Daily Quotes

[Vulpesen]

*Me and my friends playing "Never have I ever"*

Me: Never have I ever been a woman!
Best friend: Umm... what about the freshman year lock in.
Me: SHUT UP, DAMN IT!
Current freshmen and sophomores: *stare* Whaaat?

 

[Judas]

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.

 

[Vereaux]

Some details: we're all broke as po, and while at Friend One's house, both my dad and I are visiting. Both of us are on the couch, watching TV, when Friend One comes in.

Friend One: "Alright, we have a problem...we have no alcohol."
Me: "And whose fought is that?"
One: "Hmm...yours, yeah yeah."
Me: "Riiight...and how are you going to solve this problem?"
Dad: "And with what money?"
One and me: "...f*ck*..."

 

[Judas]

Commander Shepard: I take it you're a scientist?
Fortack: I used to be a scientist. I designed weapons. Now my genius is wasted on frivolous things. Things that don't explode. My predecessor said no one would understand the true worth of my work. As I pulled my blade from his chest, I knew he was telling the truth.
Commander Shepard: Not exactly what I would call effective academic peer review.

 

[Jsc]

The longer I'm alive, the more that woman continues to be an idiot.

 

[Vereaux]

Lloyd Irving: "Who are you?"
Kvar: "You barge into my ranch and then demand my name?"
Genis Sage: "Wow, Lloyd, isn't this usually the other way around?"
Lloyd Irving: "Genis! This is not the time!"

 

[Sera Inkari]

This is what I write Raien to:



There is no guilt or innocence in you. All of that is past. Guilt belabors the dead and I am not the Iron Hammer. You multitude of the dead are merely people who have done certain things, and the memory of those things illuminates my path. -Leto II to His Memory-Lives, After Harq al-Ada

 

[Vulpesen]

Friend: So when does Anakin marry Leia?
Me: ... If you value your life, I suggest you leave the room.

 

[Judas]

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

 

[Jsc]

Clerk: Did you find everything you were looking for today?
Me: Everything but the Milk
Clerk: Fuk off, really?
Me: Ugh... Yeah?
Clerk: Wow. ... Ahem. Anyway. Your total comes to fifty one o'two.
Me: So... How bout them Yankees.
Clerk: Just go.

 

[Delila Castillon]

I got this gem at work today...I do not work at a pharmacy.

"Hey, you made me drop my drugs!"

 

[Kira Talith]

[5:13:29 PM] Elayne: so are we at war with the fringe? for sheltering our enemies?
[7:30:43 PM] Ti'Cira: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAWR
[7:34:47 PM] Grumpy Goat 2 - 40% More Goats: Not really sure.
[7:39:10 PM] Ti'Cira: it's complicated
[7:41:11 PM] Grumpy Goat 2 - 40% More Goats: ^
[7:41:35 PM] Ti'Cira: Like
[7:41:36 PM] Elayne: lol
[7:41:43 PM] Ti'Cira: that ex girlfriend
[7:41:51 PM] Ti'Cira: who you know you shouldn't go for that 2am booty call
[7:41:54 PM] Ti'Cira: but you still do
[7:41:59 PM] Ti'Cira: cause she's wild in the sack
[7:42:11 PM] Ti'Cira: And keeps things interesting
[7:42:16 PM] Ti'Cira: That's OP with Fringe.
[7:42:47 PM] Grumpy Goat 2 - 40% More Goats: Basically.

 

[Vulpesen]

Friend: ____, I hate you...
Me: Oh, come on. You know I make life interesting!
Friend: That's the problem.

 

[Delila Castillon]

Another gem from work :

-- Sitting the breakroom, eating my coleslaw at lunch --

Cowoker[rapping] : She eatin' coleslaw? Nasty. Her boobs? Plastic.
Me, laughing uncontrollably : If my boobs were plastic, they'd certainly be bigger than this

 

[Vulpesen]

"I would also prefer you use a practice saber as I'm rather attached to my limbs both physically and sentimentally."

-Vulpesen​

 

[Garza]

A girl that is known for "getting around" at my school is walking with a awkward limp. and she happens to be one of the people that I talk to all the time.

Girl: Ugh I hurt so bad that I can hardly walk.
Me: Why what happened?
Friend 1: She got it in the butt with a cactus.
Girl: And you would know that?
Me: Hes gotten the same treatment before.

 

[Kinn Xarjast]

“Always...no wait...never....” --Steve Martin

 

[Timothy Hoyt]

"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe." - Albert Einstein