Foolish to Think

[Verie Lacroix]

The sudden energy and pressure Verie felt was stifling and overwhelming to her, and she felt the urge to turn away. But there was no fire, no flame, no smoke. She resisted the urge to wave her hand in front of her face, but that wouldn't make any sense. She moved in further, crouching next to [member="Brom Burnside"]. She placed a hand on his shoulder but withdrew it instantly as the Jedi Master told her to leave. She was indignant for a moment, for indeed who was he to tell her where she could and couldn't go on her own ship?

But then he wasn't there at all. Verie recoiled violently when she heard a very familiar voice. When the Jedi Master turned, she instantly recognized his voice. She thought she would feel relief when she saw him again, but now she only felt confusion and fear. She scrambled out of her crouching position and her shoe slipped on the polished deckplates. She went down hard on her tailbone, her head smacking the side of the bunk hard enough to daze her for a moment.

The blaster skittered across the deckplates to a footlocker opposite the bunk. When she recovered her wits, if only slightly, she lunged across the plates for the blaster, pouring distress and confusion into the Force.

 

[Dissero]

"Ve! Rrrrraaagh-"

The Jedi let loose a growl, eyes shutting tight once more as the two entities within the body fought for dominion of the mind. It was during this moment that Verie spilled across the floor, when Brom opened his eyes again the blue had faded but the urgency within his gaze was still there.

"You must go, get out of the chamber and seal it behind you, tell the Pilot to land-nnnnnnnngh-"

"NO!" another flare of Force energy billowed from the man, vibrant blue swirling back into the irises. Brom leaned forward from his seated position, one arm stretching out in an attempt to grasp Verie by her nearest ankle, "Ve please!"

The hand fell short as the Jedi recoiled from her, seemingly against some unseen force, and heaved himself back further against the far wall between the bunks, "go now!" He struggled, sweat slicking his forehead and chest as he reached up to grasp at his head, face contorted into a savage grimace.

[member="Verie Lacroix"]

 

[Verie Lacroix]

How was this possible? How was any of this possible? It hurt Verie's head to think of it, but it was there, in front of her very eyes. She forced herself to focus and leaned forward to stare with disbelief into [member="Brom Burnside"]'s face. Her Prince's eyes stared back at her. She pulled herself closer to him, kneeling across a short distance from him and put a hand on his shoulder.

"It's you," she whispered quietly, her dark eyes searching his, seeking confirmation. "What's happened to you? How did you get like this?" she demanded, her fingers gripping his shoulder lightly. "Please tell me how this happened. How you've come to be this way. How do we fix this?"

Verie stared at him, unwilling to blink and risk those beautiful blue eyes disappear once more. "Please let me help."

 

[Dissero]

Relief of recognition washed over the Jedi's face as his own hand moved suddenly to clasp firmly around Verie's arm.

"It's me," he said again over an anxious nod, Dissero's voice sounding from Brom Burnside's mouth, blue eyes electric with the energy still consuming him to maintain control within. Verie's plea to help ignited a rasp chuckle from the man, "that locket," he snarled then suddenly, "that locket is dangerous, Ve. Don't use it. Don't ever use it. This is what happens. You forget yourself. You forget everything."

Memories gone, faces faded. Dissero clung to Verie, the one thing he had managed to hold onto, "I don't even remember...what I look like, Ve. But I remember you. I would never forget you."

[member="Verie Lacroix"]

 

[Verie Lacroix]

The face was foreign, but the voice, Verie recognized instantly. She felt she would recognize it anywhere. The very sound of it put the hair on the back of her neck on edge. The locket, she thought wildly, her eyes rolling to the side as she tried to place the locket. The jewelry box. My quarters. Safe. She blew out a sigh of relief and settled awkwardly on her knees next to him. "I won't," she assured him, and she meant it. If it did this to him, someone as strong as even Dissero, she was terrified of what it would do to her. "It's safe. I promise."

Verie looked into Dissero's eyes. The face was that wretched Jedi Master, but the eyes belonged to her Prince. It was weird.

Frowning, she settled on her knees, her behind on her heels as she wrapped her hands bracing against his biceps as he held her arms firmly. She was silent for a few moments, breathing deeply as much as she could, until the silence was deafening in her ears. When she felt that she couldn't stay silent anymore, she looked down, suddenly looking aged and careworn. "You were in there the whole time? What about all those things he said?"

[member="Brom Burnside"]

 

[Dissero]

"Good," the man responded, feeling a strange weight of worry lift from him. His breathing steadied, his grip loosened around Verie's arms. He seemed to fade momentarily, the light of his eyes dimming to a pale gray. Brom Burnside was fighting back.

"I am sorry, Ve, I can't explain what's happened to me. I feel like I've been asleep. I still feel so tired..."

You have terrorized this galaxy for too long, Sith.

"He's still here, in my mind, suppressing my subconscious," the man grimaced, jaw tight, sweat continuing to bead on his brow.

If you think I will sit by and watch you continue to slaughter innocent people for your end goal ...

You have no idea why I have done what I've done,

You killed me! And now here I am ... and I am not going to give up so easily here, where I have the power.

"...I need you, Ve," stormy blue-greys looked at her in desperation, "help me remember."

[member="Verie Lacroix"]

 

[Verie Lacroix]

"I'm not going anywhere," Verie replied. Not for the present, anyway. As much as she now questioned her Prince, this wasn't the time to hash it out. She would find another time to get her answers, when he was safe and sound and not in danger of being overtaken by some strange man. But she promised herself that she would find answers, hell or high water, because this was some tricky business and being involved with it made her feel a little nauseated.

"Look, I need you to focus," Verie said, her hands gripping his upper arms, then moving to his shoulders, then her left to his cheek and her right to the side of his neck. "I can't lose you like this. Stay with me. Please." She shook him gently but to no noticeable response, and moved her left hand to wipe his brow, her eyebrows furrowing with concern. "Please," she repeated in a whisper.

There was only one thing she could think of.

Verie's lips pressed to [member="Brom Burnside"]'s and she closed her eyes. It wasn't how she had anticipated this moment going; in her visions there had been more candles and less bloody Jedi Masters trying to poison the well against the Prince. It felt wrong; the Jedi Master's nose didn't feel right pressed to her cheek, his jawline felt foreign under her hand, but the presence she felt in the Force, growing stronger and ebbing away -- that was right. She didn't know how long it went on before she drew back, her dark eyes opening as tears clung to her lashes, some having already spilled down her cheeks and wet his. Her thumb brushed one of them off his cheekbone and she willed his eyes to be blue.

 

[Dissero]

Immersed in the sensation of Verie in his arms, the man once known as Brom Burnside felt a prickling along his mind that extended, slowly, along his scalp. Familiarity flooded in, not only from the face of the woman, but her scent, her touch, the sound of her voice, and the taste of her lips. Her very presence within the Force, though not powerful - yet - still very distinct to the one that had helped to begin its growth.

Memories began to return, filtering through cracks in the barricade of the Jedi Master's mental defenses to keep Dissero at bay. There were visions of galla events, trips to Corellia, scenes of the Kuatian Empire - all moments he recalled expending his effort to win the girls affections. Then there were smaller, more private moments like Verie's hair emergency, and when he learned she'd broken her ankle, and comforting her after learning of Kuat's fate during the Clockwork Rebellion.

The picture of her he kept hidden in one of his archival journals.

Meeting her at the Rudrig spaceport with a cart full of flowers.

You have no idea whose mind you've tampered with, Burnside.

Verie parted from him and he felt a surge of mental clarity.

I have many names and I have known great power in many realms. Every face I use is a means to an end, but every single one of them has one thing in common,

He opened his eyes, clear and blue and completely belonging to Dissero.

they're all in love with Verie Lacroix.

Slowly, the features of the man on the ground began to shift and change. Jedi Master Brom Burnside's appearance gave way to the brawny youth of Dissero. Bedraggled, unshaven, and clearly exhausted, but utterly relieved to be back to himself once more. His hair was quite long, longer likely than Verie had ever seen it, and his beard was full and thick. He was paler than usual, a darker and more foreboding sort of look about him, but Dissero he certainly was.

Blinking away the pain of the transformation, he slowly pushed himself to sit up, looking at his hands and feeling at his face, "...is it me? Who..." he looked to Verie for confirmation.

 

[Verie Lacroix]

For a moment, Verie thought she might cry, but then she realized that she already had been and instead she began to laugh. Her fingers, trembling at first, held his cheeks, then graced his ears as her thumbs brushed over his cheeks and the ridge of his nose. Anyone would have thought they were a couple of crazy people, but luckily they were alone, and woe betide the crew droid that interrupted this moment. "Yes," she whispered, her hands exerting a subtle pressure on him, turning his face up to the lights, as if the halogen could push away any shadows that might remain.

"It's you," she said, finally stopping her laughter, though her eyes remained crinkled at the edges, her lips turned up for a few more moments. The doubt had begun to creep in, and she released his face, folding her arms over her knees as she backed up against the opposite bunk. "I think," she added uncertainly. She reached out with one arm, her finger pushing some of his hair away from his face in what was, in retrospect, rather a proprietary motion. She wasn't sure she was entitled to do it.

"Is he... did you..." Verie shut her eyes and shook her head, angrily forcing herself to say it: "Is he dead? Did you kill him?"

[member="Brom Burnside"]

 

[Dissero]

Ve's laughter was like the sound of bells to him, and he smiled wanely as she examined his face, giving no resistance to her touch. When she let go Dissero slumped against the back wall, exhausted but undefeated, muttering something under his breath.

The man wiped at his face, fingers pressing at his eyes as he expelled a heavy breath, "Yes... I did, but no, he is still there. Contained, for now," how to tell her everything when everything was still only just returning to him? He felt mentally dizzy and disoriented as countless memories slowly filtered back in, out of order. Nothing currently made sense except for the fact that he very much needed an anchor and right now, Verie was all he had.

A hand lifted to take hold of the one she used to brush his hair back, eyes locking on her face, "You came back," he'd certainly greived her departure internally. Her leaving had left him in a volatile state, second-guessing everything he ever did and lived for. Had it not been good enough? Had it been too much? How much of a monster would he allow himself to become before he lost everything in the pursuit of his dreams?

Velok had once told him he had the right to watch the galaxy respond to his will, but the whiphid couldn't account for things very much out of their control.

Women, for example.

Damn his fragile heart, but at least he still had a sense of humor.

"...and you kissed the Jedi. I should have known." The grin on his face was 30% mocking and 70% jealous.

[member="Verie Lacroix"]

 

[Verie Lacroix]

Verie leaned back against the bunk and watched him. The elation that she felt at his reveal was slowly dissipating, replaced with something else, something akin to dread but not quite. She rested her forehead on her crossed forearms over her knees and sighed into her knees. The last few days had given Verie a lot to consider, and she wasn't ready to make any giant leaps yet. But the unmistakable lift that she felt when she knew [member="Dissero"] was safe... there was no denying that.

Perhaps she needed to allow herself a moment to be happy, to indulge herself. Hadn't she wanted to find her Prince and ride off into the proverbial sunset together? She had the first part, now. She could wait on the second.

He was teasing her now, and she looked up at him with a little smirk. "I thought I'd try it on for size. But he didn't suit me." She clambered over to him and sat against the same wall he was slumped against. She draped her arm across his shoulders and gathered him close, leaning over to kiss his cheek. "I'll have an explanation," she said quietly. "Not today. Not until you're entirely well. But I'll have it. Promise me." Her other hand found his hand and stroked his palm lightly. "Are you going to be safe with him just... contained? What do we need to do to get rid of him for good?"

 

[Dissero]

Snort.

Of course they didn't suit her.

Those lips were made for me.

Dissero leaned against her, wondering when had he ever been the one to be coddled and not the other way 'round. Mother certainly never had and neither of his fathers, Salvador or Avicus, had ever been socially present enough to even consider. He recalled, faintly, a few private moments here or there while traveling with Saelia, but likely she had done so out of pity. He'd been her escape from her own ugly reality, her distraction. She'd never really cared, or so he'd been lead to believed, and at that point in time that had been fine by him.

But Verie cared, this much he was certain of. She'd cared since day one, even if she'd been far too shy to admit to anything of the sort. Certainly he'd enjoyed toying with the girl in his youth, watching her squirm [he still rather enjoyed that, even] and making her blush for his own amusement. It had been so easy. Yet over the years he'd come to find that his harem of suitors and pretty noble women had earned him nothing but a path of emotional destruction and broken hearts in his wake. Empty shells with nothing to challenge him or his intellect. But Verie, despite being overwhelmed by his world, had kept herself toe to toe with him a good deal of the way. It fascinated him, really, just how determined she was to prove herself. Had she been raised amongst the Sith like himself she likely would have been well on her way to earning the title of Master, if not there already.

"I promise," was his low, rasp reply. He closed his eyes, super-human senses picking up on her heartbeat and the flow of blood through her veins as though it played for him like an orchestra, "I'm not sure ... but something must be done. I'll need to return home, to Kuat, to ... help me regain all the memories I lost."

And to seek out mother for a bit of advice, though this part he kept to himself.

[member="Verie Lacroix"]

 

[Verie Lacroix]

"Kuat," Verie agreed. She leaned against him, her head resting against his for a few long moments before she released him, drawing her fingers along his shoulders and pausing to squeeze the back of his neck lightly through his mass of hair. "I'll go and tell the pilot." She was loathe to turn away from him, reluctant even to blink for fear that when she opened her eyes again, he would be gone and replaced with that maddening Jedi. Still, she had to give the instructions, and Verie wanted to give her beloved Prince a moment to collect himself, and she could use a moment to do the same.

"Do you want anything?" she asked as she straightened, brushing the wrinkles out of the rump of her leggings that had formed while sitting on the ground. "I can get you a snack or something to drink." Verie crouched down in front of him and brushed some hair out of his face. "Why don't you come across the hall to my quarters? It's much more comfortable than in here." Was that too forward? Was it ridiculous to be worried about whether it was too forward in this moment? She offered him a smile before straightening again and padding towards the door

She collected the snack and drink she had brought for the pilot and set them on the console between the pilot's seat and co-pilot's seat. "There's been a change of plans," she informed him. "Take us to Kuat, as quickly as possible, please." Verie said. "Get us in the priority skylanes, whatever the cost. Understand?" So assured, Verie retreated into the hall, shutting the cockpit door before heading towards the doors on opposite sides of the hallway, glancing into one and then the other to determine where she would find her Prince.

[member="Dissero"]

 

[Dissero]

He'd declined her offer for food, but the thought of her room was a welcome one. After she took her leave he picked himself off the floor with a grunt and slowly made his way across the hall to her quarters, pulling off his shirt along the way. A splash of cold water over his face was enough of a physical slap to help clear the fog from his thoughts, though it did nothing to help a growing pain in his head. Wincing into the mirror, Dissero looked upon his bedraggled reflection, expression tight from the emerging migraine. He might have searched for pain killers if he thought they would be of any use - sadly, his instincts told him this was not a normal headache.

At least his mark wasn't smarting. Half-lidded eyes gazed at the black scarring around the base of his neck, his birthmark, his Mark of Darkness. What had begun as a scar left behind from the umbilical cord during a difficult birth had over the years turned black with corruption and spread in branching lines like the roots of a tree, down across his shoulders and upper chest. Now, more recently, it had been joined by a black handprint over his sternum - the blood trail of Byss' Dreadlady Queen. Then, mottled across his bare torso, were the hallmarks of his travels. Scars left behind, so many that he couldn't rightly recall what each had come from. A blade, a saber, Force Lightning, forge sparks, alchemy backlash. Everything he did came with a price, he only hoped Verie could come to understand this.

Hearing footsteps in the hall, the man slowly turned from the sink and mirror and walked back out into the room, pale blues following the shadow of Verie in the hall, tracking her movement before she finally peered in looking for him.

It took every ounce of will power he had left not to advance upon the woman. Verie already had a lot on her plate to deal with, those things would have to wait until she was completely comfortable with what had become of her Prince. His bare chest rose and fell in a measured breath as he waited, watching her closely, for her reaction.

[member="Verie Lacroix"]

 

[Verie Lacroix]

Verie saw the empty crew quarters and put her hand over the panel of the door, sliding it shut and pausing for a moment before turning to step over the threshold into her quarters. The relief that she felt that [member="Dissero"] was still there, and not transformed back into the Jedi, was replaced by concern almost immediately. He was still very much in need of a haircut and looking much worse for the wear. Her eyebrows furrowed when she saw the state of his body. She turned quickly, not wanting to display the warring emotions of fear and curiosity that raged within her, and busied herself with working her fingers over the door controls until the door slid shut with an almost-silent whoosh. When she turned again a few moments later, it was with steadfast refusal not to react. Don't ask questions. Not now. Maybe not ever.

As she approached, she quickly assessed him; he wasn't bleeding, at least not that she could see. This would have to satisfy her -- for now. When they reached Kuat, she was certain that he would avail himself of help there if he needed it. "It's not much," she said, spreading her arms as if to embrace the room. A double bed was bolted to the bulkhead immediately across from a short hallway that doubled as storage on either side, leading directly into the refresher. Other furniture - a utilitarian but comfortable sofa and a writing desk with chair - were bolted to the ground and bulkhead as applicable. "But it's clean and moderately comfortable. Please, make yourself comfortable."

Verie looked around, willing to find something to do, but there was nothing for her to clean up because she traveled light and was tidy by her nature. Even her luggage had been strapped in its place almost immediately upon embarking, and her bed was made with hospital corners. She could think of nothing and so she simply took him by the hand and sat on the edge of the bed. "Are you all right? Is there anything that could make you more comfortable until we get to Kuat? I haven't got much on board, but..." She paused and leaned down to kiss the back of the hand she held. "You must realize by now: anything that's mine is yours."

 

[Dissero]

He was willingly lead by the petite woman and followed her in silence as she gave him the grand tour before directing him towards the bed. A grim expression followed her, unwavering, incapable of looking away. He wanted to see every minute detail of her face, he wanted to know her voice in every note and inflection, he wanted to memorize the lines of her figure. If knowing and remembering Verie was what kept him grounded, then he would put as much effort into doing so as he did with every other venture of his life.

A painful smile slowly spread across his face as he looked down upon Verie. His hand still in hers, the Prince slowly lowered himself to stoop before her and released a short, tired laugh.

"You owe me nothing, Verie, nothing at all. Not now or ever. But I would take you, all of you, everywhere I go, and teach you everything I can, and keep you safe, and make you happy. I let you go and it was the worst decision of my life," he shut his eyes, brows furrowing, a frown creasing his face, "I thought about you every day, even when I wasn't myself. Little things ... your perfume, the way you fidget when you're nervous, how your voice changed when our families were around, how you fussed over the smallest details, how upset you were when you had to cut your hair... I can't get these things out of my head and the more time I spent with you the more of those little things ingrained in my memory."

Shaking his head, Dissero slowly opened his eyes again, at once feeling lost and full of purpose, "Those are the things that kept me here, kept me from losing myself. It came so close to happening, and the thought of it terrifies me, Ve. I want you to stay. I need you to stay. Stay with me."

 

[Verie Lacroix]

Verie smiled too, equal measures sadness and happiness and relief. "Never anything so absurd," she whispered in what would have, without her voice shaking like a leaf and breaking in such inopportune moments, sounded like a reasonable rendition of one of her mother's signature phrases. "Our parting was nobody's fault," she assured him, then closed her eyes, looking pensive, then guilty. "And if it was, it was mine. I was scared, I was terrified of what being with you would expose me to. After living apart from you I see now that I was an idiot to part us over fear of the unknown. Now the only thing I fear, the only ruin I recognize, is to live as I was. You were the only one who ever saw anything special in me, and I was stupid to throw it away. I'm so sorry."

Openly crying now -- not the ugly sobbing but the talking-while-tears-stream-attractively-down-your-face crying -- she wiped her cheek on one shoulder, not wanting to pull her hands away. "Not that you're any better," she chided him gently, a smile forcing its way through. "Foolish man -- foolish to think that I would go. I'm not going anywhere." She brushed her cheeks again, with her biceps this time before leaning forward until her forehead rested gently against his. "Foolish to think I would want to be anywhere else." She kissed him, her lips lingering on his for a few beats before she opened her eyes again. "I love you, of course. I think I may have loved you for longer than I knew. And now I'm done wasting time."

She finally released his hands and cupped his face, giving him another light kiss. "When you're well, I want you to teach me and train me, like we talked about before." She sat back and then scooted over onto the far side of the bed, patting the edge closest to his post on the ground. "Please come up here. You've been through enough today without needing to crouch on durasteel plating."

[member="Dissero"]

 

[Dissero]

All his hopes for them made manifest within the form of Verie. Dissero released a long, heavy breath and felt a strangling weight on his heart suddenly loosen. He felt he could breath better, felt he could think better, feel better. His life and humanity were slowly returning to fill the shell of dark disillusions he'd crafted around himself.

The man whispered a gentle word of thanks to Verie in a language she would not recognize before slowly lifting himself to the bed. Head pounding in a manner most excruciating to bring a visible grimace to his face, Dissero set himself down on his side before rolling to his back. If Verie did not immediately move to join him a hand would outstretch, beckoning her over with no further expectations than to have her near.

"Ve," the utterance was strained and gravelly, "there's something I've wanted you to know for a long time now but haven't felt confident enough to tell you. At the risk of further confusion given everything that's just happened, I want you to know my true name," blue eyes cracked open to look at her, "it's Merovign, and it's yours to know and use when we are alone or only in the presence of my family."

[member="Verie Lacroix"]

 

[Verie Lacroix]

Verie waited for him to haul himself onto the bunk, then remained cross-legged, watching over him as if he were her sole charge. Finally, when he reached out, she indulged in a moment of hesitation before she placed her hand in his hand and finally settled on the mattress, her hand resting comfortably in his. And in a day of revelations there came another as she looked earnestly into his blue eyes -- his name. It meant something to her, perhaps something more than what she had said to him, because of how secret and safe he kept it.

There was a change in the atmosphere, and Verie sensed that at least for the moment, they were safe. She allowed herself to relax and moved closer, resting her head against his shoulder. "Merovign," she repeated in a whisper, smiling before she pressed a chaste kiss against his shoulder. "Try to rest," she mumbled. "I'll keep an eye... on you." Verie stifled a yawn, sighed heavily and added after a few moments: "So you can sleep."

[member="Dissero"]

 

[Dissero]

Foolish to Think - Part II - Finding Home


Kuat - Planetside
Capital City
Three Days Later


So it was that after nearly three years abroad the Kuati Prince Amadeus made his fateful return home. It was strange, coming to a place he'd quite nearly forgotten both through personal and arcane means. Dissero held no great fondness for this place or its people, as he'd never felt that he fully belonged. Son of two infamous Sith Lords in their day, he'd never been destined for what greatness the throne of Kuat had to offer. He'd never wanted it either. There were grander things beyond the sphere of aristocracy and technology. Greater things than his so-called people could dare to comprehend.

When he returned, he did it with a hint of distaste. This helped with his Princely facade, at least, for he'd never been known as a gentle-being here.

Leaving Verie to tend to what things were needed on her own time, he made his way quietly across the Capital city through modest means, unrecognizable at the very least in his worn and tattered Archivist trappings and unshaven, haggard appearance. It took some doing to gain entrance to the old Darke Estate in the hillsides overlooking the capital, but minor persuasion was enough to get by. It took less doing when the Queen realized just what exactly was going on.


"No more beggars."
"...hello mother."

Admittedly he'd looked far worse than this on many other occasions coming home, but then it had been expected. Then he had been at the woman's whim - serving as her glorified Seeker of all the things she'd hidden or misplaced over the years. Now? Now he came with nothing to honor her, nothing for her at all except a need for her help. He explained this to the fire-maned matriarch with what was likely a palpable amount of anxiety.

"What did I tell you about mixing blood-sorcery with that locket."
"To not to."
"And did you listen."
"...yes."
"Clearly not well enough."

The catacombs: a place he'd spent many a night learning to control his powers away from the knowledge and perception of those who could not know. Tied down by ancient powers, what went on in this place remained secure from the outside world. Hidden and secret, the ways of the Shamalain family line for generations. Now, without children to rear, it seemed the Sovereign had turned it into a realm for her own uses. An Arcane Distiller, an Apothecary, old tomes lined bookshelves, large glass orbes hung suspended by chains, filled with varying sorcerer's materials. He could smell blood on the air, thick and heady and stale.

He watched his mother sift through a nearby orb filled with crystals, withdrawing one of dark purple hue. She indicated an alchemist's circle carved into the floor for him to stand and set the crystal in a brazier on the perimeter just before him.

"You cannot hope to contain souls within yourself if you insist on maintaining your humanity."
"Yes, mother, I've drawn this conclusion as well."
"You've contained him?"
"Yes."
"All of him?"
"...yes."
"Kneel and meditate on the containment. No matter what do not break your concentration. This will be very unpleasant."

[member="Verie Lacroix"]