Even Mandos need therapy

[Cathul Thuku]

For years, Cathul cared for many a Mandalorian warrior afflicted with PTSD, and unfortunately not even the best-wrought of beskar'gams would protect Mandos from mental illnesses. Ever since she pledged herself to Clan Lok, almost immediately after the Mandalore Psychology Clinic opened, Clan Lok had complete control over mental healthcare on Mandalore. But she was not one to care that much about clan allegiance when taking in patients. Nevertheless, the next patient probably has looked far and wide for therapy - and the patient seemed to be unwilling to go to Alderaan or Wayland to get his therapy. On Alderaan walk-in therapists were available around the clock if one had so much as an idea what they were afflicted with, and credits. On Mandalore, however, Cathul had the upper hand and she was, simply put, that one therapist that held the planet's mental health system together.

"Mr. Claden has arrived, witch doctor"

"Send him to my nice, cozy bed"

[member="Nicair Claden"]

 

[Nicair Claden]

The Mandalorian stepped into the office, he didn't really know what to expect, he imagined if he were to be placed anywhere for his mind it would be much... shall we say, barbaric. He always imagined mental illness as showing weakness in Mandalorian society, only the old live long enough to see what the effects of their wars have wrought. The man knew something was wrong with his mind, too long had he been searching for a way to die to ease the pain. It wasn't right, he was a warrior, he should have been fine, he had just taken place in a revolt on Cademimu, such glory, such honor. Honor meant everything for the man, but, what is honor if you meet an unglorified end? What is honor to a warrior that occasionally muses of taking his own life, there is no honor lest it serve a greater purpose. All he's lost would be for forfeit if he had, but still, the thoughts remain. In order to be the finest warrior he could, to truly honor those he had lost, he needed to get his head right, and what better place to do that than the home of his culture, his brothers. He was out of his armor and covered himself with a long robe, his shame, his stigma remained, there was no need for others to know who he was, not that they'd recognize him, he hoped. He scanned the room briefly and his eyes met with the Twi'lek sitting on a chair, this was where he would start, this is where his war with his mind began.

[member="Cathul Thuku"]
(OOC: Having had personal experience with therapy this is going to be a really fun experience, to live through someone like Nicair's eyes is going to be a real blast)

 

[Cathul Thuku]

From Cathul's standpoint, Mandalore was a gold mine of opportunity with PTSD-suffering patients. But she never imagined to be in a position where an entire planet's worth of mental healthcare was sitting on her shoulders, let alone a faction capital. She knew that no other faction capital would have a single therapist for five million people, not even the Kathol Outback, or even the Mandalorian Empire (although both Mandalorian faction capitals have really, really poor reputations in the mental healthcare world). She isn't a cyborg to be abused and she knew droids were woefully inadequate for mental healthcare. She could tell in the Force that he was tortured from the inside, that the symptoms he showed in the Force scream PTSD to her.

"Before we begin, I would like to know whether there was anything you disliked about the therapists on Alderaan or Wayland. Did you see therapists before?"

To Cathul, the bad reputation Echoy'la and Mandalore both had in the mental healthcare world is primarily due to a severe shortage of mental health workers. But to think that Mandalorian culture would be the cause? Who was the resident therapist on Echoy'la? Probably Cathul would need to start referring patients to Echoy'la, Alderaan or Wayland if she feels overwhelmed or if the patients are unsatisfied with her.

[member="Nicair Claden"]

 

[Nicair Claden]

(OOC: He's actually slightly force sensitive so prepare to find a messed up husk of a man)

"I chose to come here to Mandalore because really, the thought that the person that goes in before me or after me could serve and die behind me, that they could be my brother, that makes sense to me. That's why I come, my brothers need the help of others while they get their heads right, as much physical as it is mental. To further the warrior bond between us is why I come."

[member="Cathul Thuku"]

 

[Cathul Thuku]

Cathul has seen her share of PTSD patients that were messed-up husks in the Force. To be fair, the therapist on Echoy'la was also seeing very similar patients to her, whoever that was. But to her, strength lies as much in the physical as it lies in the mental. Cathul may well have "twice the power" intellectually as she often puts it, willpower is just as important. Cathul has also seen her share of patients that could easily overpower her physically but in terms of wits, she could overpower them just as easily; physical strength without endurance would be a little restrictive, and the same could be said of intelligence without willpower.

"Why is it that you want to find a way to die? Is there a particular event that caused you to want to find a way to die?"

She knew that often suicidal PTSD patients became suicidal because of a particular event which, more often than not, caused them to suffer from PTSD in the first place. But the reason why Nicair trusted the only therapist on Mandalore that had any claim to reputability was clear enough to her. Often PTSD patients, and even patients suffering from its side effects without suffering from PTSD proper, had irrational reasons to trust a therapist over another, even Force-users. Good thing she was born on Jakku, away from the prying eyes of Jedi or Sith recruiters, or else she may have become some Jedi/Sith Lorekeeper or Researcher instead: Force-user patients usually put a lot of weight to the Force-alignment of their potential therapists when looking for one, especially if they wanted Force-users to treat them. They were tricky to treat for NFU therapists, which had to be able to resist a mind trick from a patient to be able to treat FU patients.

"I'm not one of those therapists like those you would find on Ruusan or Rendili where they would pry information from you and force the patients to confess based on that. If you feel uncomfortable talking about what caused you to feel suicidal with me, that's OK but the scope of therapy will probably have to change"

[member="Nicair Claden"]

 

[Nicair Claden]

He was silent for quite some time, his mind brooded on the simple question of "why?". What underlying flaw in his mind caused a Mandalorian to feel this, then again maybe it was just his mind but his very brain that was to blame, something wrong with his wiring? Or perhaps it was in fact an event that drove him to this nothing he had been experiencing, this nothingness that could only be filled with killing and war. It was the thrill that drove him, the danger of the hunt, the glory of the kill, blast it all it was like a drug it made him feel alive for once in his life. There were numerous events that could have caused this and it was taking the man far longer than he'd like to figure out the most probable event. The silence grew longer but the Mandalorian was miles away. Then again he didn't need to answer the "what" caused it, what is a needless thing to know, the events are what's important, share your stories, the ones you can't tell your brothers, the ones that haunt you most.

"I was sold into slavery at a young age, I think I was maybe five? Not long enough to have passed my verd'gotten. As I got older they began training me to fight in the pits, it was the only life I really knew." He was trying to leave out some details, that he had found his family and killed them himself for their dishonor. He also left out some of the darker, more inappropriate things that had happened to him while he was still a boy, Nicair would take that information to his grave.

"I'm looking for death so that I might, see my wife or battle brothers again. I do not miss them, it is a null feeling, a detachment--" It was then that a sharp ringing shook him to the core and a voice originating from nowhere commanded him to speak no more. He tried to keep his face calm but failed and he grimaced sharply.

"No more, stop it... I'm through." He only half muttered these words, the voice was speaking to him at an alarmingly rapid pace recently, sometimes speaking back worked, sometimes it didn't. It startled him to think that there was something in his own mind that could simply affect him in such a way, what if it happened during combat? It would mean this taint on his mind could very easily be a life or death conversation and since it rarely told him anything of worth it'd be a pointless and vain one at best. He composed himself and his face returned to its usual stoic expression. The Mandalorian didn't really know what to do in the situation, so he just gave the woman a nod and readjusted himself on the seat.

[member="Cathul Thuku"]

 

[Cathul Thuku]

"From what I know about one's verd'goten, the process leading up to it is much like training one in the pits from age 8-13. But, if you die, you will become one with the Force. Your wife or dead battle brothers are just parts of the Force by now, being used by a wide array of Force-users. Perhaps that's what you mean when you say that you will see your wife or battle brothers again in death"

Too often these charlatans that pass for therapists that practiced on Mandalore would just prescribe extra tihaar or other such things that are ineffective at best. And Cathul is about to discover what he means by a messed-up hulk in the Force. Some dark-sided therapists just resort to draining knowledge out of other people and that sort of behavior would cause so many to distrust a dark-sided therapist, even NFU patients. She may well be dealing with a space wizard whose level of skill in the Force is just as basic or one-dimensional as hers; she fully embraces her Force-sensitivity.

"I can tell that you need to vent your frustrations about your life as a slave. I know life as a slave can be pretty unpleasant but I cannot talk about any specifics, I'm afraid, it wouldn't feel the same whether it is a zeroth-hand, firsthand or secondhand account. But do you feel depressed, or otherwise bitten by remorse because of it?"

To some people, only zeroth-hand experience of a particular thing, that is, experience they themselves have of said thing, counts. Firsthand accounts are gained by direct observation, despite not having experienced it for themselves. Even though secondhand accounts are often treated with less respect than even firsthand accounts, Cathul had the feeling that she could trust that particular firsthand account, but firsthand accounts are better than nothing. Before she can prescribe anything, be it benzodiazepines, SSRIs or anxiolytics, she needed to know more about the side effects of what PTSD inflicted on that patient. If there was one thing she knew about mental health treatments, it is that often treatments need to be tailord to the individual patient. Hence why droids are woefully inadequate for that aspect of healthcare. Plus SSRIs take time to "kick in": while effective, many people needed 6-8 weeks for the meds to actually work the way it should.

[member="Nicair Claden"]

 

[Nicair Claden]

"All due respect, war is my vent. My life as a slave was pit fighting, brutal, bloody, and endless. I've seen much in my short life as I think you can see," the man rubbed a hand through the grey hair already starting to peak themselves through at the sides of his head. "fret not about me, I'm more interested in the workings of the mind, help me to delve into myself. Learn what makes men tick. I'm fascinated."

 

[Cathul Thuku]

"You do seem to be on edge almost at all times, but that is probably part of what combat training in the pits does to people. It's part of what is called mental conditioning. And it's a mental defense mechanism to withhold stuff as well. And feeling guilt for what caused the trauma in the first place is often common in people that have similar affliction to yours. I won't name patients by name, but is there anything you have guilt or remorse about? Recurring memories of a traumatic event, or multiple such events?"

Force-users are more prone to that particular symptom when they do get PTSD, that much she knew. But, in itself, that is not sufficient to diagnose Force-users with PTSD, let alone NFUs. And it is often harder if people had really good memories. But sometimes people also develop OCD as a coping mechanism for their PTSD. Was he the kind to endlessly check on a particular item, she would probably find out later. To each to their own when it comes to coping mechanisms. Oh, of course, for many Mandalore residents, martial arts and combat training in general is a coping mechanism. But the odd off-worlder that does come to Mandalore, however, may not use martial arts or combat as a means to cope.

"Traumatic flashbacks are a sign of the Force that you need to come to terms with the traumatic event(s) that these flashbacks depict and you understand that it often takes longer with Force-users than with NFUs. Understanding why it happened and how it happened, as well as your contributions, if any, is crucial. My Force-using patients often take up to a year longer than NFU patients to come to terms with a traumatic event."

[member="Nicair Claden"]

 

[Nicair Claden]

"Traumatic event? There's too many to count. My dreams often favor the death of my wife. We were young, it was a new marriage, done in secret. The Hutt who owned us both killed her when he found out and sent me to isolation for a week. That's when everything got bad, I couldn't vent, couldn't talk to my adoptive father, all I could do was sit and stew. I did, it was in that week that I glanced at hell itself. I couldn't protect my wife, I felt dishonored, in my eyes I was dar'manda. I hear her voice at times, calling out to me, I've... seen her before, reality breaks and there she is. That and Dathomir." The warrior shudders at the mention of the planet as fresh memories flow to him from his misadventure there. The horrors witnessed.

[member="Cathul Thuku"]

(OOC: I'm not rping a very good sociopath )

 

[Cathul Thuku]

(OOC: Perhaps I'm focusing too directly, or too much, on the events that made you a sociopath. But am I a good therapist otherwise?)

"Sometimes, you know, or should I say, often, sociopaths become sociopaths due to a traumatic event with deep implication in their lives, and in your case, a combination of those: child abuse, loss of a loved one, being common stuff. How constantly are you worrying about stuff? What is it that you're worrying about?"

Often PTSD or sociopathy doesn't come alone: there are times where medication is important to give a patient so that their symptoms can be under control and then the main problems can be cured. Antidepressants or anxiolytics are often prescribed to those who suffer from PTSD for this reason. They do help, just that they do not necessarily address the main cause. Benzodiazepines tend to create addictions, whereas SSRIs Yet, if a medication does not work, often one has to switch for another medication. Often it is tempting for a Mandalore resident to self-diagnose and then take their self-diagnosis to one of those fake therapists for a prescription, but it is dangerous to do so; Cathul knew it better than any other Mandalore resident.

[member="Nicair Claden"]

 

[Nicair Claden]

(OOC: As can probably be seen he's avoiding talking about himself a little bit. To get a picture of what his experience would've been like I ask if you've ever seen Spartacus?)

"Worry? Very rarely, I allow myself little time for idle thoughts. I find myself honing my skills or reading texts of war, even this psychology? It interests me, When given the chance I do what I can to dwell on combat, running through drills, when left to itself my mind dwells towards uncouth thoughts." The warrior's voice is without emotion, a skill he picked up from his upbringing yet had forsaken for some time once his freedom had been gained. This was truth he said, for a lying was seen as distasteful in the pits. This is not to disgrace the usual backstory of the fighters, tales and the likes were common to give the men or women more, what's the word? "flair". Flair was fun, to find the balance between flair and functuality was the art.

"I find the mind, mine perhaps, but any brain to be fascinating. Xenopsychology is interesting, you saw a lot of how certain species handle the pits is an experiment in itself."

[member="Cathul Thuku"]

 

[Cathul Thuku]

"That's one less side effect to screen for. Many of those patients suffering from PTSD are taking medications to cope with the side effects, like anxiety or depression. But avoidance is also another coping mechanism. Other than avoiding to talk about these events, are there also other things you avoid since your wife died or you lived in the pits?"

In Force-users, the main manifestation that would get a Force-user diagnosed with PTSD is the presence of recurring nightmares about a specific event, alongside physical reactions at any mention of that event contained in the nightmares. But NFUs had three main types of symptoms, of which the recurring nightmares is just one. Avoidance is another, and increased emotional arousal (or anxiety) If Cathul ever got PTSD herself, that would devastate her for years unless she could see another therapist: a better memory often makes it harder to get rid of the memories and it's even more important to her to fully understand what happened, and her contributions to the trauma, if any. Then she can move on, or so her logic went.

[member="Nicair Claden"]

 

[Nicair Claden]

"Not particularly, if anything I almost miss the pits. The rush, the excitement, the glory, such things I only feel in war. The blood rushing from the wound, spraying my face, the sound of metal meeting flesh. It's exhilarating to the highest degree. Being so near to death is a high of itself, having your own life and the lives of others in your hands. It's in those moments that I can almost, touch my wife and father again, look into the other side. Even step through the gateway if I wish."

(OOC: Enter the sociopath conflicted with his depression, torn between his heightened sociopathic self-preservation and the sadness/suicidal thoughts brought about by depression. This is challenging but fun.)

[member="Cathul Thuku"]

 

[Cathul Thuku]

"Becoming one with the Force is what that portal you're talking about does to anyone that enters it. There are a few, Cade Skywalker if I recall correctly, that were able to reverse the process. What is it that you hate about society at large? What makes you think that you're a sociopath? The medications I know about will treat depression but treating sociopathy will often require treating depression first"

Many a sociopath hate a particular aspect or two of society, in which case treatments will often focus on reversing the hate of said element and to at least have a grudging respect. But also many sociopaths are uncooperative or unresponsive to therapy. If only she knew how to do a mind trick, perhaps she could actually deal with the heavier cases of sociopathy. She can learn pretty fast, just that she never had the opportunity to do such. All too many patients come to therapy without a complete understanding of what therapy can and cannot do. She did have some therapy for herself: back on Ando Prime they had to undergo therapy, one hour a week, at the end of the process. But many vods either think their baat'kayshs, as Emperor Isley once qualified her practice, can stay calm and focused at work while patients stream to them, whereas she can feel years and years of frustration soon released in her Force-training.

[member="Nicair Claden"]

 

[Nicair Claden]

"The corruption of the few over the wills of the many. Too many a court rules in favor of the guilty, too many men and women such as me thrown into the fire. I tell you, I am the fire. I am the fire that will cleanse the filth from the galaxy. Fear the right hand of the gods, too long have the powerful stormed over the weary, the broken, those who cannot protect themselves. I will take on the might of every false idol this place we call life has to offer, for I have the strength too. It is my task to do this, to be the negative force, to be that which great tides of my enemies throw themselves against. To find that which I may throw myself against so as to sharpen myself against its stone. I am that which the strong despise, the filthy, the uncouth. I am what I have been called since I slew a mighty beast born of its, I am the Demon of Dathomir and this galaxy will yet tremble at my feat."

(OOC: I'm proud of writing that with how tired I am)

[member="Cathul Thuku"]

 

[Cathul Thuku]

"That description of your sociopathy sounds like a vigilante. What I often say to sociopaths of that sort is that, while they often seem to have their hearts in the right place, they need to reflect about what world they want once their goals are achieved and often sociopaths like you fail to provide a satisfactory answer. You just can't wish for destruction of a given party as an end in itself. There is no guarantee that, once the establishment has been destroyed, that the new one will be better than the old one you sought to destroy"

And they have to actually work towards their desired post-establishment goal to ensure that it will actually be an improvement over the old one... which, all too often, they have no intention to do, or cannot do the proper legwork. In a few instances, the aftermath of a revolution has been worse than its pre-revolution state a lot of levels.

[member="Nicair Claden"]

 

[Nicair Claden]

"Then I shall tear the new down and leave another in place. And so on until a better one is found. It is through challenge and strife that strength is made, war not peace forges warriors. I shall be the force of resistance, it is my place. To raid, wage war, and bring down the corrupt, whether I wish it or no. The strongest of metals is forged in fire, my fire, the flame of retribution and revolution. This is the life chosen for me, and I shall live it to my heart's content."

[member="Cathul Thuku"]

 

[Cathul Thuku]

"That begs another question: what does corruption means to you? Perhaps your conception of corruption would provide insight in how you should approach the matter, in what makes your targets, well, targets. To some corruption means graft, bribery, nepotism and other similar things, to others it just means acting in a way they don't agree with, even though they otherwise do no real damage"

Cathul knew that one of the challenges of opening up to the patients is to make sure that she could fully understand the patients' intellectual limitations. She was lucky that Nicair wasn't impaired in the slightest, but she knew that it's not always easy for people with brilliance on her level to actually interact properly with people that they could very, very easily overpower intellectually. But patients that could actually think through things were some of the patients Cathul liked most. But she knew that therapists came with a range of intellectual strengths: there were some that were great to empathize but actually could not reason very well, and there were people like her, although to be fair, other people at her level were tempted by research instead of therapy, and often the scholar-practitioner models of graduate psychology education were the ones that took the longest, much like Dagobah Tech.

[member="Nicair Claden"]

 

[Nicair Claden]

The Mandalorian's body relaxed as fatigue began to ebb into his systems. What was corruption? Did he even know anymore? Did he ever, or was he going off of the base conception of what he had thought it to be?

"I don't know anymore. I'm tired, i can't keep up though i have more than the desire to do so. My mind wages a war with itself over this issue. In a sense I'm a crusader of my own false idol, that of a perfect retribution for the lost, for the tortured souls, for the broke innocence. I live in war, fire, combat, it is my peace, my sanctuary, my home. It is all I know. My path helps me to heal, to know what I desire, it is those I meet along the way that guide me. Those I've killed follow me to the ends of the galaxy. And I slightly apologize for wasting your time, but I would have it no other way for I know of no other."

[member="Cathul Thuku"]