Little Talks

[Danger Arceneau]

[member="Alric Kuhn"]

She was shocked. Stunned.

Her face was a mirror of his own before his had contorted in anger. It took her a bit to register all that, and in the back of her mind, a voice said that it wasn't that easy. It was never that easy.

But the strength and conviction in his voice demanded she listen. That she understand. She half expected him to shake her in his frustration to get through to her.

Now she was thoroughly confused. He...came back to fix things? For me?

I need you to be my friend, I need you to let me in, to let me hold you, talk to you, love you. Not because I need it, but because you do.​

Her mouth fell open only to close, jaw flexing as she began to tremble again.

She would not expect him to return her love. Never did. She had settled with that years ago. What she couldn't get over, was that he had not been part of her life. She'd felt so alone. Pride, made for a cold bed and an even lonelier existence.

The past half year felt as if she had the warmth of the sun again, someone to talk to. To spend her day with. The times she had traveled planet to planet, from a museum to lunch at a restaurant. To bringing him tea every morning back on Tatooine. It grew on her. It made the day a little more joyful, a little bit more content.

Was it selfish? Perhaps. At the same time, she had attempted to help Alric through his grief. If he needed her to be his friend, she had. That had not changed since she had drawn him into her arms back in the lounge of her ship after the Gala. When she had told him she had left it behind, she had.

So she gestured with her arms around her, at the apartment, at everything really. "Why do you think we are here then Alric?" as to draw him to focus why she had wanted him to get an apartment to begin with. "Why I'm still here..."

"I missed you."

 

[Alric Kuhn]

Slowly Alric began to shake his head.

"You still don't understand." Maybe she was still deflecting, maybe she really didn't grasp it, maybe she had been helping others for so long that she couldn't understand the reverse. "This. The Ship. The museum. The couch. Even a little part of our trips. Everything we've done, everything we've done together has in some way been about me."

There was no denying that. It's been the Alric show, and it's been that way because Danger, because she had an insufferable need to be supportive, to help, to fix things. It was who she was, it was what she was, but that left a very big whole. "But what about you?"

Of course spending time with Alric was for Danger as well, but on the whole they had talked about him. They had talked about his grief, his coming to terms, his daughters. More often than not their conversations had been steered by topics that were important to him or that mattered to him. Sometimes they overlapped, and on rare occasions Danger did become the focus, but they were few and far in between.

Alric couldn't stand that anymore.

"If you missed me, then let yourself be with me." He said quietly. "Don't keep me at arms length. For once in your goddamn life, take what you want, don't wait for it to take you."

 

[Danger Arceneau]

[member="Alric Kuhn"]

Danger nibbled on her lower lip. Her shoulders rose as she took a deep breath, chest rising as she attempted to clear her head. It was just so hard. So hard to do that when he was so important to her. Back in the beginning, when everything started, the once a month rendezvous, the sex. It had been so easy because that was all it was. That was all she let it be. Then Fiona...

And everything changed.

He'd seen a part of her she'd kept hidden for so long. Learned about her first miscarriage. Saw how full of joy she was to be pregnant only to be utterly wretched when they lost their child. Having him be there, through her grief, made her realize that there was more to Alric Kuhn than met the eye. It set the brick and mortar down for the path that eventually led to a friendship, a true friendship.

What came after just made everything so complicated.

Had this been about business, or anything she didn't have a care for, then it would be easy to do exactly that -- to take what she wanted. She had, when it came to vengence. When it came to building Arceneau Trade to the galactic power that it was now, she could do so without a second thought about the risks or the consequences. It all would work out in the end.

But when it came to Alric...

It always made her hesitate.

"It's not so easy..." she finally told him, rubbing her face with her hands, feeling the need to move around. She just couldn't stay still.

Take what she wanted? Well that required figuring out what she did want. What did she want?

 

[Alric Kuhn]

[member="Danger Arceneau"]

He let out a sigh.

His hand ran through his hair, an exasperated expression playing across his face. There was a part of him that wanted to walk away, not from Danger, never from her, but from the conversation. He wanted to walk out and give her time, let her think, allow her to ponder over her own thoughts, but he didn't. He couldn't really. He was too far gone, too far through, too deep in his own point to let even the slightest cool down of emotion occur.

"Why?" Alric asked. "Why can't you? Any other time, any other thing you'd already have what you wanted. So why is this so different?"

Oh he knew why.

He knew the pain she had been through, the hurt that she had endured. Alric knew very well why she was so hesitant to take what she wanted, but she had told him herself, sometimes you just had to move passed what once was. Sometimes you just had to get over and move on.

Alric had, now it was her turn.

 

[Danger Arceneau]

[member="Alric Kuhn"]

Why was it so hard?

Because she spent so long suppressing those desires, ignoring them and pushing them to the side that she couldn't answer honestly what she wanted.

She didn't know.

So when he asked her to take what she wanted... it was hard, because she really didn't know. He was right, all this time it had been about helping Alric through his grief. But to switch that over and do a one eighty... it was difficult. Danger naturally had a heart of gold, her inclination to help others in similar situations like hers or with children made her prone to attempt to try and fix it. Comfort, was a trait that came naturally to the woman - as did a grudge, but that had waned over the years.

A glance would be shot out towards the holographic screen, watching the distant cliffs of the panoramic display. Why did he ask questions he knew the answer to already?

"Because I care about the outcome."

What did she want? Perhaps it would be easier to answer if she knew what she already had.

 

[Alric Kuhn]

[member="Danger Arceneau"]

He bit his lip for a flash of a second. It was a heartbeat, a breaking of character. He had to bite back words, stop himself from going over to her and simply shaking her. She had told him once that overthinking things was bad, that waiting was bad.

When Alric had been afraid of seeing his daughters, when he had feared that they would reject him. She had told him to go and get them, to go and see them. This was no different. Rose and Lily had been something that Alric wanted, he had wanted his daughters back. Now he had them. One was in the outer rim and the other was much improved within her own life. Yes it could have gone badly, yes it could have gone against him, but that was no reason not to try.

"So you're still scared." He said quietly.

It wasn't an accusation, nor was it an insult. It was the simple truth. He hoped by saying it outloud she would realize the fault in her own thoughts, the hypocrisy that she had preached months earlier when talking to him about his daughters. Alric hoped that she would see it, that he wouldn't have to say it.

 

[Danger Arceneau]

[member="Alric Kuhn"]


"Aye! I am!" she finally said, exclaiming out at him, gesturing with one hand to show her frustration. She began to pace, both arms coming up unconsciously to rub her upper arms. Was it due to feeling a chill or some manner of trying to find comfort, it was hard to say, but this wasn't the normal Danger the 'verse saw on a day to day basis.

"You ask what I want, well I don't know what I want!" she told him, glancing at him for a moment before resuming her pace. She hugged herself, spinning to turn her back to him.

"I've spent years avoidin' that." her voice fell an octave, shoulders sinking. She was just tired. Exhausted. She was old; there was no time to relive the past.

It was easier to answer what she didn't want.

I don't want to be alone.

 

[Alric Kuhn]

[member="Danger Arceneau"]

"Then figure it out." Alric said quietly.

It was easier said then done, but it was the truth, it was what she had to do. He looked at her, and then took a step closer. He towered over her, always did, always would. The former Titan looked down at Danger, and then reached out to embrace her, though he grab her just yet.

"I'm not going anywhere." He said quietly. "I'm here for my daughters, for me, and for you. I'll be here."

There was truth in that, absolute truth. Alric wouldn't be going anywhere again, wouldn't be leaving.

 

[Danger Arceneau]

[member="Alric Kuhn"]

Then figure it out.

Maybe it was the conviction in his voice. Maybe, it was just the intense need to want to have that connection they had in the past.

Or maybe, she just didn't want to be alone.

Whatever it was, it prompted her to turn around, having heard the low tenor of his voice draw closer, his words a low promise that hung in the air, expectant -- for her.

I'm not going anywhere.

Slowly, her torso would turn towards him. Her head went tipping back. She drank the sight of him. From the disheveled locks of his peppered hair, down to the poignant blue of his eyes, the crinkles and scars scattered over his face, the thickness of his beard. She took it all in.

I'm here for my daughters, for me, and for you.

He stood there, and it was in that moment that she realized the situations were now reversed. To where he had come to her in grief, he stood there, mighty as a mountain, determination in his gaze. Conviction. He meant every word.

I'll be here.

Her hands began to slip from her upper arms, until they fell at her sides. That expression of vulnerability lingered in her eyes, in the way those emerald orbs would search the ice blue of Alric's own.

Finally, as if finding what she was looking for, Danger began to inch forward. It was a small act, really, it would be a normal action by anyone else, but for Danger, meant so much more. Ever so slowly, she took a step forward. Dipping her head, she went leaning in until her forehead pressed against the fabric of his chest.

Her fingers flexed, twitched really, until they rose to reach out to touch him. Grabbing fistfuls of his jacket, she hid her face against his chest. For most, this wouldn't be anything. But for her, it was a first step.