Decisions

[Lira Dajenn]

She understood, and the idea sounded tempting.

It was a way to remove herself, to detach away from the action but still help. It was a prospect that she liked, and she quietly nodded to herself in agreement. Perhaps it wouldn't be a bad idea, perhaps it would let her hone her mind and shape her into something else.

Lira could still help.

She could still work on ships.

The prospect sparked a tiny sliver of excitement deep down within her, somewhere in the back of her mind she felt as though she could do this, like she had something now. “It's...it's a good idea Master.”

It was hard to say that, not because it wasn't a good idea, but because Lira had to admit to herself that there was hope, that maybe she would have to leave that little cave of hers. It was progress of course, but in the back of her mind Lira still wasn't sure if she wanted progress.

She wasn't sure if she deserved it.

 

[Hal Terrano]

“I am glad that you think so,” he responded, trying his very best to sound warm, comforting people wasn't exactly Hal's forte. The idea of speaking to sooth the soul of another almost alluded him, communication was after just just a form of transmitting information, getting from Point A to Point B.

He was sure that there were other things that she could do aboard the ships that could tie into the more traditional roles of a Jedi, but it would take some study, a look back towards history perhaps to see what roles that Jedi other than Luke Skywalker held amongst the stars.

Just in case battle meditation was not, in the end, [member="Lira Dajenn"]'s bowl of porridge.

They were quiet for some time, the porridge being simmered and occasionally stirred. It wasn't unusual for Hal Terrano to be silent company. Introspective thought was important and he wanted to let his former student mull matters over a bit further. Well, at least in regards to the future.

Fetching two bowls from the cupboards, he returned offering another fragment of tenet plucked wisdom for the young woman.

“What has happened, happened,” he said in his typical stoic tones, all the while spooning the hot comforting snot (as Avalore called it) into the bowls, “and a Jedi must not cling to the past, you will only find yourself confronted by fear and doubt if you do.”

Easier said than done, especially when the words were spilled forth by the temple's biggest hypocrite, who would only find good if he followed his own advice.

Lira did not know that however

 

[Lira Dajenn]

She paused again for a few moments, trying to speak in between sniffles and incoherent thoughts that still ran through her mind.

Doubts still drifted through her, but she was starting to come around.

“I dream about them...” She was careful with the way she spoke, for some strange reason she still still fearful of another outburst from him, though she very much doubted that such a thing would happen ever again. Hal was so calming now, so comforting, it was nice, it made her feel safe, secure, like she could say anything.

“I know I never saw their faces...” She trailed off, fear entering her voice. “But I see them. I see them and they talk to me.”

An effect of the force?

Or just a little girls imagination?

 

[Hal Terrano]

He paused, face frowning in thought as the young woman revealed the ways in which her actions were beginning to haunt her. Dreams, or nightmares? He could sympathise with that, while one may not have suspected that Hal Terrano had enough imagination for dreaming he did.

Sometimes he dreamt of Avalore Eden.

Other times of Nemene Talith.

Sometimes of both, and they were often his worst of nightmares.

Hal picked up both of the bowls and then stopped, placing them back down and going into a different cupboard this time. Avalore will not mind. He plucked out a modest jar of clear honey, and set it down next to the bowls.

“What do they say, Lira?” the blonde Knight inquired, taking out a spoon and slowly drizzling a swirl of the amber condiment on top of one of the bowls.

[member="Lira Dajenn"]

 

[Lira Dajenn]

She stalled.

Part of Lira didn't want to tell what the voices said, what the people in her dreams told her, what they whispered into her ear. She looked down at her hands, then at the table, then up at Hal. There was fear in her eyes.

“They say I killed them.” And she did.

It wasn't really a fact that one could argue with, but the people within her dreams would hardly let her forget, they wouldn't let her move on from this. It wouldn't be that simple. She looked at Hal with a haunted look in her eyes, unsure of what to do or say.

Perhaps she was still too young for all this.

 

[Hal Terrano]

Cue serious frown.

He grabbed a couple of spoons and walked over to the table at which Lira was sat, he placed one down in front of her and then another down for him. You can't eat porridge with your hands now, that would be extremely silly and it would make quite the mess.

“I see,” he said, wandering back into the kitchen area to grab the bowls. It wasn't that Terrano was lost for words, he was merely mulling over what he could do to help quell what was blatant fear.

An idea sprung to mind as he came back over with the pair of warm bowls. He would take Lira to Commenor, show the woman that lives that she did save through her actions. Show her that there wasn't just death in this scenario but life as well.

Suddenly he felt guilt for how strongly he'd come at her yesterday.

In his mind she had done wrong, whenever he'd look at her he didn't doubt that he would think of all those lives. However, as her former Master and heck, even as a fellow Jedi he had to be there to support her, no matter what he thought.

Setting down the bowl of honey (with porridge) in front of her, Hal finally sat down with his own bowl.

“That is fear, Lira,” he spoke, stirring his spoon in his bowl slowly. He looked to her, his glacial eyes with dark sleepless circles trying to provide some form of comfort. “Yes, you must accept the consequence for your actions, but do not dwell. Do not doubt. If you focus on your fear then you will fall.”

A pause. A small nod.

“Please eat,” he said, finally bringing a spoonful of porridge to his own mouth.

[member="Lira Dajenn"]

 

[Lira Dajenn]

She did. There wasn't any response from her, only thoughts that were invoked by his words. He was right of course, what she was feeling was fear, anger perhaps, anger at herself. She frowned, looking into the porridge with a frown. She picked up the spoon and played with it for a few moments, poking at the meal.

Her eyes briefly caught Hal's who was staring at her.

Quickly she began to shovel the porridge into her mouth, so he did not feel insulted.

“Defiliciousss.” Lira stated with her mouth full.

It actually was quite good. A bit plain for her taste, she would have added more honey, perhaps some berries and maybe a little bit of sugar, but she did not want want to insult his cooking skills. No. The fact that he had made this for her made her happy.

The first thing to do so in days.

 

[Hal Terrano]

He never thought of porridge as delicious, or defiliciousss as it was rather rudely put. On an ordinary day Hal might have scolded Lira for talking with her mouth full but he'd already throttled her, so that was enough abuse for one day.

Porridge was wholesome, filling, nutritious and gave you long-lasting energy for a day full of training, never really delicious.

He did nod in response however, taking the compliment as he quietly ate from his own, more plain bowl. There were no further words from there, Hal preferring to eat his meals in relative silence. The schedule of his life was one aspect he felt like he could control. The structure that a simple thing like a bowl of oats provided, it gave him comfort, it gave him safety.

Also filled a whole in his belly too.

After Hal had finished with his bowl he looked to Lira once again. “You should sleep,” he stated even though at the same time he doubted that she would want to. Not with the dreams, not with the guilt still a fresh wound in her mind.

“However, if you would like to assist me in the archives you are more than welcome.”

[member="Lira Dajenn"]

 

[Lira Dajenn]

She shook her head at him at first.

Sleep was not a very welcome thing right now. Instead she thought about training. Hard physical work would put her off sleep, make her exhausted enough to dream. It was hard on her body, but at the very least in would calm her mind.

When he mentioned the archives she perked up slightly.

“T-that...” She trailed off as some of the porridge slipped from her spoon. “I'd like that.”

As she began to slowly eat the porridge, finishing it spoon by spoon until the bowl stood empty. For the first time in three days, Lira did not feeling like throwing up, for the first time in hours she didn't want to cry and wail.

She felt...good.