Private Little Farm | Amea

[Kelsie Sylvan]

She probably should've expected as much. Kelsie wasn't quite angry as much as she was worried about Amea, but when she'd seen the YT-1300 soar overhead she'd been so relieved. What had Kelsie been thinking, giving away her ship? Amea was away for only a few days but it felt much longer.

She approached the ship as the wounded woman exited. Kelsie paused to look her up and down, before letting out a small sigh.

"You're a huge dumbass, you know that?" She didn't really know how to react. Giving away her ship, well... it should've occurred to her that this would happen. Still, she didn't want to be negative; she understood the need to do things alone. It just hurt that Amea snuck out without a word.

Then again, Amea was probably in a lot more pain. "Come on, I'll patch you up back out the house."

Kelsie walked over and stood beside Amea for support, and guided her back towards the house.

Amea Virou ​

 

[Amea Virou]

Kelsie Sylvan

“Yep.” Amea groaned with a hiss and a cough. “Biggest one alive.”

The defiant warden stumbled forth with a weak leg nearly dragging along the ground as she was led through the house. It seemed different somehow. Amea couldn’t place it, but there was something off.

As she took her seat on a bench by the backyard she let her eyes wandered up towards Kelsie.

“I… Needed to end it.” Amea said and looked back down. “Couldn’t sleep. Saw his face, taunting me. Laughing, mocking… I just need it to end. I needed to claw his eyes out.”

“... I’m sorry.”

 

[Kelsie Sylvan]

Kelsie listened and stared at Amea before walking into the house. A minute later she reemerged with a medpak, a bottle of water, a muja fruit, and a dangerous-looking vibroknife (the knife was to cut the fruit, but Amea didn't know that yet). She sat down on the bench, opened up the medpak, and got to work.

First she rolled up Amea's pant leg and gave her leg a quick bacta spray. "You obviously didn't use the bacta tub on the ship," she said.

She gave Amea the water bottle and rolled the pant leg back down. "It's in the compartment under the floorboards on one side of the bedroom," she said.

She took off Amea's jacket and began to unravel the bandages wrapped around her waist. "You would've known that if I was there," she said.

She made no comment of the poor bandaging job Amea had done and began to disinfect and wipe down the wound. "You wouldn't have gotten injured if I was there," she said.

She put a bacta patch on the wound and carefully wrapped Amea in bandages again. There was no comment, only silence for a good long minute before Kelsie spoke again.

"You worried me. I thought you wanted my help. I thought I could help." She was quiet, her eyes shut. "I know this was important to you, I know what it's like to want to do things on your own, and I know what it's like to be haunted. So I wanted to help you, to be there for you, because... when I was going through that stuff, I had no one. And it's good that this is over and you can move on, but you aren't alone, alright?"

She wasn't entirely speaking to Amea.

Amea Virou ​

 

[Amea Virou]

Kelsie Sylvan

“I obviously didn’t.” Amea hissed through the burn of the disinfectant in the bacta, and to mimic Kelsie’s reprimand.

“I know.” She muttered yet again in response to its whereabouts as she grabbed the water. Her jacket came off and with it Amea lifted her arm to grant the brunette better access to the wounded area.

“You don’t know that.” She whispered and cringed under the burn that tickled down the side of her entire waist. The silence lingered as Kelsie wrapped the check-up. Amea with her focus set on the ground and Kelsie with the struggle to find her words.

“I—” Amea tried to respond, her jaw hanging as she tried to find the word. Eventually she gave up, her head shaking in defeat as she glanced down at the ground again. It had always been a matter of pride, and now that it was all over Amea found herself feeling far less at ease than she had expected. Undoubtedly a big stone had been lifted off of her shoulders, but for the moment all she felt was the weight of guilt at having lied to her friend.

“I’m sorry, okay?” Amea whispered and gave Kelsie a quick look before she looked back away again. “I just—”

“Nothing.”

 

[Kelsie Sylvan]

Kelsie finished wrapping the wound, making sure the bandages were just loose enough to be comfortable but tight enough to keep pressure on the wound. Bacta was more effective, but she'd felt the need to do this. It was personal. She wanted Amea to know that she'd done something stupid, but more importantly that she could rely on Kelsie. In that vein she was satisfied with how the other woman was responding.

No point in staying angry. It wasn't a bad color on Kelsie, but too much was always bad. She put aside the medical supplies and turned back to Amea, wrapping her arms around her friend's shoulders. It was a little awkward; Kelsie needed to twist a little from her sitting position, but she didn't really care.

"I'm mad. Yeah, I'm mad. I just... want you to understand that I get it, and that I'm here for you, because I'd be a shit friend if I wasn't. I'm here, but I also can't help you if you don't let me. So just... let me, okay?" She wasn't sure if she was expecting an answer. She buried her face in the crook of Amea's neck and stayed there as the sun rose in the distance.

Amea Virou ​

 

[Amea Virou]

Kelsie Sylvan

Didn’t feel like the hug was quite earned or earnest. Too much anger broiled beneath the surface, scathed the boundaries between Kelsie’s skin and Amea’s as the latter fell into herself. She pretend to know better than saying what she wanted to. Kelsie rationalized, described, tried to make Amea understand but it was falling on ears that didn’t want to quite pick it up.

Amea struggled to understand how to wrap her mind around the situation, get it to make sense. Part of her wanted to push Kelsie away, and yet the other didn’t want to let go and give in. But these thoughts were too confusing, made her too anxious. Instead she focused on the pain, the burn of antiseptic wipes and their all too familiar sting. She tensed up just enough to feel the cracked skin whisper of pain to her through a properly set layer of painkillers and bandages.

“How?” Amea whispered as her hand slowly paced up and down along Kelsie’s shoulder. “Why?”

“I’ve always acted on selfish instinct. Every decision I’ve made has been because they serve me and get me where I want to go. There is the possibility that it could change, but I just—…”

“I don’t… See it. I enjoy being alone, safe, isolated. It’s who I am, it’s what has shaped me, and I can’t let that go.”

 

[Kelsie Sylvan]

So that was how it was. She wanted... to be alone.

Kelsie pulled away, staring at Amea. For the second time today she was unsure of how to feel. She could see so much of herself in Amea -- and it scared her that Amea might be right. That in the end, loneliness might be their destiny, the end.

But when it came to that sort of thing, all that mattered was what she believed. She shook her head sadly and stood up from the bench. Her left hand came up and gave Amea a pat on the head. Where had the woman who pulled her out of her own spiraling isolation? Where was the Kelsie who'd promised to be there for her friend? Still, she couldn't find the will to argue with Amea's statements or call out her stupid hypocrisy. She couldn't help if Amea didn't let her.

"You're missing out," was all she said. She lingered a moment longer before turning and collecting the things she'd brought out, then set off back towards the house.

Kelsie paused on the first step up to the porch, turning back to look at Amea to give a belated answer to her question.

"Because we do funny things for the people we love, Amea."

She disappeared back into the house.

Amea Virou ​

 

[Amea Virou]

Kelsie Sylvan

None of the words that circulated through Amea’s mind accurately described how she felt in that moment. “No.” Her hand reached out for Kelsie as she stepped into the house again and left Amea to her brief albeit overbearing loneliness. The warden pushed out of her seat and grabbed the top she had worn before the procedure off of the bench. With one arm through a hole and the other latching onto one of the many other holes it now had she followed behind Kelsie.

“Not like—” Amea exhaled, the words hard to find. “I just don’t know how this works.”

“I don’t know what you would gain from it, and it’s hard not to understand why you would do anything that wouldn’t benefit you.” Amea sighed and rubbed at her forehead, her fingers brushing against her eyebrows, furrowing as they tried to seek the words she needed to express this growing sense of anxiety. “I am a liability, I am a danger, I am potentially the cause for you to lose everything you’ve wanted out of this second chance and I—”

“I am afraid, okay?” She said finally, her eyes closing with immediate regret at the fact that she’d ever admit to being scared of anything. “I don’t know what I am doing, or how to act, and I don’t want to be the one that causes something bad to happen to you.”

 

[Kelsie Sylvan]

Kelsie slowed to a stop as she reached the door, again turning back to face Amea. So she did understand. Maybe not entirely consciously, but it was something to be built upon. She cared enough about Kelsie to try to protect her from danger.

She snorted, the downcast expression on her face broken by a smirk. "I guess I haven't told you much about what I've done, huh."

The look she gave to her friend was enough to chill the air. "Amea, I went toe-to-toe with Tathra Khaeus on Kashyyyk and held him off from the Silver Rest until they retreated. I went six minutes in the ring on Bastion against the actual Emperor Carnifex. And deadliest of all -- I raised a kid as crazy as I am. If I was too scared to make a few friends in dangerous businesses, I'd probably be dead."

Her gaze softened, a warm smile returning.

"Amea, you don't scare me. Your baggage doesn't scare me. Yeah, we all get scared. But being worried for someone else just means you care. I'd rather be in danger than be alone."

She opened the door. "I'm making breakfast."

Amea Virou ​

 

[Amea Virou]

Kelsie Sylvan

It did put things into perspective, but you didn’t get out of the game for as long as you kept your toes in the water. Either you were in, or you were out. Most people had the misfortune of dying before they had any say if they had prefered either-or, and so to see Kelsie so haphazardly risk her one shot at this new life it was… Confusing to say the least.

Still, Kelsie wouldn’t allow her to push the topic. Call it a friend’s intuition, she’d probably shut Amea down if she tried.

“The Emperor, huh?” She would instead remark to her friend. “You don’t exactly look like you have. Scars like those usually run deeper than flesh and blood.”

“... My other friend, Loske, she—” Amea shook her head. “It’s the same there, except with her I can’t keep from not stepping directly into one hot mess after the other.”

“... Maybe I should just go back to archaeology. It was simpler back then.”

 

[Kelsie Sylvan]

Amea had learned better than to argue. Still, her comment made Kelsie smirk. "I'm gonna take that as a compliment. I mean, I hardly look my age." And there are scars much deeper.

She went to the kitchen and started pulling out what she needed. Flour, baking powder, sugar, salt, butter, milk, eggs. Big bowl, whisker, mixer. "You should bring this Loske girl over. She sounds fun."

Her neighbours were cool, but they weren't exactly exciting. Kelsie would love to meet someone who was friends with Amea and was as crazy as her. She cracked open an egg. "And you know, you're probably the hottest mess I've ever stepped in. So if anything, that's on you.

"Set the table, please."

Amea Virou ​

 

[Amea Virou]

Kelsie Sylvan

Spoken like a mother demanding something of their child. Amea’s brow rose in instinctive defiance before she uncrossed her arms and shook her head. She was able to set the table, anyone whole of body could. But for extra flair she extended her hand and pulled plate after plate into her hand. With each ceramic plate in her hand she walked over to the table and began to set it.

“She is certainly fun.” Amea said and chuckled. “Ties back to whoever I was before I lost my mind, apparently.”

She placed the forks and knives down with a metallic thud.

“Did you know I used to run a droid store? I even made them myself. From scratch.”

“... I just can’t see it.”

 

[Kelsie Sylvan]

When the first plate flew from the cupboard Kelsie's head snapped around. Her right hand reached to the back of her jeans, under her flannel shirt. She was halfway turned when she saw it was Amea. Kelsie stopped and froze. The egg she'd been holding splattered onto the ground.

Probably should've expected that. Amea had told her that she was Force sensitive. It was just... difficult, to remember that sometimes that stuff was harmless.

"None of that in the house," she said, reaching down to clean up the egg. She hoped Amea didn't read too much into her reaction.

Back to cooking.

"I mean, I only kind of know how droids work. Starting from scratch seems... unnecessary." She shrugged. "But makes sense. You're pretty good with droids."

Kelsie looked back at Amea and smiled. "I would've never thought I'd become a farmer. Life's funny."

Amea Virou ​

 

[Amea Virou]

“Sorry.” Amea frowned and put the rest of the silver down with her own two hands. “Habit.”

Knives to the right, forks to the left. Glasses, still in the cupboards. Amea approached the lacquered panels to pull them open and withdraw two glass cylinders that seemed sufficient enough to hold whatever liquid they had to offer. Her eyes wandered over towards the windows and then Kelsie as she slowly began to reach for the cafcups as well.

Spacelag was a pain to deal with.

“You being a farmer still doesn’t feel right, you know.” She said and laughed for a second. “Place a seven-point-six-two hole in someone’s eye socket from a mile away, and yet also seed ‘tatos in the ground.”

“More and more often I find it’s getting harder to pull myself out of these low-points.” Amea gave a slight nod before she shifted her jaw, gave a quick raise of her brow with an indignant tilt of her head. “And then there’s always that small measure of… Chaos, you know? Like, the tiniest voice that thrives off of the excitement.”

“Aren’t you missing that?”

Kelsie Sylvan

 

[Kelsie Sylvan]

"I've been retired for like, a month," she said. Of course, she wasn't sure how long it'd actually been; time seemed to pass differently. Still she understood what Amea meant. There was that little voice in her head that told her how young she still was, how she should head out into the galaxy and do crazy things and just live. But she'd gained perspective, in an odd way. Her cooking slowed. She took her time, measuring, adding ingredients as necessary.

"I'm just... not in a rush to die, anymore." She shrugged, staring down at the bowl of batter she'd put together. "When I got back, I thought, 'I've got nothing else to do. I should try to do something good, change the galaxy, kill a few bad guys.' But... I don't know. I guess I realized I had time. That life still had things to offer, over just putting holes in people's eye sockets. So yeah, maybe I'll get back out there, but not right now."

She started up the stove. "I thought I had a mission, but... my war's been over for a long time. I think I should get a little rest. And you, Amea -- I think you need to slow down a little, too. You've got so much life left to live.

"Though, maybe it's best to get it out of your system while you're young."

Amea Virou ​