I'm Not as Nice as She Was

[Joza Perl]

​

Nar Shaddaa​

Joza had zero experience with tracking down a smuggler or a hired gun, but the Zeltron did have a little experience with the seedy underbelly of the galaxy. She’d waitressed at some less than reputable establishments on Zeltros and had borne witness to some less than reputable deals going down…so at the very least, she knew what to look for. Though, she had to be careful not to attract too much attention—she was after a specific smuggler. And no, she didn’t aim to turn him in. She didn’t actually have a shipment of Giggledust waiting in the Zeltros capital, but that was the story she was sticking to for now.

All of her sources pointed toward the smuggler’s moon, Nar Shaddaa. Makes sense. The place was crawling with shady figures, a few of which gave her not-so-subtle glances. She offered a haughty sneer in return, reaching to adjust the pins in her hair. It was the first time she’d gotten dolled up since her stint on Zeltros, sparing no expense on looking the part of a party girl. A tight black dress and a pair of decent heels were all she really needed to complete the look, her girlish innocence having faded over the past few years. All legs and curves, she couldn’t help but walk with pride.

Green eyes flickered at the passing neon signs. Ah. There it is. Clutching her bag, the pink tinted woman pushed open the door to the bar. She wasn’t positive what she expected, but had stuffed as many things as her little clutch purse would allow. A few credits, half a pack of cigarras, her lightsaber hilt…you know, the basics. Joza doubted—hoped—that she wouldn’t have to use the weapon, and figured that a blaster would have worked better. Alas, the woman couldn’t get her hands on one in time.

Glancing around the room, the Jedi found it all strangely familiar. It was loud and smoky, similar to places where she spent the former part of her youth. Making her way towards the bar, she found a free seat and settled onto it, bag in her lap. “A glass of red wine, please.” She smiled tightly at the bartender when he tilted his head towards her, indicating that she’d better order quickly. Despite the busy atmosphere, the drink found its way to her quicker than she had expected. She thanked him with another smile, this one a bit warmer and more inviting. It was the look of a woman who was after something.

“Do you happen to know of a man called Zef Halo?” She gripped the long-stemmed glass with two fingers, taking a slow sip of the wine before leaning subtly over the counter, giving the barkeep a generous look at her bosom. She didn’t know if it would help her case, as some men were all too used to seeing such a thing. But it wouldn’t hurt, right?

[member="Zef Halo"]

 

[Zef Halo]

The bartender raised his eyebrow at the mention of the notorious Mandalorian smuggler. He was one of the most frequent customers to this bar - The Spice and Dice. The smuggler would always argue that this bar served the best Corellian ale on this side of the moon but the bartender knew well why Halo visited this place so often. And it definitely was not the ale. Just like any smuggler around the galaxy, one forged long-term relationships with wealthier employers. One such employer was the owner of the Spice and Dice. An intimidating figure in the galactic underworld, the Zabrak crimelord - Asaya Krith - was probably the dream for every bad girl in the galaxy. Self-made, gorgeous and quite frankly dangerous. What the bartender knew was not much but that the Mandalorian smuggler was one of her top employees. He had made his name known across the galaxy as one of the top smugglers. So what in all hells could this damn good looking Zeltron be offering him that he would agree to take on.

"Halo, clients again." The bartender yelled at the backdoor in Huttese and not long after the smuggler came out.


"I will see ya soon, Krith. Big stuff are coming soon to the galaxy and dividends will be high for those that invest." Zef said as he walked himself out of the backdoor that led to the bar after being called by the bartender.

"If you Mandies are up to no good again, you know I am game. Credits go easy where there's destruction." The smuggler managed to hear her say as he tapped the button next to the door closing it before turning around towards the bartender.

His 360 degree visor notified him that the bar was much fuller than it was when he had come in. Time passed fast when he was discussing credits with Asaya. She was a really ambitious figure in the underworld and that was a good relation to forge as the Mandalorians prepared for yet another go at the galaxy. Zef still had time to go around and even smuggle from time to time as the Crusade was still in its preparatory phase. Yet, no longer was he doing such runs for simply credits, it was all part of that particular preparatory phase - forging connections with the underworld and mustering strength and information was his job. There was no one better for that job amongst the Mandalorian than him - a renown smuggler with a solid experience behind his back.

It felt oddly good to be back in the Mandalorian cause, the same one which he was so eager to leave two decades ago. Zef believed that his reunion with Isley Verd, his oldest and only true friend was the cause of the positive feelings he got.

Ahh, reunions. Aren't they nice?...

"So, who's calling?" He inquired in Basic while adjusting the vambraces on his Mandalorian armor.

"This one." The bartender pointed quickly at a young Zeltron sitting on the bar.

"Great." Zef muttered sarcastically as he observed the young Zeltron female. She was stunning, truly. Even among the naturally beautiful Zeltron, she would be considered pretty. And Zef knew that due to his numerous engagements with members of their species on Zeltros and off Zeltros, as well.

Yet as beautiful as they were, Zeltrons in his line of work meant trouble. Most often, he was hired to smuggle off-world Zeltrons working in the entertainment that had gotten tired by their 'benevolent' 'employers'. His last job ended with him having to fight off a whole frigate of bloodthirsty Trandoshan who were able to capture his ship while trying to ship a couple of Zeltron entertainers. On top of that, the frigate was carrying a couple of rancors which due to a malfunction were let loose. He was definitely not having this life changing experience again

"Look, honey. If you've got problems with your employer, I ain't your man." Zef declared while activating the embedded datapad on his forearm. "But I might have got a colleague who would certainly help you. And look - a fun note, he won't charge you credits if you press him the way you can."



[member="Joza Perl"]

 

[Joza Perl]

Joza wouldn’t deny the bit of anxiety that welled up in her chest when the barkeep went to fetch [member="Zef Halo"]. That was…easier than she had imagined. Taking another sip from her glass, she followed the barkeep’s gaze, her own green eyes landing on an armored man. Her heart skipped a beat as he approached her, and she mentally chided herself. Keep your cool, damnit.

She offered him a friendly smile, but her expression sourer when he began to speak. “Honey? What am I, your daughter?” She bit back with mild venom, not wanting to have him scoff at her and walk away just yet. Ignoring the irony in her words for a moment, she put on as pleasant of an expression as she could muster. “Care for a drink, Mr. Halo? It’s on me.” She raised her glass with a subtle nod, unsure of whether that would be enticing enough for the man to stick around. After all, it was possible that he could be getting his booze for free already. So this is the guy, huh...

Regardless of his answer, she would continue. “I’m quite happy with my employer, I assure you.” A pause, as if she were analyzing the validity of her own statement. “Have you ever been to Zeltros, Mr. Halo?” She tilted the glass to her lips, probing him with curious eyes. It crossed her mind more than once to try and use her more feminine charms on him, but that…wasn’t something she wanted to go for.

 

[Zef Halo]

“Honey? What am I, your daughter?”

Zef's impatient facial expression that correlated with his attitude of getting the Zeltron away changed immediately at the ironic statement by the girl. Thankfully, his helmet guarded him from her noticing this. The girl did not have an idea how that reply from her had struck a cord buried deep in Zef's core far beyond his cool, bad ass personality that everyone knew him as. It took him a moment to stabilize his focus on the girl as she offered him a drink. Blinking twice, coming back from a trip in the past, in the very distant past, the old scoundrel nodded.

"Sure, kiddo, since you're paying." He replied, his tone just slightly changed trying to ignore the daughter comment. A slight note of caution and lethargy had crawled in his voice due to venturing in his past. He was a man who lived in the now, anything concerning his past always shook his core.

"Of course, I have been. I have been almost everywhere in the known galaxy, kid." Zef immediately bragged to the girl as he took a seat next to her gesturing to the bartender for a Corellian ale. Afterwards, he felt a bit annoyed. "And drop the whole mister thing. Call me Zef, a'ight? Besides, am I on some sort of interview for a research project now, kid ? It ain't free. Also, I've also got a friend who'd gladly participate in your study and you can interview him 'bout anything you want."

His mind slightly thought about that friend of his - another smuggler who was unbelievably open to everyone about his life to complete detail. He'd never heard someone talk in so much detail about his wife and all her goodies to strangers as much as that man. Drifting back to the current setting, Zef realized how every time something made him uncomfortable, which was always something concerning his personal life, he tends to shift away his thoughts to other useless and irrelevant things.


He was always solo...

[member="Joza Perl"]

 

[Joza Perl]

Joza’s released some of the tension she didn’t know that she was holding in her shoulders at Zef’s response. Ok. Good. He’s sticking around for a drink, at least. Now, how to casually drop a bomb on him? Would he even believe her? If he did, would he care? Or would he deny everything? She didn’t even want to think about how she’d react to that. Safe to say, the Zeltron did not take rejection well in any form.

“Good.” She smiled again, a little more tense than before. She had grown used to controlling her nerves in tedious situations, but this was not the type of battle she was used to. Good. He’s been there before. Though this shouldn’t be a victory, she counted it as such…despite the fact that many others have visited the Pleasure Planet before. Zeltros was quite well known. Maybe she was thinking too hard. She probably was thinking too hard. When he insisted that he call her by his given name, she looked startled for a moment. She wanted to fire back with something, to tell him to stop calling her kid, but thought better of it. “Don’t worry, this isn’t some sort of project.” She waved a hand casually as if to dispel the notion. “Actually, I do have a question for you…”

Taking another sip of her drink, she unzipped the clutch on her lap, slipping a hand inside. Though she kept it as close as possible so he wouldn’t catch a glimpse of her saber hilt, she was aware of how her movements could trigger suspicion. So she moved slowly and deliberately as she withdrew a few items. The first two, a cigarra and a lighter. After igniting the tip of it, she slipped the stick into her mouth and inhaled deeply, turning her head to the side away from him as she exhaled. It wasn’t her best habit, but it helped to calm her nerves. The last item was a photo of her mother as a much younger woman. Younger than Joza herself right now.

Yulenka Perl—Yula—was a delicate, graceful woman with a soft, pretty face. Her features emanated a motherly gentleness, something her daughter did not inherit. Joza had taken the picture from her mother’s photo album in secret while visiting her for the first time in years. She supposed that it was likely taken a year or so before she was born, as it was not dated. It was the best representation of her mother that she could find for this situation.

Taking another drag of the cigarra, Joza held the smoke in her mouth for a moment before placing the picture on the counter between them. Breathing out, she addressed him once more. “Do you know this woman?”

[member="Zef Halo"]

 

[Zef Halo]

The Mandalorian observed the young Zeltron's thoughtful look and body language. He wasn't sure what to make of it, his arms were crossed as he awaited to see what this whole deal was about. Zef had a busy schedule now gathering all that the Mandalorian Crusaders needed for their next galactic conquest, he did not have the time to chatter with a Zeltron girl in a Nar Shadaa bar whose objectives seemed very vague. The cautious scoundrel was starting not to like this whole meeting, it had already thrown him slight off course with the girl's weird question about him. He was certainly not a man who liked discussing his personal life and not even his friend Isley knew much about him. Zef always kept to himself, perhaps that is what made him survive this tough life as a smuggler and a Mandalorian.

For one thing he was glad - it was not some stupid project. When she slipped a hand somewhere beneath the table where the Mandalorian could not see along with the woman's nervousness, Zef's left hand cautiously let its former position to lay on the table, in case this was some very bad assassination attempt, his wrist mounted blaster was now positioned to shoot first. The scoundrel did not say a word as the young woman took out a cigarette and lit it up with a lighter, exhaling a large amount of smoke. His hand remained while she kept slowly taking things out, possibly from a pocket or a purse that he did not see.

Then a picture of her was put on the table in front of him...

Zef froze, his senses blocked, he could not hear the question as the whole galaxy turned upside down within him. His armor was good enough to protect him from her seeing his frozen facial expression. Time had stopped for the old scoundrel, his eyes wanted to look anywhere else but they could not escape gazing at the Zeltron woman on the female, he wished he was somewhere else back in his seclusion from everyone apart from his job as a smuggler.

Run again, Zef...

Run...

He wanted to. As always. Zef was the best at running away from trouble, living for himself, thinking about himself only. Yet now, as if a hammer forged out of his guilt and shame had smashed him into one place. Trapped in the cage of everything he had run away from, it had come back not to haunt him as an apparition but as a reality.

Yula...

The Mandalorian's eyes finally left the picture of the woman he dearly had feelings for slightly more than two decades ago just to be sealed at the young Zeltron smoking her cigarette. He'd mocked himself when he had realized back then that he truly had feelings for another being than himself. Ironically, it had been a beautiful Zeltron who made her living as Zeltrons knew best - prostitution.

Now everything had come back to him. Everything he had ran from...

Zef did not know how long had the silence lingered between him and... his daughter. She was a Zeltron, alright, but she definitely shared the sharp features of the Mandalorian's face. Her green eyes differed from his. How blind could he have been?

"Your mother - Yulenka Perl."​

[member="Joza Perl"]

 

[Joza Perl]

Joza watched Zef carefully, somewhat like how a hawk watched its prey. Her intense look wasn’t intentional, but the woman was nervous. Stupid karking helmet. Usually she would have been able to glean enough from facial features and body language, but all of the armor made him difficult to read. Even if she could steady herself enough to try and read his emotions telepathically, she was far too afraid of what she might find.

Say something already. Anything. Just hurry up! If he was going to reject her, he’d best do it quickly. But she said nothing, staring at him with a penetrating look, a kaleidoscope of emotions threatening to break though. Yula had always redirected Joza’s curiosity about the man who had fathered her, and Joza grew up relatively okay with it. Though from time to time, she would wonder what he was like, and how things might be different if he was there. It occurred to her that for the first time, she hadn’t thought of what she’d say or do if she were ever to meet her father. In truth, she didn’t think she’d make it this far. She also never thought that she’d be able to leave Zeltros, but here she was. A Jedi.

Joza watched with bated breath, her shoulders tensing when the scoundrel finally spoke. Surprise plainly crossed her face when he identified the woman as her mother, somehow not expecting him to make the obvious connection. It took a few moments for her to respond, fumbling with the cigarra as she removed it from her mouth. “Y-yeah…” She muttered, sounding more unstable than she would have liked. Joza prided herself on keeping a clear head in rough situations, but didn’t quite think this one through.

“I just…wanted to know what kind of man you are, Zef.” She turned to face him more, the words sounding strange on her tongue. Zef? Dad? What the hell do I call this guy? Her tone was a bit more earnest this time around. “Yula…mom never told me much.” Though she didn’t know it, the gentle Zeltron was afraid that her daughter would leave too—so she did her best to keep what remained of her family at her side. But in the end, Joza had left her as well. And now she was left wondering what sort of relationship this man had with her mother.


“Anyway,” She cleared her throat, turning back to her wine and trying to sound as nonchalant about this as possible. “It’s not like we have to be a family or anything. Just thought you should know that you have a kid running around.” In case he didn’t want her, Joza jumped straight to defending herself. Again, not the best habit, but she knew her own fragility. She took a long sip of her wine, hoping that alcohol would hit her soon, though it was not likely. In truth, she did want to get to know him, and she did want him to be a part of her life.

[member="Zef Halo"]

 

[Zef Halo]

Zef couldn't figure out who was more nervous and unstable. Him or his...daughter. If that 'energy' of nervousness had physical properties it would be probably suffocating the whole bar and it was a big bar. The scoundrel had lost all sense of time and his surroundings, even if war erupted on Nar Shadaa the man would not notice. It was him and his daughter, and as the father he never was he had to get his poodoo together right now.

“I just…wanted to know what kind of man you are, Zef.”

"The one who you'd not want as your father." He exhaled that sentence silently but possibly enough for her to hear. It ws the truth though. The hard but real truth.

Having his daughter call him by his first name felt as a wound, despite that he knew very well that he did not deserve to be labelled anything else than his name by this girl.

Damn...since when did I start feeling guilty...

People said old age brought wisdom, perhaps that wisdom was what fed him the guilty feeling that was engulfing him within. He'd lived all his life running away from problems, burying all his mistakes under the rug as if they never existed. He was a scoundrel, in the end, and scoundrels thought only about theirselves. So why was he feeling in such a way now ? Perhaps, the child he fathered that stood infront of him was the physical projection of every single mistake he had done, every single problem he had ran from. It was that lesson that people spoke about, it was that wheel in life that people believed in.

He never believed it ever get caught.

Zef always thought he was uncatchable. Untouchable.

Not anymore.

“It’s not like we have to be a family or anything. Just thought you should know that you have a kid running around.”

She stabilized, or at least seemed that she stabilized herself, before Zef considering the change in her tone but he had learned how to read people. It was an ability that had saved him many times, an ability that helped him analyse a situation and through that analysis formulate the right plan of escape. A top notch smuggler not only had to be good in words but also reading people. It was what divided those that were great at this business and those that were mediocre.

"I am not sure if I feel glad that this is not some student's research project anymore." He said sarcastically, typically for him. It was Zef's attempts to muster himself back. It probably was not the most right replies to tell his daughter but he definitely was not a man who knew how to handle his children. In the end, he'd fled from his responsibilites when she had just been a newborn. The scoundrel recalled even earlier memories of his life due to this whole situation - he had be brought up by a father who had done everything from him. A father who had fled from Zef's mother only to protect him from the warring Mandalorian culture that Zef's mother was from. Such a man was a very rare commodity. And Zef had turned nothing like that. Did he have time to fix it ? Was it fixable at all ?

The only way to know the answer to that was to try.

"So...I am a Mandalorian." Zef declared out of the blue. The first time in his life, he had difficulties with words despite his confident tone. The slowly rising music and commotion alerted the Mandalorian that the bar would soon be full and not the place one would lead such a conversation. "Let's go for a walk..." He let his words drop implying to her that he did not know her name as he stood up from his place aiming to leave the establishment.


[member="Joza Perl"]

 

[Joza Perl]

Joza took another long drag of her cigarra, doing anything to fill the stunned silence between them. She supposed that this situation had put the both of them entirely out of their element, and a thought occurred that maybe she had not picked the best venue. But it was the easiest way to get to him, she figured.

She thought she heard him mumble something, and leaned in closer. The only word she distinctly heard was father, the rest lost in the white noise of the rapidly crowding bar. She didn’t ask him to repeat his words, instead hoping that he had more to say. At his sarcastic quip she visibly bristled, a scowl overtaking her face as she clenched her teeth, cinching her cigarra. The young Zeltron was naturally emotional, even moreso in the moment right now. Keeping her eyes on Zef, her hand found its way to the stem of her wine glass. Joza was fully prepared to throw the remainder of the contents onto the scoundrel and storm out of the bar. Then probably go rent a room somewhere and hide under the covers alone for the rest of the night.

She perked up at the suggestion of a walk, the sour expression falling from her face only to be replaced by one of shock. And…wait, a Mandalorian? He dad was a Mandalorian? Her fingers tightened around the glass and she hesitated for a few moments before bringing it to her lips and draining the rest of the wine. “Joza.” She muttered, finishing the sentence for him and placing the empty glass back onto the bar counter, snubbing her cigarra in the ashtray. Her eyes found the picture of her mother and lingered on it for a few moments, suddenly feeling regretful for her life choices. Though she didn’t have much, Yula had given her daughter everything. And Joza left. After fighting with her.

Snatching up the picture, she slipped it back into her purse and zippered the bag as she stood and brushed her fingers through her hair. This was all so surreal, and she vaguely wondered if she was in a dream or having some sort of Force induced vision.

As they exited the bar, Joza inhaled deeply. She was suddenly more nervous, again afraid of what she might learn when they would speak more privately. “What was your relationship like with my mother?” The question was spoken as if she were interrogating him, her tone hard and demanding. It was yet another defense mechanism, a tougher front she put on in an attempt to shield her emotions. Joza had figured that her father had been a client of her mother, meeting her for only a night or possibly two. Yula had been purposely vague with the details.

[member="Zef Halo"]

 

[Zef Halo]

His daughter had definitely not reacted well to his ill-placed joke and for a second he thought that she might smack him with the glass of wine and be done with this whole deal. A part of Zef cherished that idea, but a deeper part within him desperately wished for it not to happen.

“Joza.”

Yula had given their child a nice name. She'd been a far better human than Zef ever was and for some weird reason he felt glad that he had not been part of his daughter's life for so long. Or was that just an excuse for his mistakes and flight from responsibilities ? Perhaps. Zef was a true master in pushing things away, fleeing from them. Now those things came back to him in the shape of a child. Well a grown up child that is.

It was obvious that she had taken the nicotine addiction gene from him, unless Yula had turned to smoking too at some point of her life but Zef doubted that. How ironic life was, the little he knew about his daughter the more she looked like him, at least for now. He wished she had not taken his reckless and irresponsible nature because someday it would lead her to what Zef was experiencing at the moment. Thinking about it more, seeing his daughter going all across the galaxy to find him did hint of a nature similiar to Zef's. Something he'd preferred for her not to have. This in turn triggered within him a question that he dreaded the answer. What did she do ? Especially since she was half-Zeltron.

“What was your relationship like with my mother?”

Her commanding voice came up behind him as both left the establishment into the cool air of Nar Shadaa. The streets at this section were not as packed as streets tended to be on Nar Shadaa, enough space for both to talk without ears hearing them. He took north towards a place his subconciouss guided him as he pondered on what to reply to her. Questions of his own pressed him but Zef knew that he was in no position to be the one with the demands.

"Complicated." The Mandalorian spat out as if forced. He paused for a bit thinking on what to tell her next...kark it. "Yula and I...well...She was the right person at the wrong time and I was the wrong person at the right time." That sounded complicated and Zef cursed his sudden lose of his greatest power. He forced himself to regain himself to talk about his personal life. The scoundrel had never done that before except with Yula.

"Look. I met her at her line of work." Zef stated blankly as if someone else was talking and he was simply listening. "I liked her when I shouldn't have and she liked me as she shouldn't have. Things got serious, she had belief in...us. Said she was quitting her job for...us....and then you were born and...and I left." That probably didn't answer that particular question she had asked but possibly answered another question she might've asked. The Mandalorian couldn't bring himself to tell his daughter that he loved Yula as she had loved him. No, it would sound like a bad joke. A lie, after he had left both of them on their own.

Shame now engulfed the shameless one...


[member="Joza Perl"]

 

[Joza Perl]

Folding her arms over her chest, Joza practically stared down her father as he spoke. Probably not the most reassuring thing to do when someone was delving into a painful and complicated part of their past, but Joza didn’t have the gentlest of mannerisms. She was the opposite of her mother in many ways, and now she wondered just how much of her personality could be attributed to Zef. She would have tried to analyze him more had she still not been reeling.

Her heart beat like a hummingbird when he began to dig back into his memories, recalling the time he’d spent with her mother. She kept up her tough front for as long as she could manage, but eventually her features broke down into a look of shock. Quicker than she had hoped, actually. Not only did he engage in an actual relationship with Yula, but he knew about his own child as well? This was something unexpected to her. Joza always figured that if she met her biological father, she wouldn’t be able to fault him for not being in her life, as she’d assumed that he wouldn’t know he’d gotten her mother pregnant. It was a decent assumption to make, especially considering her mother’s profession of choice.

“…and I left.”​

Swallowing thickly, a heavy surge of anger rose in her chest and she clenched both fists, nearly crumpling the little evening bag she’d brought along. Lashing out suddenly, she slammed a Force-enhanced fist into the side of his head. Whether or not he dodged or it even affected him, the halfling Zeltron would stalk forward, seething.

“You…you KNEW about me?! I always thought…” She growled, shaking her head, frustration clearly etched into her face. “She loved you.” Joza stated, even though it was a newfound revelation for her. "Bastard!" The occasional far-off looks her mother would get suddenly made sense. “You broke her heart and left her with your child. Do you have any idea how—“ Practically hissing, she stopped to collect herself for the briefest of moments.

For a second, she considered retrieving her light saber but barely had enough sense to restrain herself from that. She never knew how deep their relationship went, and truthfully felt a little sickened by it. Maybe it would have been better as a one-night stand. Emotions only complicated things.

“I…why? How could you do that to mom? Why didn't you want me...?” Her voice cracked at the edge of her sentence. If he’d been there, would things have been different? Things for her and her mother didn’t always come easy, but Yula had loved her child dearly and provided for her the best she could.

[member="Zef Halo"]

 

[Zef Halo]

Zef expected to notice the change of his daughter's body language as anger began stirring up within her. He knew that if she had possibly known this information before then she wouldn't have tracked him down. She wouldn't be looking for him at all, he'd just be a piece that never existed, an additional piece in a puzzle that was already complete. That was not the case though due Yula and her feelings.

After all these years...

As if that revelation made him feel more guilty, he suddenly realized the damage he had done. The Mandalorian was at fault that Yula had to go back to her previous line of work, back then he couldn't see that, too obsessed with being a wild child, chasing the credits, being a free spirit. But now...It all came as a punch in his head that rocked his foundation and that was as metaphoric as it was real as his daughter slammed the side of his head with a fist wielding so much unnatural power into it.

How many lives had been altered by that reckless nature...

For a moment he blacked out, long ago he would've simply staggered for a few seconds back but Zef was far from his prime now. The punch was surprisingly strong for a simple young woman that had just struck a piece of Mandalorian steel without faltering. The scoundrel staggered for more than just a few seconds while his hand had gone on the spot where his daughter had just struck him. The Mandalorian heard her words and saw her approach, naturally he raised his guard as much as he could expecting yet another attack.

Why didn't you want me...?

The pain of that punch which seemed to have done little damage to his daughter's fist was nowhere near as strong as the pain from hearing all these words uttered by his own daughter finishing with such a blow. As if that last question kept repeating itself in his mind constantly, he felt his head was going to explode. The scoundrel never knew he would ever be in such a situation where he had no control of himself.

And so the wheel turns...

"I was young, you see..." Zef began speaking and again did not know what to offer her. What to offer his daughter at this moment to calm her and make her feel well, that all was going to be okay. To offer the fatherly love as his own father had given to him so long ago.

Run...

Run...now!

It was calling him. The call to flee again, flee from every obstacle that had come upon his personal life, disappear from the rest of the galaxy. He knew how to do that best. Zef was a lone wolf, always had been. A free spirit, unchained.

No.

He could not, Zef knew it well. The Mandalorian could not escape this and that rocked his whole existence. A situation with no escape was a situation he had never been into even at the toughest of times. Guilt, shame and questions were exploding in his mind as he watched his own daughter raging infront of him. Even now, he had failed as a father, Zef could not find the words, for the first time in his life, he could not find the words to fix this.

"I loved her too..." The Mandalorian spoke, his streak of ill-placed sayings on fire. His head pulsated from the metaphoric and physical punch. "Look kid... I...I never said I did not want you...I did want you...It's just... I was selfish, okay?" Admitting his mistake was something that he had done for the first time in his life, sadly it had to be to his daughter.

"Try and understand me, Joza...Look at me." Zef somehow called more words in despite his emotions of guilt now showing in his tone evidently. "Look where you found me, do you think that I would've been a good father..."

The Mandalorian did not know whether he was trying to find an excuse or was he speaking the truth. It definitely was the truth but it also sounded as an excuse. The famed Zef Halo, never lacking words, was finding it hard to speak with his own daughter.


[member="Joza Perl"]

 

[Joza Perl]

Joza wavered back and forth, unsure of what to do or how to feel. For a brief moment she considered striking him again, but he seemed to be on guard after the first blow. Not that she could blame him, and she knew deep down that it wouldn’t make her feel any better. The first hit certainly hadn’t brought her any sort of peace.

​

[SIZE=10.5pt]"I loved her too..."[/SIZE]​

The Jedi’s breath hitched in her throat at those words, her expression one of a startled animal caught in headlights. Was he lying? Carefully and almost regretfully, she reached out with her mind and formed a Zeltron-esque telepathic link.

[SIZE=10.5pt]"...I did want you..."[/SIZE]​

Joza felt sick. Maybe this was a bad idea. This was a bad idea. She shouldn’t have tracked him down. She should have just made peace on her own and moved on. Even now, it would have been better if he’d just walked away from her. Sure, she’d be angry and harbor resentment towards him. But his words only made her stomach twist, and what she’d gleaned from her emotion sensing left her unable to process anything else.

​

He's telling the truth.​

She could feel his regret, his guilt, his love for her mother. Oh god, why did they have to be this involved? Why couldn’t he just be another client who had no idea he’d gotten a woman pregnant? It would have been so much easier, so much less painful. As vexing as it all was, deep deep down she was glad that this was happening, but she didn’t understand that yet.

The strangest this was, on some level she did understand. The problem was, she was too caught up in her anger—wanting to be angry at him—that she didn’t feel other emotions sneaking up on her. Like her punch, they hit her hard and fast with no warning.

Staggering back for a moment as if she’d been hit, Joza fell back onto a nearby bench. Frantically digging through her purse, she retrieved another cigarra and lit it with shaking hands. “I…I did the same thing.” She muttered in disbelief. “I never wanted to stay on Zeltros, even as a kid. I didn’t like things being so easy. Too easy. I wanted a challenge.” She took a long drag of the cigarra only to blow out the smoke quickly through her nose. Briefly she reflected on how she’d gotten more than she’d bargained for. “I wasn’t a good kid. We fought. A lot. I was mean, she was nice.” While Yula was a kind and gentle person, she lacked the ability to properly discipline her willful daughter. As a result, Joza became an unruly teenager. Drug use, fighting, not coming home for days…she must have worried her mother sick.

“And then I left without telling her.” Letting out a shaky breath, Joza dropped her head into her hands and clenched at her hair. “I was always such a brat, such a queen to her and she still loved me. Even after I abandoned her too, she welcomed me back home with nothing but kind words.” Suddenly she was biting her lip, trying to keep the tears in her eyes and not spilling down her face. Maybe things would have been different if Zef was around, maybe they wouldn’t. But now she knew why her mother was so adamant about not letting her go. She didn’t want her heart broken again.

[member="Zef Halo"]

 

[Zef Halo]

Zef had never believed in fate. For him it was a concept that weak-willed people used to explain what happened to them. No. The scoundrel was a firm believer that one made his own 'fate'. It was all up to him how his life would go in this galaxy, all up to him. Yet now, listening to what his daughter said, he thought that fate maybe did exist and Yula had a really bad one.

All thanks to Zef's reckless and selfish nature.

Watching his daughter's breakdown and seeing her crash down on a nearby bench while her face was soon flooded with tears wound him more than any wound he'd ever attained in this long life of his. It was awkward. Awkward that his heart truly hurt for another one for the first time. Always it had been about himself. The Mandalorian let his guard down and cautiously approached his daughter. What she told him made him believe that he had inherited not only his sharper facial features but also his nature which now he realized was not the best nature. Zef knew he was too old to change, only perhaps for his daughter he could be a more selfless person. He owed her that at least.

"That for sure sounds like your mother." The Mandalorian muttered under his breath, gaining self-confidence at the expense of Joza's breakdown.

"Look, kid...we take decisions often without thinking of their consequences..." Zef took a few more steps now standing really close infront of his daughter, contemplating what he could next. What would a father do next. "But that's how we learn..."

Run!

No! Break that damn barrier, fool.

Overcoming his selfish nature, the Mandalorian put his gloved hand infront of her implying to her to take it and stand up. No words needed. If she did, he would rapidly pull her in a hug. A fatherly hug she had needed all these years. A daughter's hug he did not deserve.


[member="Joza Perl"]

 

[Joza Perl]

Joza looked up as his shadow moved over her, her tears blackened from the liner around her eyes. She stared up at him with a dazed expression for a moment before finally placing her hand in his, albeit tentatively. A startled gasp left her throat as he pulled her to him in a…hug? She could barely register what was going on, much less conduct herself in a structured manner. At this point, she was too far gone to even be worried of how she looked, a rarity for the young Zeltron.

She buried her face in the chest plate of his armor and sobbed for a few moments, finally letting it out. These thoughts had stewed in the back of her mind for years, but she just ignored them. If she didn’t feed them they wouldn’t grow, but they did and it was as if they were bursting inside of her all at once. Her hands clenched and unclenched for a few uncertain seconds before she gave up fighting it and threw her arms around her father.

[SIZE=11pt]“A-all I wanted was to m…meet you.” She sniffled, lifting her head up to face him though she could not see his face. The Zeltron wiped at her eyes, trying to rid herself of the uncomfortable feeling of her lashes sticking together from the tears and mascara. She’d never expected that meeting her father would tease out her own flaws, but here they were. “We…we don’t deserve someone like mom…” She muttered, biting her lip. In the back of her mind she wished that Yula had stood up for herself more as she was kind to a fault. “When I left home to become a Jedi, I didn’t imagine that it would hurt her as much as it did…”[/SIZE]

[member="Zef Halo"]

 

[Zef Halo]

It felt like decades before she embraced him to in his hug, painful decades. When she did, Zef felt as if time had stopped. He could not explain this feeling of a sudden part, he had buried really deep in him, that had just come in place in his life. The Mandalorian's memories went far back in time as a youth where he felt the guarding wing of his father above him. Zef had never given this feeling to Joza and she had all rights for it. Maybe he could fix that now ?

A sad smile appeared on his face as she told him sobbingly how much she had wanted to meet him. The Mandalorian was genuinely happy to hear that and embraced her harder, no amount of apologies could fill the void he had left her to carry for more than two decades now. His own daughter, right here embracing him despite the fact that Zef knew very well how much he did not deserve them. His feelings were mixed, the scoundrel felt happy but at the same time could not embrace that happiness. He knew perfectly well that he did not deserve all this. Not one bit... for all the damage he had done.

“We…we don’t deserve someone like mom…”

"True..." He muttered honestly. Of course, the Mandalorian did not blame his daughter one bit. What she did was part of the damage Zef had done. All the guilt upon his shoulders and he had to let his daughter know it. Remove the burden that did not belong to her from her shoulders. This was the least he could do as a father.

When I left home to become a Jedi​

I left home to become a Jedi​

to become a Jedi​

a Jedi​

Jedi​

Jetii


He froze.

"A Jedi ?" Zef asked in a negative disbelief. "You're a Jedi, kid ?" The Mandalorian tried to ask as friendly as he could. He never had a good opinion of Jedi. And he had his reasons.


"Why?"



[member="Joza Perl"]

 

[Joza Perl]

As Zef’s arms tightened around her, Joza could feel her heart flutter for a brief moment. For the first time tonight she began to feel a little positive, though it was all still so surreal. She was in disbelief that she’d managed to track down her father, moreso that he accepted her. It was as if she had finally gotten validation for all those years she’d spent wondering and shunting her emotions surrounding the situation off to the side.

“…?” She tilted her head back and gave him a questioning look when she caught the thread of aversion in his tone. She felt like a child for the first time in years, the crying mess in his arms that she was. “Why?” She repeated his question as if to say “why not?” Wiping some more of the mascara-saline mix from her eyes, she took a few deep breaths to steady herself. “I’ve always wanted to be ever since I was discovered to be sensitive to the Force. Mom never let me leave to go train, which is probably the biggest reason we fought so much.” Joza pursed her lips, a more somber expression falling over her face. “Come to think of it, she was probably afraid that I’d get hurt. She was right.”

[member="Zef Halo"]

 

[Zef Halo]

Karma was coming back at him like a tsunami. It turned out now that his only child was not only Force sensitive but also a Jetii. The Mandalorian pulled his head back so he could see Joza's face. Seeing her make up ruined and tears flooding her face reminded Zef of Yula. For the short time they were together, the Mandalorian had seen her cry once. After two decades, he couldn't remember the exact reason why but Zef was sure it wasn't the only time she had cried while they were together.

"I'd imagine why she didn't want you to leave to become a bathrobe, the galaxy ain't nothing like Zeltros, kid." The Mandalorian sighed, his tone softened a bit due to seeing his daughter...sad? happy? Both perhaps. "She also might've been worried of you coming to your father as a Jedi."

Zef contemplated on what to tell her next. She had lived up till now as a Jedi in this galaxy so she seemed like she could take care of herself, just like her dad - a survivor. Yet, Joza could also be for the first time out of wherever those cursed bathrobes had temples and really meeting the galaxy now. That was one of the reasons he worried about her. Zef never liked Jedi in the first place as well, they went up against everything he was doing. Especially against the Mandalorian Crusade that is bound to happen. Historically, Mandalorians and Jedis were almost always nemeses to each other and Zef could see why.

What the kark do I tell her now ?

Just ask more. Get to know her more.

"You with the Pubs, Joza ?" Zef asked her directly, he knew there more than one factions running around having Jedi on their side. "And why a Jedi, I mean I know people who don't belong to no orders and still put on bathrobes and run around with their buzzing stick lamps."



[member="Joza Perl"]

 

[Joza Perl]

[member="Zef Halo"]

The more he spoke on the issue, the more Joza’s brow crinkled in confusion. Typically she was smarter about revealing something like that about herself—and usually she didn’t when she could afford to, seeing as how there were quite a few beings out there who did not like Jedi. It never crossed her mind that her own father could be one. But the Zeltron had cracked and was fully vulnerable right now.

“R-really?” She looked at him with an almost childlike gaze of disbelief. Worried? Why would Yula have been worried? Was his distaste for the Jedi that strong? Was she afraid that he’d hurt her? Joza could sense no hostility directed toward her and thus allowed herself to keep her guard down for the rare moment.

Her eyes narrowed in momentary confusion at the mention of “Pubs” before a spark of realization lit her eyes. “You mean the Republic?” She shook her head from side to side. “I’m not. Too…involved. I’m a part of the Silver Sanctum Coalition now. They’re more of isolationists and a bit more lax.” She tried to play up her affiliation and make it seem like they weren’t typical Jedi, but she likely wasn’t fooling him. She pursed her lips at the bathrobe comment, dwelling on that for a moment in her own head. She’d been feeling less and less worthy to actually wear the robes of a Jedi—to them they were a symbol of purity and dedication to the Jedi code. She was impure. Dirty. Unfit to wear the bathrobe of honor.

“I don’t really like those robes, you know. Too scratchy and so unflattering. I don’t wear them often anymore.” She scoffed a little, again trying to play it off like it was no big deal and simultaneously cover up her own insecurities. She paused, wheeling the conversation back to him. “Why don’t you like Jedi?” The question was asked simply, with a tinge of hurt and worry laced into her tone.

 

[Zef Halo]

"Really." He confirmed.


Watch his daughter becoming quite confused at Zef's words, the Mandalorian felt he seemed to be pushing her back. It was involuntary. He'd grown toughening up against the magical Jedi and Sith, hence why the caution of such people had rooted itself deep within him. That was his daughter, though, his only child that he'd dumped so effortlessly to survive on her own with her mother. Just because he did not wear a bathrobe did not make him any better.

Stop these kierking feelings, old fool.

Zef listened to Joza trying to find an answer that could satisfy the sudden sharp tone of her father. When she had stated that she was part of the Silver Sanctum Coalition, his heart skipped a beat. Being part of the leadership of the Mandalorian Crusaders made you aware of future possible plans. He waved away those dark thoughts and stood silent as she tried to crack a joke with the robes to which he scoffed at softly.

I can see you're not wearing bathrobes. Got me a Zeltron kid. Great.

“Why don’t you like Jedi?”

.

"Cause there's nothing to like to them, kid." The Mandalorian shot the words and then continued. "Nothing good comes out of putting religion into politics, no matter how 'peace' and 'justice' seems to be promoted by 'em, they've been in war more than any other group that has existed in the history of the galaxy."

Come on, kid. You're better than that. You're my daughter.

"You're crazy too. Chasing me down. Your mother might've worried you'd come to me directly as a Jedi to bring some 'justice'." Zef said and paused for a moment. "I wouldn't know who you were and killed you."

Just the thought of that softened him up a bit as he sighed.

"Look, kid. I don't like Jedi. Doesn't mean I don't like you." There. He said. Zef knew he had no right to say that after abandoning her and her mother but he did.




[member="Joza Perl"]