if they're watching anyways
The pain there was clear as day. It'd obviously been a long time since; she could tell he'd had time to think about his words, to go over the events. It was a good reminder that her father had a great deal more life experience than she did -- a great deal more wisdom, too. More mistakes, more failures, more successes, more mentors. There was so much she still had to learn. Still, she knew that learning from others was just as good as learning for herself. If it was as he said she didn't want to wait for her own O'reen.
"I understand," she said. She thought back to before she been knighted and the myriad of issues she'd faced personally. A sigh, matching her father's, escaped her lips as she decided to confide in him something she hadn't in anyone else. "When I was a padawan... it started while I was on the Peace, I think, and with the New Jedi... everyone, all the padawans around me seemed to be doing so much more. With the Sith, and the Bryn'adûl -- I was always the one at the temple. I never felt like I was helping. Not like they were. Not enough. And when they limped back, or I hadn't seen them in a week, or the reports filed in about the casualties and everything... I didn't know what to do.
"I was really depressed." Admitting it out loud pulled the last vestiges of that misery out of her. She put on a brave smile, looking back down at the valley below.
"In the end, it wasn't some shock that pulled me out. I was just reminded of the people who loved me, who cared," she said, turning her smile to her father. "That I didn't need to compare myself to everyone else, or feel bad if I wasn't doing as much. And when I was just allowed to... be, I was so much happier, and now I feel like I'm helping people."
She shrugged. "If the Alliance started... crusading, or just the Jedi, even, I'd look for another way. But I still know those people; I'd want to talk to them first. If they didn't understand, I guess... I'd have chosen my friends wrong."
In truth she was worried -- tensions had begun to rise with the New Imperial Order, and she didn't know her friends to sit idle or wait for permission. There were difficult times ahead.