Chemical Romance

[Jairus Starvald]

[member="Irajah Ven"]

Most people weren't like Carach.

Not just a boast- who could say that they formed their sentience from the shards of dead Sith Lords, Jedi and other essence of power? This was the fundamental reason that explained why Carach was the way he was. Why he could be murder a room in one moment, express tender vulnerability in the next, spend a month going through dusty scrolls after and top it all off by scheming the toppling of empires in his spare time. All actions of different people, different souls, different portions of the larger tapestry that made up Carach's personality.

The hunger of Velok, the stubbornness of Monroe, the humor of Ordo... Je'gan's curiousity? It wasn't as easy to quantify it as he was making it seem, but the general idea behind it was sound.

"I am going to think about it." Carach agreed with a small nod. "I have been Carach for four decades now... I can stay Carach for a few more weeks, until I find a name that resonates with me."

Once more the glass was emptied and the warmth was filling his chest now. Not even close to being drunk or even tipsy, but it was a pleasant feelings nonetheless. "Well, you have told me of your Sith father, I have told you of my actual non-existence as a real person.... where do we go from here? Anything you wish to share that fits the moment?"

The glass was filled.

 

[Kuzo]

Both glasses refilled and that was the end of the bottle, though she suspected it was not the only bottle he'd brought. She leaned back, surprisingly at ease, especially considering how the night had started. But somehow, all of this? This messy, messed up nonsense? Brought it all back into perspective.

"You're real," she said softly but firmly, "I'm not going to pretend I understand all of what went into.... you. The implications. I'd like to, but I'm sure you know that. But, what it comes down to is that even if I understood every detail, every facet, I'd still think you were real. I don't really give a chit about this soul or that memory. Everyone is made up of their experiences. Yours just.... come from a wider pool. No less real."

The music changed, and she looked down, a small smile on her lips.

Swirling the wine in her glass absently, she mulled for only a moment before putting the glass down and standing up. She stepped out from behind the table, skirt rustling slightly in the quiet and offered him her hand.

"Dance with me?"

[member="Carach"]

 

[Jairus Starvald]

[member="Irajah Ven"]

How was it that with everything done to her that Raj was still capable of immeasurable kindness and compassion? The Sith Lord had seen souls strong and bright and fierce break, turning cruel and cold under the pressure of time and pain, yet, Raj had not seemed to lost her spark (for long anyway). Oh, she was more selfish now... which sounded like a negative judgement, but it was anything but that.

"You astonish me every moment we spend together, Raj." Carach inclined his head. "Thank you."

Some time passed, when her voice took his attention away from the glass. He looked her up and down.

Taking his time with it as she stood there and letting the moment drag out just right.

"Don't think we have ever really danced before." Carach mulled it over, before raising himself up. He had always been a large man. But somehow he could make every single move of his look smooth, graceful, fast, his arm was already slipping around her waist and pulling her in, before two blinks could pass between the two of them.

"But today we try new things." He kissed her then, leaning in close and lips touching gently. They had been trying new things for a while now... ever since she had died.

Interesting how one such event had the capability of changing everything.

 

[Kuzo]

"I've watched you dance," she teased as the kiss ended.

She was referring to that night at the Black Feather. She'd been so smug in her intentions, setting up these two. A gift to him, a much needed distraction for her. A good deed, certainly. The pair of them, him and the blonde doctor [member="Hazel Zanteres"], hadn't let the smug slide however.

She slid her hand into his, other coasting up his arm to his shoulder as his palm settled heavily but comfortably against her hip.

"I don't usually pass up an opportunity to dance," she murmured as they turned slowly. "Or to try new things."

Looking up at him then, she smiled.

"I think I like both of those things," she offered, hesitating for just a moment. If they could tell each other the things they had over dinner, then just what, really, was stopping her from saying this here now? Why was this different.

Don't be a twit, you know why this is different.

"I like both of those things," she repeated, taking in a small breath, "With you in particular."

[member="Carach"]

 

[Jairus Starvald]

[member="Irajah Ven"]

As the last syllable rolled off her lips she would feel his hand tighten around her hip.

Slightly.

A tell that it was not something he had been expecting to hear. Not right now anyway, but that did not mean it wasn't welcome. As she looked up, he looked down and smiled. "I like to do both those things and more with you in particular, Raj." Once more the Sith leaned in, but this time it was not for a kiss. Instead his brow leaned against hers as his eyes closed. He hummed softly under his breath as they moved to the beat of the music.

They circled and he let her softly spin in his arms, pulling her close again once her back was against him. Her arm around her front, held in place by his hand, tightening ever so slightly.

He kissed her again, a line from up brushing down while friction was applied. "I like you in particular, Irajah." The Sith Lord would whisper in her ear as lips grew closer.

 

[Kuzo]

At the tightening of his hand she held her breath. Because until he looked back down at her, she wasn't certain that it had meant a welcoming. But his smile, his response, the way he tipped his head in, meant she could breath again.

They turned across the roof top, not speaking, absorbed without words for the moment. It wouldn't have been difficult for either to reach out, to touch whatever the other was thinking in that moment. Maybe it was too much of a risk. Maybe they just respected that mutual decision of compatible silence. But for whatever reason, they contented to quiet beyond the music itself.

The slight push, the lead into the spin and she smiled, head tilting back slightly as she turned in his arms. He pulled her in, not completing the turn, but she didn't mind, leaning back into his chest as they swayed with the music. She smiled, the familiar thrill of heat as he kissed that line up her neck, his hand pulling her in.

She stilled, as his words vibrated against her ear. For a pair of heartbeats, she let it sit, and then-

"That's good, because this would be an awful lot of effort for someone you disliked, Carach," she chuckled, her tone teasing but her chest tight.

That's not fair, Raj. That's not a reply that offers him anything. He didn't leave you hanging, when you took that risk.

"I like you too," she whispered, "I just don't know what that means yet."

[member="Carach"]

 

[Jairus Starvald]

[member="Irajah Ven"]

He couldn't help but snort against her skin as they swayed there between rapid-wrapped tension and gentle ease of the moment.

Before Carach could retort though, save some face, she turned around and surprised him once more. It seemed that tonight was going to be the night of surprises, as she moved the goal post up and up, challenging him to change the way he saw her. The way he had come to know her, before everything changed those weeks ago.

"It means we have plenty of time to explore." He hummed back to her, his hands sliding up.... then down and down, before resting easily against her hip once more.

A turn and they were face-to-face again, pulled in close, body to body.

"And figure out what it means for us." They were different animals. Every person was different, yes, but their circumstances were unique and as a result their relationship was too. What would it mean? What could it mean? Carach did not know, but he wasn't in a rush. As his hand shifted on the small of her back, pressed tight and staying, he realized that he had all the patience in the world for her.

He kissed her then, again. A slight mix of hunger easing in.

But it stayed manageable. "What do you think of our first date? Any remarks I can keep in mind for the next one?" Soft tease to edge back from a subject quite tense for the both of them. If for different reasons altogether.

 

[Kuzo]

"Hmmm, I think I'd like that," she murmured against his lips just before he kissed her.

There was no rush. Not anymore. There was no Gideon breathing down her neck, never giving her more than a stolen moment here, a dance stolen in time there. There was no sword hanging by a thread over her head any longer. He was right. They had time.

The fact that it terrified her? Didn't deter her at all.

She was smiling when he pulled back, his question pulling it deeper and softer.

"I think it was perfect," she said quietly, sliding her arms around his neck. "And I like that you enjoyed it enough to want to plan a next. Buuuuuut......"

The smile tugged into a smirk, a certain flash of mischief in those hazel eyes keeping the words from hitting the wrong places in a psyche.

"I'm pretty sure next one, it's my turn. Only seems fair."

[member="Carach"]

 

[Jairus Starvald]

[member="Irajah Ven"]

Hmmmm.

"Well, that's fair I suppose." Carach mumbled with a soft smile, before reflecting her smirk right back. "But today is my date.... so I guess we should get back to the program."

Hands strayed, slipping down and punctuating just what kind of program he was talking about.

Music was turned up, the melodic tunes drowning out sounds traveling as they often did.

"Mmhm, so that's what it's for," His voice whispered up her neck, before the night took over.

* * *​

​

The very next week it was Carach who found himself in a cab.

Slowly traveling the line towards the coordinates set out for him by Raj. It was the second date and apparently she had a surprise for him, he wasn't completely sure what it would be. Oh, Carach could have figured it out relatively quickly, but where was the fun in that? Sometimes a surprise could be fun and interesting.

A couple of more minutes and they would be there.

He looked out of the window... didn't look like a restaurant or anything like that to him.

Peculiar.

 

[Kuzo]

The Penthouse apartment was largely unfurnished still. Floor to ceiling glass overlooked a balcony, the lights of Coruscant glittering below. She'd chosen the spot, ultimately, because of it's view at dusk. With a little help from a friend, she'd managed to get the only piece of furniture that matter for her plan tonight into the living room.

She'd hoped to have more finished, before showing him, but it had taken longer to close on the location than she wanted. All white and dark wood, true wood, not fake as with so much else on the planet wide city, the penthouse took up the entire top floor of the building. Living room, library, office, master bedroom and guest bedroom, a more expansive kitchen than she would have considered before a week ago. For now, all empty, waiting to be filled with whatever the two of them decided belonged. Except that one piece.

In the library, through the living room, a sleek, dark wooded piano settled. The room was paneled in equally dark wood, two large, arched windows letting in the waning light of twilight and the skyline. The door to this room was open, and the glow of candle light wavered softly, visible when he would open the door to the apartment himself- his drive would give him the key.

There was a blanket in the middle of the floor, fireplace lit and warm on the far wall. Two glasses, a bottle of wine. Irajah hadn't bothered with a meal, had let him know to eat first, but a plate with fruit and cheese settled just out of the way beyond the wine.

Irajah sat on the piano bench, waiting for the chirp of her comm that would let her know they had arrived. When it came, she breathed in, setting fingers to the keys, and began to play.

[member="Carach"]

 

[Jairus Starvald]

[member="Irajah Ven"]

They had talked about figuring out a place to live on Coruscant together.

Going back and forth between it and Maena was not an option obviously and for some reason it just wasn't the same to take one of the assets he owned across town. He knew why it wasn't the same, of course, it was partially the getting it together part that made the together feel more real. But it was also something different- Carach was trying to leave his old life behind him. Not in the sense of suddenly becoming a Jedi or disavowing all the things he had done in the past. For one, there was no redemption for someone like him, for two? He didn't want any part of it.

But going back to the basics?

Leaving all the riches and splendors behind and starting anew? That felt good, it felt like a new start that Carach had needed (without realizing it) for so long. He cautiously moved into the penthouse, door sliding shut behind him and the warm tunes of a piano welcomed him.

He tilted his head slightly, before putting his overcoat on one of the boxes next to the entrance.

First the song, then the soft candle light almost beckoning him to come- she was there, the Sith Lord could feel it from here and as such he moved. Picking his way through the empty (for now) room, into the library. Rich colors, space, the windows providing one hell of a view of the skyline. Any semblance of a mildly snark greeting died when Carach realized who was playing the song. He leaned against the doorpost, providing him with the vantage point to see both her playing, the candle light waxing and the little space reserved to sit for them.

The wine was already waiting.

That did get a smirk.

Once the first song died out and if Raj turned around, she would see Carach already walking over- a hand brushing from the back of her neck, down to her shoulder and resting easily on the small of her back, as a kiss was brushed against offered cheek. "That was beautiful, Raj." The Voice tilted his head once more, curiosity made apparent. "Do you know anything with a voice attached to it?"

Intent was quite clear.

 

[Kuzo]

She felt him there, in the doorway, but she kept the attention on the music. But she did smile small, and turn her head to look back over her shoulder at him as he approached at the end of the song. Her eyes closed for a moment as his hand traveled, then tilted her face up to accept the kiss, smile deepening.

"Hmmm, I know a few," she murmured, the corners of her eyes crinkling. "It's been a long time but...."

She scooted over, making room for him on the bench if he wanted, her fingers hovering for a moment. A certain insecurity flickered over her face for a moment, frowning thoughtfully. Finger picked out a note or two, once, twice, as if she were mentally going through a list- which was exactly what she was doing.

Irajah chuckled, shaking her head.

"Never really thought about how many of the ones my parents did together were....."

She trailed off, then settled on a piece. She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye, making sure he recognized and knew the piece from the opening chords. When he nodded, she smiled and nodded in return.

[member="Carach"]

 

[Jairus Starvald]

[member="Irajah Ven"]

He settled himself down next to her and waited patiently for her to figure out a song that fit.

The remark about her parents were left to the wayside, because right about then the song started in full and Carach closed his eyes. Instead he listened to the tune, his foot tapping alongside of it absently, before nodding to her. He knew exactly what this song was about and the Sith Lord knew what to do with it once it started.

Humming softly to himself she started.

Once more Carach was impressed just how good she was at the piano. Fingers dancing across the pads like it was some sort of dance, exploring one side then the other, before switching it out once more.

He waited.... waited... and then his voice rang out through the room. Silent at first, as he explored the syllables, as his voice (cracking with disuse) got comfortable with the melody. Harder and harder, coinciding with the rhythm of the song, until his voice was booming at the same time as the crescendo of the piano resonated with the walls.

His hand slid up, resting easily on her leg at the same time and the Sith could not help... but grin as he squeezed.

 

[Kuzo]

She closed her eyes as her fingers moved across the keys. There were plenty of pieces she needed the sheet music for, but this wasn't one of them. She lost herself in the chords, the music almost enough on its own to sustain a deep contentment in her-

Until he started to sing.

Hazel eyes opened and she glanced at him from the side. It was one thing to know what his voice, murmured in her ear did. Or that he had once been called that very thing. But to hear him sing, even if out of practice? It reverberating up her spine, turning every joint to something certainly barely more than liquid sound. It grounded and lifted at the same time somehow, and she could have listened to him forever.

Her eyes closed again when his hand settled on her thigh, smiling and letting his voice spur even greater intent on the keys beneath her hands.

After the second verse, she added her voice to his on the refrain. Sweet, light, she brought in a soft harmony. Untrained, her voice didn't have the depth, the strength of his, didn't have the power. But she could bring harmony there, adding something that hadn't been missing necessarily, and yet gave an alto line that wove alternatingly above and below his own.

Their voices finally faded, taken over by the closing chords. Slowly, she leaned her shoulder against his arm, the echoes of the notes filling the empty space of the library before fading into silence.

They let it sit for a moment, two, sitting in a state closer to catharsis than relaxation.

"Thank you," she said quietly. "I'm sure it comes as no surprise to hear, but you have an amazing voice."

[member="Carach"]

 

[Jairus Starvald]

[member="Irajah Ven"]

It became easier for him the more they drifted past the chords and let the music speak through them.

At one point he suddenly realized that Raj had joined the tune, adding her voice to his- so right and fitting in the moment that he hadn't even noticed how the harmony shifted to something far more... pleasant and exceptionally perfect.

They sang together.

The more the words channeled through them the easier it got. Both of them challenged each other throughout it all- to go higher and higher, lower than low, to increase the dynamic and to pour everything into it. By the end note Carach's eyes were closed again, slowly humming along with the chords concluding the song. It had only been a few minutes at most (he knew the song), but it had felt like hours stretched between them as they pushed everything into it.

"And thank you, for this and for the compliment." One more squeeze and Carach rose from the bench. "I see we have wine too." He settled down on the blanket, tapping on an empty space next to him for her to sit.

"Unsure how I will top this for the next time." Soft tease as he picked up the bottle. This wasn't a Derilium, no, what this was... was far more rare. "A Corellian? I didn't think they actually had any of these anymore."

Corellia was known for its scotch, but it was a public secret that their wine orchards had been second to almost none.

"Where did you get it?" Keen interest was displayed as he opened the bottle.

 

[Kuzo]

Leaving the piano open with intention of playing more before the evening was out, she rose, joining him a moment later on the blanket.

"Didn't think this was a contest," she teased back, curling her legs beside her and leaning on one hand as she watched him, a small smile on her face. She hadn't been sure if she'd be able to surprise him, but it seemed like the combination, at least, had managed it. Her smile widened when he turned the wine bottle in his hands.

"Oh, I have a friend who managed to track it down for me," she said, her own smile moving into the realm of 'self satisfied smirk'.

She had remembered how fond he was of the whiskey- something in much higher demand than the wine- and it had been a last minute addition to the evening.

Accepting a glass after he poured, they tipped them together with a soft tone. Enjoying the wine in appreciative silence for a moment, she lowered the glass into her lap.

"Also helped me find this," she added, looking up around the library, still smiling but the slightly nervousness she'd been feeling earlier had crept back into it. Instead of going back to him, her gaze moved to the windows, where the view of the dusk skyline stretched out beyond. "I had some rather.... specific..... wants for this place....."

She trailed off, chewing on her lower lip for a moment.

"If you don't like it, or changed your mind, of course, I entirely understand...."

[member="Carach"]

 

[Jairus Starvald]

[member="Irajah Ven"]

He took his first sip and hummed in appreciation.

Very good indeed.

Studying her as Raj looked around, taking in every detail of the room, was a curious exercise. He saw the tension, the anxiety and all he could do was reach out, hand curling slightly around hers. Squeezing in a gesture of... gesture of what? Carach wasn't sure, but it seemed that she was still struggling and supporting her was one of the little things he could do.

"Raj, I am not in the business of changing my mind as the sun sets and rises." Carach pointed out patiently, before hand moved, brushing up by her jaw and cupping her cheek.

"I want to do this and I am committed to it."

The moment pushed onward, extending, the silence pleasant as she looked him in the eye. Then it left once more and Carach smiled, a smirk playful and relaxed.

"Besides, I like your taste. I would have gone with a huge subterranean fortress.... but this is better, I think."

 

[Kuzo]

I want to do this and I am committed to it.

With his hand on her chin like that, she couldn't look away, even if she kind of wanted to. Instead she breathed in deeply, letting it out in a whoosh.

"Gonna be honest here, Carach," she murmured, keeping her voice casual and light but with obvious effort. "Not really used to someone who wants to hang around when things get rough..... or wanting to be doing the hanging around myself."

There it was.

Part of it was exactly as he was reading it- a certain insecurity in him and his intentions. But part of it was also the same pointed inward. It wasn't that she had a habit of cutting and running. Just that she'd never been in a place where it had been serious enough where that was an option- or when she had, there was either betrayal or absence that courted those memories. One brought anger, and the other.... well, there clearly hadn't been anything there, even if she'd started to wonder if there had.

"So this is territory that isn't really familiar to me. I...."

She chewed on her lower lip for a moment.

"I'm trying not to kark it up. But I don't know what I'm doing. And I'm worried I'll step in it without even knowing I did."

[member="Carach"]

 

[Jairus Starvald]

[member="Irajah Ven"]

Carach nodded, letting his hand slip down and giving her room.

Three names.

Two betrayals, one abandonment.

It was difficult and even now the Sith Lord wasn't sure why he was allowing himself to be tangled up with Raj here. Every single fiber of his gut told him to walk away, drop and cut it loose, because out there? There was danger, it was the danger spelled out on her face... the danger of uncertainty. What would happen if she cut him loose? It was a risk and at the moment it seemed like he was willing to pay it. It scared him that he was after all this time.

"You know me." Not all of him, not every single part, but enough that the next thing wasn't a surprise. "I am easy-" That got a smirk out of her and Carach rolled his eyes. "I go with the flow, don't overthink it and enjoy what I have."

"I like this. Us. We have fun. More."

Brows heavy furrowed in thought as he tried to articulate it well. "It feels easy... for me. I get that it might be different for you- if this is hard for you? We can slow it down. Make sure you don't step into nothing so to speak, nobody wants to spend the entire day cleaning their boots out after all." Carach smirked there himself, trying to ease the situation. This was definitely unknown territory for him. Strange feeling, that, being on the other side of the equation.

 

[Kuzo]

"It's not hard," she said with a soft smile. "It's surprisingly easy."

This wasn't just easy and fun though, as much as he might try to say it was. The more encompassed perhaps too much. Was it possible to be casual and more? She didn't know. She just knew that he was important enough to her that it would matter if he were gone. She'd miss him. And not in a think of him occasionally kind of way, but something deeper than that.

"I want this, Carach," she said slowly, heart beating a little faster.

"I haven't really let myself want something, not in a way that risked anything, since Gideon. It was....."

She stopped, frowning at the wine glass.

"One of the things that I liked about you and Matsu was that.... I didn't.... " usually, talking wasn't particularly difficult for Raj, but here she faltered. It was one thing to be cognizant of it, but saying it out loud?

"I didn't think that your lives would be any different. Without me there," she said finally, looking away. "I knew that if I didn't find a cure, and then later if the transfer didn't work, you would be fine without me. The idea of leaving people behind who needed me, well. It simply wasn't acceptable. I didn't..... I didn't want to leave anyone behind that I.... needed. That I wanted. And letting myself feel that now.... it's frightening. When.... when you don't want anything.... it's impossible to be disappointed."

[member="Carach"]