Criticism/Feedback/Suggestions/Love/Hate

[Jamie Pyne]

Hey there! I am pretty critical of myself when I write, and I'm acutely aware there are substantially more experienced writers with a wealth more vocabulary at the ready than I. But I think I am pretty good at listening to criticism and suggestions from people, so I am genuinely asking for honesty about Jamie as a character, as well as my writing of her. Blunt answers are fine, but at least try to be constructive in it.

Her bio link is here: http://starwarsrp.net/topic/71273-jamie-pyne/

(Edit: As a sidenote, I've been writing her almost a year now, and she's still mostly a novice at the Force stuff. I've no real intention of rushing to promote her through the ranks. She's no world class fighter or anything, just a rich noble girl from Naboo with some Force talent she doesn't quite know what to do with.)

It is currently 100% up to date with personal information and threads, though be warned, a few of those threads are 250+ posts each, with one over 750.

Tell me what you like/don't like, what I do or don't do right, or things I could do better, or if there are glaring problems I should try to work on.

Thanks!

 

[Bryce Bantam]

[member="Jamie Pyne"]

Honestly, I got nothing but good things to say to ya, wish I did more social threads so we could write together more. No major issues I could see, nothing that broke me from immersion.

I like the personality that comes through. So I'd say keep having fun.

my 2 cents...

 

[Kenrath]

[member="Jamie Pyne"]

Other than she refuses to fall for Vengeance's charm she is awesome.

No she is well written but I can't help to think that you have been intentionally holding her back from what she could be. As well as you write her and as balanced as she is as a character she should be an influential powerhouse instead of trolling around taking pictures of Sith tombs.

With all of the shady things being done IC by "Jedi" Jamie could be the one shining example that Jedi are good, they gave be positive role models, that they can be human/make mistakes but still pure in heart and intent.

 

[Jamie Pyne]

[member="Bryce Bantam"] Thank you We'll have to do something again soon. I enjoyed that thread!

[member="Vengeance"] hahaha perhaps if she wasn't already taken But yes, you're correct. I am intentionally holding her back from being a sort of powerful Force user. I just feel like I remember what I was like at 18, ten long years ago, and that was, to say the least, a pretty carefree idiot. I try to keep her as age-appropriate as I can in those terms. To kind of further explain why she's just awful with the Force she really only discovered the ability to use it a year ago IC-wise, so she hasn't had that kind of life-long training most young Jedi go through, coupled with really unconventional training. So to that end I don't think she will become much of a force to be reckoned with for quite some time. It's also why I've not pushed to make her a knight yet. I've written her for nearly a year now, but she hasn't made great strides IC to validate a knight promotion in my eyes.

PS: Lets do another thread!

 

[Bryce Bantam]

[member="Jamie Pyne"] , know you're not a huge fan of group threads but we got a good Ole, ghost stroy coming up Monday. Your very welcome to join if if you want. Other wise I'll PM if I think of something fun as a duetoll we can do.

 

[Kenrath]

[member="Bryce Bantam"] Thank you We'll have to do something again soon. I enjoyed that thread!

[member="Vengeance"] hahaha perhaps if she wasn't already taken But yes, you're correct. I am intentionally holding her back from being a sort of powerful Force user. I just feel like I remember what I was like at 18, ten long years ago, and that was, to say the least, a pretty carefree idiot. I try to keep her as age-appropriate as I can in those terms. To kind of further explain why she's just awful with the Force she really only discovered the ability to use it a year ago IC-wise, so she hasn't had that kind of life-long training most young Jedi go through, coupled with really unconventional training. So to that end I don't think she will become much of a force to be reckoned with for quite some time. It's also why I've not pushed to make her a knight yet. I've written her for nearly a year now, but she hasn't made great strides IC to validate a knight promotion in my eyes.

PS: Lets do another thread!

Lol you know how I love to joke about every woman in the Galaxy secretly being in love with Ven.

Anyway don't get me wrong to a great degree I respect the approach you have taken with her. It's just not how I would have done it. I have found at Chaos it can be difficult to appease the masses enough to acknowledge progress in my own Role Play. So it makes it hard for me to grasp why people who have that are not taking advantage of it.


PS: You still have to finish the last one

 

[Matsu Xiangu]

It's also why I've not pushed to make her a knight yet. I've written her for nearly a year now, but she hasn't made great strides IC to validate a knight promotion in my eyes.

I respect the hell out of this.

I haven't written with you so I can't say anything about Jamie's character, but this is all I need to know.

 

[Judah Lesan Jr.]

It's also why I've not pushed to make her a knight yet. I've written her for nearly a year now, but she hasn't made great strides IC to validate a knight promotion in my eyes.

I've always been curious about this, but now I know! Would love to thread with you at some point. Everything I read of her is fantastic. Great thought and care goes into preserving her as a character.

 

[NightSister]

[member="Jamie Pyne"]

In all honesty, I love this character. She's brilliantly written. Your posts are detailed but don't drag on, you have the right amount of emotion and inner monologue with nicely done action, and her personality is very consistent. Five stars.

I totally get what you're saying about not promoting her before she merits promoting, and I respect that. I do think though that you should try and set her on the path to Knighthood, because Jamie as a proper Force-user would just be brilliant. Your choice though.
Anyway, I'd love to do a thread. Martial arts are kind of Aria's thing, so if you ever decide you want to get her a bit closer to Knight rank then maybe a Padawan duel together or something? I'm up for anything.

 

[Jamie Pyne]

[member="Bryce Bantam"] Thanks! I tend to fall behind in those types of threads though. Especially if they are large and move quickly.

[member="Vengeance"]

I have found at Chaos it can be difficult to appease the masses enough to acknowledge progress in my own Role Play. So it makes it hard for me to grasp why people who have that are not taking advantage of it. PS: You still have to finish the last one

I mostly don't take part in PvP so it rarely ever comes into question the need to worry about people acknowledging the depth of my character's Force progression and development. I'm also happy losing duels so long as the person I'm writing with isn't intentionally trying to simply win because winning matters instead of writing a neat thread. Also I didn't know if you had intended to end that thread where you left it, as it looked to me that it was over haha. I will post though if that's not the case!

[member="Matsu Xiangu"]

I respect the hell out of this.

Thanks!

[member="Judah Lesan Jr."]

Would love to thread with you at some point. Everything I read of her is fantastic.

Sure I'd be happy to And thanks!

[member="Aria Vale"]

Jamie as a proper Force-user would just be brilliant. Your choice though. Anyway, I'd love to do a thread.

Thanks! I'd be happy to do a thread! As for the Knighthood thing, once I feel like she's actually grown enough as a person I'll consider it. For the mean time though, I figure the board has enough highly advanced Force users, and I'm happy writing someone who is a bit of a mess when it comes to the Force.

 

[Kenrath]

[member="Jamie Pyne"]

I had expected a reaction post to what he said and/or did. However as things progress I realize more and more people don't post reaction/exit posts once the other person exits a thread.


No biggie.............drop me a pm if or when you want to do another thread.

 

[Darth Carnifex]

Could be more evil or something.

[member="Jamie Pyne"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

[member="Jamie Pyne"]

A bit boring, bland and unbelieveable as Taylor Swift in the SW galaxy. Not powerful enough or a bad Jedi Master Warrior Killer Babe.



What positives can I give. Um....well....?


Simplicity. In a thread with you now for 6 pages that has had no conflict at all. It's been cave exploration and fair-ground rides. The desire to keep her 'normal' and not some status seeking, rank climbing Faction leader or warrior is really refreshing.

She feels like the "real" side to the Chaos world here from the pleasure I've had writing with her, where it's all about humanity and personality that pushes her rather than just combat or action.

I echo what was said - I really hope you stick with her and push her a little more to be something bigger. NOT saying push her to become the next Qui-Gon Jinn or anything, but maybe Princess Leia standard? She's laid great foundations behind her and I hope to see them allow her to really rise into what the galaxy has to offer that she can counter with her unique traits.

Good job.

 

[Jamie Pyne]

Could be more evil or something.

[member="Jamie Pyne"]

You have that well enough covered I think.

unbelieveable as Taylor Swift in the SW galaxy.

Should I start doing concert threads? Thanks though hahaha

 

[NightSister]

I'd be happy to do a thread!

Awesome, just let me know what you want to do and I can get it set up. Maybe [member="Connor Harrison"] can take me to your first concert

 

[Jamie Pyne]

[member="Aria Vale"] | [member="Connor Harrison"]​

Maybe a three person thread? I've been thinking about doing something like investigating rumors of a secret One Sith cell gaining traction somewhere.

 

[Connor Harrison]

[member="Jamie Pyne"] [member="Aria Vale"]

Let's do it.

 

[NightSister]

[member="Connor Harrison"] [member="Jamie Pyne"]

Sounds like a plan!