I need help

[Chiasa Kritivaas]

[member="Nate Drake"]

There you are, I think that has all the new points worked in there.

 

[Nate Drake]

[member="Chiasa Kritivaas"]
Thanks I'm glad it is better but I don't want write it not cuz I'm lazy I just jump around a lot

 

[Nate Drake]

[member="Chiasa Kritivaas"]
Was there any points I missed in there

 

[Nate Drake]

[member="Chiasa Kritivaas"]
I think I'm gonna make a brother for Nate

 

[Nate Drake]

Name.Gabe Darkstar
Species.Human
Sex.Male
Faction.
Rank.
Height.6 feet
Weight.195
Hair.Brown
Eyes.Blue
Skin.Fair
Force Sensitive.Yes
Force Alignment.Good

Strengths
-Gabe is loyal to those he works for and his friends and family
-Gabe dose what he needs to to get to his goal
-Gabe is good at thinking on his feet

Weaknesses
-Gabe sometimes has a bad temper
-Gabe is rather implusive and rectless
-Gabe tends not to think before he speaks

Gabe's Prsonailty
He sometimes as a temper that can lead into a fight he doesn't always think before he talks.He is a friendly person he love to flirt with pretty women.He tends to act on his impluses he is a loyal person.He is an outgoing person he also doesn't take things to seriously.He likes to take things as they come and to deal with one thing at a time.He can be stubborn he is an advice giver.He maybe be friendly but he isn't always the best with people.He doesn't like to say the right thing all the time.

Gabe Apperance
He stands about 6 feet tall he has a lean toned body.His hair is about 2 inchs long and its color is brown.He has fair skin and blue eyes.He likes to ware simple tan,brown and black robes.

Ideas For Gabe's Background
-Gabe is Nate Drake's older half bother they have the same mother and different
-Gabe and his father left his mother before Nate was even a thought Gabe was 1 and a half
-Gabe and his father went to Corusant
-They stayed there intill the sith take over
-Then they moved to the new republic capital
-Gabe found out he could feel the force when they still where on Corusant
-When he found out he went to the jedi temple to see what they could offer him for training
-He didn't think being a jedi was the best thing for him he didn't like their code
-His father was a republic solider
-when he was a teenager his father began to train him in unarmed combat and in sword combat
-Gabe was the best at fight with two swords in his training with his father
-so two sword fighting is what he focused on
-He also though his father was training to be a solider
-But Gabe's line of work was bartending
-His temper had lend him into a few fight and so had his flirting
-Gabe started to think maybe he should seek jedi outside the order to train him
-He thought leaving the force untrained wasn't a good idea
-Or he could find a force user to train him
-Gabe had thought about seeking out his half bother and his mother
-Gabe started to get bored with bar tending so that's is when he thought to go seek out jedi outside the order or a force user
-Though Gabe knew even to become a jedi outside the order he would have to work on his temper because he didn't want to be evil
-Gabe also thought about being trained in other force that when not always used by jedi
-He though it could be useful to learn other force stuff
-But to do that he would need to seek out people who knew of such things
-Gabe was a fighter but did not like to fight if it was for nothing
-Gabe Belives there are right reason to fight for and wrong ones
-Gabe also belive in justice
-He has his own sense of justice that he tends to follow
-He likes to bend the rules he always thought rules were just a guildeline

 

[Gabe Darkstar]

[member="Chiasa Kritivaas"]
This is the new character I was talking about

 

[Vora Kaar]

[member="Nate Drake"], May I ask why you are not writing this yourself? Is it just because you need help writing, or because you are lazy?

Thanks I'm glad it is better but I don't want write it not cuz I'm lazy I just jump around a lot

Considering this, I would like to see a bio made by you yourself. I am going to be brutally honest here, if you are too lazy to write a bio, then you are too lazy to be here. Because here you need to work for positions of power, and you need to put time and dedication into more than just a few lines, and a good picture.

I want you to know that I truly do want to help you. And if it's just because you don't know HOW to write, then I can help with that. I can try and teach you to write more proficiently, and provide better detail for your characters. However, if you are just being LAZY, then I can't help you. That's something you have to do yourself.

Seriously, I do want to help. I love helping people. In fact, if we could do a thread just so then I can try and teach you, then PM you how to fix your posts, or even write it in the post itself to show progression over time, and what I have recomended, it will show that you can grow, and earn you a few brownie points to those who could potentially train you IC, or OOC. I would rather see someone do many threads about the same thing, and earn a rank, and earn their place, than someone simply be there for the good parts of the story, and (try but will fail to) skip by the rest of the boring parts.

So please, let me know if you want help. I would love to do a thread with you anyways since you are new to the site. *as far as I am concerned, you are new.*

 

[Gabe Darkstar]

[member="Windstrider"]
Because when I try to write I jump around from idea to idea so it dosent look good