The truth was, Braze wasn't okay. He had reverted to his old defense mechanisms, resorting to saying hurtful things to distract from the overwhelming emotions flooding his mind. It wasn't a healthy coping mechanism, but in the moment of feeling overwhelmed and overstimulated, it was his default response. He had done something similar with Jasper when they first met on that mission, blurting out hurtful words he didn't mean.
This time, it felt more intense. But what had prompted it? To an outsider, it might have seemed like nothing, and perhaps Braze was overreacting to some degree. However, Braze wasn't familiar with this feeling, and it frightened him. He knew lightsabers were exceptionally dangerous, and there was a disconnect between what he saw and the logical reasoning he tried to apply to it.
The truth was, Aris had frightened him—like an animal stuck in a fight-flight-freeze response to danger. Aris's display of power, combined with catching a lightsaber barehanded, had shifted Braze's worldview abruptly. His mind struggled with the sudden idea that Aris was like a monster, something terrifying and dangerous to be around, something Braze shouldn't be near. But there was a disconnect; he couldn't label Aris as such because he had never seen him act with ill intent.
Yet, despite his internal turmoil, Braze found it sad—especially when contrasted with Aris's calm demeanor. Aris hadn't lashed out at Braze for his hurtful words, which only intensified Braze's feelings of guilt and shame.
It was a sad truth that Braze was painfully out of touch, his social skills ill-formed and his choices often poor. He knew his words were wrong, especially after they had left his mouth, but he couldn't muster the courage to apologize. With each passing moment of silence, the weight of his guilt grew heavier, his heart aching as if physically wounded by the tumult of emotions swirling within him.
'Just apologize,' he urged himself, knowing it was the decent thing to do. But as several painfully long, awkward moments stretched on, Braze found himself rendered momentarily speechless, caught in a whirlwind of conflicting emotions. The fight response that had triggered his hurtful words had now given way to a paralyzing sense of shame and regret.
When Aris showed kindness by asking if Braze was okay, despite the hurtful words he had endured, Braze found himself unable to respond, frozen in place by the overwhelming surge of anxiety and stress. The more time that elapsed between them, the worse Braze felt. His heart hurt physically from the upheaval of feelings and thoughts, making him feel even sicker. Just apologize. It was all he had to do, but he couldn't bring himself to formulate an apology.
In the end, he could only escape, his flight response kicking in as he shook his head and darted off abruptly. It was too much to bear. Braze needed distance from Aris to regain control of his emotions, to bring his mental state back to a semblance of normalcy. And so, with a heavy heart, he fled, leaving behind a trail of unresolved tension and regret in his wake.
Braze
