Star Wars Roleplay: Chaos

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"For a guy with a record that long, I thought you'd be taller."

What do you know you're missing? What do you think you're missing?

"Mine are passed down from my mind, I guess." Nej quipped about the tattoos, chuckling at his joke as he looked over at her. She was hurt. She was broken. Just like him. Something ate at them both.The girl with the snake, and the man with the compass on his finger. They both had their secrets. They both had their scars. The things that made them broken. The fractured pieces that made up a whole, once. Nej glued himself together by running and drinking. He wasn't sure what the Jedi held herself together with. Maybe she didn't, after all.

He had never heard of the Jedi. He grew up in ignorance of the way that things were. For Nej and millions like him, the Republic was a distant memory, a flag waving on some pole. Distant wars, sacrifices gone by- they weren't even footnotes. Nej didn't learn how to read until he was fifteen, let alone learn any history. All he knew, is that there was in fact, a Clone Wars. Slave soldiers, bred for death and destruction. Born only to die, to be pawns in a long-standing game.

Nej felt a connection to the T-shaped helmets of old, in that way.

He looked into her eyes, seeing the pain. He leaned in closer to her, establishing that he would in fact, believe her. That he understood her, in a way. They came from opposite ends of the galaxy. Opposite ends of the force, of destiny. But it was fate, it was luck, it was happenstance that they were there. The ship lurched- and the stars streaked across the viewports as they entered hyperspace. Now, they were truly alone.

"Try me, Ayessa."

His voice softened from it's usual crassness. He was just as emotionally vulnerable as she was, with the two of them alone as they were. No point in hiding anything anymore. For all he knew, once she stepped onto Kiffu that would be the last time he would ever see the Jedi.

And what a shame that would be.

[member="Ayessa Kroan"]
 
Space, The Not-So-Final-Frontier, Nej's Ship, Undetermined Time
Interacting with [member="Nej Tane"] ~ Some Nights
——————————————————————

History often forgot about the other slaves in that war, too.

A remarkably reluctant expression crossed the Jedi's face and she looked away, still a little hesitant. Her eyes locked onto the vastness of the new dimension they had slipped into, and her voice wasn't like a hardened Knight, but a young woman with too much on her shoulders, who was terrified of what she was even saying, "I know that there are other Jedi out there," Her grip on the bottle tightened unexpectedly at the words, gaze hardening a little, steeling herself, "But I'm not from where they're from. When they're from. I doubt I even have anything even remotely in common with them, and they're meant to be siblings-in-arms."

"Nobody seems to remember when I'm from. The Clone Wars." Only the deaf would have missed the hostility in her voice even speaking those words, a swing from the bottle chilled them down, "Geonosis, Ryloth, Umbara, Felucia, the other frontiers I'm missing -- the whole Rim tearing itself apart between us and them. Probably better that this time forgets, because they wouldn't have been proud." Of course, what she was saying sounded utterly impossible and she knew it too. The defeated look on her face said it all.

Finally, she offered the bottle to him, her fingers close to white with how tight she'd been holding it, "I was put in-- In a kind of statis at the end of the war. When Coruscant fell to... The Sith, some idiot woke me up. 800-and-something-years-later," A pause, a sigh, she looked away, "So. Yeah. I haven't been to Kiffu in a very long time."

The first time she'd ever said the words outloud. It made them too true to bear.
 
We're never really alone. There's someone out there for us. Just gotta find 'em. And hope that they find you.



The Jedi had a secret, had a vulnerability.


For a moment, for the spaces between seconds, Nej saw her beyond the Jedi. Beyond the training, beyond the gruel of the war that she suffered. Beyond the scars, beyond the facial tattoo. She was a person. She was a woman, with too much to bear for her age, never having known anything but heartache and the Jedi. Never got to live life.

He stood up, in the cramped space. He wordlessly took her hand and lead her towards the back of his ship. There was a viewport, a larger one. It was one of the reasons he chose this ship. He released her hand, letting her look out to the stars streaking by them.

"I'm sorry, Ayessa. I can't imagine what it's like."

Not just believing her- but sympathizing with her. He'd heard of stranger tales.

"I don't like the Jedi nowadays. They haven't always been the best for the galaxy- or the people they're supposed to protect. The Sith just keep coming, and coming. All this death and destruction- and nobody seems to care about the little people."

His left went to cover his right hand, his thumb lulling over the compass tattoo on his hand. He was clearly referring to himself as the little people. Innocents caught in a war between gods. That's what he felt like. His eyes watched the streaks pass by, before he finally turned his eyes back to her.

"Just a more hours and you'll be there."

And then they would part ways. Or-

"Are you going to be okay by yourself?"

Maybe she wouldn't want to be alone. Maybe she wouldn't want to face that by herself. But they just met. But he wanted to ask. Part of him needed to ask. Needed to know.

[member="Ayessa Kroan"]
 
Space, The Not-So-Final-Frontier, Nej's Ship, Undetermined Time
Interacting with [member="Nej Tane"] ~ Some Nights
——————————————————————

The effects of his words weren't lost on her, her jaw relaxed, hardened expression softened, the walls she had thrown up inside no longer so tall or well-manned to guard against anybody knowing. Someone knew. At least someone.

The equally-wordless Knight let the scoundrel lead her on, barely flinching at his fingers on hers, the skin-to-skin contact. She felt warm, probably a little too warm. Well, he did say we'd hold hands, back on Zeltros, she reflected silently as her head spun. But that had been part of a gambit, a play, to try and misdirect their observers. There weren't any such observers now.

His apology was un-necessary-- Her soldiers had made the folly, not him --but an appreciated one. She listened with a contemplative face as he explained and her face slid into a grimace, bobbing her head in agreement. Maybe it was all flawed from the start.

"I agreed to help, didn't I?" Humour could heal, she remembered that faintly from the Temple, but couldn't recall who among the Jedi would have possibly said that to her. That's why she let a genuine wisecracked smile break out onto her face, looking over to him. Yes. She had agreed to help.

But whether she could let him help her was an entirely different inquiry. Would she be okay? Her face fell.

"It's been nearly a millennia since I saw my family, so, my parents are definitely not around. Kiffu was under the control of the old Confederacy by the time the war ended, and I can't imagine my people not objecting or putting up a fight." Her throat grew a little tighter. What was coming next was clear, "I don't think there's anyone there waiting for me. Or even someone who bears my name. But I'd like to see it and be there, just once."

"Then? I don't know."

Her response didn't exactly answer his question, but the way Ayessa moved a little closer to him, watching the ethereal beauty of hyperspace, did, in it's own silent way.
 
I'd frame this moment, frame it and watch it everyday, hoping that I would die, and that would be the moment that I died in, not the one I was remembering. Because I knew nothing else would be as good at that moment.


The stars streaked across, illuminating his and her face now and again. And for a moment, Nej didn't have anything to say. He smiled at her quip, running a hand through his hair. But he didn't say anything. His fingertips were cold again. And she was so warm. Maybe that's why he reached out and wrapped his hand around hers. Maybe that's why his fingertips laced around her hand. Maybe he just wanted someone to be there for him. Or maybe there was something else. Maybe something that Nej thought he would never feel, only read about in books.

He turned to face her. He saw the pain. Saw all the thoughts going through her head. He moved a stray hair from his face and smiled that handsome grin of his.

"You should definitely go. Someone will be there. One way, or another. Something, or someone will be there."

Nej wanted to comment on how she was lucky to even have a memory to go off of- but didn't find the situation appropriate. He didn't need to say it, she could probably piece it together. Nej would've killed for any information on his parents. Anything at all. Or where he came from- she might have not had a home anymore, but she did at one point. And a millennia was a long time, but from what he understood of the Kiffar- they had long memories, indeed. There'd be something there for her.

And if there wasn't anything there for her on Kiffu, there was something out there in the galaxy for her.

He was hoping that one of the things out there was him.

[member="Ayessa Kroan"]
 
Space, The Not-So-Final-Frontier, Nej's Ship, Undetermined Time
Interacting with [member="Nej Tane"] ~ Some Nights
——————————————————————

It's funny how such little time could change so many things. Like how two very different individuals could go from rather rough acquaintances to something a little better. Bitterly, something in Ayessa remarked that she should know better than anyone that whilst that was true, a lot of time going by could change a lot, too. Still. The Force was sparing in visions, but she doubted even the ethereal power that graced her could have predicted this. Hesitantly, high-strung fingers curled back around his again.

"Yeah. Maybe." Two shorts words to sum up her anxieties, how suitable. Exhaling to relieve a little pressure in her chest, she finally looked away from the depths of hyperspace over to him, head tilting slightly. Whether Ayessa willed it or not, her supernatural senses reaching out probingly, curiously, to see what his reaction was going to be. Most non-Force Sensitives could, miraculously, tell when one gifted in it was reaching across and touching their conscience. I'm here, she seemed to imply silently, it's okay. Sure, Ayessa was mostly guessing that he was probably dwelling on his own circumstances, but it was an educated guess.

Or who knows. Not everyone liked the potential to have their deepest thoughts exposed to someone else. The Knight had learned that lesson painfully and early on in her career, in embarrassing moments that still made her red in the face thinking about. Clearing her throat, then, Ayessa's grip loosened, that aforementioned redness starting to manifest, "Got any good stories?" Hers were all tragic.
 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K-SRvG6NAFY]What about the sweetness we knew?


Something a little better indeed. Nej scratched his head and turned to face the stars, then back to Ayessa. He turned his whole body to her, the two of them silhouetted against the streaking stars passing by them in their own private moment. She touched him, and his entire body....relaxed. She could feel it. The genuine nature of Nej. Nej may have been a crook, a scoundrel and a thief, but he wasn't a bad person. He was just a man forced into a life with little other options than to use what he was good at. Like most children in the Outer Rim, he was a victim of circumstance, and a survivor of many conflicts and fights. She could feel the boxer's aggression in him, and the joyful adventurer who so desperately wanted to make a name for himself.

And how much his heart was racing just by being in close proximity to her.

He moved a stray hair from her face now. His hands slipped from hers. He told stories with his hands, like most men of his caliber.

"So I was on Coruscant- and me, and a few other guys were tasked with stealing from one of the Hutt's rivals. So, we set up a whole dentist's office. Called the guy's assistant, reminding him about his appointment. Made fake certificates and all-" He laughed, fondly. "And so the guy comes, we knock him out with the gas, you know? Copy everything that he has. Copy his datapad, copy his irises, fingerprints- anyways, his biometric security system didn't do so well when we just walked in. The guy only hired muscle, not security, you know? They didn't put up much a fight." He started to laugh again, harder this time.

"So we get to this place, and then we forget- that we left this guy tied up in the dentist chair. And it's been hours at this point, and we just robbed 'em blind. And so I go, by myself, to untie this pissed off Zabrak, and as soon as he gets out of the chair, he punches me so hard that I chip a tooth. Fought him in this fake office for about ten minutes, before the cops get called- and anyways, I get charged with practicing dentistry without a license, released a month later-" He nearly keels over, laughing hysterically.

"And he spent the next six months for assault!"

He collected himself and stared into her eyes for a while. And he moved only slightly closer. His voice softened and he took her hand again. He might have been kind of dumb- but at least was honest.

"Let me come with you. I don't want you to do this by yourself."

[member="Ayessa Kroan"]
 
Space, The Not-So-Final-Frontier, Nej's Ship, Undetermined Time
Interacting with [member="Nej Tane"] ~ Some Nights
——————————————————————

His relaxation echoed in hers, some tension escaping her shoulders upon sensing it. Sure, being an empath-like Jedi had downsides-- The negative emotions affected you just as much as the positive ones --But that was a 'glass-half-empty' way to look at it.

Because the things he felt, made her smile.

Of course, the story helped, every twist it took left her with a wider grin, an eye-roll upon the mention of dentistry. Absolutely ludicrous. I expected nothing less. Once upon a time a fresh-faced Ayessa, Padawan to a strong, mysterious Master who taught her to use her gifts to deceive in the name of the greater good, would have integrated with a group like Nej had described to bring it down from the inside. Crime only suited her as far as she could throw it. Then again, she was pretty sure she could throw Nej pretty far...

"Next time just forge a licence." Ayessa suggested with a soft titter of laughter. Then, of course, things got more serious. His voice lowered and her heart admittedly skipped a beat, stopped, then slammed into reverse. He actually wanted to go with her? "Don't feel compelled to," The Jedi murmured, sheepish, "You're sort of on the run, anyway. I wouldn't want to throw a wrench into things."
 
Am I filled with hurt? With pain? Or am I filled- with love?


The woman out of time and the man on the run.

A dime-store novel if he ever would read a title while buying a drink at a corner store.

He moved the same unruly hair out of her face again. The stars streaked by. The ship moaned along, towards their shared destination. Towards Kiffu. Towards her destiny. Towards their possible departure. But he didn't want that. Nej Tane wanted a lot of things in the galaxy. A better handgun. A better ship. A pile of credits and a one-way ticket off of the Hutt's radar. A backrub, maybe. A better haircut. A cleaner jacket. A better childhood. Parents. Brothers. Sisters. Real friends.

But at the current moment, there wasn't a thing that he wanted more in the galaxy than her.

"Maybe you and I are supposed to be like this, eh? What's that force you're always talking about-" He nervously itched the back of his head. "I mean, I wouldn't want to upset the force and all." Nej, for all his qualities- wasn't all that intelligent when it came to the force- and a great many other things. But he was, for the most part- an honest man. At least when it came to himself.

And girls with snakes on their faces.

"And for the record, it's very hard for something to get notarized and officiated with such short notice- so we did what we had to do."

He didn't need to say anything. He didn't need to say anything at all- everything that he wanted to say, she could feel, she could understand better than any word, any poem, any phrase ever could describe the emotions, the feelings, the thoughts that he had for the Jedi before him, the things that he thought were missing in his life- suddenly came flooding back, and all it took was a small touch, a small smile from her.

[member="Ayessa Kroan"]
 
Space, The Not-So-Final-Frontier, Nej's Ship, Undetermined Time
Interacting with [member="Nej Tane"] ~ Some Nights
——————————————————————

For a moment Ayessa just stared after what Nej said, eyebrows pushed together with a small, secretive smile, "I didn't think about it like that," She admitted then after a period of silence, he had at least had that on her, she really hadn't thought about their chance encounter at all from that angle, "I've heard of that happening, though. Plus the Force is... Fething confusing. Jedi and-- And Sith, we all think we have it figured out."

Confusing. Yep. That summed it up, "But really, I don't think anybody knows."

His words concerning her comment produced a much more genuine and wholesome smirk, shrugging casually in response, "Guess in my time, the Security Force for Coruscant was a little more lenient about stuff like that." Then again, in her time, they'd been mostly made up of Clone Troopers and everyone was focused on the war.

Then again, again, in her time, Coruscant hadn't been shot to rubble either. Nothing was ever simple anymore. Slowly, her gaze returned to the consuming streaks of blue and purple and black and white that made up Hyperspace, letting her eyes glaze over in distant thought of potentials, futures, the past, the present. Letting for just a moment the Force to pass through her form calmly, like a rock in a river letting the water slip around it without disturbance.

"How often do you think of your parents?" It was a sudden but meaningful inquiry, one that led to the Kiffar looking back to him again.
 
Line by line- light, by light, she came alive. She and I, more alive than we ever were.


Her question caught him off guard. How often did he, think of his parents? As a child, every day. Every single day. A mind numbing pain some days, a dull ache others. The fact that he was so readily abandoned, by some mystery couple. Or they suffered some great tragedy and no one was to care for them. As a child, he drew out all the possibilities in his mind, weaving intricate stories in the confines of his subconscious about his lineage.

And it always came up short. It was always the same result.

Disappointment.

He blew some air out of his mouth and sat down on one of the chairs that he liked to sit in facing the viewport. There was another one, equal in comfort and the like- but considerably less used. Jack had only used it sparingly when the loneliness got the better of him. It was currently waiting for Ayessa to take a seat.

"Every time I think about it, it only hurts more. So I try not to think about it anymore. Won't change anything, if I found out anything about them, if they're alive- I know they dropped me off, they knew where I was, and they never came. Maybe they came looking for me when I was kicked out when I was 14 but- what kind of person waits 14 years to figure out they love their son? Nobody worthwhile, that's for sure."

He looked up at Ayessa.

"Did you know your parents?"

[member="Ayessa Kroan"]
 
Space, The Not-So-Final-Frontier, Nej's Ship, Undetermined Time
Interacting with [member="Nej Tane"] ~ Some Nights
——————————————————————

"I knew them," Ayessa replied in a measured but almost nostalgic tone, "But not like how someone knows someone. It was more... Primal. Like an animal knowing who was pack and who was not."

That didn't make much sense even hearing the words herself, but she knew them to be true. Her earliest memories were of how strongly she had bonded with the faceless concept of her parents. On occasion she could recall voices, lessons, praises and soft lullabies, but with every passing day it grew dimmer. She'd been taken too early to form genuine ties, which was exactly the point of her Order, "In my time, attachment was forbidden. It always led down paths you could not follow as a Jedi. So by taking us as infants, we couldn't become attached to where we came from or to the people who cared for us. It turns out that like any other living being, even a Jedi will go to extreme lengths to protect what they love, and that wasn't allowed. Can't serve the galaxy if you're distracted like that."

A pause, then she shrugged, "But that was 800 years ago. Maybe things are different here. I don't know. I never listened, anyways, which is why I don't think many of my fellow Knights cared for me too much." A wry snicker left her then, and she shrugged, "Got the short end of the lightsaber for most things. Soldiers. Missions. Ah, well. I made it here, at least."

For once, 'making it here' didn't seem so bad. That same pleased smile was on her face and it wouldn't budge. Perhaps for the first time since returning, she was actually experiencing happiness.
 
My body trembled, I had never known such great fear, nor such a great rush in my life.



Nej watched, listened. Watched her facial expressions change, the look in her eyes shift. He couldn't imagine a life without attachments. Of any kind, one way or another. He grew somber for a moment. "I remember growing up in an orphanage, I always had- temporary bonds with people. Never really had true friends growing up. I mean, the owners of the halfway place I grew up in changed every few months, most of the time run by Hutt has-beens, or whoever was controlling Tatoooine at the time. Grew up under the Republic's foot for a while-" Nej ran a hand through his hair, then looked over at her.

"What great childhoods we had- right?"

There was a space of silence between the two, where Nej felt like the seconds turned to hours. There was a literal distance between them. He wanted to close it. His hand reached out, interlocking with her fingers again. He looked outwards to the stars streaking past while they sat there. Closing the distance between the two was one of the most difficult, ardous things that Nej had yet to do in his life.

"Yeah. You made it here, all right."

He looked over and smiled warmly, giving her hand a gentle squeeze.

[member="Ayessa Kroan"]
 
Space, The Not-So-Final-Frontier, Nej's Ship, Undetermined Time
Interacting with [member="Nej Tane"] ~ I Fall Apart
——————————————————————

An almost wry grin crossed Ayessa's face at his comment, head tilting to the side a little as she studied the intricacies of Hyperspace, "They say that your past isn't meant to define you, but, well, it's all there really is to define you." Maybe your actions could sum up a person, but that would make neither of them very good people, would it, so entertaining that idea seemed out of the question in her mind. Another pondering for the Force to not answer. Heaving another full-body sigh, she went to speak; and her voice died in her throat once he went for her hand again. It wasn't a novel sensation, they'd been on-off doing it this entire time, but this time, in particular, it was like the Jedi's mind finally processed that it was actually happening. Fingers cautiously started to grasp back, as if this time things were a little more hesitant on her part.

When she next spoke her voice seemed a little contemplative, now her head tipped towards him as she glanced over with an expression that was a mix of amusement, cold curiosity, and just the slightest touch of confusion, "I guess you're not gonna try and pickpocket me now, right?" A soft opener to her real question, which came soon after she finished wiping the smirk off her face, "But-- Really. Why are you bothering to help me? Jedi don't exactly make easy... Friends."
 
I've never been afraid of a 'yes' or a 'no'. But I've always been afraid of 'maybes'.



Her question caught him off guard, at least at first. He had never considered the possibility of her asking such a question after the time they spent together. "No, I won't try and pickpocket you. Because next time I'll actually do it-" He said slyly, winking at her. He was a charming man, at times. Other times, an insufferable nerf herder, or a blumbering idiot. It fluctuated from time to time, currently he wasn't exactly sure what he was to her.

Maybe a combination, somehow. He felt the hesitation, but he wanted her to feel his reassurance- if he couldn't do it emotionally, he would do it physically with something as simple as holding her hand. He stammered for the first time, somewhat off guard by her inquiry still.

"I dunno- pay it forward, you seem like a good person-" He itched the back of his head again. He took a moment to collect himself. "You seem like you're going to do something good with your time here in the galaxy. You seem to care more than anyone I've met." His eyes met hers. "The fact that you're a Jedi- really inconsequential. I'd be doing this with you and for you- even if you didn't have magic space powers and a cool flashlight that kills people." He tapped his fingers on the armrest.

"Because I kinda, you know. You know. Have the. You know. The thing. The thing."

[member="Ayessa Kroan"]
 
Space, The Not-So-Final-Frontier, Nej's Ship, Undetermined Time
Interacting with [member="Nej Tane"] ~ I Fall Apart
——————————————————————

Her eyebrow rose half an inch, the head of the snake marking stretching a little from the simple motion, "The thing?" The way Ayessa's voice lilted with the question meant she was trying to egg him into expanding on that particular point, because it was clear she didn't quite understand. Fingers still loosely gripping his just for the sake of it -- The warm feeling it brought her to at last let someone shoulder a little of her burdens, even someone who can't fully understand them.

The fact I'm a Jedi is inconsequential? For the first time in perhaps a long time, that didn't seem so terrible to her. The idea of knighthood had always been woven into her identity by those around her, something that she could reach that so many others could not, divine destiny and all that. Without it, what was she? A Kiffar with space powers and a flashlight? He was right on that front, at least. Did she even possess an identity beyond Jedi General Ayessa Kroan?

Being so introspective led to a contemplative but serene expression on Ayessa's face as she watched her new companion. She was still clearly interested in his response, but starting to become lost among her own worries and thoughts.
 
She caught me way, way- off guard.


Nej was caught off guard. Really off guard. He was hoping that they were keep it unspoken. But here they were, holding hands, and she had actually asked him. Defensive positions. Men, to the walls. Close the gates. Pull up the bridge. Float the moat. Feed the alligators. All the good stuff to keep people at bay from the castle of his mind, of his heart. He was rapidly breathing for a moment, trying to contain himself.

He got it after a long, awkward moment.

"You know, the thing- the thing that you and I have, the thing. With the, you know. The hands, the people- the us." She could read his damn mind (she couldn't, that was a different set of abilities for a Jedi, she was reading his emotions. Nej just wasn't all that well-versed, or remotely smart, when it came to Jedi), why did she need to hear it! It was literally on the table for her.

"You know. Like us. The-" He wiggled their conjoined hands. Ayessa had really shattered the charming rogue type, very quickly. And not even meaning to.

[member="Ayessa Kroan"]
 
Space, The Not-So-Final-Frontier, Nej's Ship, Undetermined Time
Interacting with [member="Nej Tane"] ~ I Fall Apart

——————————————————————

"Oh."

A short, simple, and near-whispered response. Ayessa's gaze was dark and flattering as it rolled over him, looking to his face, then their hands, then his face, then Hyperspace again. For a second her mouth lagged behind her brain, "Umm," Before she found the proper words to speak, "Right. The-- The thing." Were they on the same page? Hopefully. What were they talking about again? Her skin flushed beyond her control, red and pink across her cheeks bashfully.

And even though she was a Jedi, she had done something like this before. Just... Not for a very long time, is all. Out of step, out of practise, literally out of time. Both times someone had tried to kill her, so, perhaps this was how the Force made it's will known. And this time all the cards were laid out on the table, no secrets -- Unless he was lying and she was about to get pawned off to Sith. The night was still young, after all. A half-hum, half-sigh left her then, one born of a short, nervous flutter beneath her chest, "So, what do you think you'll do, after this?" A distraction, anything at all. Not finding the courage to start detangling their casual grip, she simply looked over the joined fingers to glance at him.
 
All of the silence never bothered me. You ever had comfortable silence?


Nej thought on it for a long while. Unlike Ayessa- Nej had never in his life, had anything close to what he was feeling, or what he was doing. Everything in his life, he lived by the 30 second rule. The heat came around the corner, and he was gone in 30 seconds. Friends were hard to come by in his line of work, good ones at least. There wasn't even a hint of dishonesty, at least when it came to her. Nej was a pickpocket, a rogue, a robber- and had a record, a long, long record across three different empires and pretty much a bounty on him wherever he went for one reason or another.

But here? Man, was he having a good time.

"Don't you mean what we're doing after this?"

The smug son of a queen smiled again, that same handsome grin spread across his features. They only had time together now. And that's all he wanted.

[member="Ayessa Kroan"]
 

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