Private Dust Never Settles

[Corazona von Ascania]

Cora swallowed thickly. Like Alicio, she knew well the virtues of dampening visual signs of strong emotion. Unlike Alicio, she was visibly uncomfortable.

Her lips parted, hesitated for a few long seconds, then she spoke quietly:

"Nearly every night."

She let the implication sit heavily between them without need for further elaboration.

Cora glanced his way from the corners of glassy eyes. Alicio's expression was unreadable, but he radiated sorrow. Whether that was for what she'd suffered, or how she'd reminded him of something he'd suffered, she couldn't be sure.

The shelter, and now his answer to her bitterly posed question. She'd started to put together little pieces of who Alicio was.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked it like that. It wasn’t appropriate.”

Cora sighed, dropping her shoulders.

Alicio Organa

 

[Alicio Organa]

"Nearly every night."

Those words hit him like a hot poker to the heart. There was no hiding his true feelings now- they forced themselves onto his face, the twist of pain, a blinding flash of anger like a lightning bolt in his hurricane eyes. For a moment, Alicio was a storm.

Then, he was Alicio again. He went still, his expression once again guarded and placid. There was no doubt she didn't want him to shower sympathies on her. But she received it regardless, quietly but surely.

"My experience... was not the same as yours." Alicio crossed one leg over the other, his hand tracing down his own jawline, to rest on his neck. A grim mirror of Cora's own motion. "Mine was... more recent. In a battle with a vampire." He didn't dare smile at the absurdity of the statement, but the creases above his brow shallowed, and his words slowed with thought. "But... I know what it felt like. For me. The world gets... small. You simultaneously feel... absently peaceful, and violently terrified. Your thoughts abandon you, and some animal occupies your mind, wanting to be free."

Alicio prepared himself, then went for the throat, so to speak.

"Do you believe the weight of your guilt disqualifies you from doing, being, good?"

- Corazona von Ascania -

 

[Corazona von Ascania]

Cora felt the tempest of Alicio's anger in silence. Though her interactions with him had been few, he'd always seemed to maintain a level presence – and, reportedly, did so through his captivity with the Mandalorians.

Truthfully, a part of her was relieved that he'd had this reaction. Not that she craved sympathy, but that he had the capacity to be upset when someone had been wronged in the way that she had been. Alicio Organa might've been a sensible, balanced presence and now the sovereign of Alderaan, but he was still very much human.

Cora's expression creased in visible concern as he relayed his own experience. So often she'd thought of him as a politician, that she'd forgotten he was trained in the ways of the Force, too. He knew what it was like to put his life on the line, what it was like brush with death as that life began to slip away and hypoxia threatened to set in.

She didn't react as sourly to his question, this time. The clouds in her mind were beginning to break up, and this time Cora frowned in thought rather than displeasure.

"I don't know if I've ever thought of it that way." She conceded. "It's just...it's hard to move forward. Ukatian women of my station are meant to keep quiet and endure what we must for the sake of decorum. By those standards, I've failed as a wife – and I know that it's not fair to me."

Cora sighed heavily and pinched her brow.

"Growing up, I was taught that success as a noblewoman was the greatest thing that I could hope for. And I believe that I wanted it, legitimately. It was my entire identity. And now that I've done this, I don't quite know who I am."

 

[Alicio Organa]

So that was it.

Alicio leaned back in his seat, studying Cora with athenian eyes. It wasn't her guilt that tainted her perceptions of self-determination; it was her upbringing. Decisions had been made for the young Princess all her life, and the decisions she felt were her own had left her stranded- how could she know which path was hers?

"Humor me a moment." the king said after a breath of thought, the corner of his mouth inching up into a half-smirk, before falling neutral again. "Close your eyes."

"Pretend your past... doesn't exist. Everything that happened to you, everything that was expected of you, everything you've ever wanted you to be... let it float away, like smoke. You are who you are now, and nothing more." Be in the moment, as the Jedi were fond of saying.

"Which path ahead will leave you the most fulfilled? What good do you want to see done in the galaxy?"

"What do you want?" Call it a thought experiment, call it meditation... whatever it was, perhaps it would help.

- Corazona von Ascania -

 

[Corazona von Ascania]

After a brief look of uncertainty that might've said are you serious?, Cora closed her eyes and focused on Alicio's instruction.

She frowned. Not for what he asked, but because of how difficult it was going to be. Cora always struggled in terms of her self-identity, and became uneasy when trying to separate her duties as a noblewoman from her duties as a Jedi.

Some could say that the two weren't compatible at all - more ancient Jedi customs would agree.

Rather than get lost in the difficulty of the task, Cora steadied herself and exhaled slowly through her nose. As she did, she stripped away the strict upbringing, the heavy expectations, the cruel marriage, and set them aside.

So much of who she was went with them. She wanted to protest that what she wanted didn't matter, only what was best for the galaxy. For Ukatis.

But, that wasn't the question he'd asked. So she dug deep, and remained silent for an eternity that amount to half a minute.

"I want to see the people here uplifted. If it were easy and within my power, I'd eradicate the customs that have held down the common men and women for so long."

She exhaled sharply through her nose in a faintly amused huff.

"Ukatis is a world entrenched in tradition, but perhaps it has outgrown certain customs."

Alicio Organa

 

[Alicio Organa]

Alicio's eyes remained open and studious as Cora closed her's. He studied the young Jedi's face, searching the relaxing muscles under her face, as she let go of who she was, in favor of who she could be.

The silence seemed to stretch on into infinity, even if Alicio guessed it lasted for less than a minute. He gave the noble all the time she needed, he knew how difficult it could be to escape one's own head, so to speak. But eventually, she had an answer.

"I want to see the people here uplifted. If it were easy and within my power, I'd eradicate the customs that have held down the common men and women for so long."

"Ukatis is a world entrenched in tradition, but perhaps it has outgrown certain customs."

He wasn't quick to grab her attention. But when Cora eventually decided to open her eyes, she would find the former Count smiling that endearing, infuriating, 'I told you so' sort of smile. "...Selfless," he said, waggling a finger at her.

"It's not easy. And positive change like that isn't enacted alone. But... you can do a hell of a lot of good." Alicio went back to sorting papers. He was almost done, now. "All it takes is one person brave enough to stand. And others will stand beside them."

"Like me. If you want my help."

- Corazona von Ascania -

 

[Corazona von Ascania]

Cora let her eyes flutter open, wondering if she'd said too much. But Alicio Organa was smiling - the sort of expression that was annoyingly charming, and she couldn't help but purse her lips childishly in response to his waggling finger.

Then she smiled in a conciliatory way as if to say – fine, you got me.

How many uphill battles had Alicio fought to get this far? Countless, she imagined.

"I don't think that everyone on Ukatis will see it as positive change. For some, it won't be-" The noblemen in their ivory towers, for one. They'd certainly hate to loosen their iron grip on the Ukatian courts, but even they had to admit that things hadn't been the same since the Enclave's invasion.

"-but, well, perhaps it could be worth it in the end."

The flurry of paperwork had been tamed into neat piles, and Cora found herself feeling just a little lighter. The tasks slowly forming in her mind's eye seemed Sisyphean, but some guidance from an experienced hand would make them easier to navigate, she hoped.

Tidying up a stack of invoices, one corner of Cora's mouth lifted in a partial smile.

"I'd like that, King Organa."

 

[Alicio Organa]

"Perhaps it might be." Alicio echoed the young noblewoman's words, letting the tiniest of smiles continue on his face, before dropping it naturally. It wouldn't be fair of him to expect her to jump headlong into the inferno with him. He'd learned that lesson with Giselle.

But Cora was willing to consider the path ahead. And he felt he understood her, just a little better than he had before. That was more than enough for today.

Finishing his own stacks, Alicio finally rose, a thoughtless hand smoothing his cape to disperse any ruffles from sitting. He surveyed his handiwork, content with it's tidiness, before turning to the exit.

"I'd like that, King Organa."

"Mmm... There goes another grey hair." Alicio scoffed under his breath, looking back at Cora with unmistakable warmth. There was hope in his smile. "Don't hesitate to contact me if you need anything."

"Be well, Corazona."

As quickly as he'd entered, the king's shadow vanished from the room, the only evidence of his passing a neatly-sorted pile of spreadsheets and receipts, left in his wake.

- Corazona von Ascania -