things seemed to be better than okay. It was a better future for her. If she believed and dedicated herself, it could be hers.

She'd no idea how much time had passed them by as she opened her eyes and looked to Kahne. Amnell took a deep breath to compose her thoughts before she started to answer him. "I felt safe. In a way, I've never felt before now. The pain wasn't even a tiny thought in my mind. It had faded away." She paused for a moment, doubting what she'd seen. "I'm not sure how to explain this. I saw me. It seemed like it was a few months maybe longer down the road. A different place, where things are okay. I'm healthier, better, and able to offer help to others, without fear of how it's going to make my body worse." She gave a shrug, "I'm not really that sure if it is that. It's just what I saw."

[member="Kahne Porte"]