First Order; First Steps

[Connor Harrison]

He shot her a quick wink, and stood up from the alcove, hand falling from hers. He also took the milk, had a generous mouthful and let out a content sigh, before placing it down to the side.

"Alright. And, small steps remember,” he said, walking backwards, "we have all the time in the world for this. Now, I'll know if you push back and if my invasive reach doesn't have the desired effect. The eyes tell me that, remember. The eyes will show a person at their strongest or weakest. Before, I had a glimpse of your strength. I want to see it again, but controlled.”

Connor stood a way before her, and placed his hands by his sides, not needing them.

"Don't hold back. But be in control. That's key.”

He began.

The first assault as simply to work into her mind the enhanced images and sounds from the ball. The lights, the noise, the voices, the music.

The faces and conversations she had were there, and Connor accelerated them in a barrage of images and sounds to the forefront of her mind.

An effect like this would be disorientation, and making it as if the voices of those conversed with had come into the room. It would be loud and rapid.

Connor focused on her with intent, and waited for the result.

[member="Ara Ren"]

 

[Ara Zambrano]

Ara twisted in the alcove, folding her legs under her and facing Connor. Sitting sounded like the best option if they were going to mess about with her mind, she already had one split lip and a sore knee, no sense making it worse. She pushed both glasses out of the way, and folded her hand in her lap, watching him as he moved back and stopped.

"Control, hmm?"

She glanced down at her hands, a small frown appearing as she considered. She nodded once that she was ready to begin.

She wasn't sure what to expect from his attack, her hands curled into nervous fists in her lap. The remnants of the Ball on Avalonia were definitely not it. Her mouth curled up into an easy smile and she relaxed slightly as the images, music, and voices echoed in her head. For a few brief seconds, she was content to let the images wash over her.

Her thoughts flashed from Kaalia to Captain Draken to Connor himself. Samka and Mishel flashed in the background, as the images grew in intensity. The dances she'd shared with the former three swirled in a riotous combination of light and color, the Disicple moving her hands from her lap to both sides of her, palms flat against the stone for balance. She idly wondered if he saw the same images she did, if he saw the image of himself in the lounge, the secret dance she'd shared with her friend, even the easy flirting she'd shared with the captain.

She shut her eyes, smile fading to a frown as the assault continued, voices amplified and echoing in her mind, conversations mixing together until she wanted to snap her hands over her ears to stop the noise.

It took her longer than she'd like to admit to remember what she needed to do and to tap into the Force. It came as bidden, as it always had, hungry and eager to lash out. She fought against those same urges, the one that wanted to rend and fight, to force her attack to stop by sheer power. But this was about defense, not offense, and she kept her violent urges in check for now.

He'd told her to push back against his attack, to force him out, as she had with their hands, but she had no idea how. There were no hands or weapons to focus on, no muscles to constrict to rob her target of life-giving oxygen. The was a foreign concept on all fronts and while she had the power, she had the instruction, she had no target. The power in her swelled in her frustration, but short of lashing out at the man standing a few feet away, she had nowhere to direct it.

A frustrated growl rolled from her throat and her eyes snapped open, glaring at Connor for no particular reason, that sickly yellow-red ring around her irises back as she called more power.

"This isn't....working."

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

Watching her facial expressions and slight twitches of the body, Connor just kept the balance of the Force steady until he felt her expel energy, but at nothing. The pool to the side rippled slightly. When she came back to him, eyes tinged with that darkness, he nodded.

"Then make it work.”

It was time to push her more.

This time he cut the First Order ball sensory in a split second and fabricated her images of her fear; her fall, into her mind. The dark of night, the distorted image he pieced together from what she had told him. Howling wind, blood pumping in the ears, the muscles that ached.

The goading faces. The jeers. The disappointment from everyone.

Fall, Ara. Do what everyone wants you to do.

He spoke to her mind and made the world spin in her head. Even he had seen the high points of Coruscant, so that was easy to replicate and feed form her fears alone. With each push, she would feel herself going further and further down, the horrible feeling of falling and having nothing to do to stop it except watch, and scream.

Die.

Voice around her shouted, screamed, whispered, laughed. Even the mask of her Master would come into view, watching it happen. A material object, but one planted in the right nightmare could mean so much.

He didn’t let up.

[member="Ara Ren"]

 

[Ara Zambrano]

She knew he'd continue pushing the moment he told her to make it work. She expected the noises and images from the ball to intensify and speed up, and so for a moment, as the images stopped, one corner of her mouth quirked up into a smirk.

The expression froze on her face as new sensations and images invaded her consciousness. Her breath caught in her throat, the sound of her heart pounding in her ears warring with the sounds of the wind, the jeers, and the one voice that penetrated through them all.

Fall, Ara. Do what everyone wants you to do.

The faces swirled around her, mixing with the reflection of neon lights glancing off the metal and glass of the towering skyscrapers of her once home. The wind rushed up as she felt herself falling further and further down, the vice grip of fear crushing her chest until she wanted to scream just to relieve the pressure.

Her hands scrambled against the stone surrounding her, searching for purchase to slow the fall that was only in her head, but so very real. The faces, Kaalia, Connor, Talon, Mishel, Samka, even Pharazon overwhelming her vision until she couldn't distinguish one visage from another. Over the whistling wind, over the blood rushing in her ears, over the sound of her panic....she heard them.

The words were lost in the twisting images and disorientation, lost to the screaming in her head to stop the fall, to save herself from the painful death that would meet her at the end. But still...she heard their mass of voices, the expressions and tones conveying more than mere words could.

She had failed. She was weak. And they were glad. Someone so weak, so useless, had no spot with the Order. With the Ren. She was the weakest among them, unworthy, and now she'd proven it spectacularly.

She slammed her eyes shut against the black dots spreading across her vision, the trailing black lines further disorienting her. Her back arched, the muscles spasming as she tensed against the inevitably pain of impact, the images rushing past with more intensity, a scream torn from her throat.

Die.

The word ripped through her consciousness as the vice grip on her chest instantly released, a gasping, rattling breath drawn in, clearing some of the spots from her vision.

No.

It was so easy. One thought, one simple word and the power she'd drawn snapped forward, a biting, powerful weapon against the faces and voices in her head. They were gone as quickly as they'd appeared, not so much as a whisper left echoing through her mind. They were like everyone else in her life, using her, needing her for one thing only, power. If she proved useless to them, they'd leave her behind to fall. It was a hard truth, but one she'd learned through experience after experience.

They didn't matter. Not one of them.

But she wouldn't roll over and die.

She pushed back against the barrage of images with every ounce of strength she'd gathered. The swirling images came to an instant and completely halt, the lack of movement and sound an unexpected instant of peace. The panic and fear had fled, her mind mercifully empty of emotion for a few blissful seconds.

Her vision cleared and she was once again sitting in the Bastion, the ex-Jedi standing a few feet away from her. Her fingers a bloody mess of torn flesh and nails from her desperate struggle for purchase. She ignored the injuries, the pain radiating up from them as small as a splinter. The air around her crackled and pulsed with power, searching for somewhere to go, the only target the man in front of her.

[member="Connor Harrison"]

Spoiler

No, we're not gonna die tonight

Break their hold
Cause I won't be controlled
They can't keep their chains on me
When the truth has set me free

This is how it feels when you take your life back
This is how it feels when you finally fight back
When life pushes me I push harder
What doesn't kill me makes me stronger

The last thing I heard is you whispering goodbye
And then I heard you flatline[/color]

 

[Connor Harrison]

While it was hard watching Ara struggle with the memories, and I turn the desperation of clawing them away, it was necessary. It wasn’t an easy process nor a pleasant one, but it was one that would make Ara a stronger person and a stronger fighter.

Connor felt the push back, taking away the ease from pulling her memories apart, and as the blood started to seep from her self-inflicted wounds, he stopped. The situation was far from over, and neither was this painful lesson. She was volatile in those few moments, but he had to break the beast to tame her.

"Control, Ara. Control it.”

He side-stepped, watching her.

"You’re no good if you can’t control, and you must show you’re in control to your enemy. Right now, you’re not.”

Closing his eyes, he raised his right hand and curled it. The next invasion would be stronger than pulling out a memory; it would be twisting an existing one. It had to be relenting until Ara controlled her mind, or reacted. And then the re-building process would begin again and he wouldn’t let her fall.

I’m so proud of you.

The voice was different, but still that of the mother. Ara’s mother. Picked form the memories and dreams Ara would care to forget, but that her mind wouldn’t let go of. The bowels of Coruscant stored many dark secrets, and now beside the wall of their training room stood another; her mother looking sore, afraid and sad.

You’ve become more than I ever could ask.

Connor’s eyes opened, dark grey, as he connected to Ara in a Force bond.

[member="Ara Ren"]

 

[Ara Zambrano]

She raised an eyebrow and chuckled as he spoke of control. The power called to her, sang out for blood and pain and fear. She felt in control, powerful, but it was only a matter of giving in for that thin line to snap. And if she did, he was her only target.

"Are you sure I'm not, Connor? Or is that fear speaking?"

She watched him side-step, rising from her perch and moving a step forward before another barrage of images took over.

Spoiler

The anger that had subsided with the swirling images before returned white-hot and all encompassing. Fear and pain were long gone, replaced with a rage so ingrained, there was no room for any other emotion or thought. The words and voice were twisted by time, anger, and Connor's manipulation.

"Proud? PROUD?!"

The anger directed at an imaginary specter lashed out, both glasses behind her shattering. Her rage was threatening to take over, the little thread of control she had stretched tight as he played with her mind and memories, conjuring the one person Ara never wanted to see again in this life.

With each second she felt her grasp on the Force weakening, the spar from earlier and the ongoing mind invasion wearing on her depleted resources. Her strength and ability to use the Force was not infinite and she had to find a way to control the situation before she burnt out or lost her grip on the power all together.

Control.

The thought broke through her icy rage, reminding her that it wasn't real. The image was an attack, a facsimile meant to disorient and confuse her, to do exactly as she had just done. Turning the power inward, she focused on forcing the image and the raging emotion with it, out.

Something snapped inside as the attack was repelled, her grasp of the Force draining with it. She let herself slump against the wall, eyes closed, as her muscles and mind aching from the expenditure of energy.

Even as the power fled, something else stayed. A conduit, a connection that hadn't been there before. She turned her head and opened wide eyes toward her companion.

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

Focusing on Ara, and not the shattered glass or rippling water, he maintained the vision and the pained memories as he watched her react. Reflections of light would dance in her mother’s eyes and glisten in her jewellery, but while he held it, the image and voice faded like a whisper.

Don’t fail me, because I…..

The vision was being blocked by Ara, which meant her wall was building. It went quiet, and Connor stopped, as she fell back into the alcove and collapsed. He wasn’t a tyrant. He knew when someone had peaked, and right now she had, but she had started to build her resistance, and that was good.

She looked at him, and he focused on her as he walked to her.

"I will give you everything I have to make you stronger, Ara, if you trust me. You feel my aura. It’s something I experienced on my journey to the Dark Side, with a Sith connecting with me to make me feel stronger, and able to do anything.” He knelt by her and nodded. "I will be there when you need it. And you repelled the image, and your mental wall is forming. You have a way to go, but you’re on the right track. I think you’re done today however.”

He had to smile at her, for she certainly showed passion.

"You deserve your relaxation time now.”

Reaching out, he squeezed and rubbed her upper arm.

"Do you have anything you want to ask?”

[member="Ara Ren"]

 

[Ara Zambrano]

She raised an eyebrow as he started rubbing her arm. It was another habit of his, she supposed, along with the constant movement. She didn't mind it particularly, but it was another note in the metal file of all things Connor Harrison.

He wanted to make her stronger, help her. He was using his own power to strengthen her own. His offer to be there for her was met with narrowed eyes and suspicion.

"And what do you get out of this, Connor?"

The words were out of her mouth before she could think better of them, bitter and disillusioned. She never questioned Talon Ren, but he'd made it clear from the beginning that he was teaching her for the future of the Ren and would continue to do so until she proved unworthy. Where was Connor's breaking point? How far would his offer of help and strength extend? If she'd trust him. She trusted him enough to let him into her defenses, enough to ask him to help her learn how to defend against a mental attack. Perhaps that had been her biggest mistake yet.

They were part of the same team and she had to trust her fellow Ren to be there, to defend and fight with her. But that was it. That was as far as her trust extended. If she let it go further than that, she'd get burned as she had time and time again.

Did she have anything she wanted to ask? She wanted to know how much he had seen. How much he knew. She wanted to know how deep he'd gone and how many of her faults and flaws had been exposed. Instead of asking, she stood, pulling away from him and glancing at the shards of glass and ceramic mixed with spilled liquid that littered the alcove. She left it laying there and turned to the ex-Jedi, expression closed off and blank compared to the easy smiles and laughter from earlier.

"Thank you for the lesson."

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

A weary little chuckle came from him, not giving my ammo for her to feed from quite yet. She was exhausted, and it would take a while for her to recover and get her strength back. But in time, that would be a barrier to make that would come as easy as breathing.

When she pulled away, he looked at the glass beside him and stood, a few splinters crunching as he turned around. He lowered his head a little in a small token of acknowledgement.

"Go get some rest.”

He nodded, as if confirming she should go.

He would ensure the room tidy, her items returned and hilt fixed. The last thing he could afford to do was to push her away, or make her feel he was smothering her. Give it time, check how she was, and give her the space.

Connor’s eyes traced around the room lazily, thinking about the training and how much was yet to come, and how much she could take, but how much it would benefit her.

He blew out a breath, and started picking up the large shards of glass around him, dripping with water and milk that drained over the floor.

[member="Ara Ren"]

 

[Ara Zambrano]

She nodded once, gaze following his movements as he straightened up the mess she'd made. They'd made. It was a joint venture after all, this training of hers.

She turned and walked out of the room without so much as a good-bye, leaving the man and the questions she had swirling in her mind behind. The trek to her room was shorter, her mind working on autopilot as she fought to keep her mind mercifully free of the images and reminders of their session. She'd made progress but it came with a cost, the total sum to be discovered later. She paused in the doorway, not yet ready to retire. It was late and her mind was whirling, she needed to find a place to recover and recuperate. If she stayed like this, who knew what or who, she'd lash out at.

She turned down the long corridor leading to the bathing pools and settled in, her robe folded on one of the benches surrounding the pools. The late hour ensured she was alone, she slipped into the warm water and laid her head back against the edge, closing her eyes and letting the water work it's magic on tired muscles.

[member="Connor Harrison"]

Walls are built to keep us safe
Until they’re crashing down
Worlds apart we were the same
Until you hit the ground

Maybe I’m crazy, maybe I’m weak
Maybe I’m blinded by what I see
You wanted a soldier but it wasn't me
'Cause I could never set you free

 

[Connor Harrison]

Night time had crept in, and the moonlight broke through the Bastion. Flames cracked in small torches outside, and the warm glow of lights inside gave a more gentle atmosphere.

The last of the glass had been cleared up, and Connor only cut his fingers twice. A job well done, and one the young apprentice agreed with who helped him. A young boy named Zachary. With a thankful pat on the back, Connor let Zachary to it so he could go check on Ara.

Rubbing his neck, he walked through to her quarters, but the door was locked. And he only had to ask twice in what direction to go.

Hopefully she would in the bathing pools that she showed earlier. If not, she was gone. And in her state, that wasn't good. Connor walked quickly, but calmly to the pools and found the first two open, water still and quiet. Then he heard water rippling in a third.

Stretching out, Connor found her aura, and smiled. She was still here and safe.

He crept forward and leant back on the edge of the cool stone, under a warm light, next to the entrance to the pool and the frosted glass that was closed giving her privacy. Reaching out and pulling the door open a jar, he cleared his throat.

"I'm just checking you're alright. That's all,” he said quietly.

She'd be annoyed. Maybe. Hopefully relaxed.

[member="Ara Ren"]

 

[Ara Zambrano]

The warm water and the quiet washed the stress away. She wasn't sure how long she'd been soaking in the pool but the ache that had settled in her muscles after a long day of training and pushing herself was finally melting away. Flashes of the twisted mental images and scenes would occasionally rise to the surface and she'd push them back by running through lightsaber movements and combinations.

She closed her eyes, head resting on the cool stone, and let her thoughts float. She would NOT think about the ex-Jedi, the anger, or the image of a woman who might as well be dead. No, if she let herself dwell on those fears and angers, she'd just end up lashing out again, and she didn't have the energy for that.

The disciple was content to enjoy a bit of alone time before calling it an evening. She could train some more tomorrow.

She'd almost dozed off when the sound of the door creaking open alerted her to the arrival of another person in the bathing pools. It wasn't unusual considering the disciples and most knights shared this floor of the Bastion. She ignored the new presence, letting her mind drift farther into the quiet and warmth.

Splashing and cursing echoed through the room as the combination of the door opening, the clearing of the throat, and his voice startled her into dropping under the water. She broke through the water and starting coughing up a lungful of water for the second time that evening.

"For feth's sake, are you trying to kill me?!"

The shout was accompanied by a boot slamming against the frosted glass, hurled from it's resting place by a wet and indignant Disciple.

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

Wincing a little at the rather undignified splashing and coughing, Connor regretted it already. It was evident by the shout of protest, and even MORE so by the sudden slamming of a boot against the glass. But, he couldn’t help roll his eyes. So dramatic. So adorable.

"No, if I did, you’d be dead already.”

He pushed the door open ajar, wisps of steam snaking out.

"I’m just checking you’re alright – professionally and socially. I know that was tough.”

The splashing had calmed, and the spluttering had stopped, but his smile hadn’t.

[member="Ara Ren"]

 

[Ara Zambrano]

She righted herself and resettled on the small ledge in the water. She glared at his shadow through the opaque glass, debating slamming the door he propped open shut in his face.

"I'd like to see you try."

She chuckled, her earlier ire mostly washed away with the long soak. She leaned against the edge, arms crossed on the stone, chin resting on her overlapped wrists.

She closed her eyes and tilted her head to the side, sighing as he mentioned checking up on her.

"That's why you interrupted my bath? To see if I was okay? Are you sure there are no ulterior motives, Connor?" She purred.

Another chuckle followed by the sound of her shifting in the water a bit, finding a comfortable position. She'd try to direct the conversation away from the training session they'd just had, if possible. She didn't want to think about what she'd seen or how she'd reacted. And she definitely did not want to know what he had seen.

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

Leaning back on the door, he sighed quietly, fingers propping open the door.

"What if there was.”

He moved slightly, fighting an urge that had been there for weeks. But, he stopped and shifted, fingers tapping on the door, the warm steam still escaping.

”How’s the soak?”

Connor shook his head. That was the best question to ask? He shook his head, annoyed with himself.

[member="Ara Ren"]

 

[Ara Zambrano]

Ara raised an eyebrow as the door opened a bit further, a wicked smile curling up one corner of her mouth. She shook her head with a quiet laugh as his shadow settled back in.

"You could find out for yourself."

She paused just long enough to let his mind sort through the possibilities the low purr alluded to.

"There are other pools available."

She added, reaching out and pushing the door closed.

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

Of course his heart skipped a beat.

And of course it crashed and burned in a few seconds of each other.

As the door closed, forcing him to move his fingers, the last wafts of the steam, teased with her scent from the lavish soaps, wafted by.

He looked away and smiled. Defeated.

"I’m afraid I can’t. I don’t have any bathing shorts.”

With a chuckle, he tapped his fingers on the frosted door.

"Enjoy your soak, Ara. And well done for today.”

He gave her the privacy she wanted – possibly – and headed for the mess to get his gear back. What an eventful day.

[member="Ara Ren"]