Fight Club

[Cortana Jade]

He chuckled to himself, it tickled him. "Aha no...but I'd like to think that's part of the reason I'm doing this now..."

Sigh.

"I don't mean to make excuses...but" he looked up at the ceiling, shaking his head because he was letting it come up. "Honestly Kaili, I don't know who I am. I never knew..." It made him cringe to have to be all mushy but she seriously inquired and he figured she wouldn't judge. She'd probably smack him again but...he could handle that.

"I almost died...overdose of course, I'll never forget. Jed was the guy who found me...fixed me right up and gave me that second chance. He saw something in me, no one else ever did, not even me. He was more than just my Master, h..he was like a father. He set me on the path to being a Jedi...kept me from drugs and trouble. I caused a lot of casualties later on in a mission gone bad...then I lost Jed...it hit me all at once. I couldn't cope and so I went back to the only other thing to bring me comfort. Then I lost the Force..."

He reached back and scratched the back of his head...it was a way to help him avoid all the mushy stuff. He giggled of course. He'd always been that orphan from Yavin...at least that's how he felt. Nothing was ever permanent with him.

"I thought I had something going, ya know? I thought I was starting to figure it out. I just don't know who the hell I am...or what I'm suppose to do. Right now I'm just existing...doing things I know to survive."

He turned and let his legs hang off the cot, she'd be the first person he'd ever open up to besides Jed.

"Numb to it all..."

[member="Kaili Talith"]

 

[Kaili Talith]

[member="Rebel Sunka"]

Rebel sighed, and Kaili frowned. It was never cut-and-dry it seemed. Never a man down on his luck or feeling down, there was always something more such as a dead master, or a dead apprentice, dead girlfriend. A hand dragged itself across Kaili’s face to stave off her own emotions. It wasn’t what she’d have wanted to hear from Rebel and it wasn’t what she wanted to be thinking about from her own perspective. She could recognize with occupying your mind to stave off grief, it was what she would have done too, and was what she had done just a week ago.

“Tell me about it.” She sighed and shook her head. “My girlfriend died.”

“Or, I thought she did, but she came back. With amnesia.” The hand that had dragged itself across her face dragged itself through her hair again. “She don’t remember me, or what we had, but I still have her around hoping that she would.”

“I don’t know what’s worse at this point.”

“Having her forget me or believing she was dead. One of them was certainly easier to manage.”

“So, yeah, I come here to alleviate that every now and then. It doesn’t really work though, everything comes back once I either wake up again or the buzz runs out.”

Kaili shook her head. “You can’t numb that grief, Rebel. You just can’t.”

 

[Cortana Jade]

Her girlfriend...her girlfriend! Kaili had a girlfriend...damn.

But the lost was there. He looked over at her "I'm sorry Kaili...I didn't know."

His voice was heavy, of course his tone was low. "Your right. I hear you..." he put his hand on his chest, "My heart hears you...I want to move to forward so badly. I wish I knew how."

"It's ju...just..." he stepped down ad paced towards the wall, "I hate him ya know....I hate him!" He punched the walll, "He abandoned me..." The pain surfaced and was audible in his voice.

Who was he really mad at? Jed gave him life again...and deep down Rebel knew the old man thought of him as a son and saw his potential. In the reflection of the durasteel he saw himself....

He fell to his knees, "I karked up Kaili! I failed myself...I want to be free of all of this....I want my life back. My friends..."

Tears fell sporadically..."I'm scared I won't be able to handle the pain...it'll take me back to those dark places."

[member="Kaili Talith"]

 

[Kaili Talith]

[member="Rebel Sunka"]

Loss was hard, you couldn’t escape that no matter how hard you tried to suppress it. Loss of a lover, loss of a friend or even the loss of someone you merely looked up to. People left impressions on one another no matter who they were, and that was one of the realizations that used to frighten Kaili the most. A master was someone who had transcended a mere friendship, and to lose that was bound to mess anyone sane enough up.

“He did not abandon you.” Kaili said under her breath. It was the truth, and as Rebel fell to his knees Kaili would get out of her chair to pull him back up again and into a hug. Didn’t matter much if he wanted it or not. She identified and she knew how to advise.

“You are afraid of what he has left you with, but you do not hate him.” Kaili patted the man’s shoulder. Letting go she placed her hands on his shoulders and gave Rebel a serious look to let him know that she was quite serious.

“Jed has helped make you who you are, and from what I saw out there and what I have seen here and now, that’s not the man I think that you think you are. You are scared, you are acting irrational because that’s what brings you comfort despite the fact that it doesn’t let you handle anything related to the pain you are experiencing. Not even remotely.”

“Sometimes the only way to move forward is to go backwards. Detours happen, dead-ends too. What is important is that in a time such as this you keep to those that care for you, okay?” Kaili squeezed the man’s shoulder. “You have me, you do have the Jedi, you have more than you realize who will be there for you as long as you return the favor for them.”

“In the end, you will only get what you give.” She tried to make that sound comforting. Wasn’t sure if she succeeded. “Jed gave you a chance, now you have the chance to give the same to someone else.”

“You have the experience to do that. You know what it feels like to lose someone now. You know what it means to have someone there for you.”

 

[Cortana Jade]

(Sooo sorry about that!)

He let go a drawn out sigh, it was long over due. She was right...

"You're right...I shouldn't have isolated and abused myself like this...I came too far."

He wiped what tears were left from his face, and he was surprised, embarrassed, and relieved from the tears he just shared with Kaili. Funny how he could take a number of hits and power through but when it came to the game of emotional stability...he just didn't have it; he was learning. "It's time I took charge...got serious about myself."

"I'm glad we got to fight ahaha" he looked at her, of course he had to find some way to make a joke out of this. The gushy feelings made him feel awkward. "If we didn't...I probably wouldn't be crying in your arms- If you tell anyone about this I swear haha" he switched up his facial expressions.

"But no...thanks for being there Kaili you don't know how much this means to me" He embraced her again. "I feel like I gotta jump back in the ring to get my mojo back after that"

[member="Kaili Talith"]

 

[Kaili Talith]

[member="Rebel Sunka"]

Of course she was right, Kaili was only ever really good at helping others more than she was able to help herself. A budding martyr complex perhaps or just a quiet plea for someone to do the same for her. Regardless she would smile as he wiped the tears from his face. He seemed somewhat earnest about making something out of himself, to be more than just a cage fighter and for what the idea of that was worth Kaili could at the very least smile about that. She hadn’t ever had someone be glad to have fought her before. Then again, most people tended to lose a few fingers when they did.

Her lips swept by her side into a lopsided grin as he mentioned going back into the ring.

“Nuh uh.” She said and accepted his hug. “You go back, and I’ll just drag you right back out again.”

Air burst through her nose. A chuckle.

“There are better ways to get frustrations and thoughts out.” She continued to smile as they separated. “I know punching feels great, but it’s a very short term.”

“So what you need, Rebel…” Her lips sunk between her teeth trying to stifle a laughter, a hand moved up to cover the grin. “Is a woman, or a man if you are into that. Or anyone, actually. Point being, well, you get it.”

Quick on her words she swept in front of herself. “I love-... loved my Allyson more than anything. She completed me, she made me feel like I could take on a whole world for as long as she was around. She brought me so much stability, and security, and uhh… Other... Outlets as well that, well…”

Red face alert! Red face alert!

“Look, I- There-...” Kaili looked away for a second and cleared her throat before she looked back at Rebel. “There is someone out there like that for you too. And I think instead of fighting... You should do what you can to find them. It is a fight or ‘struggle’ that is more worthy of your attention, and there will be many out there who could be the one but you won’t know until you start trying to find them.”

“And I am not asking, but rather telling you this… Get out of here, and forget about all this. Find a way to spread love instead of pain. Because when you do you will find what you are looking for, and you will be all the better for it.”

“Please, trust me on this.”