I remember... pain.
Sometimes.
I was numb, actually. Like little tingles all through my body.
Little flashes that cut into me.
There was something wet in my hands, dripping on me. I don't know where it was from.
It's caked in my fur and hair now, dried up and caked. I want to rip it out.
I can't feel my hands. Where are they?
Why can't I move? What's wrong with me?
Why is it so dark? Are my eyes open?
Who's there! Stop copying me!
I tried to be quiet after that. It wasn't hard, she was mean, and I am scared.
I shouldn't have gone. I shouldn't have trusted her. Why did I believe I could change?
You're lonely.
Why does that matter? I've been alone since forever. No one takes care of me except me.
Wait, don't go. Please.
Please!
Please...
It didn't feel natural to
Lonnie.
The shiny badge weighed on her uniform like a boulder resting in the hammock of her sagging deflated heart. It didn't belong to her. This wasn't how it was supposed to find its way to her. She missed its real owner. She missed her soft, warm fur and the dotting attitude she presented in the burn ward. Even her hissing and howling when Lonnie forgot something, she missed it all.
Lonnie saw the holos, read the report, spoke with the officers involved with the arrest; trying to fit it into her frame of reference was like pushing a building through a sewer grate. It just couldn't be done. It couldn't be believed if something so ridiculous had actually happened. It was something she would have to see.
"Congratulations, Captain Lonnie." What was there to congratulate? How could he dismiss her so quickly? That was not the response she had expected of Diviak on discovering his star officer allegedly brought so low. It was as if she had died, and Lonnie was to pick up where she left off seamlessly. Like a machine. Lonnie was not a machine, but she could be good at pretending she was.
She had to see it for herself.
She would regret it.
Kyle stayed behind with the other officers at her request as they let in the newly minted CorpSec Captain for a visit to the highest security prisoner in the block. The corridor was dark and had only a single entrance and exit. It was bathed in dull red emergency lighting. The standard light panels seemed to have been ripped out of their placements. Claw marks stretched across the walls, ceiling, and floor. The violence here hung in the air like a haunted memory.
Finally, after releasing a breath she didn't realize she was holding, she engaged authorization to open the outer shell.
The Durasteel exterior slid open slowly, allowing red rays to illuminate the dark interior. Matted blood-soaked orange fur, metal bindings elbow and knee-deep, a muzzle holding a head back in place, a sprawled out dirty star with intensely yellow and turquoise eyes reflecting back Lonnie's horrified expression. Uneven breathes in the individual rose dramatically as a muffled unrecognizable scream tried to break through its bindings. Hatred and violence radiated from the dirty animal, the semblance of a person completely removed. All that remained was rage and blood.
Lonnie hissed, chirped, and growled her words to Kadora'Tra trying to give her anything she might understand.
The only thing Lonnie could make out from underneath the muffled roars was,
"Please."
Unable to bear it any longer, Captain Lonnie left her childhood behind, as the final crimson rays left Kadora'Tra's sight.