Heads-up

[Darth Vulcanus]

[member="Cyrus Tregessar"]


Now my memory gets a little splotchy from there. I do remember making a very stupid Sith character, one that was way overpowered for being just an apprentice and he was kinda Kylo-esque with his flippy hair and not wanting to come back in time for curfew and giving his dad the business. I do remember when Ashin became Empress though, then I left for a bit and apparently she turned dicks into bread or something miraculous because everyone seemed to suck on her big toe when I came back. Not sure why, but then she went to make the space emos we all came to love, the Fringe.

They were like witchers just not as cool and...well that's about it. I'm sure they had some more story about them but...yeah I couldn't tell you. Their existence is a montage of German dungeon porn and bad posts to me

 

[Darth Vulcanus]

[member="Cyrus Tregessar"]

But then came Krag and my life on here was good for a bit. I was still in highschool, had no job at the time so I spent ungodly amounts of time on here. I had all the time in the world to make the Graug race great again, make Chaos great again. Make German Dungeon Porn Great Again. Because you can only see something on a screen so many times before you go out, buy a glass table and stick your girlfriend under it.

Anyhow, the CIS came around about that same time. It was like mad post rushing, mostly because the staff hated us and we had to work that shit to get on the map. It was day in, day out, blitzing the weekends, pulling all nighters. It was just like five of us too, never seen anything like it in my whole life.

 

[Darth Vulcanus]

[member="Cyrus Tregessar"]

Hold in there buddy, its almost over. Your mistake of posting to me is almost paid for. Just a little bit more now and this nerf herder you decided to post to will go away, don't get me wrong though. I like you, I mean I don't know you but then again I don't know those blonde German bimbos either and I like them quite a lot.

 

[Darth Vulcanus]

[member="Cyrus Tregessar"]

Now I know you are probably thinking one of two things, not to interrupt my retelling of history, but its good to take breaks now and then. You are probably thinking, wow. This guy has way too much time on his hands or B) you are thinking, wow this guy has some severe mental problems that he would use his nightly hours to post to some guy on the internet he doesn't know for no other reason than to annoy him.

You'd be right on both of those assumptions

 

[Darth Vulcanus]

[member="Cyrus Tregessar"]

But back to the reason we are all here. HISTORY! HISTORY IS OUR FRIEND!

SO where was I, oh yeah Krag. Krag was bitchin. Well at first he was just a dumb, lumbering animal but those are details. I mean, HE GOT TRAINED BY SITH SUPERMAN! CLARK FUCKING KENT IN THAT MOTHERFUCKER, KNOW WHAT IM SAYING.

Anyhow, so the CIS grew bigger and almost immediately started collapsing under the weight of a political sex scandal. To be honest I kinda blanked out in the CIS about that time, but as you can see by the map they aren't very important to history.

Anyhow, in my next informative post we should talk about the Jedi-Gents a bit

 

[Darth Vulcanus]

[member="Cyrus Tregessar"]

So yeah, I can't tell you a whole about the history of the Jedi. Mostly because no one in their right mind would touch that festering nest of Adminship with a twenty-foot dick, but I'll try my best to give you the basics.

The Jedi are not really Jedi. They are more like Atilla the Huns horde dressed up in robes, waving glow sticks and telling you they are there to save you while simultaneously raping you churches and burning you women alive. I mean, show me a Jedi who doesn't have a murder boner and I'll show you a Sith that has a douchey haircut and a sad family life.

 

[Darth Vulcanus]

[member="Cyrus Tregessar"]

Lets see, here are some cliffnotes from what I remember. They might not be in chronological order but hey, this is a free show so don't go around giving me shit. I'd like to see you waste time better, damnit!

So lets see. I distinctly remember them bombing Krag's home planet to dust, killing children, women and countless people who had literal shit to do with Krag. But hey, its a game. I'm not mad about it, just pointing out that...what the actual fuck? Like I said, murder boners and sad family lives.

Anyhow, they also bombed the slaves they were going to save from Krag sometime after that. I'm talking about straight up, saw them coming and pressed the nuke option button. From orbit. Just POW "they were dead anyway"

They also seem to have more Sith on their council than actual Jedi half the time. Correct me if I'm wrong (Though not now cause I do have other things to do tonight aside from restarting this whole thing) but I'm pretty sure multiple of their masters have up and turn coated multiple times.

Including Ashin Varin who is a new alignment every other weekend.

OH then there was the Tefka thing that ate at me for months because I am a grudge holder by nature. Long story short, he flipped shit for me doing exactly as he asked. I apologized. He flipped shit again like a crack baby without their fix and erased half an invasion to get rid of any evidence that our story ever happened.

But enough about them, we have more characters to get through

 

[Darth Vulcanus]

[member="Cyrus Tregessar"]

Lets see, what else is there to tell. Oh yeah, at the same time the Tefka incident happened Krag just happened to be the "7 Day Emprah". Basically, I got pulled into this whole plot to get left holding the burning shit bag that was the Sith. Now, many people would tell you that the Sith Empire was great and that it had no business being dismantled.

Those people are either A.) lying or B.) what we in the medical profession call Fucking DU-DU-DUUUUUHHHHH

The Sith demise was planned way before my dick was in the door. Kaine kinda split and left me holding it cause reasons. Mostly because well, Kaine is Kaine and Kaineness.

But also I was more worried about the Fel Empire, which I started, and they took some territory from the Sith during their fall. "Take" is a strong word, given is more like it. There is a Hitler video if you want mroe on that though, I think its still in the top rated posts section so it should be easy to find

 

[Darth Vulcanus]

[member="Cyrus Tregessar"]

Look at that buddy boy, the home stretch. Can you smell it now? The freedom? The lack of little bells constantly popping up in the corner? Its almost there, right across the horizon. You can grab it. You can do it. Just by not posting anything.

Nothing at all.

 

[Darth Vulcanus]

[member="Cyrus Tregessar"]

I've kind of lost track of time, I've been doing this for at least a half-hour. Oh well, it has been worth it just to kill time. My download is just about there, so its actually working quite nicely; don't you think mister smooth vocals? Mister bad-ass ME character? Mister-Oh god the newest member's name is returnofthejedifangirl18...son of Jesus on a crutch sucking on a big German cock while sitting under a shitting table.

That's just not right. Why, why would someone name their OOC profile that? Give me an answer. Just not now or else this all starts over again.

 

[Darth Vulcanus]

[member="Cyrus Tregessar"]

Oh I almost forgot, the Great purge was a thing. Basically the internet said fuck you to us and erased all of our stuff. Luckily it didn't affect my local bookmarks or else I wouldn't be able to find that donkey on dog porn that took me so long to acquire.

But that is a story for a different time

 

[Darth Vulcanus]

[member="Cyrus Tregessar"]

I'll be honest, I don't even remember making this douchebag. He looks like someone I'd make and then never use, I do like his avatar though. Its solid, dude looks badass and has a sniper rifle. he is perfectly stereotypical for this site.

 

[Darth Vulcanus]

[member="Cyrus Tregessar"]

Look at that, we almost done. Just one more character after this. I'm going to miss you, Admiral Hackett. I feel like you know me. I feel like this experience can't be traded in for anything. Its a once in a lifetime connection, its like you are apart of me.

Its kinda erotic. Even more so than my "Blondes, Bucks and Dirty Sanchez" collection

 

[Darth Vulcanus]

[member="Cyrus Tregessar"]

I'm sad now, this was good for me baby. Was it good for you?

Now, if you would be so kind as to answer all of my questions in the same fashion as I have posted to you then we can go our separate ways. I know, I know. Its hard. I'll miss you too. I'll leave the money on the nightstand, don't call me ever again and lock the door on the way out.

 

[Jake Daniels]

Holy. Sweet. Hell.

 

[Cyrus Tregessar]

kek

 

[Krayzen Dratos]

This is fucking spamming, and it will not be tolerated. The thread is locked, and I am sorry [member="Cyrus Tregessar"] for this happening to you.

 

[Tefka]

OH then there was the Tefka thing that ate at me for months because I am a grudge holder by nature. Long story short, he flipped poodoo for me doing exactly as he asked. I apologized. He flipped poodoo again like a crack baby without their fix and erased half an invasion to get rid of any evidence that our story ever happened.