Days Never End

[Amnell de Portiers]

Ossus

"Feels like home, doesn't it Nine?" Amnell asked of the R9 Astromech behind her. A droid that had clearly seen better days. Cheerfully it beeped its reply. Ossus was her home, always would be. In her hand was a datapad which was currently monitoring the systems of the R9 that she'd been tinkering with these last months trying to refurbish and remodel the old thing into something better. Sure she could have bought a better droid, but these days most of her funds that she got from repairing weapons and droids went to her healthcare costs, for they were not free here. Not at all.

Looking up Amnell suddenly seemed to realize where she was exactly. Her eyes had been so focused on the datapad, on walking and masking the pain she felt in every inch of her body, if not for the Perigen patch hiding on her shoulder, she'd never have made it this far. Can't the pain just go away now? Though she knew that was a futile thought, there would be no getting better. A soft sigh followed as she knelt to check a loose panel on the droid, before starting on her way again.

Seeing the Jedi Academy now in all it's splendor vaguely reminded her of her own Force talent, though it was mostly untrained. Truth be told, she didn't have the energy for training among the Jedi, her time was just a little too short for such. It was a thought that drew a solemn frown upon her lips as she did her best to focus her mind elsewhere.

[member="Aitis Powarth"]

 

[Julius Sedaire]

Aitis was, for once, not training. So much of his life had been consumed by it lately he just finally reached a point where he realized that if he kept working out and pushing the limited force ability he had now, he'd burn himself out mentally and be of no used to his master. So he sat leaning against a tree on a bench just outside the Academy. Half-heartedly he meditated, loosing himself in the currents and flows of the Living Force, feeling the people passing him and examining them with his Sight.

It was fascinating, really, what some people did when they thought no one was actively watching. From picking their noses to displays of physical affection with a significant other. The way they carried themselves changed too. Having his hood up instead of a blindfold also changed the pity a blind-man got to the respect or dubious watching from superiors that a Padawan received more often than not. Some masters seemed convinced he was too attached to things to progress, but it was a hard habit to break, for sure.

With that, he sighed and spied a young woman walking by with an R9 she was fiddling with. He could feel the sensitivity to the Force in her, see it with his Sight that all Miralukans were blessed or cursed with. But she was untrained, her ability blunted and dulled by disuse in almost every way. But it wasn't until he truly focused on her that something rather extraordinary happened. What Aitis was seeing peeled away like the skin of a fruit, and he was suddenly seeing another, vividly bright image.

The woman before him was in a hospital bed, tubes connecting to IV ports in her arms, another tube taped to and going down her nose. Breathing hoses in her mouth... She was being kept alive by machines, a steady beep of a cardiac monitor half-heard in his mind. And then the beeping stopped, and Aitis felt a sudden anguish he could not describe the source of as the vision blurred and searing pain hit him from nowhere, enough to cause him to seize and almost fall off the bench, gripping the sides as he swayed and clawed reflexively with his other hand at eyes not even there, trying to banish the fading after image.

There was something wrong with that girl, and as soon as he stopped feeling like his skull had been turned inside out, he had to warn her of it. She might not even know, but in some way Aitis couldn't express, he knew she was going to die, sometime soon. And that he would be involved in her death somehow, or be there for it. The last part grew cloudy and felt almost like sticking his hand into water with a skein of oil on top of it when he tried to think of it.

[member="Amnell de Portiers"]

 

[Amnell de Portiers]

Coming to a step of stairs, Amnell paused as she breathed in deeply, trying to catch her breath a little bit. With some effort she managed to lower herself to the stone, to take a seat. R9 beeped a voice of concern to her. It seemed droids of all things, never did miss out on the subtle symptoms of her disease. Exhaustion was seeping through into her bones as she rubbed vainly at sore and aching knees. Joints that for her age, should never have bothered her this much.

"I'm fine, really."

If the little astromech had eyes, it most assuredly would have rolled them at her, as it beeped its annoyance.

"Yeah, yeah ... Tell me about it later." She muttered beneath her breath, as she looked skyward. For a moment trying to relax as she watched the clouds pass over, shapes forming and merging with one another as they moved across the sky. "I only need a moment or two and we can head on, I suppose."

Truth be told, she'd not even spotted the Miraklukan who had seemed to take an interest in her. There was no way for the brunette to even have imagined what he was seeing within his mind, of the future that lay in store for her. Though, she was keenly aware of her mortality. It was just a fact she let few others ever know for fear they might look upon her differently. Or treat her like a parent would an ailing child. It was something she simply could not bear these days.

[member="Aitis Powarth"]

 

[Julius Sedaire]

The visions still came as Aitis tried to shake them from his brain, and eventually he just gave up. They were blurry, indistinct, and the longer time went from the initial flash, the moreso that way they became. He hadn't the faintest what had just happened. Worry crossed his mind that maybe he was going insane? Maybe he had pushed himself too far in his training somehow, and broken something? But Corvus would have noticed it, wouldn't she?

Standing up, he unsteadily approached the woman who had set the sights in his mind off. He hadn't the foggiest what to do, but he felt compelled to talk to her. There had been a scene with her on life support, and he and several others he couldn't recognize, dressed like Jedi, surrounding her, all looking mournful. The distinct impression in his mind was he was supposed to talk to her. Of course, there couldn't be any mention of what he saw, as that would just make him look insane... That was a matter to take up with Corvus later. Not even thinking to pull his hood up to hide the distinct lack of eyes his people had, he strode over to her, smiling a bit and making as if to look at the droid.

"They develop such personalities, don't they? Droids I mean. Such quirky little things... At least yours doesn't have the propensity to catch fire like my old one did"

@Amnell de Portiers

 

[Amnell de Portiers]

The young woman lifted her head, looking to the man who'd spoken to her. For a moment, she seemed a little stunned as she looked to where his eyes should have been. Amnell had heard of, but never actually seen a Miraklukan with her own eyes. After realizing she was staring, she offered a sweet sheepish smile.

"Nine's probably the most fiery droid I know. He just tries to look out for me, when I forget to do so for myself sometimes." The R9 beeped knowingly at her, still concerned that she'd traveled too far on this particular afternoon. "Spent much of my life around droids. They made much better companions that most beings did for many of my early years. I love tinkering with them, seeing what I can do to further their lifespans and improve their programming." ­

Realizing she was rambling, Amnell extended her hand slowly. Her elbow noticeably stiff in that simple movement, though her smile widened none the less. "I'm Amnell. Amnell de Portiers, and it's a pleasure to meet you." Spoken softly with a certain tiredness in her tone that marked far too many restless nights of pain and suffering. "You're a Jedi, yes?" She said as she took note of his clothing, putting it together with the closeness to the Jedi Academy.

[member="Aitis Powarth"]

 

[Julius Sedaire]

Nodding and grinning, Aitis couldn't help but agree about her assessment in droids. And he could tell the stare was not intentional. He was getting used to it, and beginning to see why his people hid their 'eyes'... It really did off put and ill balance other folk when something so simple and taken so much so for granted was just suddenly not there.

Though he was no master, as she gave her name, the pain and suffering seemed to roll into him, and he winced, rubbing at his temple as a fiery spike like a migraine roared into his frontal lobed, the same vision parading before his eyes a moment. Recovering quickly, he smiled reassuringly and nodded.

"Yes, I am a jedi.. Well, I am a Padawan, at least. I am Aitis Powarth. Pleasure to meet you. And I agree... This one does seem fiery, in his own right, and quite concerned for you. "

Here he smiled and cast an eyeless face about, looking to the wind and sky.

"The weather is beautiful for a stroll... Or just sitting and watching... I took the day off from training today just for that, would you mind if I joined you? Have had many to talk to since Nar Shada."

There was no express acknowledgement of her tiredness, or his vision. He could sense, like a weak flickering flame, the kinship of another force user, and this intrigued him, so he made the decision to get to know this woman first before speaking anything of his visions or that he could sense, even as untrained as he was, the weariness and pain she was in. If she wanted him to know, she would say so, so therefore he would not unless he had to either.

[member="Amnell de Portiers"]

 

[Amnell de Portiers]

"Ah, I figured as much. The clothing always gives it away." A part of her yearned for the life he had. Her own force sensitivity she was aware of, though knew too well that time was not on her side for such training. There were doubts her body could even handle it, and not accelerate her deterioration. For now, all she could to is everything that was possible to get just a little more time, precious time.

"Can't say I blame him, had him since I was a little girl. Never been quite able to part ways with him." A soft chuckle escaped her lips, "After all, good friends are hard to come by. Though I do think, even knowing me as well as Nine does, he worries a little too much." An insistent series of beeps followed, to which she only shook her head, knowing her droid's concern was well placed.

"Please..." Extending her hand to offer a spot on the stairs behind. "I'd be most happy for the company." A soft sigh followed, "Truth be told, I've not gotten much chance to just sit and talk with someone, in a really long time. Sure there's a customer here and there, but no one ever stays to chat. People are always in such a hurry these days, trying to get onto the next thing without ever really taking the time to enjoy the sun in the sky, the breeze on their skin." In some ways she'd been jealous of most people who would be guaranteed to have more time than she did.

"Could you tell me what it's like, being a Jedi, even just a padawan." Looking to him, she couldn't help but wonder if half the ideas she had in her mind about it were true. And if any bit of the things in the papers and on the news actually did happen. "I find myself quite curious, I hope you do not mind."

[member="Aitis Powarth"]

 

[Julius Sedaire]

Smiling, Aitis took a seat, sitting cross legged in an almost meditative posture. It had barely been months, and still the Jedi way of life had crept into him, changed him in ways he hardly noticed. There was a moment of giving pause to think, and ponder, before he nodded, chuckling just a bit and gesturing almost helplessly.

"My Master is one of the more well known Jedi, and I am just recently apprenticed to her..She strives to meet with me regularly, but often she is called away for meetings with the other Council members, or such things.... It is odd... Some days are filled with study, meditation and exercise... A Jedi's body and mind are just as much important weapons as his lightsaber or his power in the Force... All of them must be honed to the extent of their ability, or so Master Corvus says.. I've honestly barely scratched the surface beyond philosophy and the like. But it's amazing, the depth of knowledge the Order has preserved. Not just on the Force, but life in general... Everything from how to eat right to something called quantum physics, which explains things like lightspeed travel and such, I guess..."

Grinning, Aitis lifted a hand, gesturing with wiggling fingers, and a puffy dandelion floated over to him, spinning in front of him, and as he spread his hands, the seeds exploded in a puff that almost covered the width of the whole steps that they sat on, and then soon collapsed back in on itself in a little ball and then floated away on the breeze, quickly breaking apart again. It was less a boy showing off for a girl, and more someone just eager to share something he was proud of.

"Finesse is as important as strength, I'm learning. You have to know when and how and why just as much as have the power to back it up. I guess the food isn't terrible, and if you like reading it's paradise... But I do miss the noise and lights and people from Nar Shada sometimes. The attachment to places and people is a hard thing to give up. It sometimes makes you feel like a monster, trying to control your impulses and emotions so."

[member="Amnell de Portiers"]

 

[Amnell de Portiers]

She nodded slowly, taking in every word. "Sounds a little complicated with your Master." Her eyes followed as he picked the dandelion up, and lifted over to him without ever laying a finger on it. Her jaw opened slightly, in awe of such a simple thing. "Amazing," She spoke softly, "It's extremely fascinating really."

The brunette couldn't help but chuckle, "In that it sounds wonderful, love to read. Love Physics, though I don't get a ton of time to study it, but I'd like to. Anything and everything I can get my hands on, to read and study I love. I may not be able to travel to the far reaches of the galaxy but reading about them takes me where I cannot always go."

Her thoughts drifted a little as she tried to wrap her mind around the attachment part of the Jedi. "I'm not sure I could manage that." Then again, maybe her being less attached to things around her wouldn't be all that bad. "Don't think I could live without Nine in my life."

"I've just always been curious what life was like in the Jedi. Especially since learning I am force sensitive too. I just ..." A sigh followed, "It's a little complex with me. Situation's not exactly ideal." Amnell decided to leave it at that, she barely let the few people close to her know about her illness. Letting a perfect stranger in on that wasn't going to happen if she could avoid it.

[member="Aitis Powarth"]

 

[Julius Sedaire]

Smiling, Aitis nodded, and gazed at the woman almost wistfully, waving a bit in the air.

"I can't understand why you wouldn't want to try... I can't imagine my life without the Order now... True, giving up things like attachment is hard, but that is part of the sacrifice we make to ensure we can enact the will of the Force, and not out own selfish desires for power, as the Sith do. It's a giving to the greater good, a way of ensuring all are taken care of. To me, I am happy to give up a small portion of my life so that others may live more purposefully and freely."

Stopping short, Aitis blushed, looking almost awkward, and smiled.

"But, it is your decision... I am sure you have your reasons... But if you are ever rethinking in mood, I am sure the Order would welcome you an your friend... It is more accepting than some realize, in it's own way."

[member="Amnell de Portiers"]

 

[Amnell de Portiers]

Amnell shrugged as she stared off into the distance, her mind rolling through the possibilities. "I wish it could be so simple." Sighing she leaned forward resting an elbow on her knee as she laid her head into her head. "Nothing ever is."

"I wish I could.... I wish..." Another sigh, before she shook her head, "Time is short for everyone, for me ..." The girl, just couldn't bring herself to say the words aloud. It was far too painful, beyond what she already suffered. She bit at her lip and glanced back over to him, "What I want, what I can do, and cannot, are limited. Options, limited. Time limited."

"The decision never was mine. It was made for me at the moment of my birth. The Universe made that choice for me. The first Jedi I met, said I would not be permitted. Think I was just an infant then, not really sure." The sadness more than evident in her voice, her eyes and the way she held herself. "My family didn't want to go, even if they had said yes. It's complicated as I said. And maybe things have changed in the course of twenty something years, but I doubt it."

[member="Aitis Powarth"]

 

[Julius Sedaire]

Smiling, Aitis just shook his head, gazing up to the clouds again. The expression on his face was peaceful, relaxed. Slowly he took a breath in, breathing deep and inhaling the scents as she talked. So much could he hear his own doubts in her words, and with that he finally nodded, assenting and waited for her to be finished speaking.

"I understand, I really do. I know it may not seem like it, with what I have to say next, but I do. All I can truly say is you will never know until you try. And that the only limitations you have are those you accept or set for yourself. It sounds cliche, but it is the most solid truth in the Galaxy, especially for those of us like you and I, who can wield such power as the Force... Even the dying chose how they die, in a way...."

[member="Amnell de Portiers"]

 

[Amnell de Portiers]

For a moment she stared at the ground, as she thought over his words. Opening and closing her hand slowly, the sharp pains had shifted radiating through her palm threatening to force her hand to seize. "It's not that simple." Carefully she massaged at the skin, trying to get the pain to ease off, if only a little. "I'd give anything for that chance." Her eyes were starting to glisten with tears that threatened to spill over onto her cheeks. "It's just not meant to be."

Sighing heavy her attention shifted to Nine as the droid nudged at her leg with one of his tools, seemingly getting irritated with the words she'd spoken. His annoyance with Amnell clear in its mechanical tones.

"Nine!" She cried, lifting her leg to avoid being poked again. "Put that away." A frustrated sigh escaped her lips, it would have been simpler to tell him the truth. To explain that her disease kept her from doing even the simplest of things most days. But she couldn't, just couldn't bring herself to do that just yet.

"It's just complicated for me." She admitted finally. "You just have to trust that I know myself well enough to know I'm a liability. I'd do the order no good."

[member="Aitis Powarth"]

 

[Julius Sedaire]

You didn't have to be force sensitive to feel that pain. It echoed and rolled from her words like a relentless tide from the Oceans itself. There was little rawness to it. It was an old, somber, long bore pain that had been oft worried and examined until all the sharp jaggedness had worn smooth and left only aches and echoes of sighs. There was almost a wistfulness to it too... Like a hope still refusing to die in the heart but long since buried and mourned by the mind. In it, Aitis sensed a flicker of himself, even the barest of kinship. Resolution hardened, and he nodded, trying to give the most Jedi like answer he could, and undoubtedly failing.

"We all are masters of our own fate, Amnell... The important thing is to make sure we do not let fear destroy hope. Fear is the first step to the Dark Side, and for even one untrained like you, or barely trained as I, it is a dangerous path to tread. Remember hope instead. Even if you can not serve the Order as a Jedi, there is nothing saying you could not put your talents to use aiding it and the Republic with your mind. Whatever it is that plagues you, I assure you... It is nothing compared to the power and majesty of the Force... Do you think it mere coincidence, for instance, we met? There is little truly to chance, and I think we were both guided here to this spot today, so that we might see something of ourselves in the other, and perhaps come close to where we were meant to be. Wherever that is."

This time the vision came peacefully, slowly, and Aitis simply was able to shut it out after a few moments. The young lady before him stood in a bay of some sort, the Droid with her, laughing at something he said as he stood before the control panel of a starship. There were the robes of a full master on him, and she was at least a Knight, though she looked aged and withered, as if ephermeal.. Somehow he knew this was like the last whisper of a dying breeze, and he sighed, trying to not let the regret be too strong in his mind.

[member="Amnell de Portiers"]

 

[Amnell de Portiers]

Reaching up, she brushed away the first tear that spilled over onto her cheek. "I don't even tell my own friends this, but I'm dying Aitis. Could be a few months, a few years. But time is incredibly finite and short for me." Leaning forward, she buried her head in her hands, letting tears fall that she'd kept back for years. Hiding her illness, not letting others know took its toll, even if such did not show on the surface. Years of uncried tears spilled over with ease.

"While I like helping people, others, like droids and helping them too. But the training, Jedi training and it's intensity, might accelerate my condition. No one can tell me if it will, or will not. There's no knowing if I'll even survive long enough to complete training. I fear, I'd be just a liability, getting someone else killed in the process. Someone else, dying on my behalf.... I don't think I could live with myself for that." Amnell truly did care for others, more than she did herself. So many of her actions based solely on others before she ever gave even the slightest thought to herself, reasons she needed Nine to look out for her. Because it was so easy to get lost, and forget to take care of her own body, mind and spirit.

Amnell finally sat back up, wiping away her tears and doing her best to quickly regain her composure. Crying, letting it show just how much it hurt, she couldn't stand to do, especially not in a public place. "I'm sorry... I didn't mean to lay this upon you. Truly, I don't do this. Don't let others know."

Nine gave what could be considered a sorrowful sigh, as the droid moved closer to her trying to somehow offer comfort to the young woman. Slowly she shifted, laying her head against the droid with a heavy sigh. "Simply fact is, a cure doesn't exist. All I can do is try and delay the inevitable." Another sigh as she looked back to Aitis, "I just don't know that I'd do any good, I worry that I'd only cause more harm, more pain to others. No one else deserves that."

[member="Aitis Powarth"]

 

[Julius Sedaire]

Again, the visions swam, the scene of her death, the looks of sorrow on everyone's faces. But not frightening this time. This time he caught an almost sense of warning, a trickling of fear. Whatever he was experiencing. Whatever the result or meaning, he truly believed the Force had guided him here to try and help this woman. Softly, he reached out, a hand on her shoulder, squeezing as he watched her weep and struggled to control the tempest of emotion within himself and not response to the tears he could feel like tiny knives on his consciousness...

"Amnell... You don't worry, you fear. Fear kills the mind... It takes away possibility... I ask you... Would you rather live your life as you are now, constantly afraid, worrying, and thinking you will do no good? Or would you rather try? If your time is finite, why not spend it in the best possible way, for yourself and others. Why not spend it so that yours is a story that inspires others in dark times to never give up?"

Silence fell, as he sat there, watching her, and nodded to himself.

"I will tell no one, unless my Master demands it, and I will try to avoid it even then if I can without lying. But you are truly giving up something of yourself that is meant to be I think."

[member="Amnell de Portiers"]

 

[Amnell de Portiers]

Slowly she took in a deep breath, though winced slightly for the effort. "I don't know." Admitted softly as her gaze shifted skyward, trying to run through the possibilities in her mind. Truthfully she didn't know for a second what she really wanted, aside from being healthy, and normal again. But that was entirely impossible, and she knew it. "I just don't want to hurt anyone else. I don't want anyone at all to suffer because of me. I already bring enough suffering into this galaxy on my own, I don't want to draw others into it."

Reaching up, she laid her hand upon his seeking a moment of comfort, one being to another. "I just know I want things to be different, from what they are now. I just don't know where to even begin. Not when it already feels like time is slipping right through my fingers."

She gave his hand a gentle squeeze before releasing it, "Thank you, for that. I appreciate it. I just ... I can't stand it when people treat me differently after they find out. I'm not a child who needs a babysitter, or a helping hand every step of the way. Just sometimes I do need a little help, that's all. I just don't like the way people look at me, the sad eyes once they know, the pity they often feel. I can sense it, and I just ... I cannot take it."

One last sigh as she reached a hand up to wipe any remaining tears away. "I just don't know anymore."

[member="Aitis Powarth"]

 

[Julius Sedaire]

"The first step to knowledge is to begin by seeking it with an open mind... I won't say it's without risks, given your condition... But I won't say it is impossible either. Will you come with me, into the Academy? Will you try? I can promise you the Order won't let you hurt anyone through incompetency or weakness."

Distinctly, Aitis tried to banish the feelings that stirred when she squeezed his hand. There was no place for such. Not in his life now. The visions threatened him again, searing pain behind his eyes, and he fought to ignore it.

"Will you let me be your friend, to help teach you?"

[member="Amnell de Portiers"]

 

[Amnell de Portiers]

Amenll rubbed at her forehead, letting silence pass between them. Needing time, to think over what he'd said. It can't hurt. Just a walk, a few steps to see what it's like. You have always wanted to know what it was like inside.

Nine had been oddly quiet during the exchange. He was never this quiet, just seeming to waiting to see what Amnell's reply would be. "We take risks, just going out the door in the morning..." Spoken barely above a whisper, while she still considered his offer.

Her attention drifted back to Aitis as she pulled out of sea of thoughts and emotions that surrounded her. "Yes, I will. Could really use a friend right about now, as well."

Brushing back her hair, she glanced back into the direction of the Jedi Academy, "Always wondered what it was like inside, just never dreamed I could have any part of that life." A shrug followed, "You get told, you can't do x, or y, or z... So often that it gets ingrained into every part of your life, and eventually you start to believe those words too. Either way, least I might understand a little more."

[member="Aitis Powarth"]

 

[Julius Sedaire]

Aitis stood, smiling. Peace radiated from him, a warmth suffusing him from fingers to toes. There was a surety that he had just done something good, something important. That a turning point had been reach. But still that vision of the new friend he had made resting before him on a death bed haunted him. He could hardly believe it, truth be told. Something within him rebelled at the idea it was real, but it felt as if he could reach out and touch the others he saw in the vision.

"Well... The only way to really begin, as I said before is to take the first step. Even a journey thousands of miles begins with just such a step."

He offered his hand to help her up, waiting.

"And it is beautiful inside.... Like nothing i've ever seen or felt. It's home."

The last word radiated contentment and peace, even though there was still an undercurrent of fear and worry, he kept it tightly in check for Amnell's sake. This one needed guidance, help to find her way to where the Force willed she would be. And for some reason, it appeared the Force had decided to use him as the catalyst to guide her to that end.

[member="Amnell de Portiers"]