Facing the Truth

[Kay-Larr]

Kay had wanted to leave Republic space for a while. She had caused too much trouble for herself and for others. Trouble always had a way of finding her. And usually that trouble came with questions that she just didn't want to answer. That was what brought her here. To maybe answer some of those questions and put some matters to rest.

She once sought [member="Mantic Dorn"] for help and advice. The two of them had gone on a couple of missions together, most notably a diplomatic mission to Atrisia, so she felt that she could trust him. And when she told him the truth about herself, he got angry and took her into custody, something that she just didn't expect.

Given that she was no longer in government, she thought that now she could maybe put his fears to rest and somehow prove to him that she was no Darksider. Kay always felt herself to be good and pure. Sure she was a bit reckless, but she never thought of herself to be even capable of evil.

After some asking around Kay discovered where the Jedi Master was staying. So she approached the building and quietly knocked, all the while keeping her Force signature as small as a tree nut. It wasn't as though she wanted everyone to know her secrets. They were hers to keep, afterall.

 

[Mantic Dorn]

Mantic raised his head just seconds before [member="Lady Kay"] arrived.

He knew, and recognised her fairly well but it had been some time since he had seen her.

That time she had been in custody. But what had happened after that was unknown to him.

Interesting that she came to see him, he thought and closed the tablet he was studying and made his way to the entrance.

Once there he took a bow.

" [member="Lady Kay"] - what brings me the pleasure?"

 

[Kay-Larr]

Kay took in a deep breath and then let it out slowly as she waited. Then [member="Mantic Dorn"] opened the door. She bowed her head to him. "Greetings, Master Dorn. It's good to see that you are well. When you....had me arrested, you spoke of wanting to somehow test me to be sure that I wasn't under any influence. Well...now that I have been fired from the Senate and the Republic government entirely, I have the time. I just want to put the both of us at ease. But of course if you don't wish to, then I understand. I'm sure that you're incredibly busy."

 

[Mantic Dorn]

Memories flooded his mind.

[member="Lady Kay"] - the former senator that he had gotten to know as a fiery debater and what appeared a defender of the Republic ideals, a notion they shared and bound them together.

But Mantic knew there was a shadow cast over their relationship. A shadow that had separated their paths for some time now. Mantic had named that shadow [member="Darth Ferus"] and it had been a great shadow that the jedi had feared to such a degree that grave errors had been made.

But that was in the past and unknown to the dark lord Mantic had started the tiresome work of investigating the sith and try to discern his schemes and plots. Eventually Mantic knew that he had to try and stop him, somehow...

Looking at Kay he felt as if it was simply right that she was here, he had felt that this separation was a temporary one and now it was time to find ways to scare the shadow away.

"Come in [member="Lady Kay"] and tell me about your own judgement on yourself. Have you been punished enough? Have you been unfairly treated?"

He turned and walked inside the simple hut , there was a table and two chairs. He poured a glass of water for her and placed himself on the far side of the table waiting for her to sit, after he would follow suit and listen to her thoughts

 

[Kay-Larr]

Kay frowned a little at his talk of her being punished. Maybe that's what it was? Whatever it was, she didn't like it.

She stepped inside and sat down at the table, folding her hands on top, keeping her eyes on the glass of water, instead of looking at [member="Mantic Dorn"] . "My own judgement?...I don't feel as though what I did was so terribly wrong. I only hid a part of myself and I never used it to influence anyone or any decision making. I have no aspirations for great power. If I did, don't you think that I would have tried to submit myself for Supreme Chancellor? But I didn't. I had no need to. The position that I had already gave me the resources that I needed for my missions to free slaves."

She picked up the glass of water and had a sip. "I always did my best to ensure that there was the least amount of deaths and injuries as possible. And it was working...."

Kay looked up to Mantic. "I'm not a bad person. But the Republic doesn't want me anymore. I have been exiled by them and of course that has me upset. But being upset isn't going to change anything, so I must go where I am wanted and needed. Not to worry though, I hold no ill will towards the Republic, so I will not be trying to harm it in any way. So you needn't try to arrest me again."

 

[Mantic Dorn]

Mantic listened and watched. Foremost he reached out and sensed.

Once [member="Lady Kay"] had finished Mantic leaned forward. His right hand gently pushed the glass, not much but enough to cause a stir.

"The force is always around you [member="Lady Kay"] " he began in a low voice locking his eyes on the small ripples of water in the glass.

"It can be a comfort, a fountain of warmth and a powerful ally. With care the light can hold the good in us close to heart and offer us protection against the chaos that washes over the galaxy."

Looking up Mantic took a deep breath and then let out a sigh as he leaned back, and the water calmed.

"To understand and follow the light is sadly not as easy as one might hope it should be. If one allows emotions to control your actions, your thoughts, your words...."
At this he looked up at [member="Lady Kay"] - trying to fix her eyes with his own.

"... then, the dark side will be there, lurking ever so gently in the shape of something that Feels right. Something that makes for right, strength... but to give in to that, to allow oneself to slowly cause the ripples to grow and eventually..." Without leaving her eyes he nodded toward the glass. "... eventually grow into waves, large enough to spill over."

"I am not judging you nor is the Republic a sole being with a will of its own. It only acts from what its people believes to be right." he tried a feint smile at the last phrase.

"Do not blame it for following its own laws, laws that was meant to keep the ripples from growing to waves." he finished with an as calm voice as possible.

Stroking his beard he continued to watch her closely.

 

[Kay-Larr]

Kay leaned back in her chair as [member="Mantic Dorn"] leaned forward. She still kept her Force signature small, out of habit and out of a need to keep it that way. As he spoke of the light and the protection it can give, she drew her knees up to her chest, resting her feet on the chair and wrapping her arms around her legs to hold them in place. Protection. Her instinct was to make herself as small and insignificant as possible. That was her protection.

She met his gaze and forced herself to not look away as she continued to listen to his words, all the while reflecting on them and wondering if she was guilty of what he had said. No. No, she couldn't be. Certainly, not for all of it.

"I'm not a Darksider....I only use the Force to heal, but mostly I hide it. You have to believe me."

She sighed and looked to the glass of water, still hugging her legs. "I'm not going to be making anymore ripples for a while. I've stopped because I can't afford it. I sold my shell company, all of my credits went to the Mandalorians to help broker the peace treaty. Whatever good that did, I don't know. It's no longer in my hands...."

Kay lowered her head, resting her forehead on her knees as she fought back her tears. In truth she felt as though part of her died again, just as she did when her husband was killed and she was left with nothing. It took her a few years to come out from hiding then and start all over. She didn't want to have to do it all over again.

 

[Mantic Dorn]

Mantic stroked his beard and pondered for a while. the silence might have been troublesome for some to cope with but [member="Lady Kay"] was someone used to all sorts of situations. She was both so strong, yet so fragile...

"My lady, I apologize for having deceived you. I thought it necessary to begin our conversation." he then said.

"I do not wish to accuse you of being evil, I never have. But there are errors in how you perceive your role and your powers. It is not your right to say that you will withdraw when the people around you need you the most. It is your duty to now learn what your new found role is, and how you can use it to further the light to the best of your ability."

"You must reach down and lift yourself from the darkness and realize that there are options for you. The most foolish one would be to stop, and not accept that you have great responsibilities, senator or not." he explained and stood. He walked over to the sink and poured himself a glass of water as well.

"I asked you if you have been punished enough. I will rephrase that question. Are you done punishing yourself [member="Lady Kay"]?"

Mantic was stern and he made no exception here. His affection for the woman was clear but he would not let it steer this encounter. Matters far greater then him or her rested in if they would be able to move forward, and Mantic did not want to raise false hopes of that she coming to himwould be an easy path.
He was sincere about helping her but he considered her position far more complicated than most others.

 

[Kay-Larr]

Kay looked up to [member="Mantic Dorn"] as he spoke of her not having the right to hide from others for a while. He said that they needed her, yet she just couldn't see it. Sure her adopted brother was worried about her, but that was normal, especially with the trouble she had caused for herself.

She raised a brow as he told her what her duty was. She hated not having control, most especially over herself. Maybe that was why she liked her missions. She had control of all of it. Even if they failed, she could control for the most part over who would suffer for her failings. Most often that was left only to herself.

She stared at her glass of water as he asked if she was finished punishing herself. Was that all that this was? Kay felt abandoned by the very government that she worked so hard with. They gave her the cold shoulder and turned their backs on her. She refrained from watching or reading the holo-news because it hurt too much.

"I suppose so, Master Dorn. My brother and some others want my help negotiating contracts for them and helping refugees. He knows my secret and it didn't anger him. I still want to try to keep it a secret. That was why the Supreme Chancellor and I released a fake resignation letter to the media. I thought it was best to save the Republic from another scandal." And let her take the fall so that the situation wouldn't cast a bad shadow over the Senate for blocking out Force Users from their ranks.

 

[Mantic Dorn]

Mantic thwirled his own glass.

"See what you did. You caused me to create ripples in my glass now..." he tilted his and and gave of a smile. " You must start to be more careful about stirring the waters. But that does not mean it is wrong. Only to be aware of which water is stirred and to pay attention to how high the ripples reach."

"We do not want them to spill over again. We need to keep control and focus at all times."

At that he raised his glass and drank from it. The fluid was cold and offered refreshment to his dry throat.

"You keep placing yourself as a victim. You committed errors, and the system has handled it in a way that suffice. Do not linger in it." he spoke plainly and went back to the table.

"I am a jedi [member="Lady Kay"] - you have come to me asking for some kind of help. Is it help from a jedi you seek? Or did you come to me as someone you believe you hurt? is it forgiveness you seek? The latter is not required my lady. I have nothing to forgive you for."

Mantic laid his hand on her shoulder.

"I was the one that sensed your ability with the force and through that started your path to something else. Was that wrong?"
He looked at her trying to make her relax more. He had seen many students over the years and hoped that he still had the ability to summon calmness in his listeners.

 

[Kay-Larr]

Kay smirked as [member="Mantic Dorn"] seemed to be trying to be funny as he swirled the water in the glass on his own. She lowered her legs, but hugged her arms as she listened. "I know...I shouldn't blame the Republic for what happened. I was just hoping that maybe...I would be the exception to the rule. But no. I suppose that I got off easy for my deception."

She did go to him for forgiveness for lying to him and hiding her Force use from him. Kay placed her hand on top of his as he rested it on her shoulder, but only for a moment, before she let go.

"I'm lost Master Dorn, and I am trying to find my place again. I faced temptation from my Darksider allies, but never gave into it. I don't fit in with your Jedi, and I don't fit in with being just an average citizen either. There is just so much uncertainty, so much that is unknown about what I am supposed to do or what path I'm supposed to take. Before it was simpler. But now....I've hit a brick wall."

She was at a loss, even with what to say.

 

[Mantic Dorn]

Mantic nodded. He felt her bewilderdment and recognized her honesty as something good. He stood silent for a moment and pondered before he let go of her shoulder to reassume his seat across the table.

"I will not pretend to have all the answers [member="Lady Kay"] - I see the force differently than most that are attuned with it in the galaxy. Most would call me a cold and strict person stuck in beliefs from the past that are outdated."

He smiled and put his glass on the table. It was still stirring some but slowly settled in.

"I can not force you to anything but I belive I can help you." he then continued with a serious voice.

"But I am not offering an easy path, and you might not like what it would mean."

"I can see two different possibilities for you if you wish to remain here and use your gifts in service of the Republic still." by now he took a sip from the glass and watched her with narrowing eyes.

"I would take you in as a padawan, train you as a jedi and remove your other affiliations. Start over, and take a step forward into service."

"Or, you could join our academy here as a citizen of the Republic, a student of the force and try to attend the lessons given to in due time better learn to harness the light and shy the darkness that regardless will be your companion through out your life.

"Both ways are good options [member="Lady Kay"] - but the latter would offer you more freedom and suit who you are now better."

 

[Kay-Larr]

Yes, [member="Mantic Dorn"] was old fashioned, but that was part of his charm. Such a thing was needed, otherwise Force Users with no discipline at all would run amok. Kay thought of herself as not entirely lacking in discipline, but not governed by it either.

She continued to listen and pondered the weight of his words and the possibilities. It could mean coming out of hiding, and knowing the racism that existed between those that could use the Force and those that couldn't, she wasn't sure if revealing herself would be a good thing.

"Master Dorn? I would like to learn more, to have better control and to protect myself from evil. But is there a way that I could attend these lessons in secret? You got very angry when you found out, just as the Supreme Chancellor did, and our former Prime Minister blackmailed me with the threat of execution. I can only imagine what others would do. Even most of the Sith are unaware..."

 

[Mantic Dorn]

Mantic frowned. A secret padawan? That was not something he had considered and the suggestion took him by surprise. He was also trying to recall the moment when he had revealed [member="Lady Kay"] as force user. Had he really become angry? Had he lost control over himself because of it. HE remembered fear and failure as he had met [member="Darth Ferus"] - it was a painful reminder that he still had challenges to overcome however.

He could not recall and instead decided that she it mattered not, it was how Kay perceived the fact that was important. He had appeared angry and through it perhaps caused sorrow and possibly more fear in her.

"My lady, first and foremost I must apologize for having upset you. It was improper behavior on my account to do so. A jedi should not loose ones temper, even if it is a surprise of such dignity as you offered.” he spoke with a sincere voice. Then he wetted his lips and leaned back anew.

“You wish to continue to hide your force sensitivity? If that is the case, what is most important for both myself, and yourself is, why? Is it out of fear or do you truly believe that it will serve the people of the Republic somehow?”

 

[Kay-Larr]

She knew exactly the reasons why she kept her force use hidden. The first person in the Republic that she had even let in on that secret was [member="Mantic Dorn"] and Agent Kearney. She wanted their help and advice when it came to what [member="Darth Ferus"] was planning. Instead she found herself arrested. But that was only part of the reason.

Kay really wished that she had some tea. It often gave her comfort when she had to dwell on a part of her past that nearly killed her. "Both, Master Dorn. I have done more for the Republic hiding my abilities, given the current prejudices. But I am also afraid to use it or to use it too much. My late husband was a Dark Jedi and we were married for just over two years. We worked as a team and I managed to keep him on a more lighter path. Then a powerful Sith Lord came and wanted my husband for himself. He did whatever he could to tear us apart and to destroy the Light within him. But he failed...The Sith Lord attacked us and our friends, wanting my husband to kill us, but he just couldn't do it. So he made a bargain, his life for mine. I watched as my husband was murdered. While I lay there broken, the Sith Lord approached, whispered some strange language and disappeared. That was nearly ten years ago....I don't know what happened to him and I don't know what he said. I'm afraid that if I use the Force it could be a beacon that would bring the Sith Lord to me. I don't want to face him again. I don't think that I could."

She clenched her jaw as she fought back the tears, though she did her very best to try to separate herself from the emotions of that night. When her husband died, so too did a part of herself. She felt incomplete. But for the most part she didn't want to waste the sacrifice that he made for her. That was why she got back out from hiding.

 

[Mantic Dorn]

Mantic frowned as [member="Lady Kay"] told her tale, there was darkness, corruption, pain and fear in it. Although he did soften some as the tear came out and he reminded himself of that there also had been loyalty, strength and love in it.

He leaned his head to the side, he felt for her, he truly did. Yet he was unsure if he should let that guide him at this moment. She was a danger and an ally in one. This all troubled him greatly. Regardless, compassion was critical for a jedi however, he had to try and see it from her point of view.

"My lady, I am truly sorry for your loss. The force is a wonderful companion and source of light, but it will also show its dark side when strong emotions are at work."

He wet his lips and leaned a bit closer, trying to gain eyecontact again.

"I am also sorry that I think that you are wrong. You fear this sith, a natural reaction for sure. But what you are missing is that fear is what feed the dark lords of the sith. Your behaviour is what gives them power over us."

He hoped his words made sense to her as he continued speaking, ever so slowly but without hesitating.

"There are ways to seperate the force from you completly. That way you would never risk anything and you would not be a potential threat for your husbands murderer to seek out."

"Or you could learn to master your fear and embrace the light side of the force as your ally against him."

"But it is you that need to make a decission."

 

[Kay-Larr]

Kay met his eyes and did her best to hold his gaze, even though she wanted to shy away as he spoke of her actions being in the wrong. Of course [member="Mantic Dorn"] was right. She knew that. Maybe she just needed to hear it so that it can confirm what she thought?

At the mention of the two options he laid out for her, her eyes widened at the thought of being cut from the Force forever. She understood why he mentioned it. If she had wanted to keep hidden, then why bother having it? But she did use it at times when it was needed.

Kay dropped her arms to her lap. "I don't want to lose what I was born with. To cut myself off would be a coward's way out and I don't want to dishonour my husband's sacrifice. He would want me to be strong and to continue helping those that need it." She picked up the glass of water and had a couple of sips from it. "I will learn, Master Dorn, learn to protect myself and others from the evils that threaten us. Maybe then I will feel whole again..."

 

[Mantic Dorn]

Nodding Mantic crossed his arms. He had suspected this answer and it was what he gathered an honest and true answer.

That was good.

"In past times I might have forced the decission one way or the other. The force is nothing to consider an extra tool or something to take lightly upon." He then spoked in a lecturing tone.

"Do not dismiss this as something you already know. If you want the help from me, from the newly formed enclave you need to understand how I see this."

He took a swift breath and looked out through the window as if the words he was looking for would come flying in through it.

"The force... is a steady power. But we that wield it are unpredictable. The first jedi were formed because force users ran freely across the galaxy, causing much more chaos and destruction then good. I fear we are seeing a repetitive pattern in modern days, and you are an example of this [member="Lady Kay"] " he did not remove his eyes from the window but he realized that he must have hit her feelings at this point. It had to be said though.

"I am not enforcing the old rules however, I am merely recommending them." here he made a pause to allow his words to sink in and for her to ponder on what he really was saying.

"However, I have agreed, as a servant to the Republic to teach non-jedi force users in this enclave. A way to perhaps place some sort of control over those that use the power and an attempt to at least help them stay in the light." turning his head toward [member="Lady Kay"] he let out the force around them. A powerful wash of strength and light that most likely surprsied her.

"Are you determined to see this through [member="Lady Kay"] - are you ready to listen." the last word was emphasized as he finally withdrew the force aura and allowed her to answer.

 

[Kay-Larr]

Kay wanted to pipe up the moment that [member="Mantic Dorn"] spoke of her being an example of one that caused more destruction and chaos than good. That wasn't true! Sure she was a bit reckless, but she did her best to save lives, not end them. She didn't start wars, she tried to stop them. However her recent negotiation with Alderaan and the Mandalorians didn't go so well.

She kept quiet though while he continued. He wanted to give her discipline or at least rules to follow. Maybe that was what she needed? Kay took in a deep breath and let it out, but part way through that she was struck by the wave of light. It almost knocked her over with it's strength.

Was she ready to listen? Maybe not completely. But she had to force herself if she was going to better her situation. First thing's first however. She lifted her focus, allowing her Force signature to be felt. Mantic had felt it before he had her arrested. She wasn't the strongest, just about average. But it was there nonetheless.

"Yes, Master Dorn. I will listen and do my best not to question you." Kay had to remind herself that he was only looking out for her as a friend should. He wasn't trying to hold her down.

 

[Mantic Dorn]

With that Mantic took a deep breath of relief. He knew [member="Lady Kay"] was good hearted but he was unsure just how she would act when facing someone trying to master her on how to be good. It had been slippery ground but he now felt that they had reached a point where she deserved recognition.

"The first step to a deeper understanding is to understand that one has much to learn. To be humble is a great trait [member="Lady Kay"] and you have shown me here today that you are serious about this." Mantic smiled and left the stern tutor behind them.

"If you had not been already involved with your own life, I woud have sought and recomended you for training as padawan, no question about it. But given the circumstances and the obvious fact that you are hesitant to the actual jedi title I would instead suggest that you signed in to the enclave as our first non-jedi student."

"I think you have inspired me to one of our first lectures. You must attend the school frequently if you are to succeed in you aspirations to control the power that you carry"

Mantic the took a bow to show her respect. This had been an interesting and challenging conversation. He hoped she had found what she sought after, or at least the beginning to it.