Fifty Shades Of Fear

[Stephanie Swail]

The warm blade teased the stubble under his jaw, and Asterion waited for the fate he would be dealt. If this was his time, so be it. When nothing came, and the girls’ breathing started to get heavier, he felt the blade move and lowered his head.

About to say something, he didn’t see the slash coming and he felt the skin tear open on his cheek, oozing blood as the blade was thrown against the wall.

The pain flashed over his face, but the Force helped sooth it as quickly as it was delivered. Fingers reached up to feel the small, deep cut that would leave a nice little scar, fingers squelching with the fresh blood and torn flesh. Another trophy.

”Very good. Mercy isn’t always something that is weak – were you a Lord and I a mere soldier, I would leave the battle with a reminder of your power and your strength. Your name would spread out and send shockwaves across planets. Thus, the start of the Mason name being worth something than just legend.”

Stepping past Felicity, still battered but strong in poise and power, Asterion gently placed a hand on her shoulder.

”You did good, kid.”

Walking to the entrance to the room, he motioned for her to follow.

”Let’s clean you up and decide where to go from here.”

[member="Felicity Mason"]

 

[Felicity Mason]

She had prepared herself for it. She was ready for him to punish her for being weak, for showing him mercy. She knew he was going to say something about her enemy not showing her the same. She tensed up, ready for the blow.
But it never came. She opened her eyes cautiously. He was happy with her? That didn't seem right. She blinked in complete surprise when his hand touched her shoulder and he walked past her. This wasn;t right at all. She glanced down at the scattered remains of her diary and considered picking it up. No. She'd left something behind everywhere they went. Her diary would stay where it was. Maybe Graxin would find it. Or somebody. Anybody. If she died, at least her words would still be here.
Wordlessly, she followed. The idea of getting cleaned up and her wounds dressed sounded like heaven after what she'd just experienced.

[member="Asterion"]

 

[Stephanie Swail]

Feeling the trepidation from Felicity as they moved through the bunker, past a large map room and a conference room, Asterion recalled which way to go, and nearly took the wrong turn once or twice. Eventually he came to the refreshers, 6 crimson cubicles with a feed of water to each. It was a nice shower; he had to admit after using it when training over the years.

”Help yourself. Towels to the rear. And don’t worry, it’s not been in use for months but it’s all locked down clean.”

He leaned against the door frame and ushered her in.

“Take your time, no rush.”

Yes this was a lighter approach, but he had to remember she wasn’t naturally gifted and she was no use to him dead.

[member="Felicity Mason"]

 

[Felicity Mason]

"Your cheek is still bleeding," she mumbled out loud as she followed, but she made no real effort to make herself heard. She'd made sure he noticed before. There was no reason to bring it up again, except to highlight her small victory. They stopped suddenly.

A shower. She must be dead. This must be the afterlife. It wasn't even close to being as fine as what she was used to. Felicity was accustomed to getting only the best for herself, but after what she'd just been through, anything at all was the greatest gift ever. She stepped up to the cubicle, paused and looked him dead in the eye.

"Don't you dare watch me," she warned, before disappearing inside.

It wasn't the first time she'd had to warn someone not to watch her bathe. Boys were stupid. They never knew when to keep their eyes to themselves. Mom always told her to watch out for them, keep herself safe and clean. Said she deserved respect. Said nobody was allowed to touch her until she said it was okay. But she knew well enough that some people out there hadn't gotten that memo yet. And she simply didn't trust her kidnapper not to try to take advantage of her.

Once she was inside, she finally took off the heavy black robe, folded it up neatly, set it somewhere that it wouldn't get wet and turned on the water as hot as it could possibly go. She gasped as a steady stream of cold water hit her skin. After a good minute, though, the water warmed up steadily until steam filled the cubical. She sighed, letting the scalding water soak away the dirt and grime from her bright blonde hair. She didn't care if she was burning. The pain was a good distraction. She looked down at her hands, swollen and bruised. Just curling her fingers on her left hand felt like a chore. On the other hand, it was impossible. How was Owain going to hold her hand now?

She slid down the wall, pulled her knees to her chest. She couldn't feel her tears, but she knew they were there, washing away down the drain. She was alone now. For the first time since she was taken. Alone, if only for a moment. She was allowed to be afraid. She was allowed to miss people. And she let herself feel it now. Her body shook as she choked back sobs, hoping that the water would be enough to mask the sound.

[member="Asterion"]

 

[Stephanie Swail]

With a small nod of his head, Asterion slipped around the door and laid back on the wall outside the chamber. He heard the shower come to life, the flowing water and the muted sobs of the girl. Giving her a few moments, looking up and around the corridors now ghostly quiet, Asterion turned back into the room and made for the cubicle with nothing but purpose.

With a fluid movement from strong strides, his boot came up and kicked the door, buckling the lock as it flew back and slammed against the inner wall. Steam and water started to trickle out, and Asterion saw her on the floor in a near foetal position; naked, wet and crying. She couldn’t look more like a helpless child if she tried.

Not hesitating, and not caring, he reached through the hot water and grabbed the girl’s arm, pulling her up and dragging her out behind him. He scooped up her folded robe as he thundered on to the exit, feeling and hearing her in his gip as he turned right and straight ahead, and then taking a left to the entrance.

Her skin was soft and wet against his dry, course hands and his grip wrapped around her arm easily, but one thing he noted was the primal strength she displayed – something he felt she was displaying with a fear of what was to come. The steps were easy to move up, if not for Felicity, and Asterion reached the warm jungle air outside the bunker and span her forward, discarding her at her most vulnerable.

”I’m surprised anyone could love you with the weakness you show. I thought the Mason family was strong. Obviously not.”

He threw the girl back her robe, refraining from looking over her body to make her feel totally worthless.

”What do you fear most in life?”

Asterion walked a few steps past the bunker blast doors and sat back against a thick tree trunk.

[member="Felicity Mason"]

 

[Felicity Mason]

The crashing of the door made Felicity cringe and cover herself as best she could with her hands. Unfortunately, she did not have the time to preserve her dignity. His hand curled around her thin arm before she could do anything but scream. He dragged her outside, her delicate feet scraping the ground as she tried to keep up with his pace. Once the humid air hit her skin, she stumbled forward hitting the ground hard, the cloak landing right next to her. Her long wet hair stuck to her trembling body in awkward places as she tried her best to cover herself in front of him with it.
She wasn't a child anymore, not even close. For the last three years, she had been growing and developing. Evolving. Like a butterfly from a cocoon. She had the body of a woman now, even if she still had the innocence of a child. She knew it, the boys in the Academy knew it, mom knew it, dad knew it, graxin knew it. It was why she was kept hidden away. She was not the most beautiful girl in the Galaxy, but she was far from plain. There was too much of her Mother in her for that. And everyone knew what happened to pretty girls when they were alone.
Her tears only flowed more freely now down her freckled cheeks. She was shaking like a leaf in a thunderstorm as he questioned her ability to be loved. She was hardly listening to that. She was imagining the worst possible outcome now, too afraid to look at him, until he asked what she feared most.
She finally looked at him with a tiny gasp. What did she fear most? Right now, at this very moment, what she feared most was sitting right in front of her, She said nothing, but her eyes spoke for her as she glanced down at the black cloak draped over her wet body before going back to him.

[member="Asterion"]

 

[Stephanie Swail]

Folding his arms, Asterion waited for a response. But nothing came except more sobbing. Was this really the bloodline from royalty? Maybe he had sorely over-estimated those with the Force inside them. Maybe not all seeds were meant to grow and flourish; maybe the weak had to be culled.

”I know you fear me, but I am nothing you can’t relate to. I represent a part of you that is aching to be free and be heard. I also represent those cold voices who talk behind your back about you.”

He counted on his hands.

”One. Mummy and Daddy who belittle you to others, ashamed you don’t show potential to keep the name strong. Two, your cowardly brother and sister who don’t care enough to help you when you need it most and would happily see you die. And three, that boyfriend of yours. Boyfriend? He’s not a boyfriend. He wants one thing and one thing only and the fact you don’t please him makes him use you even more.”

Clapping his hands together, he shouted down to her, standing from the tree.

”THAT is what you fear. The inability to believe in yourself and to show others you’re not just another Mason girl doomed to blend into society like a puppet, like your Mummy.”

[member="Felicity Mason"]

 

[Felicity Mason]

She'd been doing a lot of crying lately. Mom would not approve. Dad would be embarrassed. Celeste would call her a crybaby. Graxin would tell her to control herself. holding the cloak to herself with one hand, she wiped her eyes with the other. Her poor broken fingers could do little to stop the flow though. She was struggling to keep herself covered and keep her eyes clear.

"You don't know anything," she responded in a cracking voice, "About my parents, my siblings, Owain. And you don't know anything about me."

She wasn't being truthful though. The fact was, Felicity was afraid of all that. She didn't want to let everybody down. She didn't want to be a disappointment. And there was a deep dread in her heart that he was completely right about Owain. That maybe he really was just after... that. She remembered 'the talk' her father had with her, just before she left. Humiliating as it was to discuss that with her Father, he had showed a similar concern. He said two people should really truly care about the other. Did Owain care about her too? She'd promised to wait for him, but was he going to do the same?

[member="Asterion"]

 

[Stephanie Swail]

”I know more about you than you want to tell me, that’s for sure.”

He walked a few steps and crouched down before her. He reached over and pulled the robe up and over her shoulder.

”Listen – I can send you back to Mummy and Daddy as you are now, I couldn’t care less. Let them wrap you up in cuddles and all that crap and tell you it’ll be ok. Your boyfriend will use your emotional state to get you into bed, blah blah blah, whatever.”

Asterion waved his hand, manipulating the Force to lift her head to face his.

”Or you can let yourself build on that power you have inside you to go back there and be someone so powerful and respectful they won’t know what’s hit them. You could rule and show others how true strength operates. You can prove to others that you demand respect, and you can have anybody because you will in control of what goes on up there in that mess of a head of yours.”

He waited a moment.

”I could be the greatest ally you ever have and I can stand by you to show others how a real Sith works without fear of others. You’re in the perfect position to become mighty.”


[member="Felicity Mason"]

 

[Felicity Mason]

She went stiff as he reached up to her. She clung ever tighter to the fabric of the robe, terrified that he would do something entirely different. But instead, he pulled it up to cover more of her flesh. She blinked stupidly at him, lips parted with a word frozen on them. He wasn't going to touch her. He wasn't going to...?
This was a chance. She could go home. She could be safe. She'd see mom and dad. She'd see Owain. They could be together again. Her little teenage heart fluttered at the possibilities. She'd give him everything. She would make him love her. She could...
Her fathers words stuck in her mind. Only between two people that cared for each other equally. Her heart raced. The look in his eyes when she kissed him. She kissed him. Not the other way around. Was he really just using her? Was he just trying to get in bed with her like [member="Asterion"] said?

She closed her eyes, realizing that her tears had stopped.

"Will you teach me how to control my visions?"

 

[Stephanie Swail]

Asterion nodded slightly, seeing the internal thoughts racing around her fragile, naïve little mind.

”I’ll teach you to control them if you let me in. I’ll be your greatest strength because I have no reason to doubt or distrust you – convince me you are as strong as I feel, as full of purpose and resolve to be strong and embrace the Dark Side that flows in your veins, and we will do fine.”

He stood, stretching his arms to release tension.

”If you want me to teach you, don’t lie to me and don’t hide anything from me. I will make sure you get back to where you want to be if you use what I’ve taught you already wisely. And Owain needs to go. He’ll do nothing but hold you back. Get rid of him.”

Stepping forward, Asterion lifted her sorrowful head again with his fingers.

”He doesn’t deserve you.”

He brought his hands to pull the robe around her shoulders more and gestured to the bunker, keeping his eyes peeled around the area for signs of trouble he still felt was coming.

[member="Felicity Mason"]

 

[Felicity Mason]

Get rid of Owain? The very idea of throwing him away seemed impossible. She'd never been in love before. She's had slight crushes on boys of her past. Sons of her mothers friends and colleagues. But her feelings never went on for more than a day and she quickly forgot their faces.
Owain was the first special case. Owain was the first one she could look at and say 'I could marry him'. It was childish and pathetic, but she did see that with them. He challenged her. He teased her. She felt at home in his arms.
Was it all his attempt to use her and throw her away?

"How am I supposed to just forget my first love?" she asked out loud, pulling the robe around herself to cover her entire body from him, "It feels impossible..."

[member="Asterion"]

 

[Stephanie Swail]

Without warning he struck her with his palm on her cheek, but he made sure it wasn’t forceful enough to hurt, but enough to sting and shock her.

”I’ll slap you in the face to save you keep doing it to yourself. You don’t know love – you think you know what love is? Love hurts – love uses you, betrays you and abandons you when you need it the most!”

He dug his knuckles into the soft earth below and gritted his teeth, trying to control his emotion from the past.

”I guarantee that he’s already forgotten you. Where’s your rescue party? Where’s that cowardly brother of yours to rescue you? I could trace your aura with the Force – has anyone else bothered to do that for you now?”

He looked up at her and shook his head.

”You fear to be unloved and to love in return. Love will kill you in the end unless you stop it before it does. I know…”

Stopping himself, he sighed quickly to change the subject. ”Your visions. What has been your worst.”

[member="Felicity Mason"]

 

[Felicity Mason]

The slap to the face was not half as shocking as his explanation of love. He said love was painful, he said love betrays you, abandons you. But how could that be? She'd seen her parents love. Mom and dad would do anything for each other. Dad gave up everything for mom. Mom left her entire religion behind for him. They were always there for each other.
Was their love the exception, rather than the rule?
She rubbed her cheek and rose to her feet.

"What was her name?" she asked, ignoring his last question, "Or his. I don't know what you prefer. The one that broke your heart."

[member="Asterion"]

 

[Stephanie Swail]

He smiled, the first time in a while.

”Well done. You just reached right into my heart with my emotion on the line and pulled it out. And a HER, thank you very much.”

Asterion thought for a moment, rubbing his jaw.

”She was my mother. I can’t even remember her name. Ushered me into the Jedi Order and then when they all failed to protect and help me, she took me to Korriban and left me there as a child to die by myself. Luckily, I learnt how to survive. And became this.”

He looked at her, head hanging slightly.

”No matter who you think loves you, one day they will turn it right back on you when you need it most and stab you in the heart when they see it as a burden. You have to prepare for that day. I wasn’t.”

[member="Felicity Mason"]

 

[Felicity Mason]

Felicity felt something close to pity for her kidnapper now. She'd misunderstood. She thought it was a lover that hurt him. It went deeper than that though. His own mother. It seemed hard to understand at first. How could any mother elect to leave her child behind?

Mom did too though, didn't she? Left me and Celeste behind. She did it because she had to, but...

"I'm sorry about your mother. But is that really an excuse? Not everybody is like that you know."

She was talking to herself as well as him now. She had to believe in something. Wasn't it love that saved the day in all the stories? She'd grown up with those stories. She believed in them for so long, dreaming of the perfect fairy tale ending for her own tale. How could she throw away so many years of wishing in one day?

[member="Asterion"]

 

[Stephanie Swail]

”Ok, love doesn’t just come from parent and child, family, friends or lovers – what about Master and student? A different sort of love based on understanding, trust and eagerness to please and devote time together to something great?”

She didn’t reply.

”That was snatched away too from me. Twice I’ve had my life resting with another, and twice I’ve been abandoned and had dreams shattered, trust broken and faith misplaced. Only now, as I am, do I not have that worry. I don’t fear who I meet for they can’t hurt me, nor can they use anything against me.”

He shifted his weight onto his other knee, still crouching before her in the robe, hair wet and a mess.

”Stop looking for excuses to accept the harsh reality of the galaxy we live in. Only then will you truly feel like you can live in it.”

[member="Felicity Mason"]

 

[Felicity Mason]

Felicity sat there, shaking her wet blond head back and forth as he spoke. Love between master and apprentice? She'd loved her old Master, but then again, he was her brother was well. It was difficult to tell if she listened to him because he was her Master, or if it was simply because he was family. She pitied him more now. It was a shame. He'd never felt that brilliant glow of love before. Not from anybody. She wondered if he was capable.

"I can't live my life like you, [member="Asterion"]," she sighed, "I can't let myself believe this big Galaxy is completely devoid of anything good and beautiful. If that was the case, then why would you even keep going? It seems like it would be entirely pointless. I think you'd be happier if you just tried to open yourself up a little more."

She pulled the cloak tighter around her and stood up. She wasn't afraid of him right now. At the moment, all she could feel was a deep sadness for him. It was probably her mothers blood in her veins, but she wanted nothing more than to help him now.

"You know," she added, "It's something of a family tradition. Mason girls always find a way to tempt Sith to the lightside. Maybe i'll carry on that tradition with you instead of the other way around."

She smiled, but at the same time she was fully prepared for the beating she was sure to receive for speaking out.

 

[Stephanie Swail]

This was dangerous territory – he was starting to open up to a teenager, a young woman who was now standing before him trying to talk, rather than cower and cry.

What if she’s right?

”I am sure there is a spot out there where you can see something beautiful, no matter your allegiance. To me? No.”

He stared out into the Teth wilderness and shook his head distantly.

”I was unwanted from conception, unwanted at birth, unwanted at childhood, unwanted as a young man, unwanted as a student. That’s all I know, how to accept being unwanted and how to survive because of it.”

Flexing his knuckles, his mind was racing now.

”Felicity, you’ve been raised underneath a wonderful blinding rainbow where it’s all nice and pretty and provided for you. You’ve never had to work for anything, and when things don’t go your way, you sulk and cry. You don’t face it head on and MAKE it go your way. Perhaps I did the wrong thing in finding you.”

He didn’t look at her, focused on the jungle ahead where his ascension to a Sith had really begun.

[member="Felicity Mason"]

 

[Felicity Mason]

To her complete shock, the beating did not come. She raised her eyebrows as he used her name, explained her privileged life. He wasn't wrong. She was spoiled and pampered. And she did sulk and cry when she was hurt or afraid. But he wasn't perfect either, and she could see it now, clear as day. She kept smiling, even as she rubbed her aching fingers, reminding herself of the injury he caused her.

"Maybe," she replied, "but I don't think you did. I think you found me for a reason. Maybe it's not the reason you thought it was. Maybe I'm meant to help you instead."

She had a new strategy now. A new way of surviving until Graxin or Daddy found her. Make him like her, at least enough to keep her alive. Be a beauty. Tame the beast.

[member="Asterion"]