Counting Stars

[Hira Mitsae]

Sardun let her stand there in silence.

It was difficult, he knew this, because he had experienced it himself.

Every single individual had a different way of dealing with it. Sardun had enveloped himself in his work, back when the self-loathing had run high and all that he believed himself capable of was simple mercenary work. Rishi had helped him, somewhat, made him realize that even then he could do some good in the Galaxy.

Raaf was still running around with the Alliance as far as he knew and that was fine.

But she had helped him, even if that had not been her intent.

"Hrm?" His low voice hummed as Sardun mused on what more he could be. But it was not necessary, because already Bethany was speaking further. In truth Michael only cloaked himself in his serenity and balance, deep inside there was always a churning, always the tectonic movement of heavy emotions running through.

Barely held in check, restrained.

"I..." Perhaps the first time that the man knew not what to say. "Perhaps I am your rock, but you are the roots that keep me centered, Bethany."

"So thank you as well."

He did not move to touch her, no embrace, not even reaching out with his hand to hold hers. Just that smile, reaching for his eyes and making him seem less tired and weary.

"Besides, who else would be capable of keeping you out of trouble? I am having enough of a hard time as is with it."

 

[Bethany Kismet]

Her own smile was warm, in part in response to his words, and in part a reaction to that genuine smile that flashed so rarely over his face.

"It's true," she agreed amicably. "Trouble seems to follow me around. I'm lucky to have you to watch my back."

She was only partly joking. Despite the serenity of the woman herself, chaotic events always seemed to spring up around her. This was one of the few things that hadn't really changed between her last turn around the galaxy and this one.

"I'll try to keep in mind the difficulty in that, in the future though," she teased. "Can't have you running yourself ragged on my account."

​[member="Michael Sardun"]

 

[Hira Mitsae]

[member="Bethany Kismet"]

A snort escaped him, before he shook his head.

"If you weren't getting into trouble every two hours or so, you wouldn't be you." Sardun pointed out, before noticing the goosebumps forming on her skin. White. Right. His eyes were forced back to her eyes where he gestured towards the underwater tunnel again.

"Cold? We can return, if you wish."

If he had been alone, he probably would have tried to climb his way up through that same hole. It would be challenging, but he expected the view to be extraordinary. Then again... why not? They had already gone this far, why not go the entire lightyear? If they were careful enough it was... reasonably possible.

"Or we could go for a climb..."

 

[Bethany Kismet]

Bethany followed his eyes, blinking in surprise at the goosebumps on her arm.

"Hadn't realized I was actually," she confessed.

His question brought her attention up the walls of the cavern, to the crack where the starlight spilled in. She studied it for a moment, assessing.

"Well, my hands will fit into the crevices on the way up," she said with a smirk. "I'm not sure about yours though-"

Despite the differences in their statures, Beth rarely felt dwarfed by him. Or, more accurately, she didn't think about it over much. In fairness, most people were larger than she was. But it was difficult to ignore in that moment. He often stood close to her, ostensibly as her guard, her shadow. But this was different.

"You should go first, in case I have to catch you," she joked awkwardly. The idea was entirely ludicrous.

It also served however, to hide the reminder that she was wearing a wet, white fabric shift, and climbing up ahead of him was simply not going to happen.

[member="Michael Sardun"]

 

[Hira Mitsae]

[member="Bethany Kismet"]

He had already been ready to suggest to her to go first.

White.

It was far more likely that Sardun would slip and come crashing down with that hanging over his head, literally. So, better to avoid that entire awkward situation in the first place. He just nodded, before swimming over, briefly brushing past her, towards the wall. There he took a moment or two to look at it as a whole. There were enough places to have a grip - if he had been alone here, he probably would have just punched holes into the wall, then use them to climb up, rinse and repeat.

But with her behind him that wasn't an option.

"If you feel like you are slipping, you immediately tell me." Now he wasn't joking, it was serious. For the beginning part of the climb it wouldn't be all too dangerous, but it was a fairly high climb and from a certain distance... water had as much density as concrete if you slammed against it.

For him it wouldn't be an issue - she had seen him tank a proton laser meant for her, coming out no worse for the wear, besides needing a new pair of robes. For her? Different situation entirely.

Finally, Sardun started climbing. Gingerly at first, taking his time to carefully pick out the steady parts, so there wasn't a change that he would send rocks falling down.

"Here we go."

 

[Bethany Kismet]

"I promise," she assured him, her own tone dropping back into the realm of serious conversation again.

The two switched places, barely touching as she moved back and he moved forward. Treading water, she looked up, watching as he carefully started his climb. He moved with a thoughtful deliberation, but also a surety once he'd decided on the next stage of the passage upward.

How had she never noticed how broad his shoulders were?

She shook her head physically. He was a strong man. Of course his shoulders would look like that.

Her distraction meant that rather than start up behind him with a good distance between them, her own ascent was delayed farther than it necessarily had to be. She didn't start climbing until he was more than halfway up.

While the diminutive woman hardly had the physical strength of her companion, she was stronger than she looked. Small hands found more holds than his larger ones could have, so she moved at a reasonable pace up the side of cavern. While she was aware of him above her, boosting himself through the hole in the roof, her own attention was largely on the rock face before her.

She could have used the Force, to augment her strength or agility. But that had never been her style- not when she could manage without it. Besides, she enjoyed the physicality of it. She started to feel the burn in her muscles about halfway up, but kept pushing.

[member="Michael Sardun"]

 

[Hira Mitsae]

[member="Bethany Kismet"]

Above her Sardun met a conundrum in the face of a portion of the wall being virtually devoid of holds to place his hands in.

His hands, specifically. There were enough smaller ones, where Bethany would have little issue with, but that did not help him in any sense of the word. There seemed to be only one option left to him - and he was happy that it wasn't all that risky, all that would be bruised if he misjudged his jump, would be his pride.

What was left of it anyway.

For a moment the Jedi re-positioned himself slightly. Propping up his feet some more, so there would be a better angle for him to push himself off and just as his lower body lowered itself to do the vault, he felt something bump into him.

Sardun blinked.

"Uh." The Jedi Master coughed gently. "Hello to you too?"

He wasn't sure what else to say at this point in the conversation, because it had suddenly turned very awkward.

 

[Bethany Kismet]

She'd been focusing on the continued movement upward, her muscles starting to burn enough to be a distraction, that she didn't realize he'd stopped until it was too late.

Bump

That was way too soft to be stone but firmer than she'd expect-

She looked up, eyes widening slightly. The darkness and the angle were the only reasons he couldn't see her face turn the most brilliant shade of scarlet a human possibly could turn. She almost lost her grip, scrabbling back a enough to get her face out of his rear end. A piece of crystal dislodged, falling the twenty meters or so down to splash quietly into the water below.

"Sorry! Sorry. I- geez. I'll. I'll wait here then, shall I?"

Sweet mother of Naboo.

[member="Michael Sardun"]

 

[Hira Mitsae]

[member="Bethany Kismet"]

It helped a little to realize she was just as embarrassed as he was.

If only a little.

For a while nothing really happened as Sardun tried to figure out the best path ahead. There did not seem much to do about it - what was he gonna say? Hey, I know my butt is pretty touchable, but I don't really think this is the time. No. No way in the Force that that would happen in this world or the next. He coughed softly to cover up a portion of the awkward silence.

"I... probably should have warned you I was... here." Another cough. "I apologize."

Then Sardun nodded to himself.

He had handled that quite well all things considered. After another moment or so, he looked down, he couldn't quite see her face, but the distance between the two of them now was... safer than it had been before.

Once again he lowered himself, the strain on his knees and muscles started to pull, but he ignored it.

With one swift movement Sardun pushed himself off the supporting alcoves and launched himself up, across the offending rock wall and towards the next portion that had several deeper inclines for him to use. For a moment he thought he had misjudged the jump, he went wide and only just managed to grab hold of one of the inclines, before crashing back into the water, the rest of his body slammed against the wall. No shards to cut into him, but the rocks were sharp enough as is. He hissed as they punched into him with force.

But then the moment was over and Sardun had stabilized his position.

"All clear." His mind went back to the bump. He coughed, right then.

 

[Bethany Kismet]

"Nope! Nope. You're fine. Not your fault. Mine entirely. Noooo apologies needed......"

Well, that was awkward.

She didn't look up again until she heard him jump, and only then to watch with (no small measure of concern) to make sure he made it. It was touch and go for a moment from her angle, but when he called back down to her, she relaxed slightly.

"Alright," she affirmed, not really knowing what else to say. Not a problem she often had.

Once he was again on the move, she also got started again. The wait, clinging to the wall, as well as the unexpected embarrassment was more tiring than she expected it to be. There was a flicker of worry. She hadn't done anything to push herself like this in the months since she'd been back, and her arms were starting to shake. Breathing in deeply, she channeled the Force now, soothing over taxed muscles and bolstering her strength. Unlike earlier, now it was necessary.

She traversed the space he'd needed to jump across without a problem, smaller hands finding holds where his had been unable to.

Despite the Force, she realized that this had been more than her body could actually handle by the time she reached the opening.

"Little help here?" She called up at him, more strain coming through her voice that she would have liked.

[member="Michael Sardun"]

 

[Hira Mitsae]

[member="Bethany Kismet"]

With one single heave Sardun pulled himself out of the cave and into the open.

For a moment the Jedi Master was too focused on settling himself to notice, but once he found a reasonably open place to sit on and he looked up... everything slowed down for a moment. The stars were bright, shining and immeasurable in quantity. Underneath them the mountains shone with an eerie light, ice bouncing light off each other, no doubt. A bit farther the forests ran far and deep, even from this vantage point it was not possible to see their little settlement amidst all the trees.

This was all punctuated by the steady sound of the waterfall some distance away. Trickling and crashing against the pool they had swam across just... five minutes ago? No, that did not seem right, much more time had passed if the position of the moon had anything to say about it.

Her voice cut through all of it though. Made Sardun blink, before pushing himself off and back towards the opening through which they had watched the stars some time ago.

"I got you." His voice was calm, steady as he got on his knees and reached out, grabbing for her hand to pull her out. Even with all the strength hiding beneath the serenity, Michael was surprisingly tender as she was pulled out and ended up in his arms. At least for a moment before Sardun blinked and realized the... compromising situation they were in.

"Right. Right. I will let you go now." Which he promptly did, while making sure she was able to steady herself and get back on her feet.

"Everything alright?"

Sardun did not seem to be tired in any shape or form.

 

[Bethany Kismet]

His hands wrapped around her wrists at first and she felt a wave of relief as his strength took the brunt of the last stage. She was shaking, more from the strain than anything else as he lifted her out of the cave.

Between the fatigue and the sight here at the top, Bethany had no desire to move once she was on solid ground. The view was so breathtaking, she almost didn't even registered the comforting sensation of [member="Michael Sardun"]'s arms around her.

Almost.

His sudden gush of words was enough to bring her back to herself and that moment- and how both of them were dressed.

Suddenly less comfortable and muttering agreements herself, she wrapped her own arms around herself, stepping back from him once she was standing. She nodded, a touch more vigorously than was strictly necessary at his question.

"I'm okay, yes. Thank you. I under estimated the climb.... or over estimated the kind of shape I'm in," she said with a laugh. "Sekot did a fine job, but I'm still getting used to having a body again, if I'm being honest."

Turning away from him and taking another step out, her eyes swept the vista before them.

"Still though," she murmured softly. "I'd say the climb was well worth it.... for this view."

 

[Hira Mitsae]

[member="Bethany Kismet"]

A slow blink followed as a hurricane of words unleashed from her.

It must have been troubling for her to expect her body to behave as it had always done in her memories, just to find out that it was quite a different reality to do it again after all this time. He had experienced a similar thing right after just being shaped into something entirely else and years later, when those same changes were partially reversed.

"I understand how you feel." Sardun responded calmly, the awkwardness fading away from him as his memories returned to those elder days when things had been so strange.

"I have been through something... similar."

Well, it wasn't quite like being absorbed into a planet for centuries and then having to relearn what it was to be a human yet again.

"Agreed, though, it is beautiful."

 

[Bethany Kismet]

She looked back over her shoulder at him and nodded. She understood. It was funny, how often that happened between them.

Stepping forward carefully, she looked down. The black stone of the mountain was slick with frost beneath her bare feet, so she didn't move any farther toward the edge than that. The wind cut through the wet fabric and she rubbed her arms with her hands, suppressing a shiver.

"Didn't expect it to be this cold. Then again, I didn't realize we'd end up so high," she murmured softly.

[member="Michael Sardun"]

 

[Hira Mitsae]

[member="Bethany Kismet"]

Sardun looked past her towards the panorama for a few more seconds, before realizing she was shivering of cold.

Made him realize that the cold was biting into his skin as well. Took more for him to get really freezing, especially after everything that had happened in the past. They could probably go back now. But after all the climbing to just go back within a few minutes? That did not seem alright to Sardun.

In the end the choice was obvious to him and all he had to do was push away his own embarrassment. Silly embarrassment, because what was it good for?

"Sit." The Jedi finally said, gesturing towards the boulder he had been resting on before she called for his help. it was clear from his tone that this was one of those moments, where arguing was pointless. He sat next to her, his arm curling around her shoulders, but Michael pointedly did not make any eye contact.

Instead he closed his eyes briefly, letting the Force within flow within himself. The heat started to rise gently, slowly and through his arm it pushed itself around Bethany as well.

"This better?" Still no eye contact. Easier that way to forget how she was dressed. Even if her shoulders felt so... soft to the touch.

By the Force.

 

[Bethany Kismet]

"Oh! Um. Okay."

There were times when it wasn't worth arguing with him, she knew that tone well. In fairness, however, she had the same tone at times. They had come to terms with this on more than one occasion and sorted out at least some kind of balance. So far, they hadn't used the tone on opposite sides of a disagreement. So far, each time, one or the other had relented.

Force forgive them in they ever truly butted heads.

She settled gingerly next to him- honestly, the stone was pretty cold and she almost got back up immediately. But then the warmth started to flow and she closed her eyes, sighing with a small smile.

"I can do that to a cup of tea," she joked, "But nothing like this. So I'm glad one of us is actually good at that. And yes... that's much better. Thank you."

They fell silent for a moment, both of them lost in whatever their own thoughts were. Her eyes swept across the stars, following the line of the planet's ring reflecting the light down above them.

"Monastery reminds me of Ithor," she said suddenly, into the quiet. "I spent time there, studied there.... a.... a long time ago," she muttered, a bit self consciously. "But, the planets feel... similar. The main difference is that Ithor is- was," she paused, cocking her head slightly as she tried to find the word. "Ithor was awake," she said finally. "Monastery slumbers."

​Michael was, as always, easy to talk to. Despite the fact that they rarely spoke about their pasts with each other, it wasn't because they couldn't. Simply because, for both of them, it was too much to put into words.

[member="Michael Sardun"]

 

[Hira Mitsae]

[member="Bethany Kismet"]

His thoughts went to Seren Ordavo and the time they had spend in jail together.

Did a jailbreak, got out, explored the 'verse together for a while. Ordavo was a darksider, but back in those days the lines had been blurred to such a degree that it... it mattered less. It was Ordavo who gave him a few lessons in manipulating heat and cold in equal measures, but while that one could melt beskar with his hands... he could just make it warm for himself.

And for the people he cared about.

In truth Sardun didn't need to hold her anymore, the connection was already established, but for some reason it soothed him.

She hadn't shrugged him off either, so he guessed it was fine?

"The Ithorians live with nature." Sardun remarked, thinking back to the rare few Ithorian Jedi he had known. "They encourage it to thrive."

"Galactic civilization has a tendency to make nature its adversary. They see a hillside, they don't see the trees or the flowers, they see a position that can be easily defended. They don't see the river, they see the fish inside of it. Not the forest, but the wood it can deliver them."

He hummed softly to himself.

"Some coexist, others live off. Perhaps Monastery hopes that by laying dormant it will pass our notice."

It wasn't clear how serious Michael was about it all, but his history with the Yuuzhan Vong had given him a new appreciation of everything organic and a subtle - ever so subtle - weariness when it came to technology and all the problems it brought with it.

 

[Bethany Kismet]

Bethany's eyes cast over the stars as he spoke, content, for that moment at least, with the galaxy. She was quiet for a moment. It would have been just fine to not speak further. There was comfort in silence, and it was always compatible between them. But then, sometimes, he was just nice to bounce ideas off of.

"I like to think Monastery hasn't been hiding," she paused, pulling up her knees and wrapping her arms around them. "But waiting. For someone who understood her.... the way the Ithorians do, perhaps. Or as the Caamasi did...."

She rested her chin on her knees, tilting her head slightly. The mountain peaks across the valley were nothing more than black silhouettes, blotting out the stars behind them. But above..... the stars formed an endless tapestry. Perhaps every single one didn't have a planet to warm, to offer life to. But many of them did. She picked out the few she knew from this particular galactic vantage.

"Maybe it won't be us," she said softly, her voice a little distant. "Maybe we're just planting a seed that will blossom far after we are gone." She chuckled, looking down for a moment, more in consternation than true amusement. "Or maybe nothing will come of it at all."

Bethany reached down, hand running against a ridge of rough lichen on the stone beneath them. Not really thinking about it, she leaned slightly against his shoulder as she looked up at the stars again.

"But. Maybe. Maybe it will."

[member="Michael Sardun"]

 

[Hira Mitsae]

[member="Bethany Kismet"]

"Monastery was here millennia before our time and will remain long after we pass. All we can do is our best." Sardun finally said after some thought. Well, unless you go back to being a planet and I go back to being a Yuuzhan Vong hybrid Slayer with indefinite span of life, but that did not seem to be in the cards. Neither did it seem to be the time for that kind of joke, they were only now starting to... talk rather than talk.

There was no need to joke about the past, not yet anyway.

That would be a thing for a different time.

"I used to be quite arrogant... but these days I realize just how small my role is compared to the sheer scale of the entire universe I live in."

From any other man it might have been self-pity, but for Sardun it was just a sobering realization that put things in perspective. But that did not mean he was minimizing his own role, he had done many good things - bad too, but he was working on repaying those debts - and while Michael couldn't be everywhere at once. He could make a subtle difference sometimes.

"It brings me some comfort I found a group who is doing good in their own way. Thank you for accepting me."

 

[Bethany Kismet]

Though she could feel the cold nibble of the wind on her skin, the two of them sitting there were comfortably warm. But when he added the last part, she looked up at him then, surprise clear on her face.

"Michael, I should be thanking you for staying here with us." With me.

"I know that we don't always see eye to eye when it comes to everything. But, you not only stayed, you supported what we're trying to build here every step of the way. I couldn't have done it without you....."

She blinked, then looked away for a moment.

"Without you and Hal. The Order wouldn't have been possible without your support."

Emerald eyes, nearly black in the night, flicked back to him then, and she smiled softly.

"The Order didn't accept you, Michael," she said quietly. "You are one of the stones it is built upon."

[member="Michael Sardun"]