I'm Afraid, Papa [Thyrian Ashborn]

[Lief]

It was by the last embers which graced the hearths that Mysa found her way back home. Her boots were muddy, nightgown slightly torn at the hem, with the tiny Frir bundled in her cloak. The little guy had taken quite a liking to her, and was happily purring in his sleep.

But even that did little to quench the rising anxieties she was feeling.

Tiptoeing down the hall, Mysa missed her room entirely as she stumbled on in a sleepless path. No sleep had graced her that eve, no rest. It had been like one of her and Théodred's adventures, only the other half of it had been someone new. A fellow devotee of Éar.

Her free hand grasped at the handle of a door, and ever so quietly she pushed it in on itself. Her keen eyes fell upon the darkened room beyond, and like she was a mere infant again she stumbled toward the edge of the bed with a certain desperation as fear gripped her.

"Papa..."

Her voice was low, head at his side of the bed. Slowly she eased herself down onto the floor at the side of the bed and heaved a heavy shudder. She had never really been inclined to cry before, she could count the number of times she had on one hand, but right now that very urge was rising.

"I'm afraid, Papa..."

 

[Thyrian Hearthfire]

Thyrian had always been a light sleeper. Having spent years not having to sleep at all, it did not come easily to him. Still, he was slowly getting better at it; Kära's presence did much to soothe his restless soul at night. When their bedroom door suddenly opened seemingly on its own, however, his fiery gaze fixed itself on the figure standing in the doorway. "Mysa?" he whispered to not wake up Kära. He watched as the girl slowly made her way towards their bed only to lie down next to it on the fur-covered floor.

Gently Thyrian removed his hand from Kära's tummy where it had rested since they went to bed, giving her a kiss upon her forehead before slipping out of bed. Without a word he lay down next to Mysa, wrapping his arms around her. "Tell me what's wrong, little one. Why are you afraid?" No doubt it concerned what awaited them come sunrise, but he figured it best to ask to make sure.

"What is on your mind?"

[member="Mysa Snowstrider"]​

 

[Lief]

Hiding the Frir from view for now, Mysa closed her eyes and leaned into her Father's embrace. His warmth gave her strength, staving off the urge to cry, and for a moment she simply lay there, clutching the sleeping bundle of fur within her cloak.

With a slightly heavy sigh she closed her eyes, before whispering so as not to disturb anyone who happened to be sleeping.

"I'm afraid of what tomorrow might bring, Papa... There will be so many people hurt. And while I don't want anyone to be hurt, I definitely don't want any of you to be harmed..." or worse. "You're all I have, all of you. I can't bear the thought of losing anyone."

But there was more to it than that. Turning, Mysa buried her face against him and frowned to herself.

"And I'm scared to face them again, the Vinterbound..."

She had never truly gotten over the first time she had faced them, when one had fallen due to her actions. She would never forgive herself for taking a life.

[member="Thyrian Ashborn"]

 

[Thyrian Hearthfire]

As she buried her face in his chest, Thyrian caressed her white hair while listening to her whispers, trying to come up with an answer. He had never been a wise man, not like his brother had become with age; his way of thinking had usually involved violence in some aspect. But she was his little one, and he would offer her what consolation he could muster.

"We're all afraid, Snowflake. I'm afraid I'll lose someone I care about when morning comes," he began. "But how can you be brave without being afraid? Without having something terrifying to face in order to conquer your fears?" His eyes turned to Kära sleeping in their bed. "I've been afraid all my life; first I was afraid I'd lose my brother when we were kids - he was so tiny and helpless. Once fate brought me and your mother together, I've been fearing for her life ever since. My fear is what pushed me to be at my best so I could protect her. Because I've loved her from the moment I laid eyes on her."

Placing a tender kiss in her hair he only then noticed the bundle of fur hiding in her cloak, and he extended a finger to pet it behind its ear as it purred. "Just as I love you, Mysa. You're my little one, and you always will be."

[member="Mysa Snowstrider"]​

 

[Lief]

She leaned against him with eyes closed tight and listened to all he had to say. He was her papa, in many ways she felt more attached to him than she did Kära which was both odd and expected. And what he said was right, regardless of his relation to her.

"You can't be brave if you're not afraid" she whispered, knowing this to be the truth. Bravery required difficulty, it required at least a hint of fear and something to lose. But it didn't do much to console her, it simply condoned her worries.

Thyrian noticed her little kitten and for a moment she worried that he might take it from her. But nothing was said, just a subtle pet, which made her feel better in general. Perhaps Felix - as she had affectionately called it - would grow to be a companion. Not a pet.

"Can you tell me about it? About when you were younger?"

She had always wondered what had happened between Thyrian and Thurion to separate them, a story she had never been told. She knew hardships had been involved, like those they would face on the morrow, and while they had struggled for a time without one another, in the end everything had been righted.

Everything would be okay, right?

[member="Thyrian Hearthfire"]

 

[Thyrian Hearthfire]

Her next question caught him a bit off-guard, causing him to sit up; he'd never really told anyone of how they went down such different paths -- Kära already knew, having heard the story from Thurion's perspective, he'd learned later on. With a scratch of his beard he began, still whispering so as to not wake up Kära. He wanted Mysa to know the truth - all of it. She deserved that much.

"A long time ago, I was born on a planet called Pelagon to Thrand and my mother. Her name was Sarah; 'Sarah the Serene', my father would always call her. We were a happy family, grateful of what little we had without aspiring for riches. Dad worked in construction and mom was a doctor at the local hospital. Then, it all changed once she got pregnant a second time." He resumed the petting of the tiny kitten, cracking a smile as it stretched.

"The doctors had warned her that having another child could have serious consequences, and Thrand even tried to talk her out of having the baby. But she refused, saying she could never live with herself if the child was terminated. And that was that. She died in childbirth 9 months later..." The hint of a smile quickly died out, once more replaced by his stern brickwall-of-a-face. "Dad was beside himself with grief and left without a trace soon thereafter, leaving me afraid and confused with an infant younger brother. I was no more than five years old."

His remaining hand began gently fussing with her white hair, identical to his beloved's. "At first I hated my brother for having destroyed our family; I knew it was not his fault, but I was young and didn't understand these things. But as hard as I tried I could not get rid of him, because when I looked him in those blue eyes of his I always felt a deep sense of longing, and I'd grow sad instead. So, I decided to take care of him as best I could. Raising a baby on the streets with no-one to help proved near-impossible, as we never had enough food for both of us. Naturally I'd give most of it to him. I did things I hated myself for doing; picking pockets, robbing people when they weren't home... looting the dead when we'd come across them." Just thinking about it make him cringe.

"Then one day, we caught the eye of the old caretaker of a local orphanage who was kind enough to take us in. That night was the first night in years we spent under a roof, let alone in a bed. We were given food, a place to stay, and befriended the other orphans soon enough. We couldn't ask for more, but as always our happiness wouldn't last." His gaze grew ever more distant as he no longer even looked at Mysa. "A gang of thugs appeared while we were away buying groceries for our caretaker, attempting to muscle some money out of him. He refused as best he could, only to be beaten down and left bloody on his own threshold as he watched them set fire to the building, trapping the other children inside. When we got back, the house was in flames and the thugs were long gone. We did our best to save the others, but..."

His voice grew more intense as his story progressed, eyes bursting into flames. He'd stopped his petting of the kitten by now, instead balling his hand up into a fist. "I told Thurion we had to leave, but he wouldn't without saving the others. I picked him up against his will and shoved him out the window. The last thing I remember was looking up to see the roof collapsing on me, and the searing pain of the flames melting away my skin...!" Tears had formed in the corner of his eyes as his fist began to catch fire, lighting up his surroundings.

But seeing Mysa's reaction to what was happening forced him to get a hold of himself, panting heavily as the flames died out and the tears rolled down his cheeks. "I'm sorry," he whispered as he sobbed. "I am so sorry, little Snowflake..."

[member="Mysa Snowstrider"]​

 

[Lief]

Mysa remained quiet throughout, although she could feel her papa's despair begin to mount. A soft frown pulled at her lips as the story progressed and things got more heated. Literally.

The thought of all the hardships her family had faced to get where they were today made her both sad and proud, they had withstood so much and yet here they were on the eve of battle ready to fight for what they believed in.

Ready to fight for their home and people.

She didn't need to ask about where Thrand had gone, she had heard enough the day Thyrian had met with his Father again for the first time since his youth. The pair seemed to have patched things up since then, and he and Thurion were as amicable as ever.

"But you're okay now" she whispered, "You're all back together..."

Perhaps that meant that tomorrow could go well, too. Perhaps it meant that even against the harshest of enemies they stood a chance. All of them, united as one.

Without warning, however, Thyrian's eyes and his hand erupted into flames. The girl shied back, pressing against the side of the bed with wide eyes.

She was back in that room again, that laboratory... The torturous scientists who had lost their commander, lost their loyalty. The flames, the burning fire...

Her whole body tensed, eyes glazed over and staring at his fist until the flames had already died down. Even then she didn't move.

She couldn't.

[member="Thyrian Hearthfire"]

 

[Thyrian Hearthfire]

He could sense the fear in her - her fear of him, and it in turn terrified him. His mind flashed back to when little Kära had happened upon him; their first meeting. She had the same look in her eye. His foremost reason for hating himself back then was being unable to wrap his arms around her. Now, his first instinct was to just that.

Thyrian crawled over to Mysa, took the girl into his arms and pressed her head to his chest. "I'm sorry, sweetie. I didn't mean to frighten you," he soothed her as best he could, placing a kiss in her white hair. "I would not be able to live with myself if you came to harm, Snowflake. I care for you too damn much." His bearded chin rested upon her head as he did everything in his power to console her.

"I am not a good person, Mysa - I'm not my brother. But I promise you I'll try every day of my life to be the father you deserve. Because you do deserve it."

[member="Mysa Snowstrider"]​

 

[Lief]

She might have recoiled from his touch, but instead the fatherly embrace brought with it the urge to once again breathe and calm down. Her eyes closed as she settled against him and listened to what he had to say as best she could. Mysa did not know where she would be without her family... She had no reason to be afraid of them - any of them... Not even Kära - but all the same her momentary lapse could not easily be avoided.

Mysa may despise fire, but she did not despise her Papa. That overrode any fears. He would not hurt her.

"You are a good person" she whispered, "You are! You're my Papa, and you mean the world to me. I won't let anything happen to you tomorrow, Papa, or any other day."

Nuzzling her face into his chest, the young girl sighed and allowed her mind to wander away from the battle which would be fought in the morning to... What? Well, nothing really. It was devoid of conflict, tranquil. That was a rarity in itself.

She was exhausted at this point, but she knew that sleep would bring with it its own troubles. And besides, she wasn't quite ready to leave just yet.

[member="Thyrian Hearthfire"]