It Has to Hurt if it's to Heal

[Kay-Larr]

Kay nodded a little. [member="Veiere Arenais"] was quite right about [member="Darlyn Excron"] . The man seemed to fit into his job rather well. The rest of the staff were happy with him and perhaps she was as well.

Veiere changed the subject back to the tea then, and she smiled in spite of herself with his theatrical display. This behaviour was a far cry from when she had first come for this visit, but it certainly wasn't an unwelcomed change. She grinned, while holding her nose up high as though she was in the presence of a peasant in some story. "That's -Mistress- of the Herb to you! I'm not even sure if you are worthy of being told the secret ingredient....Perhaps I will on your next lesson."

Kay raised a brow slightly as Veiere suggested that they go away from Commenor. He had invited her to his ship before, however at the time she was afraid that he would lock her up in a holding cell and allow someone else to take the Monarchy for themselves. Now though, it was different. If Veiere had wanted to arrest her, surely he would have done it by now. The look in his eyes told her that he wasn't toying with her emotions. Instead he was expressing his. "Alright. But I don't like small places. Where would you suggest that we go?"

A quick glance at the tea told her that it was nearly ready. She offered him his cup before taking her own in hand.

 

[WolfMortum]

Glancing to the table where they usually sat, Veiere walked over to it and took the seat that he had formerly owned before she had stormed off out into the patio. "I don't have any specific place in mind, simply an excuse to remove the stress of your day to day for a time. Just because your Queen doesn't mean that you cannot enjoy yourself from time to time and who knows, maybe you can mark it off as a business trip of sorts, seeking out other possible allies and the like...-Or just simply experiencing something that isn't the degradation of your own spirit" he finished the sentence not out of spite but more concern for her. "I would certainly enjoy the time with you where we need not worry about the possibility of others getting between us. Whether political or romantic, whatever..." He shrugged lightly, leaning back into his chair slowly as he cradled the cup of tea in both hands.

"I don't suppose you've actually tried to have some fun, in these passed weeks..." he gestured to the seat across from him before adding quickly, "-Your job doesn't count as fun, for the record...". She was a do gooder, it was one of the things that had attracted him to her, that need to want to help other people, asking not for recognition yet gaining satisfaction in every life she had been able to positively impact, just for the sake of making a difference in someone's life. [member="Lady Kay"] wasn't exactly the pillar of innocence as she was before yet her character had retained enough of her integrity despite the sith's best efforts in corrupting her; it seemed he'd only managed half a job, what with Veiere slowly chipping away at the mask she built up around herself since the murder of the Elders.

 

[Kay-Larr]

Kay furrowed her brows. [member="Veiere Arenais"] was talking about going on a vacation. And that wasn't a bad idea. She just didn't know where to go or what to do. Normally her spare moments were spent by herself, reading mystery holo-novels with tea at the ready. Or she spent them training herself in some of the skills that she could remember and some she had learned recently.

Veiere was worried about her, but more so than just her state of mind like others. Kay wasn't so sure if she should be flattered by that or delve into self pity. Her Master always told her that she was worthless and weak before he got a hold of her. Right now she wasn't so sure.

A brow was raised as he spoke of others getting in between them, both politically and romantically. Was that something that had happened before?

She sat down at the table, having a sip of her tea, skipping his comments and going straight to his question. "I haven't thought about it. I used to ride my speederbike through the Twin Canyons, but not anymore. Not since...well, you know. There's a hedge maze in the courtyard that I'm still trying to master. I've been working on that at times." However she had encountered a mercenary droid there that the loyalists hired to question her. That was an odd day.

"What about you? What do you do for fun?"

 

[WolfMortum]

Now that he thought about it, Veiere hadn't spent a great deal of personal time away from his hopes for others and ambitions to follow the Jedi path regardless of whether or not he belonged within the Order as an organization. "That's a good question, now that you mention it..." He frowned momentarily, taking a sip from his cup of tea in order to distract himself if not only to quickly reflect on the things that appealed to him in life these days. "Aside from trying to do right by those I can, I suppose everything else has been going so quickly lately that I've not really stopped to consider it".

"Before the Sith came to Commenor, spending time with you was everything to me" He remarked, speaking his mind and not really feeling inclined to hide it anymore. She may not have held the same feelings as she had before but Veiere had already shared their past with her, he may as well have gone the distance, "I watched a very nervous yet admirable woman step up for Commenor in a time when the government controlling the sector, one she believed in, had succumbed to corruption" He smiled to her, his posture changing as he leaned back into the chair somewhat more casually, his hands falling to his lap as he watched her, continuing "This was Sith space at the time. The One Sith held these parts yet it didn't stop you from wanting the best for these people. Throughout your hard work, I did everything I could to support you, often taking action in formal politics despite my employ as your personal bodyguard. I enjoyed working beside you, it showed me the kind of person you truly are, genuine and compassionate, loving and nurturing for those that could really use that kind of care in a Galaxy rife with conflict and lacking integrity...".

"This place here, it is my sanctuary but it's too quiet without your visits...-I used to look forward to them. So much so that when it came time for me to search for alternatives, trying to return to the Jedi Order...-I found it difficult to pull myself away and I only managed for a number of weeks before eventually returning.." Living his life as a Jedi required a focused mind and Veiere (Not the Order itself), had always put too much pressure on himself to remain fully loyal to the Jedi Code, following the old way. Since he had come to fall for Kay, he had found his life shifting into a new direction. The Jedi weren't what they once were and in Kay's presence, Veiere started to realize that though his failure to adapt to the current standards of the Order had taken its toll on his confidence, eventually he cared less for his past and found himself far more focused on his future with her.

"You always had a way of brightening my day..." He chuckled quietly to himself, realizing how corny it all sounded though he had to add, "You still do".

[member="Lady Kay"]

 

[Kay-Larr]

Kay sipped her tea, listening as [member="Veiere Arenais"] spoke of a past that she could only remember bits and pieces of. Her gaze wasn't anywhere in particular as she tried to remember, tried to recall images of any of their time together, but there was none to be had.

She cleared her throat a bit as she asked a question that was certainly on her mind every now and again for fleeting moments. "Were we intimate? As in lovers? Or?" Veiere sure was devoted to her and their connection spoke a lot. Kay felt as though she should know, so that she'd have a better idea of how to act around him, to know more of what he was expecting of her. It was probably an embarrassing subject, but they were adults and he seemed to not be the type to hold back the truth. As far as she could recall, her late husband was the last that she was with. But she couldn't trust that right now.

 

[WolfMortum]

Veiere nearly choked on his drink when [member="Lady Kay"] up and asked them if they'd gone the full mile. He quickly swallowed the hot drink, albeit burning the back of his throat though better that than making a fool of himself, his responding glance back at her might've been laughable had she known the history and how long it'd taken them to get as close as they had. Clearing his throat, he half smirked afterwards though it was more awkward in how taken off guard he felt. "Well..." He began to speak, though seemed to need a moment more to process the question, "No...-I mean...-It wasn't like we didn't want more...-I think...", what a subject....-How do you explain to someone with such amnesia for lack of a better name for her precarious situation, how they might have felt for you yourself...

"Things have always been complicated, Kay..." He tried to start from the beginning in what he hoped would be quick and easy to tell, he'd not want to put her off any, naturally. "I came out of a twelve year exile, isolated and mostly of my own company, soon to be employed by you, by chance on Alzoc Three...-You were involved with the Republic and as a former Jedi, I sought to reunite the Order in the traditions of the old way..." He waved his hand dismissively, as if getting off track and pulling the subject back to the matter of them both. "Politics and a life of the Order, we wound up on Commenor though I never really returned to the live. Not completely, my heart was with you. Eventually, you and I...-Well..." He chewed at the inside of his cheek a little, shifting in his seat as if needing to get comfortable with the words to follow. "In the years we've spent together, we kissed...-Once...." He chuckled quietly, it seemed rather pathetic when put to words though better to rip the band-aid off rather than do so slowly.

"We loved each other..." His eyes sought his drink, to which his hands cupped against the table, distracting his gaze some; "It took us some time to realize it was mutual..." He soon glanced back out through the doors they had entered, the patio outside connecting to the backyard where they had sparred together, it could be recalled as easily as thinking on the day past. "It was the same day you forged your new lightsaber...-I had hoped coming here might help you to remember...".

 

[Kay-Larr]

Kay had to smile as [member="Veiere Arenais"] nearly choked on his tea. She nearly busted out laughing, but held that all back. It was surprising that his cheeks didn't turn red. Surely hers would have if their roles were reversed.

As he explained further, she sipped her tea. Complicated. Her whole life was complicated, it seemed. And that was even before her Master got a hold of her.

Kay raised a brow as Veiere said that they had only kissed once. "Only once?" That was all? The way that he behaved towards her, the devotion that he held made it seem as though there was more that went on than that. At least it took the pressure off them slightly. As far as she was aware, she hadn't been with anyone since her late husband out of loyalty. That time had come to an end though. She remembered visiting his gravesite one more time to say goodbye.

They loved eachother. That could explain their connection, as well as her desire to be near him, to hear his voice. And when he held her in his arms, it felt perfect.

Kay furrowed her brows, frowning a little as her memories didn't just pop back into her head as Veiere had hoped that they would. It annoyed her so much. She had no control over it, and that just wasn't fair. Her anger began to return when she thought of the long list of people that she had forgotten. Her free hand clenched into a fist as she glared at the table. "I don't remember...But one of these days I'll get it all back. Even if I have to kill him to get it."

Her gaze lifted to Veiere as a thought dawned on her, her body becoming more relaxed as a sense of hope eased her tension. "You shared a memory with me before, and I with you. Do you think that you could do so again? I want to remember who you fell in love with."

 

[WolfMortum]

Veiere stopped a moment, his awkwardness falling away as [member="Lady Kay"] asked if he could somehow bring on more of the memories that they had shared. Through their force bond, he could and he had indeed thought about it most days since their reunion and the discovery of the Sith Lord Prazutis' interference, yet there was a difference in knowing he could do something, and then knowing whether or not he should. Ever the spokesman for free will, it was something that he had hoped for quite some time now that she might think to ask him, never wanting to force that kind of intimacy on her without Kay Larr actually wanting it.

"I can yes..." he held out both hands across the center of the table, his eyes finding her gaze as she watched him, speaking softly in explanation, "It's easiest with a physical connection though not impossible without it. Through the force many wonderful things can be achieved and through the practice of telepathy, for those with a connection as strong as ours, memories can be shared as easily as the words we are able to project to one another...". It was sad that she were in this place, not knowing the real part of her, the one that Veiere had fallen so far for. Waiting until she placed her hands within his, he would take a gentle hold and soon close his eyes, speaking softly while the force pooled around them both. "Meditation is often the best tool for strengthening ourselves within the flow of the Force, it promotes inner peace when we're able to let go of what's immediate and surrender ourselves to the natural energies that bind us...Close your eyes, trust in me and lose yourself to any outside distractions".

Several minutes would pass before Veiere made any sort of attempt to relay his memories across to her; he wanted to ensure that she was able to connect with the Force on a peaceful level, not to be distracted by her emotions nor doubts of self like she used to be during their training sessions, what few they'd managed to have already. In order to do this the right way, though he wished to help her remember their first moment of intimacy together, he focused on the memory of their first meeting back within the Capital of Alzoc Three, to which she had bumped into him out in the cold streets of the City, where the snow fell so thick that you could not see the environment beyond the upper levels.

It was a time where Veiere would try to lose the ways of old, instead focusing on the new, to which Kay took him into her employment and would be the start to their long journey together.

 

[Kay-Larr]

Kay set down her tea as [member="Veiere Arenais"] held out his hands for her. Just the fact that he agreed to share his memories freely, without holding them back unless she did something for him, was enough to have her let go of her anger even more. Praz never let her have anything freely. It always came with a price. Normally that price was having to kill a fellow prisoner. Yet she was never allowed to be very quick with that either.

Veiere was different. Her Master would say that he was weak, but she knew better. He had a strength of a different kind. And she wanted it. There was a feeling of shelter that came with it, one that allowed her to perserve her own energy for a later time.

She slipped her hands into his, noting their soft texture and warmth. Her eyes closed as she listened to him speak, the gentle tone in his voice almost intoxicating. She let her breath rise and fall with his own, soon matching his own natural pace. Then minutes later a memory was shared. It wasn't quite what she had expected to see, but it was a memory that was lost. At first she saw and felt it from his point of view, noting how smaller in stature that she was in his eyes. But then without even realizing it, her point of view became that of her own, the memory becoming restored as she began to guess correctly at the smallest little details. "Kindred spirits, finding purpose in eachother..." That's why they bonded so well, she was sure of it.

 

[WolfMortum]

"I suppose that is rather true...".

He agreed, a slight smile breaking through his calm exterior to offer a moment of appreciation, those feelings being shared between them both as they remained within their trance. Meditation at their point of experience wasn't quite so fragile, they could speak as was typically the norm without breaking their concentration in the force and in of one another. "I started out as your employee, where neither of us knew much of one another yet as time passed and we talked about ourselves, we learned to trust and even care for one another beyond the impromptu business contract you offered me. Guarding your safety soon become a personal desire rather than obligation and throughout much of our time spent together, I worried for your safety. You always had this habit of being able to find trouble where there was little to be found...". The next set of memories that he would share with her were following the battle of Mimban, where the Galactic Republic was struggling to hold its territories against the many dissidents that sought to topple them.

"You first asked me to help you learn more about the Force and about yourself here, aboard the Free Lady..." he spoke softly as the memories passed through them both, the environment behind closed eyes changing around them as Veiere relived their past together and [member="Lady Kay"] would be again introduced to part of the history that had shaped them both. "Even more significant is that you told me of your Husbands fate and I told you of Svivren, we relied upon each other for the first real time here, the stories that we shared...-Took great trust to confide in one another".

Time would pass slowly around them and yet within their trance, Veiere gave her ample time to take it all in, those memories he hoped would connect the missing pieces within her mind before introducing her to yet another vision of their past, this one far more intimate. "And then...Like we find ourselves now, we shared a table here in this place...-And you will learn why this is a memory I treasure above all else...". There were no mental barriers between them, they were an open book to each other yet Veiere did not go seeking answers from her, instead he isolated his search to the memories she sought. The longing that he felt for her however would be blatantly apparent with the emotions that came to rise from reliving such scenes, his pride for her in her lightsaber construction, their brief sparring session under the descending sun and then the embrace that they shared, all leading up to the moment where their feelings for one another were brought out into the open.

 

[Kay-Larr]

Again the memories started as before. First they were in [member="Veiere Arenais"] ' point of view, but then slowly they would revert to her own once they were restored. Kay remained perfectly still, yet relaxed, the only movement being her breathing and the ocassional flicker of her eyes beneath her eyelids, a common occurance during a deep REM sleep. Yet she was fully awake; just in trance.

One memory flowed into the next, though what happened in the middle were still a mystery to her. The tiniest moments of day by day just weren't there anymore. But then who could recall all of that detail anyways? Many days fade into blurs in normal memory, so she couldn't blame herself nor her Master for those types of lapses.

The memories evolved, showing her the progress of their relationship grow, including training, trust and care, the kiss causing her cheeks to turn a shade of red. It was so vastly different from what her Master had done, quite the polar opposite. An influx of emotions flowed through her, happiness, anger, sorrow and love, each conflicting with eachother, churning around inside like the eye of a storm. Kay lowered her head, tightening her grip on his hands as she tried to push it all back. Now was not the time to let him see what had happened to her. Before she had used one of the memories as a way to hurt him, but now? Now she didn't want him to see it at all. She wanted to protect him from it, and in a way, protect herself.

Once she was calm enough, she loosened her grip, lifted her head and opened her eyes."Thank you..." Kay let him go and took her tea in hand, sipping from it, letting it sooth her and replenish her. There was not a lot that she could say at this moment. It was a lot to take in. Her Master had called her weak and worthless, but she had plenty of power to begin with. It was just a different kind of power.

"So what happens now? With us, I mean?" How to move forward was a puzzle.

 

[WolfMortum]

Her question broke the meld of their trance and at something of an appropriate time too, for if she had not then Veiere himself would have; they had done plenty enough for one day and [member="Lady Kay"] no doubt had much to think about now. The Question itself however held a rather straight forward answer compared to the confusion and mystery of her formerly questioning her past and 'what if's. "Where you're concerned, your priority remains to be your people yet you have a choice how you reside over them in leadership. In my experience, dictatorships most often find themselves being rebelled against where as co-operation with and for the people will keep you in a favorable stead with the Commenori. Regardless of outside interference, if they love you, they will support you..." it hadn't gone over his head that she was asking about them as a couple specifically yet he felt it was the best time to say it, especially with his coming venture.

"I'm taking the Chimaera north for a few days, there's a matter I need to tend to personally..." Kay was the one consistent thing in his life, he had made sure of this and yet there was also the calling he felt yet failed to rightly understand, "I cannot keep pretending to call myself a Jedi Knight when I've lost faith in the Order. The simple fact is that I don't know the Jedi today like I used to...-My term ended the day I went into Exile, so I intend to conclude that part of my life...". The idea was that he would wrap up that side of his life and return to Commenor, yet unbeknownst to him, Veiere would stumble upon Cyril's Holocron while away and wind up entering a whole new phase of his life leading The Dominion.

And then there came the two of them, in all their last massively complicated year, Veiere had fought against his moments of self doubt, feelings of inadequacy and even going so far as to question his own integrity, all just to keep the contact with Kay that they might reach this point and pave a new direction, that he might not just help her but be able to be with her like he had wished for, for so long now. "I love you, Kay...-I have for a long time but what you're going through is a burden like few others. The physical and emotional damage...-Well, I don't wish to imagine. What happens between us? I will be here as I have always been...-To do what I can to support you...-But you need to take things one pace at a time right now. You have remnants of the Sith watching over you and you have millions of people looking to you to protect them..." he didn't envy the position she was in, in fact he was very worried about her safety given how much hurt had already been put on her. Veiere hadn't forgotten the vision of her torture, nor would he forget the face of the man that put that hurt on her; it was a crime that gnawed at the darkest part of him. "What we do now is to work together...-You not losing hope that things will get easier, if only we take our time and figure out some way through all of this...-The Force has not abandoned you, and nor will I".

 

[Kay-Larr]

Kay let go of his hands once [member="Veiere Arenais"] began talking about dictatorships and the like. She wanted to roll her eyes but refrained from doing so. Instead she just picked up her tea and had a sip. It wasn't anything that she hadn't heard before. There were people that supported her and people that didn't. She couldn't help that. Most of the Loyalists that were caught were sent to work in the mines, just like the other criminals. It was better than killing them, surely, and gave them less of a chance to rebel. There they could work off their debts and be less trouble for her.

She looked up at him when he spoke of leaving. That left her conflicted. Here they had reconnected in part, but it just wasn't enough. But she understood why. He needed to close a chapter in his life, just as she had done when she had visited her late husband's grave one more time. Yet it didn't feel as though his journey would have the same outcome.

Her eyes dropped to the table, thumbs tracing over the rim of her cup as he spoke of her post traumatic stress getting in her way. Kay clenched her jaw, knowing that she was trying to work her way through it, but right now it was as though she was running in circles. And it wasn't as though she was planning on whisking him away to share her bed. No. She just wanted to know where they stood. Right now she was as more of a stranger to herself than he was to her. It was a scary thing. During moments like that she just wanted to run as far as her legs could carry her, until she couldn't take another step. But she couldn't do that right now, nor could she do that here.

Kay remained lost in her thoughts for some time, staring at the table and forcing her emotions back down so that they were quiet whispers in the back of her mind. "....If you love them, let them go. That's what they say....So I'll let you go....Do what you need to do and you'll know where to find me when you need me." Whether he intended for her to leave now, she wasn't so sure, but she got up from the table anyways and carried her cup over to the counter. "Thanks for the tea and....everything else, Veiere." Kay walked over to him and placed her hand on his shoulder. "I'll see you when you get back." She gave his shoulder a bit of a squeeze before moving past him. Her guards stopped their own conversation and got up, noting that it was finally time for them to leave.

Hope, including in herself, was a difficult concept for her to grasp right now. She lost that in her captivity. Everything good was always kept out of arm's reach. Thank the Force she had her tea. Even the smallest comfort was better than none at all.

 

[WolfMortum]

He hadn't meant for her to up and leave like that, he didn't mean for it to sound like he was done with her company for the time, he enjoyed it more than anything else and yet he did nothing to stop her. [member="Lady Kay"] had other priorities and Veiere had to remind himself that his love for her didn't surpass the milions of people that relied on her state of mind and body of health, her leadership was vital to the world of Commenor and to the world, Veiere remained elusive, a mystery suspected of treason in the public light, though for clear reasons the government had failed to do anything about it. The locals treated him as if he had turned his back on his former station, Kay however knew now better than ever what his motives were and why he chose to go about his ways with some semblance of secresy. There was too much as stake to walk out in the open light whilst approaching the rejuvination of her mind, her memories likely still a threat to the Sith's control over her given they felt it was warranted to tear them from her in the first place.

The name Prazutis great on Veiere like a burn to the flesh. It was ever growing on his mind, the more that Kay progressed, the more room Veiere had to consider the man who had been the source of all of her pain and torment. The woman he loved had been tortured and she'd used those images against him the first day, by some courage he had managed to keep himself together yet the next time he were to run into the Sith Lord, Veiere doubted he could abstain from looking for vengeance whilst there was far less at stake than there had been the day of the Lady Presidents return.

Time would tell, yet even as the month following would delve into a far deeper hole than the one he was currently trying to climb out of, that thirst to make things right again, to make up for the damage done to Kay...-It wouldn't diminish easily.

~End~