Private From a Dream

[Quinn Varanin]

//: Kaila Irons //:
//: Mors Mon, Medical Bay //:

The medical bay of the Mors Mon was silent and empty. Guards were stationed at every point to prevent stray eyes from seeing something the government wanted to keep quiet. If the news got out that the Princess of Eshan had been taken, tortured, and almost killed - there could be inspiration for others. Minor factions wanting to make their mark on the galaxy or other enemies with a personal vendetta against the Empress could strike hard and fast. Quinn needed to remain a secret. The Eshan government was already involved; there were summons for her to return to the planet, while others were keeping her where she was.

Quinn wanted to stay in the Empire. At least here, she felt like she had a life. Returning to Eshan only meant being hidden in her room and having her freedom minimized to the edge of the palace grounds. On Jutrand, she was free, and Quinn didn't want to lose that. But did she deserve that freedom? Sighing softly, her eyes shut, she tried to ignore the mess of jumbled memories from Susevfi.

Covered by the sounds of the machines monitoring her vitals, soft tears fell. She could never have imagined this scenario happening if she had just stayed on the ship and let Gerwald do what he did best. The Princess could have been on a clean-up crew, handling the people after they were pillaged and destroyed again. Her hands clenched the white sheets tightly; despite the pain, she retained the frustrated grasp. No, what Quinn did was what she thought was right.

Her hand released the sheets after the pain became too much; the medical machine beside her beeped once and released a small dosage of pain relief into her bloodstream. Quinn sighed again; her body relaxed again, the pain leaving her broken body. Curious eyes glanced down, examining what she could of her body. Everything looked put together and appropriately stitched, but she knew she was only here because of her god-- her mother.

Quinn had heard it. Her eyes closed again, and the face of the Darth she had collapsed into on Susevfi appeared. The heat of the saber again touched her face, but Quinn only dreamed of the sudden swell of relief after realizing it was Kaila.

Remembering that moment, Quinn knew that for the briefest of moments, her heart fluttered, and she knew what it meant—but she would never admit it. Looking towards the doorway, she wondered if Kaila was still on the Mors Mon or if she had already gone back to Echnos. A sadness sat in her throat as she turned away from the door, not wanting to wish. The Princess knew the woman had her duties and a planet to govern.

Quinn sighed and wiped the tears on her cheeks.

 

[Kaila Irons]

Tag: Quinn Varanin

Sleeping had been difficult to say the least. Her heart had raced so long that at times it felt like it may combust, long after the battle, even. The young Darth had cried harder and longer than any sith should, to say nothing of her rage. The city below was likely gone now, and for the first time in her life, Anathemous felt nothing for the atrocities being committed against Susevfi.

All she wanted was those hazel eyes again.

At some point she'd quietly cried herself to exhaustion, stirring awake at regular intervals, watching Quinn die over and over again, clear as day, as if she truly had lost her.

Lost her princess.​

no.​

Kaila had lost the right to call Quinn hers. Hers to love, hers to protect. She had failed her in both regards, her and The Empress.

Why she was allowed to breath the same air as the echani, Kaila did not know. She had refused treatment at first, shoved the doctors aside, invaded the princess' room without clearance and refused to leave, even threatened the legionnaires who tried to make her. Nothing short of The Empress herself could separate them now and even then it would take some convincing.

In the end it took a set of medical probes to treat Anathemous while she stubbornly sat in the corner. The only reason she was not still ash strewn was the time they took to wipe her down with antiseptic pads, though her left cheek still bore her own crusted blood just below the bacta patch on her forehead. The side of her bodyglove had been cut open with trauma shears, even now exposing her fair skin to the light, at least two— maybe three patches where shrapnel had once been.

She'd been unresponsive all through the night even as the droids pulled the metal from between her ribs without so much as a pill to dull the pain. She'd just stared at Quinn until she was allowed the privacy to cry. The only reason the princess had left her sight was because her image became but a watery blur.



The sound of sniffling stirred her from something which might pass for sleep. Her back was sore, slumped against a metal cabinet all night. Tiredly, her head rolled to one side, spotting Quinn upright for the first time in quite some time.

"...Quinn..." she whispered, dry and raspy.

A quick glance showed that she was still holding the princess' opposite hand, her grip loosening as she realized, and sat upright.

"...I'm sorry... I think I've numbed your hand..."

​

 

[Quinn Varanin]

//: Kaila Irons //:
//: Mors Mon, Medical Bay //:

Quinn looked down at her hand; she hadn't even registered the warmth wrapped around it. From the beatings and torture, it seemed a lot of her nerves were still healing. Feeling Kaila's hand leave her, Quinn felt the sensation of the nerves reacting to the cool air of the medical bay. "Oh. That's okay." She spoke gently. Her brain was still wrapping around everything that happened. Looking up from her hand, Quinn smiled, seeing Kaila's face again. She was still a little groggy after being asleep for as long as she had been.

"I had a terrible dream." She started, and her brow furrowed. "It wasn't a dream, but -" Quinn paused as she inhaled deeply. She was sore, and her body reminded her of everything she endured. Wincing, it took the Princess a moment to gather herself after the pain. Another beep, and her body felt the intoxicating feeling of the drugs. They were small doses, but feeling the relief kept her conscious. "You saved me." Her heart raced, and any hope of hiding it went out the window as the machine next to her bed beeped a small alert, signaling her high heart rate. Quinn felt her eyes widen and her cheeks flush as her adoration for her heroine was displayed.

The Princess cleared her throat as she situated herself and held onto the clean white sheets at her side. "Thank you, I-" Tilting her head, she tried to focus on her thoughts, keep herself going, and stop her heart's fluttering happiness. "I was hoping I'd get to see you again. The moment I could sleep, I dreamed of you finding me - saving me." Dreams were the only thing that kept her going. In her dreams, her life was back to what it was before arriving on Susevfi.

Leaning forward, Quinn reached back out for Kaila's hand. She wanted the woman close; she needed the warmth she represented. A soft whine escaped the Princess's throat as she reached out. "Please, I need to know you're real. As much as I know I'm alive and everything is okay - those dreams felt real, and then I'd wake up to my worst nightmare."

Quinn choked back tears. She had cried enough, but she hoped that Kaila would give the Princess what she wanted.

 

[Kaila Irons]

Tag: Quinn Varanin

Her face couldn't decide if the smile was sad or relieved, all Kaila knew was that she didn't deserve Quinn's.

And she was glad to see it again anyway.

Quinn's heart was beating with life again, a lot of life, by the sound of it. And so Kaila's could too. They could both breathe now, she had to remind herself, no matter how guilty each one felt.

"I'm here," she said, heartbroken by the sounds Quinn struggled to make.

Kaila stood, no longer concerned with such trivial things as hiding her emotions, her affections, from the world. She took the princess by her hand, coming to her knees beside the bed, draping her body across to hold Quinn in her other arm.

"You said not to leave you, I couldn't leave you."

She closed her eyes, the tears coming back again.

"I promised."

The tears were harder to ignore now as she recalled that moment, unsure if Quinn had even been alive to hear those words before. Though Kaila was careful, gentle, she held the princess a little tighter, gently squeezing her shoulder. The opposite from which she'd grabbed during the battle.

"I thought I'd lost you," she sniffled.

"...I lost control."

Kaila opened her eyes, lip quivering into a sad smile as she fought back tears long enough to see Quinn's face, so grateful to see those hazel eyes again.

"But you're awake now,"

She reached out to caress Quinn's pale cheek, her warm, blushing, cheek.

"That's all that really matters."

 

[Quinn Varanin]

//: Kaila Irons //:
//: Mors Mon, Medical Bay //:

Kaila's weight descended onto Quinn, her arms gently wrapped around the Princess. In that moment, Quinn knew that the reality she had dreamed of while in the dark cell had finally come true. She wanted Kaila closer, and despite knowing that everything was as it should be, Quinn cried. Fingers curled at the fraying fabric of the woman's body suit. Nothing was enough for Quinn right now; fear still had its grip on her.

"I know, I know," Quinn sobbed quietly into Kaila as she nodded. Even though she had died in the woman's arms, the Princess had seen the pain twist on the blonde's face. The look was something Quinn could never forget; she never wanted to see that look on her lover's face ever again. She began to settle; the comfort of the woman's promises and affirmations brought the Princess security. A hand cupped the echani's cheek, and she leaned into it, welcoming its tenderness. Her sobbing quieted, but the tears continued to fall against Kaila's hand.

This is what she wanted, everything that she had dreamed of. Words hung on her lips, but she knew she couldn't say them. Everything she feared lay in the words she wanted to say, but Quinn swallowed them and nuzzled into Kaila's hand, silencing what couldn't be said. Reaching up, her hand held onto Kaila's, pulling it from her face as she looked back. "I knew you would come for me; I'm so sorry for everything. I-I" Her gaze fell from Kaila's face as she felt the guilt of the disaster she caused.

"I should have asked you to come with me instead of trying to do all of this alone. I thought if I could - I could make the transition easy. All I did was get people killed," Quinn looked at the woman fully now; seeing the bandages, knowing that Kaila had been injured because of her shortcomings broke the Princess's heart. "You're hurt…"

Quinn's hand moved to the bacta bandages; she could feel the bacta working, but not as quickly as Kaila needed. The warmth Kaila had felt before, back on Echnos, would weave through the patches, mending the wounds. It took a little more than before, but Quinn could at least do something to help the Governor. The same hand reached up, brushing the dried blood from Kaila's face. "I'm sorry," Quinn repeated quietly, her eyes taking in everything that was her paramour's face. Even now, battle-worn, she was still so beautiful.

"You can't lose me," Quinn whispered as she leaned closer to Kaila's face as they lay there on the hospital bed. Despite the pain that pulsed through her with every movement, she needed to be closer. "I promise not to leave you again, just stay with me -" Their lips close, Quinn smiled softly, "I can't exist without you…" Pressing their lips together, Quinn cupped her lover's face, keeping her close. She desperately needed to feel her and needed to know that none of this was a reality created in her distraught mind.

Catching her breath, Quinn pulled away slightly, keeping their lips as close as she could, whispering a secret only for them, "I'm alive because of you." A smile and Quinn kissed the beautiful blonde woman again; Kaila would feel a slight burning sensation in the corner of her bottom lip as they kissed. Never wanting to lose Kaila, the Echani used the small cut in her lip to blood-trail Darth Anathemous.

 

[Kaila Irons]

Tag: Quinn Varanin

Kaila did not know how to process the echani's guilt. She'd been so caught up in her own failings, convinced that things could have been different had she only been there, that she'd forgotten it was Quinn who wished to do this alone in the first place. It was difficult in fact to conceive of the princess doing anything wrong. In that moment she just wanted Quinn to be here, and happy.

"It's okay." she sniffled.

"We'll do better next time, side by side."

"You're hurt…"

Kaila glanced down at her wound, remembering the explosion. In the grand scheme of things, it was superficial. Maybe it was bleeding when they arrived, but nothing immediately life threatening. It may hurt but she knew her metal ribs had caught the jagged shard before it could reach anything vital.

"...not half as much as you-" she said dismissively, only to falter as Quinn reached for the wound.

Though the tenderness made Kaila wince, she found herself soothed by the echani's familiar touch, causing her breath to hitch. In a strange way, having her pain tended to in such a way would always remind her of their first kiss.

And as Kaila looked up from her wound at Quinn, it seemed that either she or the universe were of the same mind.

"I promise not to leave you again, just stay with me -" Their lips close, Quinn smiled softly, "I can't exist without you…"

The act forced her remaining tears out of hiding as their lips met and words that Kaila had never known she needed so badly fell upon her ears. She closed her eyes, allowing herself that selfish comfort, that greedy desire as she joined the princess in her passions despite feeling as though she did not deserve them. Because she also felt something more...

"I'm alive because of you."

"I..." love you.

She did, she knew that now.

But a strange tingling in her lip pulled the young Darth from her thoughts, even if it added to the charm of the moment. She bit her lip to stop herself from saying those words, knowing that mere knight should not love a princess, nor heir to the empire. 'Savior' or not, she wasn't what Quinn needed, nor did she believe the echani was ready to say those words back.

"I'm going to make this work." she vowed despite it all, fingers intertwining with Quinn's.

"I will leave my Sepulchral to rule the city in my stead, and finish preparing my apprentice."

"And then I will ensure that we are never apart, ever again."

​

 

[Quinn Varanin]

//: Kaila Irons //:
//: Mors Mon, Medical Bay //:

Each caught breath between the desperate kisses gave the Echani life. She held onto the woman, fingers laced as they remained close. Quinn watched Kaila's face, listening to her promises. The woman was ready to give everything up, abandon her governess to the one thing she feared, and ready for her apprentice. Quinn's smile softened as she once more brushed her fingertips against the woman's face. While she appreciated the gesture, the actions weren't in the best interest of the Darth.

"My dear Governor," she continued to caress her savior. As much as Quinn wanted Kaila's ultimate devotion, she knew it would never be. It would be too perfect for a Princess and her Knight, but this wasn't their reality. Another moment where Quinn understood Vesta more. "You don't understand how badly I want your complete devotion," Another caress the woman's cheek, leading her fingertips to stroke just along the edge of Kaila's chin. "I know that truly isn't plausible. Also, the Wolf wouldn't allow it." Quinn laughed gently, as they both knew Gerwald already was suspicious of their connection. "But I wouldn't ask anyone other than you to be my knight and protector."

At least he didn't interfere. He allowed it to happen as long as it didn't interfere with what the Second Legion was doing. The simpler times of drinking and partying aboard the flagship seemed so long ago. Even then, the last time they were all together - terrible news was delivered. Choking back some tears, she shifted herself in the bed, pulling Kaila as far as she could, forcing the woman into the bed. At least the Princess could enjoy the woman's presence before one of the doctors or the Empress forces the pair apart.

Her mind drifted for a moment to the woman back on Jutrand. Kirie hadn't been alone this long, and with everything that had happened - she wondered if anything was being sent home. Looking at the ceiling of the medical wing, Quinn silenced her mind, knowing it would only drive her mad. At least Kaila was here, and she wasn't alone.

Quinn ran her fingers through the curls of her lover as she thought about what the woman vowed: "You don't trust the Sepulcher. Why would you leave it to rule your planet?" Quinn was curious about the distrust between the groups. Kaila was a Kainite, but knowing how Kaine treated the apprentices, she didn't blame the distrust. It was too much for her to think about right now; all she wanted was to be here in this moment.

"Sorry, you don't have to answer that." The Princess knew there were touchy subjects, and she felt anything pertaining to the Butcher King fell under that umbrella. Remembering their earlier conversation, a question lingered in her mind: "You said you lost control." Quinn started to worry as she looked to the woman in her arms. "What did you mean?"

 

[Kaila Irons]

Tag: Quinn Varanin

"You don't understand how badly I want your complete devotion,"

Kaila knew the next words out of Quinn's mouth before she spoke them. Somehow the woman had given her a confession of love in all but name and a warning not to pursue it in one. When she reached out to touch Kaila's face, she would find her hand moistened with new, but understanding tears. No matter how much she wanted this, Kaila knew they would not live that fairy tale.

"I know that truly isn't plausible. Also, the Wolf wouldn't allow it."
"But I wouldn't ask anyone other than you to be my knight and protector."

She wanted to fight it. She wanted to rage against the tide of fate as she always had, no matter if it drowned her or not. Was Quinn not sith as well? Could she truly not make her own decisions? Why must they secure Gerwald Lechner 's permission...? No matter what logical answer she could conceive, the young Darth was not emotionally equipped to hear them. Not yet.

Until Anathemous realized that if Quinn could not choose her, than she herself must make the choice.

To double her efforts, to become someone who needn't permission from any but Quinn. A pained, but quiet resolve overtook her as she looked to Quinn, knowing that for her, she would move mountains.

And perhaps one day, she would join the Dark Council herself, and together she and the princess would change this empire.

She joined her in the bed, pulled actually, and closed her eyes, wrapping her arms around her inspiration, her reason, her love. Even as uncomfortable questions were asked, she nuzzled into her princess, stubbornly refusing to allow anyone or anything to sour this moment.

Until one in particular gave her pause.

"You said you lost control." Quinn started to worry as she looked to the woman in her arms. "What did you mean?"

Kaila shifted to stare distantly at the ceiling.

"I killed a lot of people." she murmured.

"...some undeserving, perhaps."

When she closed her eyes again, she could see the great maw that was Adeline Noctua , her black wings spreading over the city of Yumfla, bringing the entirety of the populace under her spell as the Mors Mons destroyed everything below. But so too could she see Quinn, beaten and lifeless in her arms, and though she knew now that what she'd demanded was wrong and ignorant, she had to wonder; If the princess had not been revived, would she not have spitefully celebrated the destruction?

"It doesn't matter now." she said tiredly, curling around her love.

"You're alive. The Empress has her daughter."

"...I have you in my arms again, safe and sound." she cried.

"That's all I want now."

​

 

[Quinn Varanin]

//: Kaila Irons //:
//: Mors Mon, Medical Bay //:

Quinn listened, feeling the shift in the woman's demeanor from her words and questions. It seemed she had said something that the Knight disagreed with. She leaned into the comfort of her lover as she enjoyed the closeness. At times, when she closed her eyes, she remembered the white room, watching the memories that cascaded along the walls. So many of the memories she smiled at were recent, filled with her Governor's face.

She remained quiet while her fingers gently intertwined with the soft curls of the woman beside her. After everything, Quinn didn't flinch after the admittance of slaughter. The dark figure that loomed over Kaila, Quinn had caught a glimpse before she had been returned to the living. The woman's face had entered the Princess's dreams from time to time. She was curious, and Quinn wondered if this was the power that Kaila had summoned.

Quinn didn't inquire further on the how or the why, but instead, she nuzzled closer, letting their bodies intertwine as much as she could as they lay there. Silence fell between them as Quinn continued to think, taking in everything that Kaila had said and weighing what she had said to cause the shift in the woman.

"I would have done the same for you." She finally spoke quietly, confident and assertive. Quinn would have burned the planet and swallowed it whole with the power of the Force Storm. Everyone would have been destroyed in her fury if the roles were reversed. There was no question in her mind. If Kaila had been taken, beaten, and tortured, there would have been nothing but a black hole where Susevfi had been.

"I would burn the galaxy for you, hunting anyone associated with those that would have harmed you." her chest tightened, knowing what Kaila had felt.

Kaila would soon learn the similarities between the Empress and her child. Those who were special to them meant everything, and all of their power would be used to return or avenge. Quinn closed her eyes as she tried to calm herself down, feeling fury at the hypothetical chance that Kaila would be taken or killed by her enemies.

It would not happen after being able to keep an eye on where the woman was when they were apart. Remembering the blood trail, her fury quelled.

"You are my beloved Knight, and I'm your Empress."

 

[Kaila Irons]

Tag: Quinn Varanin

She held Quinn a little tighter, the last of her cries muffled into the echani's shoulder. It felt as though she'd been absolved of her crimes, knowing not only that she needn't hide them from her, but that Quinn would have done the same for her.

Already her men were pursuing leads to find those few who survived the battle and their suppliers, collecting a list of targets for Kaila to eliminate by her own hand in those melancholy hours when the imperial bureaucracy would force them apart. To hear that they were of one mind in this brought a revelation that Kaila had been searching for all her life; this is where she belonged. This is who she was, and she needn't be ashamed of it.

"I know you would." she affirmed, knowing now what they truly shared.

There was a fire in Quinn's voice that could not be denied, and though this hypothetical scenario caused the echani so much pain, Kaila loved her for it all the same.

Because, finally,

"That was my dream, Revna."

"To matter." she smiled bitterly,

The fairy tale had come true.

She smiled softly against Quinn's shoulder. The echani had given her more than she may ever know, and for that she had the vahla's eternal gratitude, and for everything else she was, she would give her heart as well.

"You are my beloved Knight, and I'm your Empress."

And loyalty everlasting.

"Empress...?"

Kaila would shift to look at Quinn with bewildered eyes, leaning on her side.

"Oh my god... yes, you're the heir now, aren't you...? I didn't even consider-"

"You'll be Empress one day!" her eyes widened, as though she'd only now just realized.

"And I'll-"

She leaned down to kiss her briefly, a surprised smiled on her lips all the while.

"...I really will be your knight, won't I? Then someone else can handle Echnos. I'll be your guard, or..."

"...whatever you wish of me."

"I..." I love you. she still wanted to say it so badly.

But if Quinn wasn't ready to say it outright, then she too would be creative in it's use.

"I am yours, my Empress, always."

​