Private It's A Fig

[Iris Arani]

<That's the last thing I want. I don't know what this all means. Yeah, some stories said kissing was a thing people did when they loved each other. I was curious, yeah. But I.. I really did think you wanted to. It would of been fine to not. It would've been fine to just try it out. But you didn't want to. You just.. Lied. To try and appease me.> She turned from Kai Bamarri then, packing up the brush and supplies in her hands. She needed to keep her hands busy right now. Easier to hide how they were shaking that way.

<I don't know exactly what I want. .. I liked the kiss. I liked you holding me. I felt safe. But I don't want you to lie for me. .. Figure out what you want, and tell me when you do, if you do.> Iris was trying not to sound angry or spiteful. She wasn't either of those. Hurt, yeah. Not hurt that he tricked her or whatever. Hurt that he felt he had to. <Love is something that is constantly changing... and growing. It's not always easy to parse. It's giving over some level of control, and pieces of yourself; trusting another with the good, and the bad, and the wacky and indescribable.>

She shouldered her pack, walking over towards the fire escape she'd been using to get up to the roof. <You don't have to love me. .. I just hope you can trust me some day.> Short of him stopping her, she left.

 

[Kai Bamarri]

<I did want to, Iris, I just—> He fisted his hand in his hair, as if pulling on the strands would stimulate the flow of blood to his brain and make him more eloquent. <I thought maybe I would like it if I tried it, but I didn't. That's what people do, they try—it's what I do, at least! But trying doesn't guarantee everything will always work out. If it did, nothing would ever go wrong! But it does, and all we can do is live with it and keep trying.> He knew of no other way to survive in a crazy, unpredictable galaxy like theirs.

She called him a liar, and something inside him snapped.

<Okay fine, I lied. But not about wanting to kiss you. I lied when I said I loved you.> He knew he was going over the line, but he didn't feel like stopping. <You're friends with a liar and a fake, well, maybe I don't even like you, Iris. Maybe we only became best friends out of desperation, because we're too screwed up for anyone else to tolerate us.>

<Love is something that is constantly changing... and growing. It's not always easy to parse. It's giving over some level of control, and pieces of yourself; trusting another with the good, and the bad, and the wacky and indescribable.>

Kai stared at her. <Are you quoting from something? Like, directly?> There was no way she could've come up with that herself. After all, what the hell did she know about love?

Whatever had broken in him had begun to bleed internally. She needn't have worried about him trying to stop her from leaving. His feet had left the rooftop before she even had a chance to turn her back, diving over the edge.

Iris Arani​

 

[Iris Arani]

<Okay fine, I lied. But not about wanting to kiss you. I lied when I said I loved you.>

All at once she had nothing. Nothing to say back. No response. She stared blankly at the fire escape as his voice echoed in her head. Then the colors were gone. He'd left. She didn't need to look over her shoulder to know he'd left. The colors were dim around her. Distant. She was alone. Wordlessly she settled down, sitting on the stairs that lead down. Bringing her knees to her chest.

She'd been upset. Angry. Embarrassed. Maybe sad. Now? Now she just felt empty. She closed her eyes, leaning against the railing. Maybe a nap would make the hurt better.

Fin