Down time (Yuroic/Josh)

[WelshPsych]

Yuroic noted that Josh smiled slightly as Yuroic's knowledge in their history and about the Force. It was something that Yuroic dedicated time to, Arisa had made sure he was literate and could read with some decent skills. He swiftly developed a love for reading both factual and fictional aspects. It helped that he learnt to read in several alien languages was interesting as well. Stroking his short hair as he listened to Josh's stance.

"There were no real Jedi for him to try and convince to change their minds. Jedi of old were so set in their ways that he did try, he would have failed. It was because of their stubborn stances and restrictions that they fell. At least, that was my interpretation, I think that the current way you and several Jedi are currently is as Jedi as the Jedi of the Old Republic." Yuroic stated, he didn't believe that Josh was a Grey Jedi like he saw himself, Yuroic saw him as a Jedi as much as any definition of a Jedi could be found.

"The discussion on whether Revan would have gone mad with or without the torture is purely hypothetical. He was consider a legend amongst Jedi, even now he is somewhat too powerful to believe he was really as strong as it is stated. I think he could have survive mastering all sides but I don't any other person in recent years could have achieved the same level of power that Revan could." Yuroic stated as he sipped his water, before finishing it in a large gulp. "I understand you might not want to talk negative of Arisa but she was just a person, flawed as anyone." Yuroic stated as he didn't believe not noticing the flaws of someone just because they were deceased.

Yuroic places his glass on the bar. "I understand your point, you are right to have some concerns. I have shown some tendencies to be somewhat of a loose cannon, however, I have proven to be more in control of emotions, no longer an addict and come to better understanding of my actions and moving past them. I might never forgive myself for those I harmed but I will learn from them, I don't want to become the person that harms their friends or loved ones again. I doubt I will fall, even if I see myself going down that route ever again, it was hideous and I was not in control of myself. I don't want loose myself like that."

"I appreciate your honesty." Yuroic stated as he listened to Josh answer his question. "I like to politely disagree, the more Jedi I become, the truer the Jedi I try to be then more chance I will fail this task. This is a task that I want to pursue, I don't see myself leading the Silver Jedi Order. Not because I don't think I could, I think you could lead this Order as well, but I doubt that other Jedi would like me to attempt be the type of Force User I want to be and leading a Jedi faction." Yuroic was internally disappointed by the fact that he could never expect to rise higher than Master.

"This is slightly different to you though. I know that you were doing it to protect your brother, bring him back from the Dark Side, but you never felt right using the Dark Side, never let yourself find the motivation to use the Dark Side. I understand that you tried and felt yourself being corrupted, however, these Dark Side powers. I am learning to use these powers from a former Sith not by one who is still a Sith so there is a different view on how to use the Dark Side powers." Yuroic pointed out, admitting that he was currently learning these powers already. "I don't think anyone that is a servant of the Light is ready to try learning Dark Side powers, no matter the experience that they have. I think you can only go in and be as cautious as you can."

Yuroic inhaled and nodded his head. "I know that must have been tough for you, however, I am taking this cautiously. I am also not trying to learn moves that I could use outside of combative terms." Yuroic knew that some of the powers he knew could be used for torture but he never wanted to think of them being possible like that. His aim wasn't to torture people, but only for combat terms.

[member="Josh DragonsFlame"]

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

Josh couldn't help but laugh a little when Yuroic would say he was as much a Jedi as those of the old Republic.

"I don't know whether to consider that a compliment or an insult" He admitted with an amused tone. "As far as Revan goes... Surviving and living are two very different things. A concept that I think you're familiar with by now after your recent ordeal" Josh would point out. Yuroic would point out his silence on Arisa though, and he would shrug his shoulders. "It's not that she's not flawed. It's that it's you" Josh would admit with full honesty, frowning slightly. "I have no right to talk down on your Master in your presence. It would be wrong of me. Arisa was Arisa, flaws and all. But to drag them out into the open in anything but a historical context, and especially with you... I don't think I'm ready to refer to her as such just yet."

Josh let out a resigned sigh as it truly set in that Yuroic had no intention of either sailing away from this course, or delaying his pursuit of it. Closing his eyes a moment as he relaxed, he would open them after a few to look at Yuroic with a serene smile.

"Then you'd damn well better knock it out of the park."

The Jedi would grin wide then.

"If you don't, I will bring you back. By repeatedly smacking you upside the head" Josh would promise with a laugh. "If you're intent on this, then do it. But succeed. Succeed for us, for you... And so maybe one day you can bring some semblance of peace, to this galaxy... That I'll probably never be able to accomplish on my own. You gotta promise me you'll do your best."

Yuroic was right. As things were... The Sith and the Sith ideal were going to continue popping up like moles no matter what they did. No matter what stance they took. Perhaps someone with balance was the answer... So long as he had someone truly of the light to keep him on the path.

He supposed that was Josh's job now, wasn't it?

"I suppose I have one question, Yuroic. One question I want to ask you, if you truly intend to pursue this course... A personal question, if I may."

His gaze became steel. His gaze could have stared into the man's soul, as the true seriousness of the situation took root.

"... How do you do it?"

He let that question set in a moment.

"How do you push away what makes you human? What has driven you to protect? How do you embrace the need you have to hold to hurt, in order to harness the dark side? How do you do that and still keep yourself as you are? How do you stay sane, being as you are now... And then having to embrace what is needed to do what you claim you need to do?"

It wasn't just a question Josh wanted to know though. It was a question he wanted Yuroic to ask himself.

[member="Yuroic Xeraic"]

 

[WelshPsych]

Yuroic chuckled deeply and nodded his head to Josh's comment about not sure to take it as a compliment or insult. "I meant it as you are just as much a true Jedi as they believed themselves to be. I don't see you as Grey, just a Jedi through and through." Yuroic hoped that it was clear he was trying to compliment Josh on his loyalty to the Light, something that was just as impressive to Yuroic.

Shaking his head, "I don't need you to tread carefully. Arisa was far from perfect, I know that and while I am thankful for you being cautious but I rather you always be honest and straight forwarded rather than beat around the bush." Yuroic cracked his knuckles as he thought on Josh stating that he had to figure it out and doing it. "I understand the concern but I promise that I am not heading into darkness, at least not at the moment."

Then came the big personal question, how was he able to harness the darkness. "I... hmmm..." Yuroic paused as he tried to think of a way to describe. "I see the death, destruction and hatred of Sith and Ren folks, they are so driven to kill everyone, make the people suffer. The rage burns inside me, I need to defend those who could not defend themselves. It sounds honourable but I need to kill them, destroy the darkness. I use my anger of seeing the death and suffering of others to fuel my Dark Side powers. I know this is where I am limited but I am certain that I can gain enough strength in the Dark Side."

"How I come back from all that is everyone here." Gesturing to the pub, but his meaning was the Order in general. "Everyone here is my family and I cannot leave that behind, abandon my family." Yuroic nodded his head, "I can't leave the Light but I want to used the Dark to stop my enemies from harming others. It is a last resort, I rather talk to them, keep them from doing the harm."

[member="Josh DragonsFlame"]

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

[member="Yuroic Xeraic"]

He smiled lightly when Yuroic would promise it was a compliment. “Thanks” He spoke softly. It was weird to hear how highly people thought of Josh as a Jedi. He’d never thought about it all that much himself.

Josh listened carefully as Yuroic would explain just how he managed to take the rage he felt at what the Sith did and apply it to killing them with it. Josh let out a deep exhale. Yuroic was confident that with his friends, he’d be able to keep himself from falling. That was dangerous. Reckless. Risky. He really shouldn’t condone it, but... Yuroic had shown to be able to come back already. Even if he’d resorted to cheap methods like memory re-writing. But if Yuroic felt he was strong enough to ride this wave...

“I trust you, Yuroic. And I don’t say that lightly” Josh would remark, his tone growing serious. “Just don’t make me regret that. I don’t want you making us go through the process of editing your memories either should you fail. You need to take this seriously... Because if you fail and we have to bring you back, I can’t let you do it again.”

That was the conditions that Josh was laying down for him to agree to this and let Yuroic operate unobstructed. That was the main rule. The cardinal rule. Succeed, or abandon it to protect himself and others.

“I also want you to remember to stay humane as possible in your methods. Using the dark side is one thing... But if you’re a Jedi, I want you to carry yourself like one. Perhaps that’s selfish of me to say, but I have a few reasons to ask that of you. The easy, business reason is that, well, obviously you’re still a part of the Silver Jedi Order. As one of our finest Knights... You represent us, Yuroic. As one of our best, people will look to you. I want you to be the example, even if that’s hard with your whole dark side use thing. Besides... You said you wanted to show you could still be you even while using it, right? Consider this part of that goal.

But more importantly... I just want you to protect yourself. Even if you think that the Sith are monsters and need to be exterminated for all they’ve done, and even if you use that rage against them... Never stoop to their level. Be you. Stay you. Fight them with what methods you choose... But never let them change you.”

He pointed at Yuroic’s heart.

“You are Yuroic Xeraic. Jedi Knight. And don’t you damn well ever forget that.”

He smiled lightly.

“You very well could be the pioneer to something new here. So keep your chin up, stay true to yourself, and don’t let this path change who you are or take away what has brought you to the dance so far.”

 

[WelshPsych]

It was good that Josh was accepting of Yuroic's compliment, even if he didn't see it himself. Yuroic knew that Josh was highly regarded amongst many members within the Order and it was good to let him know that he was, just not often to avoid him getting too much of an ego. Though, Yuroic seriously doubted it was possible for that to happen to Josh.

When Josh said he trusted him, it meant a lot to Yuroic. To be trusted with his path and the life he wanted to walk meant that he was capable, though there had been missteps in his past he wasn't the same person that would make those mistakes again. The situations had been different and he wasn't a Force User looking to explore the Dark Side but a lost soul with a great amount of hurt and anguish in his life. He turned to substances he thought would ease his suffering which spiralled out of control and he ended up needing to start over to fix what went wrong.

"I appreciate that you trust me Josh, this is the path I wish to walk. I know that many won't agree with it and they won't want me too involved in the Order's hierarchy but the Order is all I know and I won't betray you, never." It wasn't blind loyalty, Yuroic knew there were faults within the Order, no one faction was perfect but he trusted the people here, they were his family. The family that he chose and he was glad to have them.

It was weird to hear Josh compliment him, calling Yuroic one of the best within the Order, he just thought of himself as average. Nothing special or amazing about himself, he was just Yuroic, skilled in languages yes but with his upbringing most people would be. His focus on combat also could have been achieved by many, he wasn't anything that other people couldn't be. Yuroic honestly thought that there were many others who were better and stronger than he was, he even believed that Asaraa was better as a Jedi or Force User than he was. While the dream of reaching Master or Master of the Order or Grand Master seemed plausible, Yuroic didn't see himself as deserving of those statures. There were other, more capable leaders than himself. It would be foolish to reach for goals that he didn't truly believe he deserved. He was still haunted by the crimes he committed.

Shaking his head, Josh misunderstood what Yuroic was like in combat. Yuroic was always a talker before being a fighter. It often got him in more trouble than he like, causing enemies to get angrier and more violent towards him, however sometimes he got them to laugh or engage him in conversation. Krest was one of the best examples of two fighters stopping and talking. "Jumping into fights and killing people isn't my style. I still think that Jedi and Sith can work together, look at the relationship we have with the CIS. At your friendship with Madalena, it is possible for Light and Dark to mix. Some Sith are just told that they must destroy us, that only one can survive which is ridiculous." Yuroic stated, making it clear that he wasn't aiming to kill all Sith, just those that pose the most danger.

"I only fight when given no other option. I only use the Dark Side when I know my opponent is beyond help, beyond talking to. There are sadly Sith out there that gain strength from killing others, from using other people's life force. Those Sith are dangerous and need to be fought." Yuroic stated in a cool tone. "However, I won't sacrifice my humanity to fight them, I still believe in the Light and serve it. I'm just a Grey Jedi in the way I serve it. I also appreciate your compliments, you are too kind with your words." Yuroic smiled.

[member="Josh DragonsFlame"]

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

"All I ask is that you succeed - and do so without bringing people to harm. And... Obviously without forgetting who you are, and why you set out to do this. The moment you forget that... That is the moment I will have to bring you back" Josh would remark in turn. "But I think you'll do fine, personally. You've clearly proven yourself capable in the past. Granted, I thought I was capable too" He remarked, with a sad smile. "I wasn't ready then, but... Maybe you'll be ready now."

When he started to reference Sith, he chuckled slightly. "Madalena is... Different. She's as chaotic as they come, it's true, but... There's a compassion to her that you don't see from the Sith we fight, have you noticed that? She genuinely wants to do the right thing, and... Apparently so do the others that we work with. I mean, yeah, I'm sure there's selfish reasons, as is with most people that take the title of Sith but... If they truly do seek peace, in a responsible method that doesn't just bring pain and suffering... Well..."

He took a deep breath. "Always remember there is a difference between they, and who we fight now. Sometimes we might not be able to get on the same page as everyone else. Jedi, Sith... Doesn't matter. Keep your guard up on all sides of the equation" He would advise.

"It is not a matter of their title... It is a matter of who they are as individuals. Because believe it or not, the worst things that have happened to me, some of those things were done by Jedi. While my closest friends are, or were Sith. Individuals... We are fighting individuals. Even if we just call them the Sith. Approach them as such, as individuals, for good or bad, for better or for worse... But never drop your guard."

[member="Yuroic Xeraic"]