I Knew My Weakness (Complete)

[Connor Harrison]

Connor leant forward on his legs, rubbing his fingers together as he watched Irajah and Jacob, listening to their situation and thoughts. While things sounded to make little sense, certain things started to fall into place.

"I can accompany you, possibly, but I can't stay for long. And I said you don't need to waste your time or resources on my situation. It's already in hand. Sort of."

He gave a little shrug.

"Jacob is the one who needs help more than I. My situation is clear, and has been brought on by my own actions and my own failings. I'm trying to rectify that with certain help, and in time I will be in a far stronger, confident and overall better position than I am in now. Jacob is priority for you, Irajah."

It was a dead end for Connor in many aspects, but Maena and Matsu Xiangu held the key to re-establishing himself, as with help from Taeli Raaf, and Lord Abyss. Many names circled his head, and many dark and dangerous situations lay ahead, but he would face them all head on for the better.

"I think you'll be sorted in no time Jacob, and you could even use this as a fresh start maybe? Start again. Make new memories and new paths forward? I have faith in you."

Connor may be down, but he wasn't out.

[member="Jacob Crawford"] | [member="Irajah Ven"]

 

[Jacob Crawford]

"I'd appreciate that, Connor. At the very least if I can get somewhere to get my own ship I should be able to get about on my own. Thankfully I haven't forgotten how to traverse the galaxy."

Jacob chuckled at that, he had no idea what he would've done if he had forgotten that much. Though a thought crossed his mind, it seemed only his Force related memories were gone.

He quirked an eyebrow towards [member="Connor Harrison"] as he mentioned his own problems, but Jacob said nothing. It wasn't his business.

A solemn expression crossed Jacob's face as he thought about what Connor had said.

"I hope so. A fresh start might be best, but I can't avoid my lost memories forever. At some point I'll have to find a way of recovering them. It wouldn't sit well with me if there's people out there in the galaxy that I left behind, with no idea I'm still alive."

With that said he looked over at [member="Irajah Ven"].

"So Dosuun it is. Any idea of how long I'll be there? I might have to take in the sights, anything would be better than the jungles of Dxun."

 

[Kuzo]

Irajah watched [member="Connor Harrison"] out of the corner of her eye as he spoke.

It wasn't possible for him to waste her time or effort. But now wasn't the time to argue with him about it either. Perhaps the sith would be able to help him, perhaps not, she didn't know. There was so many things the Force could be used for that, until the last six months or so, Irajah had never even dreamed of. But there were also surprising limitations, gaps in knowledge that surprised her. She was thorough, methodical, and to find these kinds of mysteries smack in the middle of what ought to be established knowledge baffled her.

Yes, [member="Jacob Crawford"]'s situation was the more pressing. But regardless of what Connor said, Irajah had no intentions of letting go of looking for a way to help him. She just didn't need to tell him if he was going to argue with her.

"As long as you need to," she said, addressing Jacob. "My apartment is empty right now," she glanced over at Connor, explaining "@Boo is on a field trip, he's gone all week."

Looking back at Jacob, she continued. "So there's a couch free." After all, she wasn't offering [member="Boo Chiyo"]'s room. But she also wasn't going to have an amnesiac force user who needed drugs to keep the voices from getting out of hand anywhere near him.

"We'll set you up with something a little more long term if we need to. But until we get some sort of better handle on you and the stim issue, you need to be careful."

For everyone else's sake.

 

[Jacob Crawford]

Jacob looked confused. Who was Boo? Why would Connor kn-

He shook the thought away, none of his business; he wasn't going to pry. I seem to be saying that a lot right now.

It did occur to Jacob, as he looked at [member="Irajah Ven"], that he knew very little about her. He never did ask many questions during their time traveling to their destination and waiting for [member="Connor Harrison"].

Jacob smiled in gratitude to Irajah.

"Thank you, I'll make sure I'm out as soon as I possibly can." And he hoped it was sooner rather than later. Mostly because he didn't want to overstay the welcome, but there was a part of Jacob that knew he wasn't just going to be able to stay in one place for too long. He-

If I may intrude on that thought.

Wh-what the hell, how are you speaking! I thought I shut you two out.

Boy, your mental fortitude isn't that great. You only got one over us because you finally managed to obtain some measure of focus.

What, so you two just kept badgering me so I'd learn?

Pretty much. And it took bloody longer than it should.

So where is she then? How come she isn't speaking up?

Because I have her gagged and tied up in the back.

...

My point is you need to learn to control the Force. Go back to the basics. This Connor Harrison person should be able to help.

Returning back to reality, Jacob turned to face Connor.

"As a Force user you could teach me right? At least some control over it maybe?" He then looked over at Irajah. "Because if I can do that, then it should make some progress in handling my situation right?"

 

[Connor Harrison]

He was clearly deep in thought, or lost in the void between reality and daydreaming. Connor rocked his feet back and forward gently, hands on his legs. He heard the conversation but didn’t really HEAR it. It was only when Jacob seemed to turn and throw a question his way that it snapped him out of it.

"Hm? Ah, well yes, there’s the rub you see."

With a crack of the fingers, Connor stood up and did what he did best when thinking out loud – paced.

"To go back to your home on Dosuun, Irajah, I will stay in my ship and be there as and when you need me until you’re sorted. Jacob, as I’m sure you agree, is best to stay close by. He has the couch."

He then span to turn to Jacob.

"And, it’s a long story, but I’ve been severed from the Force by a group of vindictive and manipulative Jedi – the Silver Order. So, while I am re-connecting to it again with a little help from…external forces…I fear I would not be able to help you much. I can do what I can, but right now all I feel is, it’s hard to explain," he tapped his chest, "but almost like burning embers in my chest. They need to be fanned and fuelled to spark into fire again. I can’t feel it. But it’s there. I know it’s there, and Force help the when it returns."

The last part, he had slipped away again into that dark void.

When he returned, he looked back to Jacob, and then Irajah, and nodded.

[member="Jacob Crawford"] | [member="Irajah Ven"]

 

[Kuzo]

Irajah watched them both thoughtfully for a moment before interjecting.

"I know other Force Users we can talk to," she said slowly. "But, I mean- and only if you're willing of course Connor- I mean-"

She paused, frustrated for a moment as she tried to think of how to put it.

"If I lost my hands- if I became blind- and I was unable to actually do what I needed to do to be a doctor... I would still be a doctor. I would still be able to teach others what being a doctor was like, because even though in that moment I couldn't be it anymore.... those experiences aren't negated. You were still a Padawan once. Were there any exercises that you were taught that might be useful for Jacob?"

She didn't want to push Connor, didn't want to make him uncomfortable or do anything he didn't want to do. But she had to ask.

"We'll also be okay," she said, smiling at him, "If not. And I don't want to delay you from doing what you need to do...."

​She trailed off. She was out of her depth and she knew it. But if staying to help put off Connor's own path forward? Maybe it was better if he didn't. She didn't want to hold him back. The whole situation was such a mess.

[member="Connor Harrison"] [member="Jacob Crawford"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

She was wonderful. She really was.

"No," he chuckled a little, "I mean I'll stay in my ship to sleep. Jacob stays with you to be safe, and I'll be there as long as needed. I have places I have to go, but not for a while, please don't worry."

With a contemplating inhale, he folded his arms and looked at the amnesiac.

"There are things I can try to teach of course. I just...I just may lack the ability to feel just how much you're expelling, and I can't spar with you or try to help in battle situations. I'll guide you as best I can to get back in touch with your core, and then I'll have to do the same to me! You let me know what I can help you wish, and I'll do it."

[member="Irajah Ven"] | [member="Jacob Crawford"]

 

[Jacob Crawford]

"Oh...I'm sorry to hear that." It was really all Jacob could think to say when Connor revealed his own Force ailment. It did click in his mind though that the two of them seemed to more on the complete opposite side of things.

Connor with his connection to the Force gone. And himself with a connection to it he couldn't control under his own power.

Jacob certainly wasn't going to miss the irony in that. And for a moment he did wonder if he'd be better of just severing his own ties to the Force.

No. You really don't want that.

The voice wasn't wrong, especially given the look Connor had on his face when he spoke about it.

However as he listened a potential issue occured to him.

"There might be a problem with that. If I'm going to go about trying to gain control over the Force, I'm going to have to be somewhere open, away from people." He looked at Irajah. "You said Dosuun is a First Order planet right? So it would probably be best if I'm not still there when this goes down. I don't know what their principles and priorities are for Force users, but I'm going to assume I want to attract the least amount of attention as possible."

Jacob took a deep breath before he spoke again.

"So the plan; go to Dosuun to get my ribs mended. I'll stay at Irajah's until they heal fully, all the while remaining on the stims to keep the Force supressed. And hopefully find some information about my past too. After that I'll meet back up with you." He pointed to Connor. "And we'll go somewhere that's hopefully suitable and you can help teach me what you can."

He leaned back into his seat as he looked at the two, gauging what they thought.

"If this all goes well Connor, I'll owe you one. If you ever need me, just call me and I'll be there."

Jacob looked at Irajah and gave that same joking grin he had back on Dxun. "Well, I'm sure I've said enough times already that I'll owe you for everything you've done and will be doing for me Irajah."

[member="Irajah Ven"] [member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Kuzo]

She shook her head. "Thank me once we know I can actually help you. Until then, well, let's focus on the next step."

As far as she was concerned, she hadn't really done anything yet. She still didn't fully understand why the woman she'd met on Dxun hadn't gotten him off planet. The whole thing was odd- and this was from a life accustomed to dealing with strangeness.

"Ribs first. I think that I might be able to alter something to have a slower release.... the stims, I mean. It's not normally something you want, stimulants releasing slowly in a person's system. But I think it might be useful for you. I'll have to head off world to do that- but if you and Connor will be going somewhere less populated, we can probably figure out an over lap there," she continued thoughtfully. Until he had some level of control, she wasn't comfortable with him being left unattended.

"My lab on Maena might be best," she murmured, more to herself than [member="Connor Harrison"] and [member="Jacob Crawford"]. Despite their presence in Panatha space, at least for the moment, she had no intention of bringing either of them there. She blinked, looking up. "There's some fairly large tracks of wasteland there as well."

Obviously, especially considering the casual way she said it, entanglements with [member="Matsu Xiangu"] didn't concern her.

 

[Connor Harrison]

Connor grinned and cracked his fingers.

"Jacob, trust me, just keep yourself to yourself in First Order space and you'll be fine. I survived, so I'm sure you can. Besides, the First Order may have a place for people like us - " he eye-rolled, "- for you. Don't worry too much."

He looked to Irajah as she spoke quietly, trying to hear what she said or what she felt. The Force really was more a way of life for him than ever, and without it he just looked at her with nothing enhanced.

Pushing his tongue against his teeth, he looked back to Jacob.

"And, yes, I'll help where I can of course, but don't expect miracles just yet. However, I won't be like this forever I can assure you."

Back to Irajah. It was infuriating he couldn't pick up what people were thinking or feeling anymore, and he was starting to see how weak those not gifted with the Force really were.

"Remember, don't worry about me, ok? I've got people helping me. I don't want you putting yourself or your work on the line. It's not worth it."

Maybe he was starting to feel this Connor wasn't as deserving of her help as the one she had helped with the broken bones on Dosuun.

[member="Irajah Ven"] | [member="Jacob Crawford"]

 

[Jacob Crawford]

Jacob wasn't entirely convinced.

"I mean I guess? I don't exactly have a ton of information or well experience with the First Order. But my concern is generally because I'd assume once I start letting the Force out I'm going to start shining like a beacon or something."

He looked at Irajah as she mentioned a place with large wastelands. "That would work, anything a good distance away from people or civilization in general would be best."

Jacob's concern was two-fold. He didn't want to attract unwanted attention that could potentially interrupt, or put him on the radar of the wrong person. Although right now Jacob had no idea who would even class as the 'right' and 'wrong' people.

That and it was clear to anyone that he lacked confidence about his situation, that once he finally stopped the stims, and allowed the Force out so he can learn to control it, that it wasn't going to go well at all.

The only thing that was keeping that from happening now was the stims, so Jacob hoped whatever Irajah had in mind for an alternative would be a success.

[member="Irajah Ven"] [member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Kuzo]

"Alright, so it's settled," Irajah said, pushing off of the counter with her hip. "We'll head to Dosuun, take care of your ribs. Connor can attest to my skills as a surgeon," she grinned. "So you have nothing to worry about."

She glanced over at Connor, smile softening slightly. Hopefully, they'd get a chance to talk sometime soon. Maybe not even about anything important. And that, she thought, sounded pretty nice.

*****

Three Days Later
Avalonia
Dosuun

It was early evening. The door to Doctor Ven's tiny apartment opened to the sound of paper crumpling and muttered swearing. She bumped it closed as she came in, juggling a large brown sack in one arm and a data pad in the other.

"-she's a nerf humping gungan, that's what," she grumbled, clearly at the end of a mental thread that was probably none to polite.

"You've got mail," she said tersely to Jacob, dropping the data pad on the coffee table and heading to put down the sack in the kitchenette. The smell of Mon Calamari take-out wafted through the small apartment. She shrugged out of her lab coat, draping it over the back of one of the kitchen chairs.

Starting a pot of caf, she called over her shoulder. "Is Connor joining us for dinner?"

The last few days had been, if she was being honest, kind of surreal.

[member="Jacob Crawford"] [member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

Three days had passed, and while he had been around Irajah and Jacob, he had also found time to himself for a number of reasons.

The first day he used find out what he could about the First Order, and to make initial contacts about career paths, and thankfully he had little Force aura to alert those who may suspect he was some spy or under-cover Jedi.

He had pushed himself like never before to rekindle that Force fire inside him.

And partly, it was working.

It had been on the second day, in the late night after hours of training and meditation in his ship that it had happened. He had crushed a small pipe – well, made it implode – by reaching out to it. The effort had been great and he had to concentrate more than ever, but it had worked.

And his relieved gasp as it shattered across from him was nothing but natural. So much so, it took a moment to compose himself and feel not all hope was lost. Small steps indeed.

The third day was spent meditating and exercising again both outside and in, with passing comment to Jacob now and then when he checked in, but said nothing about his own Force development. Dinner was the usual time, and since he had missed it yesterday, today he would be there.

He made his way out as the sun just started to drop, sleeves rolled up and feeling a little hopeful.

Not much, but it was there…

[member="Irajah Ven"] | [member="Jacob Crawford"]

 

[Jacob Crawford]

For Jacob the past three days could be summed up in one word; stationary.

The day after his surgery he had momentarily forgot the stims dulled any discomfort or pain. As such as he tried moving around a lot too quickly, even the stims couldn't stop that burst of pain from surfacing. It didn't help that he had done it in front of Irajah too, who was none too pleased.

Which lead to his self-confinement to the couch these past two days, though he made sure to do his appointed exercises to avoid any stiffness.

Currently Jacob was napping on the couch, knowing that Irajah would be returning soon with food. When the door opened he cracked an eye open to see her arriving, he frowned at the expression she had on her face.

He opened his mouth a couple times, but couldn't think of what to say until he slowly sat up and grabbed the datapad.

"How the hell do I have mail? How would they even know I'm here?"

The datapad's screen flickered on displaying the message Irajah had apparently received.

Spoiler

Hey Doc,

I hope you had an enjoying and unscathed time in the jungle.

Here's a little something that should help with your patient.

C.

P.S. The key is "What was her name?" He should know the answer.

"Who the kark is C?" He asked as he peered over to Irajah as she placed the food down.

Turning his attention back to the datapad he tapped onto the attached file and it opened a writable box. Jacob frowned as he thought on the question left in the message. He knew it was probably not Irajah so he typed in the next answer that came to mind.

Rosalyn...Denied, Rosalyn Pryce...Denied

Neither had worked.

Jacob's curious expression fell when it dawned on him what the answer likely was.

Elena...Accepted, starting decrypting process...

As the datapad began the slow process, Jacob placed it back onto the table and slowly stood up.

"Connor said he would, mentioned it when he checked in earlier."

Jacob had occasionally asked Connor about what he'd be teaching him, even though he was clearly not going to be practicing anything while in Irajah's apartment. But Jacob was curious, and also bored. So it gave him something to think about.

"Give me a sec and I'll help out set up dinner."

After a few stretches to loosen his stiff limbs, Jacob walked over to the kitchenette to help.

 

[Kuzo]

"C is for Chameleon," she called over her shoulder. Then she muttered something indecipherable that sounded vaguely like C is for something else too.

Mew.

"No, Azi, not right now."

The amphistaff tried to curl around both of Irajah's legs. When [member="Boo Chiyo"] wasn't there, the biot got even more needy than it usually was. She did a ridiculous looking dance, trying to fill the top of the caf machine while keeping the creature from locking her legs together. She succeeded, but only insofar as Azi ended up wrapped around her neck and one arm.

Sigh.

It had been.... interesting.... explaining the presence of the snake-like vong biot to Jacob and Connor. Honestly, she hadn't even realized there was anything particularly noteworthy about the strange 'pet' that lived in her apartment. It wasn't that she didn't know what Azi *was*. Just that it didn't seem particularly strange to her to have a deadly vong formed weapon acting like a large house cat.

Azi didn't seem to know what exactly to do with either [member="Jacob Crawford"] or [member="Connor Harrison"]. She either stayed in Boo's room or snuggled in Irajah's hair, watching whichever one was in the room with those glittering crimson eyes.

She glanced over her shoulder when Jacob entered the kitchen, watching the way he moved. Stiffer still than she'd like. But his ribs had partially healed, and in all the wrong ways. It was to be expected that it would take a bit for him to be up to par. He was doing his exercises, but she suspected he needed to start getting out and around a little more.

"If you want to help, grab the silverware," she said with a smile. "Unless we're going to be fancy and you two want plates." Normally when it was just herself, she ate out of the take-out containers.

 

[Jacob Crawford]

Irajah's answer just added another question to Jacob's already towering pile of questions. Well who is Chameleon? Who would even have a name like that?

He didn't voice either one, just let them sit in his mind for now.

At the mention and sound of Azi, Jacob flinched as his eyes snapped over to Irajah, knowing the creature would be around the doctor. Quite literally it would seem.

It had been quite something when Jacob first saw Azi. He had woken up to see Irajah Ven in the midst of her morning routine, and said amphistaff - as she had later clarified - was proceeding to slither it's way up to her hair. A quick, but very alarmed 'Uh, Irajah?' escaped his lips, and when she turned around it was pretty clear his eyes weren't looking at her, but the red beadly eyes of the serpent-like creature that was equally staring back at him with a similiar mix of caution and fright.

Before she had gone into explaining what and who Azi was, Jacob had almost questioned whether this was the 'Boo' she had spoken of. But he had quickly remembered the various pictures dotted around and realised his error.

Ultimately though Jacob's reaction to it all was a neutral; "Huh, okay." Given that the significance of what Azi is/was went completely over his head. Though in the end, in comparison to how his past experiences with beasts and creatures had gone down. Meeting Azi was a welcome break.

Even if it still unnerved him whenever he caught the creature staring at him. Jacob just stared back most of the time. As long as you stay away from me, we'll be fine.

"Yeah, I'll grab the silverware." Said Jacob, his cheeks going red in embarrassment as he remembered the first time he had eaten. To put it lightly, there was nothing fancy about it as he ate his food in record time, sans any utensils. It had been a god send in Jacob's mind, although anything was better than the crap he was fed back on Dxun.

"Utensils yes, I think I can manage with the containers." Trying to shake the color out if his cheeks, Jacob busied himself with the silverware.

[member="Irajah Ven"] [member="Connor Harrison"].

 

[Connor Harrison]

There was the clatter of cutlery and the dull chatter of Irajah and Jacob. He suppressed a small smile, feeling a little bit better, but not letting it go to his head. Rubbing his hands, he walked up and entered her apartment, greeted with his companions and a nice smell. Dinner!

"Good afternoon," Connor said, walking through, keeping himself to himself.

He wandered to where the conversation was and perched in the doorway to the kitchen, keeping out the way, but making himself present. Before he could talk, he squinted in a little repulsion at that...beast...wrapping itself around Irajah like a second skin. He winced.

"Someone's feeling needy," he muttered, before joining Jacob as he helped set up. "So how are you feeling in all? Anything coming back to you, or still in the dark?"

With a distracting glance, he noted Irajah still there with that...creature. He winced again. Did it not hurt? Was it not heavy?

[member="Jacob Crawford"] | [member="Irajah Ven"]

 

[Kuzo]

Irajah's face split into a grin.

"Connor, you made it! Good timing."

While they were in the kitchen, a grumpy sounding blip bip sounded from the living room. Irajah's apartment seemed like a sanctuary for lost souls, and the last member of the household (not currently off world) made a brief appearance. The mouse droid avoided the communal rooms when new people were around. It had just rolled out of Irajah's room, small light flashing cautiously as it seemed to scan the current denizens of the apartment.

Irajah ignored it- the best way to deal with Bantam when it was being nervous.

With slight difficulty, she uncoiled Azi from around her neck. The meter long biot moved slowly, trying to get back into her hair. Irajah rolled her eyes.

"I need to teach Bantam how to play fetch with you or something-" she started to say. Then immediately regretting it. At the magic word 'fetch' Azi shot out of her hands, disappearing into the other room.

She sighed, shaking her head and knowing that T-minus fetch was a very short period. At least she'd had the foresight to hide the favored toy. It would take her a couple of minutes to find.

This was life at home.

Irajah loved it.

"Caf or something else?" She asked [member="Jacob Crawford"] and [member="Connor Harrison"]. Irajah tended to offer caf at the slightest provocation, but there were other options. She started to pour a mug, knowing at least she would have some.

 

[Jacob Crawford]

Jacob looked over as he heard the door open.

"Afternoon, Connor."

He noticed the look that crossed the man's face as he looked at Azi. It made Jacob frown, more at himself however. Connor seemed a lot more worried and concerned, so should he also be worried about Azi?

"If it means anything Connor, from my staying here I can say that thing - I mean Azi, is pretty much harmless, maybe overly affectionate." He muttered quietly, away from Irajah's ears. And just as he said that he looked to see the doctor in question trying to pry the creature from her neck.

He glanced back at Connor with a look that just said. You see what I mean?

"But I'm doing fine, ribs are healing up after the operation. And no, nothing has really come back to me yet. So I certainly have no memories of being on Dosuun before at least."

Having finished setting up the cutlery, Jacob walked back over to the coffee table. He walked by Bantam, who skittered away from him in response. Oh, that's what that beeping was.

At the table, Jacob picked up the datapad and looked at the screen.

Decryption at 65%

Jacob sighed and he walked back into the kitchen, this time with the pad in hand. He placed it down by his spot at the table.

"Caf will be fine. Want me and Connor to start dishing out the food?"

[member="Irajah Ven"] [member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

He nodded and forced a relaxed smile at Jacob, seemingly at one with the best.

"Oh. Good," he said, before turning. "Caf, thank you. Sweet."

Connor stretched his arms and ambled around the table, taking some cutlery to set out with the plates Jacob had laid.

"I take it there’s no other creatures hidden away in this place? No Mynocks or anything in the next room you’re breeding?"

An unnatural noise caught his attention, and he glanced up to see a mouse droid tootling along, and then a scampering of colour from the beast that had done a runner. He frowned, looking nervously for it by his side or something.

"So how’s the investigations going. Any progress for you both, or not much."

The mouse droid was a cute little addition, but the creature? That’d take getting used to. He moved around the table to help, eyes sweeping left and right where he stood to be sure there wasn’t a clamping jaw fixated on his leg or anything.

[member="Jacob Crawford"] | [member="Irajah Ven"]