Zilera T'daro
Amani Serys
Subject 648 Slipknot
Jasper Candos
Xian Xiao
Rick Kaloo
Victor Akani
Griet van Vliet
Or'Fol Moric
Sebastian Sebita
Iston Voronwe
Open to All
As Aurelion entered the dinner the Council had established he couldn't help but be unable to quell a nagging disquiet in the back of his mind. Brief, flashing memories of elaborate galas and dinners on Hapes that always felt so cold, so clinical and covered by a facade that had always made him itch. By comparison the gathering here was small, tiny even, with a warmth the galas from his youth had never held. That disquiet was fed by the fact that T1 had refused to come with Aurelion to this event, electing instead to stay behind and study the various ships and shuttles arriving and departing from the landing zones. Making Aurelion not only worry about the little droid but also face, with no small amount of trepidation, the prospect of facing this situation entirely alone.
Aurelion would be lying to himself, however, were he not to acknowledge the greatest source of his discomfort here. The undeniable fact that he had already searched for, and found, a Master before. However welcoming Josh had been, he had always seemed incredibly busy and occupied with his abundance of promising students, success stories of ones he had already trained, and Aurelion's own timid demeanor was the main culprit as to what he perceived as his own failure with him. Studying with others, let alone sharing the supposedly very personal relationship between Master and Padawan with others, was something that had always struck a discordant chord in Aurelion's mind. A rippling wave of doubt and worry that had shaken him to his foundation.
As for why such a thought was so troubling? The answer is rather simple. To himself Aurelion seems unworthy of attention when compared to other Padawans Josh had been training, that his many issues and problems had been nothing but a bother and an additional chore for the experienced Jedi to attend to. This had, more than anything else, made Aurelion sickeningly ashamed of himself and amplified his already fervent disbelief in his abilities. While a gathering such as this dinner is very much nerve-wracking and spine-tinglingly uncomfortable for the half-Eldorai, it was nothing compared to how burdensome Aurelion had felt before. Coupled with intense, personal dramas tearing his attention away from his training.... and the effect had been nothing short of stasis and disaster.
Now? Now Aurelion was faced with a new question, a new opportunity, and just as many new doubts. Could someone... No.... WOULD someone think him even worth the personal attention? A wounded, discarded Padawan who's own connection to the Force rebuffed him at the slightest call? A Padawan whom had willingly given up from learning from an already esteemed Master once before? A Padawan, a person, whose turmoil would be able to be felt by any who approached him? Deep-seated and immovable as a glass mountain of worries and paranoia? The only answer he could arrive to on his own came in an old voice wholly NOT his own in a firm, simple 'No'.
All of this inner turmoil, all of this doubt, crossed his mind in the matter of a moment, and manifested only physically as his grip tightening ever so slightly on a glass of water he didn't even remember grabbing in the first place. Drawing in a slow, stale breathe Aurelion's singular eye swept across the room to take in everyone present. The ease with which they spoke of themselves and to others, how much more.... whole they seemed than he.... made him feel as if he had perhaps made a terrible mistake in coming here. Sitting down at one of the tables to himself Aurelion took a slow, single drink of water, hardly registering the cool liquid flow past his lips... before his ears sagged and he idly picked at some of the food in front of him. An intense melancholy falling over him as he idly chewed on a piece of food he could barely taste. In his mind's eye, in this dinner, in this gala, he was not present. Rather dancing before his eye he was a small child, back on Hapes, content and instructed to sit in the corner and enjoy what was provided to him. He could even hear and smell sights and sounds that were not there, as if he were a soldier reliving a horrid battle on some far-flung world.... yet all that was before him was a calm, tranquil dinner.........