Public Dear Mito

[Koushou Mito]

A new column had cropped up on the holonet. It wasn't very popular. In fact, it was very easy to over look. And yet, strangely, it kept getting letters sent in. And perhaps even stranger, were the responses. Was it a joke? Clearly it must be. No advice columnist would give the sort of advice this 'Mito' was giving so it must be satire.

Right?

Dear Mito,

I met a fella who I really find charming. However, he rejected my advances when I began to absorb him into my gelatinous mass in accordance with my species's symbol of affection. What should I do?

-SpaceJello44


Dear SpaceJello44

Did you try offering him peanuts first? Everyone likes peanuts. Surely a proper gift and he would at least consider your affection.

-Mito


Mito paused to catch her breath. It was actually very difficult, jumping from key to key and pressing down with both paws, especially when the letters were not close to each other, but she surveyed her answer with satisfaction before sending it off.

Another satisfied asker, surely!

ooc: slightly different format from a typical thread. Send Mito your asks and Mito will give you a little trash Nezumi answer! Serious or silly.

 

[Kingsley]

Dear Mito,

I am in love with a beautiful zeltron but her rotten family doesn't want us to be together. They even convinced her that she was kidnapped and our entire engagement was a sham! I know that our love is real but I've tried everything to get in touch and I'm out of ideas. Help me Mito, you're my only hope.

- xXxB1RD0FPR3Y420xXx

 

[Dash Kessler]

Dear Mito,

I am in love with a woman much taller than me, but they don't seem to take a hint. As someone who is vertically challenged, surely you have advice on how to best romance someone you want to climb like a mountain.

-TrixR4Outlaws

 

[Atlas Kane]

Dear Mito,

A friend has recently gifted me Kashyyyk orchids. I fear they were supposed to be an attempt on my life, as they appeared to be sentient and immediately began mind-controlling all my lab assistants, turning them into crazed berserkers. They're very pretty plants, however. Should I get rid of them for my own safety?

-Plantpants314

 

[Jacen Nimdok]

Dear Mito,

I find myself attempting to be all things to all people, an impulse which is becoming not only tedious, but detrimental. How can I simply be myself, if I do not technically have a self in the first place?

-ArtifactAddict

 

[Koushou Mito]

At some point or another, readership started to grow, and with that, the number of asks trickling in. At the moment, Mito scrolled through them, lounging in Wynter Rackham 's chair (which was hers in that moment by right of butt). He had left the peanut jar with the lid on, so she was grumpily munching on some stale popcorn (normally a favorite but with forbidden peanuts out of reach, it was grudging at best).

With a hop up, she started to type.

Dear xXxB1RD0FPR3Y420xXx ( Kingsley )

As I am sure you have read, my relationship advice usually revolves around peanuts (and for good reason!). But you seem to have a more serious problem on your hands. It sounds like the way forward is clear. Woo her family! Try compliments in addition to peanuts, because it sounds like this may be a job for more than peanuts alone. Also if you have done anything rude (like fart in front of them) maybe apologize? Perhaps it can all be traced back to one ill timed passage of bad gas.

-Mito

 

[Scherezade deWinter]

Dear Mito,

I am at a complete and utter loss. I have five potatoes in my cupboard, but I do not recall ever having even purchased one. I don't even like potatoes. They're weird. And all.. Potato-ie. I want cheese cubes. Where is the best cheese cube place in the 'verse? Also, how do you deal with feeling so lost?

- Xx_CheezieWeerie_xX

 

[Koushou Mito]

Cracking her little knuckles, Mito continued.

Dear TrixR4Outlaws ( Dash Kessler )

My first bit of advice is to find someone closer to your own height-

Mito paused and glanced over meaningfully through a doorway at Wynter snoring softly in the other room.

Really, please. Us small folks have got to stick together and the Too Bigs just don't understand what it's like.

But if you simply cannot and must follow your heart, have you tried telling her? It sounds like you have not let her know how you feel. I suggest a gift (food is good, peanuts are best) to go along with it. Who after all can resist a sweet, small creature bearing gifts and sweet words? Find a more suitable hill or talk to your mountain.

-Mito

 

[Nida Perl]

Dear Mito,

Lately I’ve been having trouble with a…ahem, “suitor”. At first I thought he’d kidnapped me for ransom, but it turned out that he wanted to marry me! Ever since then, he’s been leaving me messages and trying to contact me through the holonet. I’m not even sure how he found my contact information. I’m already in a loving relationship, and I have a supportive family, but he just won’t go away. How do I get him to take the hint?

-Healz4Realz

 

[Koushou Mito]

(ooc: ghost writing Smeg with permission from Smeg )

Apparently, Mito's typing was TOO LOUD.

With a huff, Mito went tramping off of the ship and to a little tap cafe around the corner that rented holoaccess by the minute. Pay? Oh heavens no. Mito waited until someone got up to use the bathroom and plopped herself right at their console.

"Oh, hey Smeg, I'm writing advice letters, see?"

The Skraal poked his nose over the edge of the console, red eyes rolling slightly.

"Advice lettrz? Can Smeg lick dem?"

"No Smeg, just watch."

Dear Plantpants314 (Atlas Kane)

That was a very nice gift! Maybe the plants didn't do that at all, maybe it was something else! But if they did-

"Hey no! No Smeg!"

Mito fell onto the floor with an oomph as the Skraal pushed her out of the way.

But if dey didz youz shuds selz them and buy kandy to gib to me!

"Smeg that's bad advice!"

If youz wants GOODZ advices youz will needs to bringz da kandys to SMEG. Goodbye.

-Smolz Angry Mauz

"No don't send that- and you did."

 

[Jerek Zenduu]

Dear Mito,

I rescued this Cathar kitten a while ago from a cult, and he hasn't settled in well. He's unruly and combative, he sheds all over the place, and he debates philosophy constantly. It seems like his cult upbringing led him to believe slavery was morally right, among other things, and I just can't figure out how to teach him otherwise.

Do you have any good techniques for keeping shed fur from getting everywhere? Especially on clothing-wearing beings like me?

-ItEvenGetsInMyHair421

 

[Amea Virou]

Dear Mito,

How do people do it? Every time a person speaks to me, I freeze up. Can't handle it. I find that the rush of adrenaline after having punched someone in the face does a lot to offset it, but I can't just keep punching people when I am nervous, right?

- Amnesiac_Virtuoso

 

[Aves Wren]

Affections: Mito

Reader: Some time. Writer: First time.

This one inquires: How does one gain popularity? This one wishes to come closer to others. Additionally: Raise a family. Requesting the advice of Wise Mito to accomplish aforementioned goal.

Rhal_830@Sithmail.holo

 

[Sasmay Cull]

Dear Mito,

I recently got into an argument with my copilot. Well, pilot, really. I can't in my right mind call myself captain either since I ask for everyone's input but I am also not a pilot. Chit, what do I even - Anyway.
Do you have any suggestions for making it up to a Chandra-fan who wants to bite your face off?

-o7Foot_In_Mouth_Syndromeo7

 

[Koushou Mito]

"Hey, you! What are you doing here? Scat!"

"Cheese it!"

As the actual renter of the holonet terminal returned, Mito and Smeg scattered. She was pretty sure to an excited wail of cheeeeeeez? from Smeg but she was too busy dodging feet to really worry about it. What to do now? Well, the only sensible thing really.

Steal some noise cancelling headphones and plunk them onto Wynter Rackham before getting back to this very important business!

And oh dear they really had piled up in the time it had taken to get that done, hadn't they? Mito tugged on one of her ears absently before tackling the next one.

Dear ArtifactAddict ( Jacen Nimdok )

Start with what makes you happy! Forget everyone else and clear your mind of all the grabby hands. What makes you happiest? If you don't know then maybe it's time to find out! Try something new, go somewhere new! Have you tried stealing things and trading them for other things? That makes me happy! But you should forget about even ME when it comes to finding what you like best. In fact, disregard this entire message. Wait, that's telling you what to do again, wow this is hard.

Hope this helps!

-Mito

 

[Darth Bellum]

Dear Mito,

If someone decides to threaten me with violence and death and has made it apparent that they won't stop till I'm dead, should I kill them?​

​

Best Regards, ​

-AlwaysHungry​

 

[Koushou Mito]

Mito was a little flummoxed by the first half of the next one. Who had extra food they DIDN'T WANT? OR LIKE?!?!? That simply sent the little Nezumi's mind on the fritz and she sat and stared at that for a very long time before getting back up to type.

Dear Xx_CheezieWeerie_xX ( Scherezade deWinter )

I do not understand how you can not like potatoes, but I believe you when you say that. I suggest giving the potatoes to someone who WOULD appreciate them (My friend Smeg for instance, or some other needy and hungry sentient).

The best cheese place is easy! Honest Starin's Discount Cheese Emporium and Speeder Repair on Terminus! The cheese is good and under guarded, though I really don't understand why.

As to the last, I don't! Feel lost that is. You shouldn't either! Look around you. Where are you? You are right there! See? Not lost! The trick is to figure out where you are compared to everything else though, and that can take some practice.

Good luck!

-Mito

 

[Amur]

Dear Mito,

I met someone as a result of my job. She's funny, sweet and a wonderful baker. It seems like we're really developing some chemistry. I've been contemplating asking her out on a date. Though the last time I was in a relationship it ended with me being burned. I'm not sure if I'm ready to commit to another relationship again. Also my job might become a problem. There's a chance I might be forced to put her into an interrogation chamber or fight and kill her in a war for galactic conquest. Should I try to ask her out? If so how do I stop my job from forcing me to break her very concept of reality and turn her into a husk?

-I'm_Behind_You

 

[Kalanda Tishire]

Dear Mito,

I usually don't do this sort of thing, but I'm at a total loss right now, so I figured I'd look to another professional for advice. I work as a doctor for planets in need, and recently I've met a rather remarkable woman from my most recent worksite. She's unlike any patient I've ever worked with, and I find myself coming up with excuses to try and met with her time and time again. Only downside, she's a Sith, has severe unresolved mental trauma, and sudden bouts of mentally instability at times, but other than that she's rather charming and cute when you get to know her. I might know alot about medicine, but I have no idea on how to handle this situation. I like her, and I think she likes me, but I'm concerned that if I start viewing her as anything other than a patient, then I might risk compromising my role as a physician to serve my own selfish desires. I could really use your advice here.

-Kala_From_Ryloth

 

[Arage Bao]

Dear Mito,

I am a senior manager at an inter-stellar organization. Part of that means I have a lot of responsibility, but also a lot of nice perks. I used to really love what I was doing. Furthermore, I thought it was the right thing to be with the current climate in the Galaxy. Lately I have been feeling listless however. Nothing that I used to enjoy are quite doing it for me. I have been heavily considering a change of scenery. Maybe a different job elsewhere in the Outer Rim, maybe get back in touch with my roots.

Do you think I should continue with my job? People are depending on me, but I just am unsure if I can keep going like this.

Interested to get your perspective on things.

- NavyGirl1337