Is This Where We Give It All Up?

[Connor Harrison]

The problem with these grapes, was that Connor could eat a good number at once and end up with a mouthful and not speak for minutes while he ate. Luckily, Sera talked and laughed and ate, and Connor did the same, washing it down with Blue Milk.

”Mm,” he swallowed, ”that’s true. I’ve not seen any of them, except Corvus, since. No I tell a lie – Kana Truden? Yeah, she’s taken a little tumble to the Dark Side. Can you believe she actually bit me during a confrontation on Ziost?”

He raised his eyes in mock horror and dug into his cake for a little slab which melted in his mouth; sweet and fluffy. A contented sigh left him.

”Too much talk, not enough action. And when action IS taken it’s like they do it alone, with their own cells or allies, never together. I doubt the Sith have meetings as much as the Jedi. Hence why they always trounce us.”

Reaching forward, he held his glass and took a sip, smacking his lips. He looked into the glass and swirled it for a moment. Then held it out to the Twi’lek.

”Try this, tell me what you think.”

The Blue Milk was the very think he came to the capital for to stock up in his quarters, and he swore by it. Time to see what Sera thought, as he always did like to introduce people to this drink. Most liked it, few didn’t. There was always time.

[member="Seraphina Shel'tah"]

 

[Seraphina Shel'tah]

A bit of noticeable agony carved across her face when Connor mentioned Kana turning to the Dark side. Kana had been her mentor, and one of her closest friends. She'd been there during Manaan, took her to Illum, trained and guided her through becoming a Jedi Knight, and every other Sith encounter going forward. What could have possessed her to fall so far from the Order that she had been a very council member of? That was heartbreaking news that left the Twi'lek momentarily speechless.

"Kana..." Sera placed her cup down and looked at the swirling contents as her hand made a whirlpool effect of it, staring down as if it were some kind of hypnotic trance. "She was my master. What happened to her?" A sorrow filled sigh turned to a momentary scoff of frustrated anger.

"That must have bothered Corvus even moreso, they were like sisters, moreso than even her own were to her for the longest time, before Taeli converted. I do wonder how they are doing. Have you seen them much?"

Sera finally lifted the cup again and sipped, reaching down with her free hand to take a few of the berries as a followup to the gulp of liquid. "I think the issue is that the Sith at the top have a stranglehold on their entire regime, and when the word is passed, the rest follow. It's effective, but at what costs?"

The girl reached forward and took the glass of blue-milk. She was familiar with the drink, having spent quite a bit of time on Tatooine. Still, she took a sip as it was enjoyable. "It's quite good, a friend of mine that used to live on Tatooine made blue milk ice cream. She started her own business shortly before we lost contact, but she was doing well for herself. Then again, how could she not, living on a desert world like that? Everyone wanted it!"

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

Taking the glass back, Connor waited for the hole to come and swallow him up. He bit his lip and winced slightly, wondering why he blurted out something as important to one who served with Kana that she had fallen. He placed the glass down and drummed his fingers on the table for a second.

”Forgive me, I didn’t know, I should have thought more,” he gave a gentle shrug. ”I’m afraid I don’t know what happened to her, but we clashed as the Primeval and Sith took the planet, but she seemed very…I don’t know. Not reeking of confidence like the Sith do, but certainly troubled and fractured in ways that makes me thing she had probably walked a path like us; pretty much alone, but she was found and broken before she could be redeemed.”

He sat back again and looked to the Temple in the distance and fixed on the large silhouette that made him shiver slightly at the sight of it.

”I hope she finds her way, but you must be stronger than her – be the one she trained and prove you can be stronger and defiant. Don’t let it twist your mind. Ever. It’s not worth the pain.”

Giving her a slight look, he nodded and returned to the Temple.

”I’ve seen Corvus recently and we parted on bad terms. Long story short, I have always tried to offer the hand of friendship and…let’s say companionship to her, to help her emotions come out and the stiff armour of the Jedi she wore up to come down a little. Then she lures me to Naboo and breaks it to me that now she’s in love with some Goddess called Braith, something like thousands of years old who controlled the Sith Silara, or some…crap like that.”

His face was set in stone, jaw tensing slightly and eyes burning into the distance.

”She never knew love but now she knows what it means to be IN love and has given everything to this witch. I don’t trust her, at all. You don’t command Sith Lords from your spirit and then proclaim to love the one you tried to kill. She’s nothing but a fool for falling for it, and it will only end in pain.”

Lolling his head, he breathed out loudly and rubbed his face.

”Ohhhhh I’m sorry. Pretty much she’s broken me, hence why I’ve exiled myself. I was an idiot putting so much faith into her that she and I may find some way forward, but instead it’s made me lose friends, allies and my own way on this path of the Force. So I’m taking time out, to find myself, to live a little, to try and feel human, to feel alive, and that I shouldn’t over think things so much.”

He fingered a grape, dabbing it in some cream from the cake and ate it, then looked at the Twi’lek.

”A right barrel of laughs me,” he smiled, ”Pardon me for asking, but have you…found anyone special, at anytime? Do you live and fight for another, or just yourself. Trust me, it’s easier that way. OH - and I need the name of your friend with the ice-cream business. Don't forget. I'll have to go there.”

[member="Seraphina Shel'tah"]

 

[Seraphina Shel'tah]

Sera raised her hand and waived it lightly, "It's fine. You wouldn't have known she had been my master unless you had reason to know, or had spent an unusual amount of time in the Jedi Enclaves reading through master and apprentice relationships." She made an effort to adjust the dismay into a bit of a smile. "We had distanced ourselves a bit after I was knighted, but still kept in contact. Time drifted us further apart however, and I lost track of her. It seems that would explain why. That's disappointing. I always felt she was someone I could trust and count on. I suppose the only ones who can ever truly hurt you are the ones closest to you. I won't hold much hope in her redemption. I've seen few ever cross paths back to the light once they embraced the darkness."

The feeling of tension rose in his voice at the mention of Corvus, making Sera glance down again at her caf while he spoke about their past, and what became of their relationship and the involvement with Corvus' interested romance. All of the information was relatively new to her. She hadn't seen Corvus in some time either, but knew well how guarded she was internally, so it was no real surprise to Sera that his advances had gone unrewarded, however she was genuinely surprised that Corvus decided to open up to someone else.

"I see. I'm sorry, Corvus and I were, are, whatever tense is appropriate, close, but we never really talked about our emotional feelings or situations, so that may be why I am in the dark about your attempts to swoon her. Had I known, I could have attempted to disuade you, even if it would fail to convince you otherwise. The Goddess thing does raise concern, if it is what you say it is, but I would need to see and hear this from her directly before I could pass judgement on the grand master's motivations."

Lifting the last of the fruit in hand she tossed them into her mouth one by one, as if a self indulgent game to break up the tension. "I wouldn't let that eat away your soul though. Reconcile if you can, but don't let it be a barrier to your own salvation. That won't help anyone." The pinkish Twi'lek adjusted her seating upon being asked the question of romance. That was a bit of a fully loaded question for her.

"Three times, give or take. To spare the gritty details, my first master was someone I cared more deeply for than a student should, and that ended in his death before it became anything it shouldn't have been. The second, well, that wasn't any brighter of an outlook. It involved a Sith, a Sith who had compassion and some twisted sense of honor that I could understand and relate to. That person is still out there, where I don't know, but we fell out of touch. An interesting tid-bit though, they nearly killed me on Manaan during that invasion." She smirked, her memories taking her back to that day she nearly perished twice.

"The third, well...The third was another Jedi that had found out that I had a friendship with that same Sith, though didn't know the full extent of it, and it came to a head on Dorin when we all ended up in the same room by some stroke of fate. Things happened, we escaped by the grace of that Sith, and that was the last time I saw them. The Jedi was Varus, and we had a bit of a...Thing. Though when I left the Order I left it rather abruptly, so I don't know where we stand. Perhaps he moved on, perhaps not. I'm really not certain."

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

A dismissive wave and smile brushed off any awkwardness Sera may have felt about talking so openly.

”Please, it’s in the past. I’m moving on. I’ll be better for it to be honest.”

Finding time to tuck into his cake more, the bane of his healthy lifestyle, he listened intently to the tall tales of the Twi’lek and her Jedi friends, enemies and loves. It seemed affairs of the heart paved the way for Jedi to find themselves more, to question themselves more, and to often become isolated more.

Good or bad, it brought people like these together to become stronger.

”Mhm, mhm,” he wiped his mouth, ”I see. Sorry for prying, I don’t mean to, I just…I’m just interested how your life seems to mirror mine a little. Of course I don’t really KNOW you, but I understand you. A little.”

Back to the drink, a good mouthful to wash the sponge down.

”I’m the last one to try and give advice, not that you need it or asked for it, but I’m sure if something is there with this Varus then it will find a way if you ever see him again. If not, then…as you say, don’t let it be barrier to you.”

He looked away, fingering the glass again.

”Do you think you’ll ever go back?”

A question she could interpret, but one that summed up everything they were touching on – go back to the Order. Go back to a loved one. Go back to some normality. Go back to how it used to be.

Or was this where one simply gave up?

[member="Seraphina Shel'tah"]

 

[Seraphina Shel'tah]

Seraphina let the conversation of he and Corvus die where it lay, not wishing to cause him further discomfort and spare any awkward discussion that might arise from further discussion.

"Of course. But prying is logically the only way to really ever get to know someone, yes? What a conundrum. It's all in the delivery and motive of the prying however, that determines if it really is prying, or simply curiosity and genuine concern." She smiled, feeling rather scholarly in the moment.

She pondered Connor's question for a short while, her body leaning back in the chair as she looked out towards the large structure of what was likely the Silver Jedi Temple. It resembled the Republic's Order in many ways, yet had its' own unique symbolism.

"I only believe in going forward, never back. But to be less cryptic, I don't know that I will ever return to the Order. Perhaps one day, but not in the foreseeable future. Things are too tied up politically, and I would rather spend my time attempting to understand the reasonings behind why all of these sects of Jedi exist, even if uniting them under one roof is a lost cause." She turned to look directly at him before continuing. "I have no ill will towards the Republic, only its' lack of determination in eliminating the Sith once and for all. It seems like it has grown complacent, like an old dog too tired to move."

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

He caught her gaze as he wiped his mouth again but didn’t break it, so her words were fully accepted and understood. It sounded as if she was the result of what the Republic did best; talk, and push good people to the side if they speak out against their faults. He gently placed the napkin down and toyed with a couple of grapes in his bowl.

”I have no doubt you don’t, but what happens to old dogs too tired to move? Either another comes along to replace it and the old dog simply fades away, or the old dog is sadly put to sleep for its own good.”

Connor shrugged slightly at the not-very-optimistic outcome.

”It’s those who jump from the dog while they can that find somewhere else to belong, to get comfortable and grow. Maybe that’s what we have to do. Maybe we need to be something stronger. There’s so many dogs sniffing around the Sith, they’re going to end up turning on each other soon.”

He chuckled.

”Well done for making everything relatable to a dog, by the way.”

There was a slight pause, a concern knotting on his brown ever so slightly.

”Does this mean you’re just going to pull up your cowl after we’ve eaten and leave for the next planet, or Order, to sniff around? To fade away until you find…whatever you’re looking for?”

[member="Seraphina Shel'tah"]

 

[Seraphina Shel'tah]

The sound of Connor's statement made the Twi'lek twitch ever so slightly. It came across as rather sharp, not in tone, but in a way that made what she was doing sound almost criminal, as if she were abandoning something she never really had to begin with. But she had no real answer to offer that sounded any better than the statement he had only just made.

"I don't know." She said bluntly. What more could she offer? She hadn't made much in the way of plans. Her plan thus far had simply been to keep low, fly under the radar of the bounty hunters, the Sith, and Jedi alike. She'd been pretty good at it until now. But could, or would she do it indefinitely?

"Until just now I'd not thought much on where I was going. Each day I made a new decision as to where I'd go, altering it whenever necessary to avoid detection or capture. There hasn't been much reason to change that course of action yet."

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

Connor raised his hand a little.

”Don’t get defensive, I’m not questioning what you’re doing. Relax. I’m doing the same, if anything, taking places in and see what’s out there. Not really planet hopping, but to find who I am, to try and feel human again. Cleanse my thoughts, remind myself how big this galaxy is and how small in it I am. One time I felt everything I did had an impact on things, but now I see nobody battered an eyelid because it was just me thinking I was something I’m not.”

He drummed his fingers on the table, then rocked the bowl of the remaining grapes a little.

”Don’t lose touch of who you are and what you can do, wherever or whatever you do, ok?” He looked up, squinting a little as a low-laying sun bore through to his eyes. ”You owe yourself that much.”

[member="Seraphina Shel'tah"]

 

[Seraphina Shel'tah]

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sound defensive. I just meant that I haven't really had reason to plan anything aside from staying hidden. That has been my only real goal thus far, and everything else just kind of falls into place along that line. I hang around until the bounty hunters come sniffing around, or until I have reason to move again."

As she finished the Caf she smiled, the cup partly obscuring her face. "Voss has been a good experience thus far. I got this bangle, and I was introduced to a wonderful establishment. Aside from that, I got caught up with a bit of what I've been missing, and formally introduced to someone I probably should have known much more of by now. But hey, better late than never, right?"

Placing the cup down the Twi'lek leaned back and stretched her arms behind her, clasping her hands together as she drew them back.

"What about you? Do you plan to return to the Silver Order? Are you still on good terms?"

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

Connor raised his near-empty glass and raised it.

”Nice to finally meet you, Seraphina. To us - the ones they left behind.”

With a teasing wink he downed the last of his cool Blue Milk and set the glass down and sank a little in the chair, the crumbs from his devoured cake left on the plate and a couple of grapes in his hand. It had been a long time since he'd eaten one of the Voss-ka cakes and he had missed it.

”I'm glad you've enjoyed it so far. And will I return to the Order? Hmm.” He laced his hands across his chest and looked outwards to the Temple.

It took a moment as he hummed aloud, rolling his tongue inside his mouth.

”Good question. Part of me expects that I will if I find myself and can feel I will be accepted back, not that I have been kicked out, but I've alienated myself from longtime friends. Isolated them in the pursuit of my own delusional path.” There came the sigh.

”I don't know anywhere else except the Order here. If I couldn't go back, or didn't feel welcome, I don't know what I'd do. Probably set up house on Jakku, become a...a...I don't know. An explorer or salvager or...mercenary,” he laughed at how that pictured in his head, ”I have no idea.”

Looking over, he tapped his thumbs together.

”Why don't you see if the Silvers have a place for you.”

[member="Seraphina Shel'tah"]

 

[Seraphina Shel'tah]

"I suppose the answer is partially a selfish one. I'm just not convinced I am ready to lend my lightsabers to another order to use as a tool for their own agenda and Code. The other part of me just wonders what exactly my life would be like if I abandon the freedoms I have now to do exactly as I please, without a council overlooking my actions, without a government to support and to remain a wildcard to appear and disappear as I see fit."

Perhaps the length of time spent out on the edges of the galaxy spoiled her, allowing her relative freedoms in so much that she could truly follow what she wanted, even if that meant losing the safety and vast knowledge base that the Order provided, and the comfort of being within the Republic's space. Still, that always came at its' own price, one she'd learned to live without so far. Connor would have to supply a pretty convincing argument to sway her opinion, and given that he wasn't a Silver anymore himself, the proposition didn't seem entirely worthwhile.

"I can still do some good in my own travels, whether that be simply protecting ordinary folk on the street to interfering in Sith operations when I find them. So long as I can do it quietly, and rarely have to draw my sabers, I can stay relatively under the radar."

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

”Then I'll leave it there.”

Giving someone in this position space was important. He knew how it felt to feel lectured to, to be pushed when the other person was no "saint" either. The last thing Connor wanted to do was be the very thing that he detested. He popped the last two grapes in his mouth.

”If you ever change you mind, come back and show your face. A pink Twi'lek would look good on the front-line, and if I make it to there before you, I'll simply come find you and ask again. And again and again.”

Connor brushed his hands down and clasped them together.

”Do you want another drink or fancy a walk or something? I've got time to kill if you have, or if you want to get going to your next Order for cake and tea that's fine too.”

[member="Seraphina Shel'tah"]

 

[Seraphina Shel'tah]

"Persistant one, huh?" Sera laughed at his insinuation to continue after her to join the Order if he returned.

"Let's take a walk, the least I can do is hear first hand experience about the Silvers. I suppose it couldn't hurt to at least listen. Besides, I've nothing better to do, and I think it will be a while before I find cake that rivals this."

The afternoon still had daylight to spare, and perhaps she could get a bit more of a tour of Voss and learn some things about the SSC. She'd only heard bits of information about the Silver Jedi during her years with the Republic. They were less regulated, that much she knew, but short of that, she was more or less in the dark. Sera had only met a select few of the Silver Order as well, so she'd not encountered their members in any real capacity, whether that was in passing or during conflicts involcing the Sith. Almost everything about them was entirely alien to her.

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

With a satisfied nod, Connor stood and left two credits on the table, and threw one from the veranda to the mumbling Toydarian who had already got his young waiter, only 12 or 13 years old, to clean up. He beckoned Sera.

”Let's go walk off that cake.”

Heading out into the market from the bistro, the stalls were just as busy but this time, with the waning light, it meant the afternoon buskers and eateries would come alive for the evening and the day stalls would soon pack up. It was no means quieter though. It was still warm, and peaceful. The Tower lit up around them and shone out into the sky.

”We can follow the stream down there. It snakes across the planet, leading us right to the doorstep of the Silvers if you make it that far. Passes through woodlands, farmland and even raging waterfalls. When you're done, just say. It can go on a while!”

As they walked to the perimeter wall, he pointed to the bank of 4 missile launchers, 2 sets on each side.

”Controlled by the Rangers of the Silver Sanctum, in case we get unexpected visitors.”

The stream was down below the city, and he led the way.

[member="Seraphina Shel'tah"]

 

[Seraphina Shel'tah]

A single pink hand reached forward and pushed lightly against the table, sliding her chair far enough back that she could stand and follow Connor as he dropped the credits to the table.

"I have quite a bit of stamina, so you may need to be the one to call the walk off." She smirked, a light hearted insult meant for nothing more than a quick laugh. "I did spend quite some time stranded on a jungle planet a while back, and trekking through dense jungle with nothing to guide but hope and instinct was quite an adventure. This should be much less perilous I would think." She paused for a moment. "But for now let's just avoid the Temple. I'd rather not broadcast to everyone that I'm here quite yet."

She was interested in seeing the waterfalls, as the one on Ossus was always her favorite place to meditate, train, and rest. The sound of the water was comforting, and the view was magnificent no matter the time of day.

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

”Don’t worry, I’m not about to shout out I’m around either.”

And so began the walk along the stream. It was a winding route, but one Connor had taken before. It stretched out over the planet, through various forks and in certain places simply ended, but others it ran for miles forming larger rivers, converging with waterfalls and breaking off through woodland and canals.

Fisherman were packing away for the day along the bank, and a flock of ducks waddled aimlessly on the other side. Connor would stick to the side away from the Temple, and would follow the stream in the opposite direction.

”So tell me about yourself – who is Seraphina, what do you want from all of this? What do you want to achieve – who do you want to become?”

He loved the questions that would pull the person from their shell regarding their answer.

[member="Seraphina Shel'tah"]

 

[Seraphina Shel'tah]

"That's quite the loaded question, Connor Harrison. I don't know if we have the daylight left for such a long winded story with no real plot." She laughed at herself, a hand passing over a pair of small, perfectly shaped rocks as they lifted into the air and danced alongside her as they walked. Telekinesis was something she had always been gifted at, and it was more of a habit and mindless activity for her that she rarely noticed she was even doing unless it was pointed out. Something of a stress relief one could say.

"I was just a girl who got into an argument with her father at the age of 7. My parents discovered my connection to the Force and I was sent away to live on Ossus with the Jedi. I suppose from that moment I had a pretty average life among the Jedi. I was talented and quick at learning. After my first master's death I was given to Kana to complete my training. I've fought in more battles against the Sith on both Republic and Sith soil, taken my fair share of beatings, and done what I could in my own time to serve the Republic and the galaxy. It has always been my duty, and my oath to protect others. I suppose that is who I was, but I don't know if that is who I am now."

The rocks tumbled over one another in a small, rotating fashion as she continued.

"Now, I think I just want to do what I can, when I can to stop the atrocities this galaxy seems to cook up. Help who I can, on my own terms, without the insinuations of governments and regimes behind it with their own agendas. I suppose that doesn't make me a Jedi in the idea that most recognize. Perhaps I'm a vigilante, a criminal even, who knows? I've been called a rogue, but they are just labels. I try to do what's right. That's the most I can do."

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

Walking to match Sera’s speed, Connor too called a few loose wet pebbles from the stream bed to toy with. The plopped out of the water and dripped over his hand as the two Masters played with their gift for something that was as easy as breathing.

”Nothing wrong with being a rogue,” he said, ”I’m quite proud of my label. Means I’m not as rigid as the others if they claim to be above that. I know I’m not perfect, and that elevates me above many who think they are.”

He drop kicked a pebble of his boot up and over into the stream ahead as it snaked around the perimeter of the capital, down to where the mountains of the south came into view with peaked caps, snow crusted flats and grey rock reaching to the sky.

”And don’t class yourself a criminal, you’re anything but. You don’t spread terror do you, or abuse the law with your ability? No, you just play by a different set of rules. But you want to get the job done by any means. That’s what I was saying before what needs to happen. Action. Not talking and playing by the rules because, honestly, the galaxy doesn’t have many left to play with.”

[member="Seraphina Shel'tah"]

 

[Seraphina Shel'tah]

Sera smiled towards the man and shrugged. She supposed his rationalization was as good as any other. Perhaps she simply skirted the rules. Regardless of whether or not that made her a criminal it was what she felt she had to do in order to get by.

"What about you? Had you grown up among the Silvers? Or how did you find yourself here, on Voss?" The girl's hand dropped, and the two rocks fell lightly to the ground as they continued along their path. "What really separates them from the Republic's Order? Is it simply governance? Or do they hold to a different set of morals and code than what is believed to be the 'traditional Jedi'?" While the Twi'lek knew a vast amount about the Republic's Order and its' history, she was rather in the dark about the history, hierarchy, and overall structure of the Silver Order, and what they generally practiced themselves. There were so many splinter groups of Jedi forming lately that some of them were nearly indistinguishable from one another. It was an odd thing.

[member="Connor Harrison"]