It was probably a mere few seconds before the Vicelord spoke. A few seconds that etched into an eternity in which all Scherezade could hear was the beating of her heart, loud in her ears, threatening to obscure her vision as she sat there in complete and utter silent panic. The words had come out of her mouth, the truth had escaped her lips by her permission, and there was nothing she could do now to take it back, to take any of it back.
As the Vicelord spoke she remained silent, knowing better than to try to interrupt him. He mentioned forgiveness and for the span of a moment she felt herself calm down. This was not the horrible potential outcome she had been warned about. If he spoke of pardoning and forgiveness, then hope still remained. But no. He spoke of them in reference to the time she had stabbed him, an event that had been blamed on rabid Spirits that had been present that day, even though they had never even whispered the smallest thing to Scherezade that day.
And when he mentioned his niece… So many things had happened since then. But whereas Scherezade's love had remained strong for some people, her emotions for the woman who once was her adoptive sister had turned into nothing but hatred, and the mere reference to her, even without the name, caused her blood to boil. Being called
Pebble caused her blood to boil. The Sithling inhaled sharply, her knuckles becoming white as her fingers folded into fists.
High treason. No. No! That was now how it was supposed to go! She had just old him what had happened, she had not messed with anything save her name and her personal information. The action was bad, sure, but from there to high treason was such a wide depth, a canyon, how could he even compare? And how dared he be so about it when her lie walked and danced in front of the entire Confederacy without
once anyone thinking to look into it? Many people who had known her as Scherezade had met her as Madalena. It had gone on for nearly a year and no one had done anything. Had she not come forward, she knew, no one would have done anything either.
Dominus Prime, execute this woman. Now.
Scherezade's breath caught in her throat. Execution? Her mind went blank. Under the worst of circumstances she could usually vomit hours' worth of monologues for her peace, yet not her mouth was dry. Was this truly the end? She froze in her place, unable to turn, unable to look around, unable to even demand that Cardinal would look her in the eyes as he followed the orders his own brother had given him. She had never dared imagine she would go out that way. That was not the death she was meant for. She was a Warrior, her job in life was to fight until she was slain in the field of battle, not… Not be murdered in the office of some highity-upper who thought himself above others simply due to the privileges life had bestowed on him in ways they had not for others.
She could feel it. She could feel the phantom blade of the Dominus Prime coming for her neck, coming to decapitate her. It would have been the sort of execution that Cardinal would have seen as honorable, quick and as painless as he would be able to follow the order he had been given. Scherezade wanted to close her eyes. To wait for it not be a phantom feel, but to wait for the moment the cold metal would slice through her. But she could not. The glow of her eyes remained focused on the Vicelord. If she were to die, she would die staring right at him, knowing he was making the worst o mistakes, knowing that he would never even spare the moment to consider that it was as such. She would die as she had lived; unimportant, of no consequence, and without a care from others.
The moment never came.
Her eyes might not have been closed, but they opened with surprise as Cardinal refused. What?
If blood would be spilled for her crimes, then let it be my blood. Now she turned around, looking at the man. Certainly, they had grown somewhat close over the months spent on bringing Madalena back to life. They had trusted each other when there was no one else they could trust with that. There had been… Respect, between the two. And still she had not expected, never thought for the briefest of moments that he would ever defy his brother for her. Why? Her lips moved in murmur, but what she wanted to do was scream
no and stand in front of him, come between him and Darth Metus. Because… Because over the events of the last months, Cardinal had become one of the few that Scherezade wanted to protect. It didn't matter that he outranked her. He had helped her settle, he had helped her with his sister, her sister loved him, her
true sister. He had been as much of a part as bringing her into this reality as Scherezade had been and she would love him until she died for it. And with that love came her protection. Cardinal Vi'dreya would not give his blood that day.
She refused.
But whereas she'd expected Darth Metus to do or say something, it was the little one that answered instead.
Disappointing. Scherezade looked to her with glare in her eyes. The two had never been on actual friendly terms. Srina Talon had once invited her to lunch, a lunch that had included so much posturing and speaking as if she were above her. And while it was true that within the hierarchy of the Confederacy she was, Scherezade had never seen a sign of it from the person, as a person. What purpose did the little Echani serve? She could not come up with an answer, could not think of anything, for she had never in memory even seen the woman actually do more than launch a Darkside spear. The very same spear that was now forming in her hands.
Scherezade might have been in her civilian clothing, but her fingers were still decked with the rings she usually wore.
The Forgemaster's Ring was but one of them, and she readied it, ready to call upon the blades and show the Exarch what it was
truly like to become a pin cushion. She had told her once, that her loyalty did not lay with the Confederacy. And the Exarch had responded the same. If these two people would in temporary stupidity remove the man who had served them for so long merely for his unwillingness to execute someone who was not even an immediate threat – she would kill them both, or die trying. Cardinal, she would protect with her last breath. The others, she would not. Yet she knew she could not move before his skin was pierced; knew she would have to let this play out at least somewhat. She would accept an injured Cardinal, if only to make sure that was truly their intent.
And the Exarch did not pierce his skin with her spear. Did she know, Scherezade wondered, just how close she had come, how a single fraction of a breath would be enough to turn her into a corpse?
And then the questions turned to her.
These last moments had done their job though. Perhaps the Vicelord and his Exarch had wanted to make themselves feel better. Had wanted to calm themselves down. Yet all this exchange, all that had happened, it had served Scherezade in other ways. In those seconds, she had exhausted her capacity to be scared, to be terrified. How ironic, that now that the true danger loomed, she felt none of it.
"The result of many events coerced me," she said after a short silence, moving to stand between the Exarch and the now former Dominus Prime,
"no one paid me. If you cannot check for the life of a person by a finger of their body, then you lack in training."
Yes. It was a smug little sentence to add. But Scherezade didn't care. If they wanted the full story, they would have the full story.
"I have served the Confederacy ever since I was brought out from the pebble. Without knowing what it was, without knowing what it stood for, I served. No one asked me anything. No one asked me, when two hours after existing as a non-baby, if I even wanted to be a Mandragora. If a choice there was, it had never been presented to me as such. Two hours of breathing, and I was marked by the Jart. I tried to train. It tried to learn. I tried to become better.
And nothing mattered. I was just tolerated here. My missions, if you remember, were always successful; I came out of battlefields injured, sometimes bleeding, sometimes close to death, but I always delivered. And yet this earned me nothing. No kind words. No praise. Not even acceptance or invitations. I was very much aware of the gazes, the laughter, the mocking, all of it, all the time.
And I worked hard. So hard. I took on every mission that I could, and then I took some more missions on the side because no one told me how I was meant to get my salary, a salary that had been that entire time collecting in an account I did not even know I had. I hunted on Ryloth, because I had no money for food. I stretched myself beyond any reasonable way and I kept going, and it kept not being enough for a touch of kindness by anyone besides the woman who claimed to be my adoptive sister, and the man I loved.
And then left alone by the man I loved on the Fortressa by my lover as I recovered in quarantine from the mission on Melida/Daan, I wanted to take a break. I needed a vacation. So I left for Coruscant, where I met a Jedi who killed me, even though he was with the Alliance, even though I was with the Confederacy, simply for my blood line and no other reason. He stabbed me through the heart with a lightsaber. That adoptive sister and the man I loved found me that way, with a message on the wall scribbled in my blood from the previous parts of that fight.
The Alliance is supposed to be the good in the galaxy but you have allied yourself with Sith by allying with the Confederacy. This dead one is only the beginning of your trouble for doing this. We shall not suffer those who believe peace is a lie to live, and nor should the Alliance. Deal with this, or I will.
Those were the words. I don't know if I died and was brought back, or whether I was merely very close to dying. I know the Nightmother and the man I loved found me, took care of me while I was in a coma for a week. And while it was a week here, I was cast into the Darkness, where I endured years of torture. Years. I survived those years because I focusedon the man I loved, because I had made a promise to him.
And when I opened my eyes from the coma, my soul was cracked and aching, and they told me, not five minutes within waking up from those years of torture that only lasted a week in real time, that while I was out, the Nightmother and the man I loved had bonded and were together. That they loved each other. That while I was fighting for my life, the Nightmother knew I was in love with him and yet had decided to go through with her choice regardless of my state, regardless of seeing any importance to letting me come out of that coma and telling me what was happening before she finalized her choice. And while it was the both of them, she was my sister, and she betrayed me. In my years of torture the Darkness told me that she had sold me to the spirit that had once possessed her; and while she had not literally done so, she had sold me indeed, tossed me away, rendered me as less than nothing.
And all this while she claimed to know nothing before that week, lied about it, for I was still Mandragora, and the Jart had more than once whispered to her things that I had seen and said without my consent or knowledge until a later time. The spirts are not benevolent. They are little spies that the Mandragora are marked with, to be used by the Nightmother as she sees fits, as fits her narrative.
When I left them I was not cracked, but broken. It was as the Darkness had said; I had two people when I entered it, and I had none when I left. I skinned myself that night to remove myself from the spirits, to no longer be part of the Mandragora, and for the next months I wondered the Confederacy drunk, and so entirely alone. And even in that state, I continued to serve the Confederacy, I continued to do missions. When my blades were out were the only time I knew some comfort, some solace of peace. I did every mission that was offered, and I still did side jobs for money, because I still did not know about my salary.
I was alive. I was drunk. I was doing my job. I was dying. And no one cared. An entire Confederacy full of people that saw me, that could see me, that still mocked me, that did not care.
So when I met the man again, he convinced me that there was no place for me. Not her, not anywhere else. I am barred from my home world and cannot go there. I was not accepted here, despite everything I had done. I was arrested in Coalition space without having done anything and saw no reason to report it because not even with the Alliance's Jedi had anything been done that I know of.
All I wanted was to be accepted. To be loved. And that was not to be. I never asked for power or position. All I asked was to be loved, and I could never be."
Scherezade paused, realizing now that as she had told her tale, her emotional turmoil had risen again. No longer was she as numb as she had been before she started. Her eyes felt wet, but she refused to let the tears slide out of them. Utterly refused. They did not deserve her vulnerability and she cursed herself for having given it in the first place. And despite all her words, it was still the condensed version. She had not mentioned her lack of family, the loss of her brother, the millions of little moments that had made it so clear to her that she was so entirely unwanted in the only place she had ever known.
"So I decided to kill myself," she said after recollecting herself,
"and yet I could not bear the thought of it. Of being gone. Of being forgotten like that. So I cast a blood spell and created another person that would take my place. I would remove myself… And give the Confederacy something better instead. Someone who could be appreciated. Someone who could be accepted. Someone who was me, but not me.
And that was why I went into the files. It had to be complete. If I were to be gone, then I were to never have existed. Madalena, in my body, served that purpose without a single mistake, without a single burp. She walked among you and you all accepted her as she was, even those of you who had known me as Scherezade. Madalena… She was loved. She was appreciated. She was accepted. And all this while simply doing the things I'd done almost to a T. I killed myself because I had no place here, because I was alone. And I gave you back something better."
And that was the most painful part of it all. Because between Scherezade and Madalena, while Madalena was inside Scherezade, the differences were not great at all. Madalena had still gone on the missions, had still done what was expected of her. She simply had no build up of trauma. She entered a room with a smile and everybody loved her. Scherezade could never hope to attain such abilities, and she was more than aware of it. She breathed that knowledge every moment.
Should she go on? Should she resume and explain how she came back, who and what Madalena was, how she was put in a body of her own? For a moment, Scherezade considered it. And then she decided not to. The time to let the others respond was now. Now they could mock her, treat her like garbage again, do whatever the heck they wanted to. It was done. It was all done.
[member="Darth Metus"] [member="Srina Talon"] [member="Cardinal Vi'dreya"]