Clear your mind of conscious thought

[Cathul Thuku]

"For people who cannot use the Force, good and evil are the same as light vs. dark. But the complexity of it all is a lot greater for us who can use the Force, and it also holds true of those who want to stay in balance. Also you have to realize that one's moral compass is highly personalized. What would be evil to someone isn't evil to someone else. Many of those who fall to the dark side don't consider themselves evil, even though the outside world consider themselves otherwise: they may just be a little misguided. It is true that the Dominion, backed by the Sith Order, inflicted catastrophic damage on Atrisia, which killed many and forced many who survived to go get healthcare but I have to say that Sith factions often condition the Sith within to do evil things. Yet was your mother part of some Sith faction?"

Darth Banshee, her former master, used to be a One Sith member but became a Mandalorian when it became clear that she didn't like the exactions committed by the OS, rogue or not, and rumors to that end abound about Darth Veles. It seems that often, Light Sith arise from those who shun the atrocities committed by other Sith but can't quite become proper Jedi. But there was another topic to which [member="Siriwook"] alluded that seems relevant to the discussion: love.

"Oh and before I forget: love, whether in the family sense or not, is a tricky thing as far as the Force is concerned. Yes, love can lead to the dark side of the Force, as shown in Anakin's case. But the power of love is also used to redeem people from the dark side"

 

[Siriwook]

[member="Cathul Thuku"] explains the role of the Sith organizations in conditioning their followers to commit atrocities--and of love in pulling people from the clutches of the dark side. If love can both tempt and redeem, being the source of the dark and the light, Siriwook wonders, then....

"[Is Love part of the Force?]" Siriwook wants so badly to experience Love. And, if it is part of the Force, perhaps she should--but can she risk being tempted? What if she goes down the wrong path... and never comes back? Something about the question about her mother bothers her. Why can't she remember her mother clearly? Where were those memories that every child raised by her mother should have? A mother's love?

She thinks back to her mother, because the question bothers her. She can feel something, some hidden truth, unlock inside of her when she asks herself the question--does my mother love me? She recalls her dreams, of darkness. They are not dreams. She remembers a cabin in the deepest part of the darkest woods, where no light shines unless you make it. She remembers everything. Everything!

In her mind, she can feel the Voice reach out to her. "[Don't say anything!]" it screams to her. But she will!

"[My mother is not part of any organization. As far as I know, she is a hermit. We all were, with her. I... can't believe that I couldn't see before. But what I remember about my childhood--my real childhood--is that we were alone. And, if my mother knew Love, she didn't say. The rest of what I remember--visions in my head of growing up in the light with other wookiees--they are all illusions. None of it happened!]"

Siriwook grits and then flexes her jaw. She wiggles her tongue inside of her mouth. She feels her face with her hands. She knows something about herself now, something she's long denied. "[NO! DON'T SPEAK!]" commands the Voice Within--no, commands Mother!

"Aai. Caaan. Speak. Baaaaasic!" she barks out, smiling widely. Her vowels are too long, and there is a distinctly wookiee pitch to them, an almost bark on some of the words--but she can speak!

 

[Cathul Thuku]

"I can understand what you say, even when you aren't using telepathy to speak. But is there any reason why your mother doesn't want you to speak Basic to NFUs?"

In truth the last few bits were somewhat accented, and her first question was harder to answer. As she saw the Wookiee struggle with her inner memories, Cathul knew that it would be emotionally trying. The Trial of Spirit was taking place and [member="Siriwook"] might not like the inner darkness within her, at least she made her best to come to terms with her inner self. Many things came to light when it came to her past. But Cathul never dwelled on her childhood much, and she was never made to undertake a formal Trial of Spirit. In fact, Mandalorian Jedi or Sith never had any real trials beyond the verd'goten so Mandalorian Jedi who leave Mandalorian service at the padawan level but are aged 13 and up, usually have the Trial of Skill already checked off, as the various trials assigned to Mando Jedi at that age are considered equivalent to a Trial of Skill by the other Orders. She might have been dubbed a spellweaver under the Mando structure but she was trained mostly as she would have a Sith.

"Love, part of the Force? To the eyes of the Force, t's just an emotion like another and, because it can corrupt as it can redeem, it is considered to be a neutral emotion"

 

[Siriwook]

[member="Cathul Thuku"] asks about Siriwook's mother, again, using the word Why. Siriwook thinks back. Why? Why the deception? Siriwook remembers that, sometimes, when she asked, "Why?" as a child, her mother would say, "Obey." But not always. There were things Siriwook needed to know. If the why was about knowledge, about something her mother would want her to know, there was sometimes an answer. Siriwook remembers undergoing training to hide her nature--learning to pass as a wookiee. "Why?" she would ask. "Obey," was the usual response.

So, Siriwook was left to find out by her own devices. Why? Why hide? For the same reason Siriwook could not go to Kashyk. She was not what she pretended to be. She was an abomination. Siriwook is drawn back to her childhood. She remembers sitting with her mother in the dimly-lit basement laboratory.

"Do you know why your fur is red, my abomination?"
Siriwook says nothing.
"You were supposed to be blonde. But something happened to you, inside me. Your affinity for the Force changed you, interacting with the alchemy that created you. That is why you are red. You were changed by the dark side of the Force."
Siriwook holds her hand to the light. "Red," she says.
Her mother slaps away her hand. "You're in my light. Fetch the bone saw. I need the marrow of this creature."

Siriwook doesn't have the answer, but finally postulates, "[I am a secret. I am a possession. I am supposed to hide.]"

 

[Cathul Thuku]

"If I understand correctly, you were a test subject from an alchemy experiment that somehow went awry. Perhaps it is because it went awry that you were supposed to hide even though I know that experiments of that variety would be usually protracted for it to actually determine success or failure. It's a problem commonly encountered with medical experiments of that nature. What was the aim of the experiment, or perhaps what would constitute success or failure, if you know about it?"

That sort of thing makes her harken back to her days as a therapist. While she readily accepted that no single therapist could fit every patient, she was forced to stop practicing because of the master-level patient that ended up being the one actually torturing her. By now that particular patient is to be regarded as a Sith Lord to her, just not one to engage with any sort of prejudice. Speaking of which, she had actual Sith Lords for patients.

"This is looking way too much like a therapy session by now. I wasn't a very good therapist, I'll grant you that much. But back in my childhood on Jakku, I found that not many people had access to proper mental healthcare and many areas were underserved, and not just sparsely-populated planets like Jakku. You see, I chose to lie outside the traditional Jedi-Sith scale when I undertook my Force-training, because I wanted to be as inclusive as possible in my medical practice: when I chose to become a therapist, I believed at the time that even Sith Lords could need to get therapy at some point. Sith Lords may have been trained under harsh and painful conditions at the acolyte stage, but their ability to withstand pain after they gain their Darth titles varies wildly: some Sith become desensitized completely, while others have heightened sensitivity to pain, and others still just handle pain differently even though, on the whole, they do not handle pain any better or worse"

[member="Siriwook"]

 

[Siriwook]

[member="Cathul Thuku"] asks about how Siriwook came to be part of an experiment. She shakes her head.

"[I am the experiment, Mistress. I am what I have always been, an abomination. My mother made me what I am, but I don't know why, and she needed me to remain a secret. So much so.... So much so, that I believe she had my father and his family killed to protect it.]"

Siriwook listens patiently as her mistress describes being a therapist to Sith and Jedi and growing up in on Jakku. As she hears this, she can sense that Cathul has gone through some traumatic experiences as a therapist. Siriwook reaches for alchaka again, bringing back her calm. When Cathul finishes speaking, Siriwook is ready to respond.

"[I'm sorry for what you've gone through, Mistress. Your feelings matter. Your experiences matter. We don't have to do therapy. You gave me the tools to process my pain and the blocks inside of me. That works for me.]"

 

[Cathul Thuku]

"That carries implications about the nature of the experiment if 1) the goals must be kept secret from her, and 2) its secrecy was so great the experimenter is ready to sacrifice her family for the experiment to remain a secret. Both the product and the experiment are abominations if such a level of secrecy is required, but what would the Trandoshans have to gain by exposing the secret and the nature of the experiment? Or from capturing you? Are Sith alchemists at your mother's level worth a lot to the deity the Trandoshans call the Scorekeeper? I'm afraid I'm not familiar with the intricacies of the Trandoshan system of Jagannath points, it appears to be highly complicated and the level of danger a mark poses is the main factor, but I know you feel angry because their practice of considering hunting a sport and that, as a result, many Trandoshans that become Jedi or Sith end up becoming little more than glorified or Force-using bounty hunters"

And, in the past five years, many Trandoshans pushed for the construction of a Jedi or Sith Temple somewhere in Mando-land, either on Trandosha or on Mandalore, but the various clans never heard the end of it. That was the closest the Mandalorians ever got to a centralized Jedi Temple but the Trandoshans do not wield sufficient influence among the Mandalorians to actually amount to much beyond Trandosha and Wasskah.

"But now the Trial of Spirit is over and is considered a success"

[member="Siriwook"]