Public Dear Mito

[Koushou Mito]

The popcorn wasn't cutting it. Mito managed to wrangle the jar of peanuts from the high shelf. As she read through the asks continuing to pile up, she started to gnaw through the plastic. It was a bit of a process because Wynter Rackham had bought a pretty sturdy jar, but she was stubborn.

If Mito possessed a greater intellect or a longer attention span, she might have made the connection between the next message and one from earlier. But alas, she had neither. The focus on freeing the peanuts didn't help much either.

Dear Healz4Realz ( Nida Perl )

Put out traps! It's a good way to show someone they aren't wanted! When I go into a place and see mouse traps scattered about, I promise you I skedaddle right quick. They should be big enough to show you are serious! Only bait them with their favorite treats if you want to do more than scare them off though!

Good luck!

-Mito

 

[Kyra Perl]

Dear Mito,
My older sister is being stupid. She thinks I don't notice that she's living with a guy, but I do. I followed him home from rounds one day-- I saw him step on a flower! How can I help her see that just because he has a ridiculously sharp jawline doesn't mean she should be jumping into bed with him! Has she learned nothing from our mother???

I miss her. Help me get rid of him.

-PearlsAreAGirlsBestFriend

 

[Koushou Mito]

Mito stared at the next ask for a bit.

She didn't understand how the main issue wasn't IMMEDIATELY CLEAR to the person writing in.

Dear ItEvenGetsInMyHair421 ( Jerek Zenduu )

Your first and primary and really ONLY problem here is that you have a CAT. This was a mistake and one you can rectify easily! All of the other problems associated with having a cat will also go away! If you must release it back into the wild (I understand sentiment), may I suggest getting it fixed first and maybe declawed and defanged and ALSO where there are no Nezumi or other small species? We thank you in advance.

Regards,
Mito

 

[Koushou Mito]

(Wyn ghost written with permission of Wynter Rackham )

A drowsy yawn pricked Mito's ears up as she scanned the next ask.

"Mito, what are you doing?" Wyn had decided to give up on trying to sleep through all of the hubbub. He paused, looking at the plastic jar of peanuts next to his holoconsole- the bottom chewed off and peanuts spilling out like a pile of pillows around the little Nezumi- and then back to the creature in question.

"I'm giving advice! On the holonet!"

"You are..... what?"

"Come on I'll show you!"

Dear Amnesiac_Virtuoso ( Amea Virou )

You are probably right that you can't keep punching people when you are nervous. Have you tried replacing it with something else that feels good to you? Maybe keep a pocket full of peanuts and every time you get the urge to punch instead of talk you eat one!

Alternatively you could just avoid people? Most people are over rated I find.

Hope this helped!
-Mito

Wyn blinked slowly for a moment after Mito hit the final key.

"That is the..... you are sending THAT?"

"Yup!"

Mito hit send just as Wyn was putting up a finger.

Slowly, he lowered it.

Sometimes it was better to leave something alone. Besides ... could it really hurt anyone? Surely no one was taking this advice seriously, after all.

 

[Atlas Kane]

Dear Mito (Smolz Angry Mouz?),

I fear my initial concerns may have indeed been truthful. I find myself besieged by my former co-workers, locked into the rather claustrophobic supply cabinet of what was formerly our research station, now turned gruesome battlefield. I've attached a five-hundred credit coupon to the most common - yet nonetheless splendid - sweets vendor I could identify from within this supply closet. I hope the holonet has not misled me and that your sweet tooth is satiated sufficiently by this humble offering.

Yours by the Force please help sincerely, Plantpants314

P.S. I am currently limited in my choice of arms to my own wits, a broom, and several litres of chemical detergent, in case this information is in any way relevant to your considerations. None of the relevant authorities have responded to my pleas for aid either. I look forward to your reply.

 

[Kingsley]

Dear Mito,

Your previous advice regarding peanuts as the key to a successful courtship met with mixed results. My beloved did finally reach out to contact me, but only to ask 'what in the hell am I supposed to do with 200 tons of peanuts?!' Her words, not mine. She has demanded I remove them from Silver Rest property as apparently it is making things very difficult for the Padawan learners.

Anyway the reason I am writing is that I have another question regarding traps. What is the best way to circumvent or defuse a maze of them? Do you have any tips about resisting the urge to munch on conspicuous treats? Asking for a friend. Please get back to me ASAP because I-I mean, my friend doesn't know how long she'll be gone for.

- xXxB1RD0FPR3Y420xXx

 

[Sentiri]

Dear Mito,

I have been gone from home for a long time. Upon returning, many things have changed, and it seems as though many of my friends and family have gone. That has me feeling rather down. But the real trouble is the new neighbors. They're cats! And they can use blasters! And I think they might be organized together in some kind of kitten-worshiping cult! I'm not sure where they came from, or if I have anything to fear but I am concerned. I read your earlier column and I know you're not big on cats. Do you have any advice for a girl who is trying really hard not to be "that person from the home-owners association?"​

Many thanks,
feelinkindablue
​

Koushou Mito ​

 

[Rook Heimdal]

Dear Mito,

I got a problem. See, for more'n a couple years I was "locked up"-- chitty way to put it. Thing is this galaxy got a whole lot wilder and a bit more confusin'than before.

I'd like to make friends but I'm a karkin' mess at the whole socializin' scene. I get... glitchy. I don't wanna be alone but I don't wanna scare no one off either!

Help a gal out. What can I do to make folks not shoot at me?

Best,
JinxDice_814

 

[Koushou Mito]

(Wyn ghost written with permission of Wynter Rackham )

Wyn looked over the list of asks Mito had piling up. It was.... frankly it was a lot. No one was taking this seriously, right? The more he saw, the less Wyn was sure.

"Uh, Mito."

"Yeah?"

"There's an awful lot of those waiting," he said carefully, about to continue something else but Mito pipped up.

"Well it takes a long time to type each reply! So they are coming in faster than I can answer them. Oh, I know! You could help me!"

"No, Mito, that's not what I-"

"I can dictate while you type! You're much bigger and it would go MUCH faster!"

Wyn just looked down at her. And finally, he sighed. "Alright, but only for a couple. I still have to fix the caf maker so I can't help for lon-"

"Caf is a GREAT idea!"

Wyn nodded, a touch uneasy at that last statement. Why did it sound so ominous?

Dear Rhal_830@Sithmail.holo ( Aves Wren )

Well, I like people who give me things! I think most people like getting presents. So there is probably a good place to start.

"No, put an exclamation point there! Punctuation is very important."

a good place to start! Raising a family is harder. You have to find someone who wants to live and be with you-

"All caps here please."

ALL THE TIME. That's a lot to ask of someone and of yourself honestly. So be patient. Look for that special person who you want to keep giving presents to and also gives YOU presents too!

-Mito

 

[Koushou Mito]

(Wyn ghost written with permission of Wynter Rackham )

Oh it was MUCH faster with Wyn helping. Mito was absolutely delighted. It was a lot of work having to dash across the keyboard and hit each individual key at a time. She'd been needing to rest between each message but now she could perch on his knee and peer at the screen- he could type ALMOST as fast as she could talk, so she slowed down a bit to make it easier.

He WAS doing her a great favor after all.

Dear o7Foot_In_Mouth_Syndromeo7 ( Sasmay Cull )

To start with, you need to apologize. And then, you need to actually stop doing the thing you are apologizing for or it won't matter that you apologized!

Mito paused as Wyn looked down at her.

"What?"

"...... nothing, what's next?"

Mito shrugged and continued. It wasn't like she had apologized to him and not followed through after all. No, Mito had never apologized at all since as far as she was concerned, items unattended didn't belong to anyone anyway and weren't technically stealing.

I have good news though! If you are tall, you don't have to worry about the Chadra-Fan biting off your face! Just don't bend down and you'll be okay. Oh, and if you need to offer a gift to help mollify, don't give them a ladder or a step stool. If you are short however, this is a real concern and maybe if you have a sport mask of some kind lying around you should wear it when you apologize.

-Mito

 

[Smeg]

The actual renter of the hijacked terminal didn't really get to enjoy the rest of his time, as the promise of cheese was apparently lost in translation and in divine retribution Smeg bit the man, who had rightfully fled in search of high-strength Skraal bite disinfectant.

Some things were more important than holonet cafe dating. Like candy, when the candy was coming and so on and so forth.

Or apparently not as he read the reply from Plantpants314 (Atlas Kane )

DEER SMOLZ ANGERY MAUZ ( Koushou Mito ),

SMEG HAZ A FREND DAT REESENTLY BEEN GIVENZ LOTZ OV MONEYZ FOR KANDY BUT DIS FRIEND IZ NOT DA ONE DAT DEZERVEZ DA KANDY. SMEG DID DA WORKZ FOR DA KANDY. SHUD SMEG FRIEND SHARE? OR SHUD SMEG GET ALL DA KANDY MONEYZ?

- SMEGSONOVSMEG

 

[Koushou Mito]

(Wyn ghost written with permission of Wynter Rackham - yes I will always put this)

Wyn and Mito stared at the next ask for a little while.

"I don't think I'm qualified to give advice on this one."

"Mito I am certain you are not."

"I'm gonna though."

"I was afraid of that."

"Actually, I think I might be SUPER qualified now that I think about it!"

"Oh dear."

Dear AlwaysHungry ( Darth Bellum )

So I can't tell you how often someone wants me dead. I was thinking about it and actually its A LOT. People leave out traps, or try to step on me, or throw SHOES at me and let me tell you life is HARD. But I don't think trying to kill them back is the answer. Because there will always be someone new trying to kill you, especially if you start killing OTHER people, and then it's just this never ending THING-

"Uh, I can't think of the word I want to use here Wyn."

"...... maybe Cycle?"

"PERFECT put that."

-cycle of death and violence and honestly who WANTS that. So if that's what you WANT? Sure I guess. But if you don't want to keep having to kill people, maybe the best way to do things is to stay away from the people who want to kill you and find people instead who don't throw shoes at you.

Wishing you the best!
-Mito

"How was that?"

"...surprisingly on point. Maybe you are good at this chit?"

Mito's ears went back, pleased, and she hit the SEND button.

 

[Ellie Mors]

Dear Mito,

I used to be pretty serious with a woman some years back, and for a while it seemed were going great until she left me out of the blue one day. Needless to say, it took a while to get back on my feet, but eventually I moved on. These days I've been going pretty steady with a guy, it's been going on for a few years now, and I think we want to take our relationship to the next level - but I can't have kids, and I haven't told him yet because I'm afraid of what he'll say. Should I tell him the truth or try to figure out a way to give him what he wants?

Sincerely yours,

LostGirl​