Chemical Heart

[Jairus Starvald]

[member="Irajah Ven"]

It had been spoken without consideration, because in Carach's eyes there was no debt.

"Gifts given freely..." The Sith Lord mumbled, while his hand stroked her softly. "...taste best." It was an echo of what he had said to [member="Reverance"] just two hours ago. Oh, how the situation had changed on him within the span of those hours. From confidence regained to completely shattered in basically no time at all.

"Gifts, Raj. I do not expect anything in return."

It had been different when they first met... or rather when they met for a second time.

He had been clear, honest, without no misdirection- that he would use her for his own gains. Train her, sure. Make her strong.... but for his own gains at the end of it all.

The change? It had crept up on him; from one moment to the next she was no longer a tool, but a friend and now?

Carach frowned. He didn't know what.

Her last words were spoken with the same deep concern, but all that Carach could do was smirk heavily. "But Doctor Ven... where will you sleep, if I am here?" Now he blinked innocently at her. Just waiting for the reaction to come as his fingers brushed her side, trailing insistent lines up and down.

 

[Kuzo]

She also remembered those words. At the time, they had been comforting. Straight avarice, as a reason for helping her, was understandable. Coming out of the honeyed words and 'because you deserve it' promises of Panatha, it had been a relief. She never could have trusted him if he had claimed altruism, because then and there, altruism was deeply suspect for every reason that mattered.

Even now, coming from someone who hadn't gained her trust as he had, she would have put the talk of gifts into the box labeled danger, proceed with caution.

She didn't pretend that they hadn't changed since that day. Not merely as individuals (she more than he, in every way it could be measured), but in how they responded to each other. Respect, friendship, affection had grown out of something merely hungry and amused. She could accept a 'gift' from him.

If he could accept the same in return from her.

It seemed, for the moment, like he could.

Of course, that all seemed perfectly academic when he flashed innocent eyes at her and trailed questing fingers up her side.

She'd had every intention of sleeping on the couch in the room just outside, door open so she could listen until he said that. She couldn't hide the flicker of surprise that flashed across her face. Sure they slept together, but they didn't sleep together. For all of the hunger shared between them, that was not an intimacy that either had attempted to instill, both respecting something unspoken, thus far, uninvited by either.

Irajah had rarely in the past slept with her lovers. Had rarely had a situation where that sort of vulnerability and a different kind of intimacy was desired, or indeed easy. One person had so effortlessly fit into her life in that way for a few short weeks, but her death had changed something between them in a way that she did not pretend to understand. And in truth, couldn't, if he wouldn't speak to her.

So many things changed in that single moment of blade across pale flesh. Some she couldn't change back, even if she wanted to.

What then, did she want to do with this change?

Were these pathways she wanted to tread simply because it was easy to do so? Because it was convenient, because she was convenient? To simply do, as she had always done, only filling the space offered to her without concern?

Or did she want something more than that?

"I will sleep on the couch," she said slowly, forestalling a response by laying a pair of fingers on his lips.

"Or....." she searched his face, not really sure what she was looking for, which made it impossible to find. "Or I'll stay here with you. On two conditions. The first is that you tell me that's what you want. The second..... that you do as I say. For one night. I'm not going to have you injure yourself worse because you're as stubborn as I am, and I'll have that promise from you now, or I'll steal one of these pillows and out to the couch I go, so you can rest, Carach."

[member="Carach"]

 

[Jairus Starvald]

[member="Irajah Ven"]

There was safety in humor and antics.

You could dive into it, wrap it around you like armor and no matter what happened... if the situation did not turn as you wished it to? You could simply go back around- Oh, I didn't mean that, it was just a joke, ha... ha.. haha. ha? Carach had never understood such behavior before. After all, if you wished something and it was within your reach, why not simply attempt to take it? If it failed, then at least you had tried and could tell yourself that very thing. You put yourself out there, expressed exactly what you were about and if the other party did not wish to be graced by good fortune of his touch and presence? Well, that was clearly their issue and their mistake to carry around for the rest of their lives.

Why was it then that after she said the first part.... he had wanted so quickly to utter: Oh, haha, I was just joking, of couuuuuuurse I can't do anything with the state of my side? Where had that come from? Why was it there in the first place?

His first taste of insecurity and Carach disliked it immensely. "I have never once asked for something without wishing it so." The look she send him told him that it wasn't enough. He suppressed a sigh and inclined his head slightly. "I want you to stay here... with me, Irajah." The expression of her first name, rolled freely and full from his tongue, solidifying just how serious he was in that moment. Perhaps some minor part of him was still flawed, wounded... after three spirits left his life.

Neph. Sinistra. Natasi.

They had all meant something to him, but they were all gone now- if not literally than at the very least physically.

To a degree it was not a surprise that Carach felt the way he did- after all, how many times can a man (even one such as Carach) be dumped and left, before he wondered.... was it maybe him that had caused it? "And yes, I will do... exactly as you say."

That idea was kinda tempting anyway.

Even the wildest animal longed for a single moment of kind touch mixed with deep-seated control.

 

[Kuzo]

Good would have been a perfectly acceptable response here. A simple nod of the head and move on. But she lingered in the silence after that for a moment, turning something over in her head before she responded.

"Thank you."

Two words instead of one. But it meant something very different.

Between the two of them, they managed to get him moderately comfortable on the near side of the bed. The side she usually slept on, but she wasn't going to move him all the way over in this situation. The blood on his lips had dried in the interim, and after another check after they moved him, she cleaned it off with the cloth and basin Samson had brought.

"No more putting off building a proper med bay here," she said with a chuckle, glancing at the damage he'd done to the wood of the frame- fortunately nothing structural. "I'm going to start ordering equipment first thing in the morning."

That was a reminder. That no matter how rough and hungry he was (with her enthusiastic consent), he was always being gentle with her. Perched lightly on the very edge of the bed now, she looked down at him thoughtfully for a moment.

"If you think you can eat I'll have them bring something up. Something light, but you should eat if you are up for it."

She knew him. The way he consumed, and his views on that fuel, his own body. Honestly, the man ate enough for three people at most sittings, but then, she'd never known someone who was essentially pure energy contained in a human body before.

[member="Carach"]

 

[Jairus Starvald]

[member="Irajah Ven"]

Carach groaned, but acceded with a simple nod re: the medbay.

Almost as if it had been waiting for this exact moment his stomach growled when she brought up the subject of food. When was the last time that the Sith had gotten something real to eat today? This morning? Maybe during the day, before leaving to investigate the cult thread. If you could count a cigar and some whiskey as a dinner away. (No... you really can't.) "I'd suggest eating out, but... maybe we can do that at a later time." His head tilted to the side as he watched her reaction with a smirk.

She swatted at him and he chuckled softly, the sharp pain of his ribs causing him to cough - which only made the pain worse - but it was still nothing compared to what had been before.

This was easily ignored.

He had more painful paper-cuts than those ribs... probably. "Food would be good, yes." After about half an hour the food arrived. For both of them, because Carach was keenly aware that she hadn't had any food either.

"I don't think we have ever even eaten together, have we? Not like this anyway."

 

[Kuzo]

"In bed with you injured? No. Not like this." Deadpan, but then a smile broke out and she chuckled, shaking her head. Now that the crises had passed and she had done what she could, she could start coming down from being 'Doctor Ven' and just be Raj again.

"We had breakfast together on Azure most mornings," she said as she finished setting everything up for both of them. She appreciated his staff's forethought in regard to both lap trays and sandwiches that were easy to eat. "But I always suspected that was to force me to be around the other people in the station, after what happened, more than about the meal itself."

Just in case he thought she hadn't been aware.

She chewed contemplatively for a moment. Swallowed. Opened her mouth.

Hesitated.

Then:

"There's a café, in Avalonia, that I really liked. Obviously never going there again. Have to find some way to protest murderous regimes and all," spoken lightly, breezy, clearly joking on that part. "But I think its owners have other locations. I should take a look. Maybe sometime we can go if that's the case. If you'd like to come, I mean."

Casual suggestion. A little suspect in just how casual, and she kept her focus on the food rather than him.

Irajah didn't date. And here she was, asking him on one.

[member="Carach"]

 

[Jairus Starvald]

Carach blinked.

"Yes." The Sith Lord said half a second later. "I mean, sure. If you really like it? I wouldn't mind-"

Two more seconds passed and he sighed, breaking himself off in the middle of the extrapolation. This was becoming ridiculous and Carach was too old to act like some gorram school kid who hasn't ever talked to a woman. It didn't karking matter that the last few times that he had opened up, it blew up straight in his face and left him... him.

He was still Carach.

"Look, I would really like to go out on a date with you. I was low-key trying to get some nerve to ask you, but here we are." It only took him getting his 'heart' turned into a ticking nuke, before they finally managed to start... talking. Almost as if that was also timed the pulse waved through him.

This time no piercing pain.

Just discomfort as it rattled against his cage.

[member="Irajah Ven"]

 

[Kuzo]

She'd been holding her breath a little and hadn't even realized it. Letting it out in a small woosh, she smiled at him, half amused, half relieved.

Raj had told herself that she would be just fine if he said no, or that he wasn't interested. But there had been a small stab of surprising disappointment when he'd first started talking- of course he'd do it if she asked, but not because he actually wanted to- was how it read at first and that was not actually what she'd been hoping to hear. I wouldn't mind wasn't the same as I would like, and it surprised her to find that twinge when he'd said that.

Entirely bearable, but not enough.

And that, in and of itself, was new and strange enough that she wasn't really willing to dig too deeply into it just now. Not yet.

She didn't ask him why he had been searching for the nerve to ask yet either. After all, boldness had never been a problem for him. He'd invited her to live with him, for goodness sakes, as if it were the most casual thing. So what made the concept of a 'date' so daunting for him?

"I'd like that too," she said instead.

She knew exactly why it was daunting for her.

Even if she had absolutely no idea what a 'normal' date would look like. Beyond [member="Carach"] himself (Sith Lord, Corporate Head, you know, just your regular every day fella), Irajah didn't have much of a history with 'dating'. One night stands, sometimes repeats. Enjoying company after sure. Hell, they were living in the same place now. But 'dating' wasn't a skill she'd really had a chance to practice. As a teenager, too wrapped up in the remnants of family to be interested. Too busy in school. Much too busy as a Doctor (seriously, who has time for that?). And after Gideon, well.....

Dates were for normal people in normal situations.

It also meant asking for something more. And offering it in return. Something she'd rarely wanted to do in the past.

They returned to eating, both a little self conscious it seemed but both also perfectly content to sit in the compatible silence they'd never had a problem with. Clean up and helping him to the 'fresher' ("You promised you'd do as I said, so yes, I'm helping you") and back to bed took longer than it might have normally, but that was to be expected.

 

[Jairus Starvald]

[member="Irajah Ven"]

They ate in silence for the most part and that seemed to be just fine.

After that awkward moment both of them needed some... time to process it a bit here and there. But Carach was a fast eater and Raj ate substantially less than he did, so they finished at about the same time. They argued a little bit about the refresher... until she brought up the fact that he had promised to do as he was told.

That somehow got a smirk out of him.

He did his best to keep his weight off of her. It was one thing during, but this was an entirely different situation and the last thing Carach wanted was to fall on her and cause some actual damage.

He was faster than expected and as the doors slid open and he stepped out, the first thing he was was... Raj.

The Sith blinked, then hmmm'ed, as he leaned against the doorpost and watched.