It's What We Do That Defines Us

[Kassey Draclau]

Kassey felt confident that while her children were affected by this, that they were strong enough to handle it. However, when Seth said that Isis was deeply wounded, Kassey was unsure what to say to that. Perhaps she didn't know right away because Isis was already a quiet girl to begin with, and it was hard for Kassey tell tell what was the norm for her, and when she was upset. Isis tended to hide her feelings, so when this was all said and done, she didn't see how badly she was hurt until Seth had just said that.

As he pulled her close, Kassey wrapped her arms around him, but didn't say much, except the only thing that was running through her mind. "She's strong, they both are. Just remind her of that, and remind her of how much we love her." She said to him, and then returned the kiss that he gave to her. When he said to check on Ayden, she pulled away and gave him a small smile.

"Don't worry, I'm not going to leave his side."

He had went to talk to Isis, and Kassey remained there, watching her little boy sound asleep.

 

[Isis Draclau]

Isis grumbled when he mom passed her and tapped on her feet. Ever the neat freak, she thought to herself, but she still didn't move. She could very well take her shoes off herself, but she didn't. She just sat there until her dad came along and started to unlace her shoes. With that, she let out a sigh, and looked back down from where she was laying. As soon as her shoes were off, she sat up a little and she felt as though she had to get off what was bugging her all of this time.
"Dad, did you ever have this growing up?" She asked, knowing the answer was yes, but that's not what she meant. "I know you were teased as a kid, too. But...I'm not sorry." She found herself stuttering at the sound of that, like she was afraid to say it.

"I'm sorry for Ayden, that he got in the middle. I'm sorry for you and mom that you had to pick us up and deal with the school. But I'm not sorry for what I did. They tried to make me feel bad by saying this girl was unconscious, and all I thought to myself was...good, she wasn't doing any good while she was conscious. I don't have guilt, or remorse for what I did. I don't know how to feel about that."

 

[Seth Draclau]

Seth sat watching her closely and listening to all that she had to tell him. Something about all that she told him only brought him back to his own days and that was truly a disturbing thought. She wasn't sorry at all for the things that she had done and to him that signified a fact that he hoped he would never have to be faced with. He let out a bit of a sigh as his fingers sat idle in his lap. "Yes.. I've felt it before. Only for me I didn't have a little brother to protect me. I was left to my own devices and when I committed my first act of violence... I didn't stop," he said looking up to her with a serious glance.

"A long time ago, when I took your mother to the doctors because she wasn't feeling well. The doctor's told us that your mother was pregnant, with you. Something we thought couldn't happen. In that day my whole life changed.. I was afraid that you would experience the same things I experienced," his tongue slid from his mouth and slid over his lips. "Four years later.. we found out your mother was pregnant again.. two times after being told she couldn't. It was a relief to me, because you wouldn't be alone." When he finished speaking, he then let his body change, slipping back into the face his wife and children knew.

 

[Isis Draclau]

Isis got a little curious when he said that he didn't stop after his first act of violence. She wondered just what he had done, what kinds of acts he had committed, but she knew that now wasn't the time to talk about that. Now was the time to think about what he had just said, about her mother not being able to have children, about when her and her brother was born, and finally about her not being alone in this. "Dad, you and mom had me. I wouldn't be alone, I had you guys." She told him honestly. No, she loved Ayden more than anything, but as for being alone, that wasn't true. Even if Ayden wasn't born, she was convinced that she wouldn't be alone in her life, because she had both of them to lean on. She may have only been sixteen, but she wasn't mind to see that fact for herself.

Isis sat up a little, just as he began to turn back to the normal color, at least, what she and her family considered normal, which was all that mattered. It made her happy to see that, to feel like she could relate to someone else. "I want to do that. I want to change, just like you can." She crisscrossed her legs underneath of her and Isis gave her dad an almost desperate look. "You think I can do that?"

 

[Seth Draclau]

"I know you had us.. I also know that with teenagers, they don't always tell their parents everything. The last thing me and your mother want to do is crowd you," Seth said nodding his head. He'd raised a teenager after all so he knew right well the things that could go on in their minds. He was alone in such regard so he never had to answer to anyone. Isis and her brother did and so they would hide things because they figured their parent's would never understand. He liked to think his daughter was different.. but he knew that everyone needed their space.. their secrets.

When Isis mentioned her desire to change like he did, he smiled at her and let his hand rub gently over her knee. "I have no doubt you'll be able to. You're my daughter after all," he said with a wink. Then the shape-shifter rose his hand up and looked at the grey and white colors that splattered over his skin. "It had been too late when I learned.. I was.. twenty-two when I learned to change. It took me about a year to do it by myself. I would sit in front of a mirror for days on end.. not eating or sleeping just trying to will myself to change. I finally did and I couldn't have been happier," he said looking at her.

"We Shi'ido are limited with what we can do at first, but with age, our ability to change grows. If I was to teach you now, I don't know how long it would take.. but you'd have the benefit of a formal teacher not just doing it yourself. Maybe you'll surprise yourself and prove your resolve."

 

[Isis Draclau]

Isis gave her dad a smile on her face, and she had licked her lips before she gave him a curious look on her face. "So, you'll teach me to do it, then?" She asked him, with a wave of excitement in her eyes. "Because, I swear, I want to learn. I don't want to do anything crazy, just my skin tone." She told him, and then she looked at his skin tone, and with the hand that was placed on her knee, she put her own had against his, comparing. Even though her hand was bandaged up, she could still compare her arm with his.

"Who knows, maybe it'll be easier for me because mom is human, and it might be a little more natural or something to go to that color or...something." She gave him a big smile, and she felt as though today, something good came out of something bad. When she thought about how the day went, Isis kinda sat quiet, remembering what the girl said.

"That girl was teasing me in the locker room when I was putting on my makeup after gym class. Saying that I would never have friends, or a boyfriend, because I was so ugly." Her smile had faded a little, and she looked back down in her lap. "How did you meet mom? Did she see you in your natural form at first? Or was it the one you go out with?" She asked him, now curious about exactly how they met. She wondered if she ever met a boy, if she would show her natural form, or if she would cover it up. She thought that, however him and her mom met, that's how she would meet someone, too.

 

[Seth Draclau]

Seth couldn't help but smile. "If you want to learn to do so, then yes I will teach you." He figured she would want to learn when she came of age, her skin was not as bad as his... but the same fate had befallen her. Would that he could have taught her before she went to that school. When she mentioned the ease of her changing because of her mother's heritage he nodded in agreement, it would be simpler for her because the change would be subtle.

When she mentioned that horrid girl making fun of her, his expression hardened, the father looked straight at her and shook his head. "Do not listen to that horrid little girl. You are beautiful, more beautiful than any of those girls. They're jealous of you and to make themselves feel better they poke fun at you. One day you will meet a boy and if he can't accept you for who you are then he does not deserve you. Isis Olivia Draclau, deserves the heavens don't ever think otherwise." If it was one thing he could do, it was offer a motivational speech, something to erase doubt and raise spirits.

When thought turned to how he and his mother he couldn't help but chuckle. "The first time your mother and I met... the very first time... I shouldn't tell you this but.. your mother wanted to kill me." The memory was still quite fresh in his mind back then and one he liked to think about from time to time along with many other thoughts when it came to his loving wife, so many years married and she could still perform wonders for him. "By then I already had learned how to change. She met a man with yellow eyes and white hair and tanned skin as you usually see of me."

From there, well it was an interesting tale. "We met once more a few months later when we were both imprisoned. We worked together to gain freedom. Needless to say our second meeting went better, it ended with a kiss and I slid her my comm frequency.. but she didn't call." A shame that.. who knows where they would be if they had seized the heavens early. "We met seven years later in a bar on Nar Shaddaa, I looked as I do now, we worked together however then we didn't know who each other was. This meeting was.. wonderful. Despite not knowing.. we still very much lusted for one another."

Now came the part she wanted to know.. the part that had the most bearing on her. "It was only a year later, we had fallen madly in love with one another.. we found out your mother was pregnant with you. With the knowledge I'd be a father and that you might face what I faced as a child, I showed your mother what I really looked like. To get over my fears so I could be a proper role model for you." A thing he had been afraid of but he had learned it was one of the better moments of his life. "I would never have guessed that it would make her love me more and so.. I revealed what I looked like.. for your mother in the present and you in the future."

 

[Isis Draclau]

Isis Olivia Draclau, deserves the heavens don't ever think otherwise.

That made her smile and she had instantly felt better, even if it was a little bit, by that statement alone. He said that she deserved the heavens, and that was enough to pick her spirits up about how she looked. She always thought that, if she had normal skin color, that her looks were alright, the girl did not suffer from low self-esteem at all about her general appearance. Everything seemed good...except that damned skin color.

Isis' ears perked up a bit when he said that her mom wanted to kill him. She didn't know that, and it just made her that much more interested in the story. Listening to their adventures being young made her smile again. It seemed like they had found love in a weird place, and he appeared in a couple of different ways before showing what he really looked like. "So...she loved you more when you changed, and you changed after you found out she was pregnant with me? That makes me feel a little better about it all." Isis admitted with a smile. She licked her lips and then she looked back up to him.

"But, I gotta ask....why did mom want to kill you the first time she met you?"

 

[Seth Draclau]

Seth nodded at her thoughts to when he had changed. "That was how I knew that your mother was truly the one for me. I always loved her.. don't get me wrong. However when it came to showing someone my true form. I had never done such a thing before, I hated what I was because people hated what I was. I was alone, no one cared for me for so long and so I took on the look that people wanted to see. Showing your mother.. hearing that she loved me even more now that she had seem my true face? I knew then that I wanted to be with her forever." The father looked upon his daughter with loving glance, she was the first product of their love.

But ahh.. question dawned on him as to why her mother wished to kill him when they were younger. A smile spread wider over his face. "You know the lives me and your mother have lead. We decided long ago to be honest with you and your sister and brother when you came of age," he said as his thoughts dawned back to those days. "I had taken the life of an acquaintance of hers and the Black Suns never did like having their people put to grass. She sought vengeance against me and she put on a fine attempt... but your mother is no assassin."

 

[Isis Draclau]

Isis giggled slightly when he kept on telling her about him and her mom. It was fun to hear about how they met and the situations they were in. Her parents had the best stories about their past, about the people that they met and the things that they did. Being criminals as they were, that was interesting within itself. Sure they had done some things that were much less than legal, but in her opinion, that just made them cooler.

When, at the end of the day they were in love and had two kids, being criminals didn't matter. They were still beings that wanted love and attention, and most of all, a family. Isis had to have a lot of respect for that, and that's something her sister told her about. No matter what people did in their past, it's what they do in the present in the future that mattered. Getting her attention back to what he had said, she shrugged a little playfully. "I don't know, dad...mom told me a lot of stories of things she did before. She probably could have been an assassin if she REALLY wanted to be. You ever think that maybe she didn't want to kill you for a reason? Maybe she liked you back then!"

 

[Seth Draclau]

"If your mother liked me during our first meeting, she certainly hid it well. We actually fought.. she got in a few good shots. Your mother is not to be underestimated when it comes to fighting.. especially if she is defending people she cares about," he said with a chuckle as he gently rubbed his jaw. He could almost swear that he could feel the twinge of pain in it even though this event had happened several decades ago. He would remind himself never to find himself in unarmed combat against Kassey again.. no he'd rather see that aggression worked out in the bedroom.

"Now the second meeting.. I gave her plenty of reason to like me and I think my charms worked," he said with a rather impressed look on his face at his own prowess. "Your mother often voiced regret towards not calling me in those seven years we were apart. Fate was kind enough to bring us back together and give us another chance and look what came of it. A long happy marriage and two healthy, beautiful children to call our own. I couldn't ask for more."

 

[Isis Draclau]

"You and mom kinda have this...really cool love story. Like, you met so many years before you got together again. And your first meeting with her, she tried to kill you, and you guys fought. It's like this romantic, criminal tale of love." She laughed a little, and her feet tucked under her legs some more, getting more comfortable, and she was happy to listen to her parent's story of getting together. She thought it was cool the way that they ended up together, and it was keeping her mind off of what happened today.

Though her mind was brought back as soon as she looked down at her hands again, and she frowned. "Hey, dad...you know what kinda freaks me out a little? Is when that happened today, and I just couldn't stop, not until someone actually stopped me...is what if I do that again? And it's not in school?" She looked up to him, with a look of that scared feature on it. "What if someone picks on me, or Ayden when we're out and it happens again? I know you and mom can't always just, come to school and pick us up? I think I'm scared that it will happen again."

 

[Seth Draclau]

"I'm scared too Isis, I don't want you to ever experience the cruelty of people again. It was this that scarred me for the rest of my life. When I was eleven, I was tricked by a boy I thought was my friend.. my only friend and when he and his true friends stopped to laugh and point at me. I snapped," he said quietly. He didn't like to talk about those days and for good reason. He didn't want Kassey and his children to think less of him even though in his heart he knew that Kassey would never think less of him and would always love him more than life itself. Looking at Isis though, she feared the thing that he had become and that it was a thing that she could fall too if such a thing was to happen again.

"I was eleven years old, a year younger than Ayden... and I murdered eleven people that day. Nine children my age.. and two men. I didn't stop, I felt they deserved it and with those thoughts.. I lost my sanity," he said looking ashamed of the tale. It was not something he took pride in considering what it meant for him and his future. Looking back to Isis and then down once more at his lap he took a deep breath. "You and Ayden are loved.. Isis. You have me, your mother, Julianna, Ayden. This is how you avoid what happened to me.. remember that you are loved and no matter what we will always be there for you."

 

[Isis Draclau]

Maybe one might be frightened to learn that their own father had committed such horrible acts of violence and homicide. Maybe it was because that Isis knew what her parents did for a living, and their capabilities didn't stun her at all. But no matter what the reasoning behind it was, Isis wasn't scared of her dad now that she knew about the details of why he did what he did. She knew that anyone could look from the outside while he admitted to killing 11 people at such a young age and be afraid of him, but Isis understood the logistics of it, she understood the reasoning, and maybe she could put herself in that situation now, but she wasn't afraid at all.

In fact, she completely understood it to the most degree possible. She had experienced people picking on her for years now, and she knew that she was able to snap at any moment, like he had done so long ago. "I love you guys, too. I know that we have a close family, I know that. Just sometimes I think that you understand way better than mom or Ayden because you lived through it." Isis leaned her head on her dad's shoulder and she let out a sigh, as she looked straight ahead. "I know what it feels like to just not want to stop. Because I feel the same way, that they deserved it. Because they did. They shouldn't pick on people like that just because they are different. they laughed and they thought it was so funny. They weren't laughing anymore, and it felt a lot better after they stopped laughing."

She told him this honestly, knowing that he wouldn't judge her for what she had said, or, at least she hoped that out of all people, he wouldn't think less of her. She was revealing facts and feelings to him that she wouldn't to anyone else, not even her sister.

 

[Seth Draclau]

"The laughing never stops.. even after I killed all of those people I could still hear their laughter in moments of sadness or rage. It might seem like you won.. but that torment stayed with me and at times I'd do anything to be free of it. No one was ever good enough to kill me so I had to find a way to live with it. I did but it was only a means of self-destruction. It was then that my first angel came to save me. Curupira." The thoughts so long ago seemed like nothing more than an echo but it was true now when he told her that his first savior was his adoptive daughter Curupira Hawk.

"I saved her from slavery by buying her from an auction, just to spite a man who wanted her. I freed her from slavery and tried to send her on her way.. but she followed me and so I let her stay with me. She was one of the reasons I cleaned up as much as I did," it was like something out of a children's story.. silly sure, but that was how it went. "After Curupira turned eighteen she left my home in search of her own way and a few years later.. I met your mother, my second angel as it was.. though she would say I helped her more than she helped me. The rest as they say, is history."

 

[Isis Draclau]

He said that the laughing never stopped, and she felt herself like she had stopped breathing for a moment. Isis licked her lips, but for the most part, froze at the thought. That was a scary thought, and the one that ran in her head was that no matter what she would have to do, she would make it stop. Even if it meant knocking all of them unconscious, or worse. If they wouldn't stop, she would MAKE them stop, that was her mindset as of right now. He continued to talk about his angels, people that helped him clean up and get on the right path. First, it was the girl he raised when he was younger, and then it was her own mother.

That was something else that made her feel alone. She didn't have anyone to raise, and no one that she fell in love with. Those seemed to be the two factors that helped her dad in his life. "Dad, you said you lived with the laughter, but it sent you in self destruction until you found your angels." She stated just what he had said.

The next question she had was a truly scary one, one that she was afraid to think of if she couldn't do it. One that she was unsure of, if there was even an answer for it. "What if I don't find any angels to help me?"

 

[Seth Draclau]

He nodded his head at her when she went over what he had told her, how things were hard for him until he found people that could help him. She asked though what if she didn't find people to take care of her and keep her honest. With a smile though, he simply shook his head and leaned a little closer to her to press a gently kiss against her head. She didn't realize it right then and there but she didn't need to look much further than home. Unless her family was not good enough for her she didn't need much more beyond the support of the people that loved her.

"You have Angels already.. you have me and your mother, you have your sister and brother. You have everything you could need to keep you safe, keep you straight. With time you will fine more, trust me, you're only sixteen years old. The Shi'ido species is long lived, you will have a lot of time to find people," he told her trying to keep her spirits up and her fears cast aside.

 

[Isis Draclau]

She gave him a small smile when he kissed her head. Her family had helped her, and she was luck to have them, but one certain fact, one major detail that kept coming back into her mind, over and over again. She could do one of two things here. She could agree with what he said, tell him that he was right, and then help her mom and dad make dinner, wait for Jewel to get home and act like everything was alright.

Or she could be completely honest with her heart and soul, with her opinions, and with her thoughts in her head, which she was discovering was a very dangerous place to be. "Dad, you're right. I have angels. I have you and mom, Ayden and Jewel, my extended family, my friends, things like that, but...I keep thinking to myself. If I have all of these angels now, then why did I still find the need to do what I did today?"

She withdrew from him, and she looked up at him with her brown eyes. "If I have these angels, and I still committed these acts of violence, who's to say that I'm ever going to stop?"

 

[Seth Draclau]

The answer to her question was a simple one. "You." She had all the building blocks to protect herself, to live a happy life and be herself. To grow, to love, to learn. "It's all up to you. To have the discipline.. to know that beating on someone will not make you feel better, killing them will not make you feel better even if you think it will," he told her directly. Killing was a thing one shouldn't do for fun.. he would never admit to doing it for fun even when he had before. If you had to kill, it shouldn't be personal and it should be clean and precise something he had taken too in his growing years.

"You need to clear your mind and if you can think to yourself.. I have people that love and care about me. I don't care what this person thinks then you can stop yourself.. you can be happy." It was that simple, Seth himself had been a lot more level headed now that he had his wife and children. On rare occasion he did lose himself, but almost never in a psychotic break. "You're never alone baby girl.. you can always talk to me or your mother.. don't shoulder the burden alone when you don't have to."

 

[Isis Draclau]

Isis could only nod to what he was saying to her. So, while she had these feelings of letting herself go, letting herself act on her hate would do no good, and it would only bring her pain and in large quantities. She would have to remember that if she was ever teased again, or if someone had ever hurt her, what her father had said to her. Isis took in a deep breath and she put her head back on his shoulder, and then she had given him a hug from the side.

She hugged him tightly, and then she kind of felt like she wanted to cry, but she didn't. She remained calm until she had started to talk again. "Hey dad, could you not tell mom about how I feel? Or Ayden or Jewel? I don't want them scared, and mom worries like...way too much. But most of all, I don't want them thinking that I'm weird or scary or something. It was hard to tell you how I felt, how I thought of things. I just...kinda want to keep it a secret between us. Is that ok?"