Echoes of fabric whipped in the wind. A figure knelt over a small panel that had been hidden in the rock formations of the cliffside. The only light in the darkness was the sparks that flashed every so often, which were promptly followed by hushed Old Corellian curses. Nimble fingers worked the wires, fighting the haze that hung in her vision. The war inside her mind raged, the deeds she was doing could be considered traitorous to a side of her, while the other was her job. Each spark was the other persona sabotaging everything she was doing.
"STOP!" Allyson flung the toolbox beside her into the large rock, the sound clattered as she fell back from the effort it took to hurl the box. She fell back onto the lush grass that swayed with the wind. Fists pressed into her head as she buried her face into her knees, and her body rocked back and forth as she sobbed. She was so tired of these feelings of betrayal and worthlessness. Everything she had done up to now meant nothing, yet painted a target on her back. Voices fought in her mind, clawing at her, ripping her apart. They each demanded their life to be lived, they wanted to be real, and they wanted to destroy what kept their goal. Allyson couldn't tell who was who anymore and looking in the mirror, there were times she couldn't recognize herself. Was she even the original?
The thought scared her, to think that maybe this had happened before - was Allyson not real? Lifting her head up, she looked out to the waves that crashed and wondered. Could she have been an idea, a lie, a person that the original had fed into because it was better? Did she consume the original? Shaking her head, Allyson knew that was not true, she had a history.
So did the others.
Exhaling, she coughed - breathing was always so hard at the higher altitudes, and the crying during her breakdown wasn't helping. There was a job to be done, and Allyson knew she needed to calm herself down. She was an essential piece of the New Imperial Order's invasion. Like so many times before, she was behind enemy lines to secure intelligence. To lie and steal, to sulk in the shadows like a rat. Arms wrapped around her frame like she always did to comfort herself.
Where was everyone? She knew she was surrounded by others, by Loske, Jyoti, Maynard, Ryv, Auteme, and Zaavik. All of them cared about her, and she knew it - they told her. Yet, here she was on a cliff alone. I'm always alone. She stood and walked to the edge of the cliff and to watch the waves disturbing the sand dunes. Soon, the dunes would find themselves to be disturbed by the footsteps of Troopers and Imperial Knights. They all had something to fight for, and she was here to give them the fruits of her lies.
The waves were calming, she felt that calm wash over her as she was able to push back the violent images of her other realities. Allyson closed her eyes as she thought through the Force towards the box that she had been working on. Her palm opened as she used Mechu Deru to operate the circuits connecting the several satellite boxes she had been slowly linking up the past few weeks leading up to now. The information that she had stolen from Jorryn's terminal provided the layout of the planet and details on the enemy's forces and weaponry. Dubrillion would welcome her new rulers with open arms, like a wife welcoming her long lost sailor back from war.
White noise filled her mind, the only sound that stopped the chaos that stormed in her mind. That's another lie. Allyson frowned at the voice. She didn't want to admit the truth in it, so she pushed it back, focusing on the white noise of the electromagnetic waves working and connecting through space and time.
Lifting her wrist, Allyson chimed into the direct line to
Lyra 'Sybila' Voikryt
. The woman was the current lifeline for the Corellian, despite being something so important - the woman didn't even know her name. All Allyson was known as was her code name. A disposable piece. <Codename: Lucky - Eyes of the Heavens shine, the library is open.> She waited for a minute, letting the woman process the information. She knew that everything was uploaded and available for her troops. <Lucky going silent. May the Force be with you, Commander.>
The radio went silent, and Allyson pulled off the device from her wrist. Holding it in her hands, she knew this was how they could find her if she went silent for too long. The method she had for some time now, always changing it to fit her needs. Flipping it over, she looked towards the underside where a pair of initials were carved into frame. Thumbing over the engraved K and T, Allyson smiled softly, remembering when the woman had finalized her creation. It was one of the last things she owned of the girl beside the memories that have been her recent haunting. Part of her wanted to throw it over the edge of the cliff, but something stopped her. Maybe she wasn't ready to let go.
Her job was done. There was nothing more for her to do here. She should have been climbing down the cliff face and waiting for the NIO's military strength to recover her and ship her back to the Alliance. Allyson knew that wasn't going to be an option, especially after her run-in with Loske and Ryv. She continued to tell herself that her outburst and drive to protect Jorryn was to retain the cover she had carefully crafted. Stop lying. It was possible when she returned she would be detained, Allyson shook her head quickly. Being locked away and forgotten was what they did to people like her; she knew too much. She was a liability.
Closing her eyes tightly, she wrapped her arms once more around her, seeking the comfort she needed. Memories rolled through her mind as she searched for something to warm her. A pair of amber eyes stared back at her, her smile followed, and Allyson felt her breathing steady; there was someone else that cared about her. Just like before, she sought the comfort of the woman's presence. A hand placed over her face as she fought back the urge to scream. Whatever they had wasn't real, no matter how much Allyson wanted it to be. Rae was a lie, one that got her into the Saaraishash. It hurt to admit that to herself, the pain that coursed through her was unbearable. What was she going to do? Being Rae, living the woman's life, falling in love with the Inquisitor, it was something she wanted to be real. Every night she fell asleep either in her bunk or beside the woman wishing that she was real. When she left, she would stay only long for the woman despite her being her enemy, but she couldn't stay - she only became a liability. No matter her choice, Jorryn was hurt and in danger.
There was no way out. Allyson knew this - she was a spy. She was meant to be alone, she was meant to be the one that no one noticed gone. Spies disappeared all the time, either executed or locked away forever. The Corellian knew she was used up, and this was more than likely her last mission. Her mind was too shattered, she was also broken.
I'm just asking you to come back, Master Aldric can help us both. He can help us find peace within ourselves, so we can find peace within the galaxy.
Ryv spoke beautiful lies, ones that made her want to believe that she was essential, not a pawn to be used until she was no longer needed. Breathing became so hard; the world around her felt as if it was collapsing around her. She took a step forward, the tips of her feet at the edge of the cliff, pebbles tumbling down the dark side of the cliffside. At the bottom, waves crashed against jagged rocks.
The warmth of Ryv's hand disappeared from hers as she remembered how he pulled away from her. She could feel the struggle within him, knowing that she was falling apart. Where was he? She had been falling apart since she had met him. Tears stained her face as she wondered if it was time to lay down her gun, to finally rest. Cold surrounded her as she heard his words once more, I can feel what is happening to you. Our bond is honest, more than you've ever been with me...I can't help you if you're gonna keep secrets from me. "Ryv, I have to keep secrets, it's how I survive. I'm a damned liar, a snake in the grass. That's all I'm good at, please...just understand that." Why couldn't she tell him that? Maybe she would have saved him the heartache.
It's okay, I'm tired, I just want to sleep, I want to be free of these feelings, these voices. I've done my job, my mission is over.
Accepting her fate, she forced her mind to push away the sudden burst of feelings about the people that she would be leaving. She groaned as she clutched her chest, why did she have to think of them now? Memories of her recent visit to Kiribi filled her heart. Seeing Aubrey, Jyoti and her son Casval, everyone she had worked with and had fought alongside. A scream echoed through the beaches, one full of so much pain. The memory disappeared as the woman found herself standing in a hanger working on an X-Wing, laughter echoed between her and the blonde woman at her side. The pair of droids played in the distance, and she felt human and normal.
Why now when she had accepted letting the galaxy continue on without her? What was wrong with her? Finally, the feeling of the air being knocked out of her took over as she felt the twist of her mind changing to another's memory. A silver-haired woman rested against her chest, seeking warmth, Allyson wrapped her arms tightly around herself as she lived the warm memory.
...it is your duty...
Make me feel better.
There was one more thing she needed to do, one more loose end she needed to tie up before she could accept the conclusion. Looking at her wrist, she sent her position back to the Lord Inquisitor. Allyson wondered if she would come, she wondered if she had grown tired of her Attendant always having to go off somewhere. The Corellian chuckled a little under her breath as she thought of the woman's haughty attitude, the way she was flustered at some of the most exciting things, yet found the most mundane awe-inspiring. Looking up to the sky, Allyson laughed.
Her life was such a farce.