Private Live Free Or Die

[Ishani Dinn]

Ishani successfully resisted her first instinct to slam on the breaks and kick Dagon out of the car—not a very nice thing to do, given that they were currently in midair. She hadn’t quite caught on, not completely, but she had a few ideas as to why he was protesting suddenly at the mention of their destination. Namely, a neat little four-letter word which probably described Dagon accurately, though what in space a Jedi was doing masquerading as a petty mercenary to save… children who had been kidnapped by slavers.

Oh.

Chit.

“We aren’t going back to Korriban?” one of the kids echoed from the backseat, confusion and uncertainty spreading through their ranks.

“We are,” Ishani said through grit teeth. She kept her eyes on the skies, though her expression was swiftly becoming drawn in a mixture of dread and concern. “These kids were taken during a field trip. They’re students of the Royal Academy of Korriban. They’re all war orphans. I know, because I looked at their records. In some cases, their entire planet was destroyed. They don’t have anywhere else to go.”

They were headed back to Nezamiyeh. Back to the starport, to her ship, where she hoped to scrape Dagon off like chewing gum on the bottom of a table. He’d already refused her help, well, let him deal with his own wounds.

“I don’t know who you think you are, but you’ve done your job. You don’t need to be involved anymore.”

Dagon Kaze​

 

[Dagon Kaze]

Royal Academy of Korriban. He nearly spat at the word. The Sith always had a way of making things look far more regal than they actually were. And they exploited it well. The needy, the oppressed, they took them in and turned them into monsters. Because that is all the Dark Side was. Corruption.

Dagon could feel the irritation steaming off Ishani's presence. "My job's done, but not my duty." he replied cooly, keeping his eyes straight at the nightscape ahead.

"Korriban's not an option. At all. Ever."

"We're going to Coruscant."

Ishani Dinn

 

[Ishani Dinn]

There was an eerie silence from the backseat. Ishani scoffed to mask her fear.

“Coruscant? I suppose you’re going to take them to the New Jedi Order. Aren’t they the ones who bombed a Sith academy, with the students still inside?”

City lights appeared in the distance ahead of them, giving way to skyscrapers. So unlike the spacescrapers of Coruscant. The familiarity of the sight should’ve brought her comfort, but her grip on the steering wheel was white-knuckled.

“You know it’s not that simple,” she said.

The problem was, she was not at all certain that it would matter in the end. She didn’t have the unshakeable convictions that Dagon so freely expressed. No real sense of duty. Perhaps if the Sith had cared... but they hadn’t even sent out a rescue team. She had done this. By herself. With this Jedi. If she failed to bring them back, no one would know, and even if they did, no one would care.

Just like they wouldn’t care if this Jedi decided to use force to get what he wanted. Even injured, Dagon could very likely kill her and take the kids. She had no friends on Korriban who would come looking for her. Not anymore.

They were approaching the starport. She parked the speeder and turned off the engine, but didn’t get out of her seat, stewing in the silence that followed.

“Why don’t you ask the kids where they want to go?” she said, her tone flat. It was meant as a fatalistic statement on the futility of trying to turn these kids into Jedi, but now that she was actually saying the words out loud, she found that she was morbidly curious as to what the actual answers might be.

"I wanna go to a place that has cheeseburgers," one of the very young ones replied without skipping a beat. In spite of everything, Ishani stifled a snort.

Dagon Kaze​

 

[Dagon Kaze]

in the air tonight​

Dagon didn't respond. Mistakes were done, even if he, himself, had a hard time classifying them as such. Torn between good and right. He let the silence reign over the vehicle. Only the muffled rush of salty breeze caressing their locks. The nightscape grew brighter as they dove deeper into the more inhabited parts of Pirivena. He drowned into the city lights as they flashed across his face illuminating the toll of the war that resurfaced from within. The adrenaline and the Force subsided, making way for the pain, and it, in turn, subsided for the emerging exhaustion. It wasn't as much physical as it was mental. Borne of scars and burdens he held deep inside, carrying more and more ever since the war had started. Different faces flickered in his vision with each passing glimmer of the deteriorating city's lights.

From faces of loved ones, to faces of his fellow Jedi comrades, to unknown troopers on the front and unknown commuters on Coruscant. They each carried a certain image of a memory, each with a different meaning, some more discernible than others. The silent ride reminded him of his own favorite past time - driving through the nightscape of Coruscant; it cleared the mind far more than meditation ever did. Dagon was never one to stay put in one place. Not too different with the rest of this young generation of New Jedi.

The speeder landed and the engine's soothing hum disappeared but none of them moved, or if they did, Dagon didn't notice. His ruminations were cut short by Ishani's voice and the Jedi returned to the present, nearly opening his mouth to reply before one of the kids replied. He snorted, a thin smile pulling the edges of his slightly bloodied lips. There was a certain dose of sadness hidden behind it. In their battle of convictions they had completely forgotten the wellbeing, or even the existence of the children as anything more than their ideological alignment.

"Hutta's Burgers." Dagon said, "The best cheeseburgers you can eat this side of the galaxy." it was a joint him and the rest of the New Jedi frequently visited.

Cheap, greasy and unrealistically tasty.

"Don't think you've got them here on Chaldea though?" the question was aimed at Ishani but his eyes remained averted from her.

Ishani Dinn

 

[Ishani Dinn]

Was that blood on Dagon’s mouth from a split lip, or was he bleeding internally and coughing it up? He looked a lot worse compared to earlier. It reminded Ishani of Thesh after he’d been stabbed, the gray cast to his face, the tired look as he bled out on the leaves.

Pushing down her concern, Ishani sighed and keyed the engines again. “Hutta’s Burgers it is.”

There was a little cheer from the backseat.

Around fifteen minutes later, with food and drinks having been passed around the speeder, Ishani was busy shoving a burger into her face like the rest of them. Eating meant that she didn’t have to talk, didn’t have to argue. A good thing, because she didn’t know how she was going to convince Dagon to let them go. She didn’t think she could anyway, so that left coming up with a Plan B. Let’s see… blind him with some of the Pocket Sand, leave him in the parking lot, and drive off? Stun him with the Force? Murder him and dump his body in a swamp? That last one would be a damned shame. Dagon could kick some major ass.

Even though she was plotting to subvert this Jedi, and Dagon didn’t seem to care how badly he was hurt anyway, Ishani couldn’t make herself forget his injuries. She kept looking at them, the cuts, scrapes, bruises, the bit of old spray bandage peeking out through a hole burned in his shirt. Her frustrated focus had a lot to do with the fact that she had the means to help him—alchemical mixtures that would literally fuse his flesh back together, without leaving even a scar in their wake—but knew he would likely refuse it on the grounds of it being evil Sith magic, or whatever the hell he’d been taught to believe.

Swallowing her latest bite of food, she said, “You’re getting blood all over the seat.” None of them cared if they made a mess in the (stolen? borrowed?) speeder, as evidenced by the fact they were letting a group of little kids eat fast food in the backseat, but she was trying to make a point, and it was true—his seat was covered in dark red smears ranging from feather brushes to small pools of blood.

Dagon Kaze​

 

[Dagon Kaze]

"Huh?" at first he didn't really register what Ishani had said; too busy munching on the tastiest cheeseburger for which he had barely any appetite. Numerous thoughts had been running through his mind, all revolving around the current situation and keeping him disconnected and silent.

Dagon looked down, still chewing, to see that his seat was indeed turning burgundy. The pain resurfaced back abruptly. He squinted with one eye and set the burger aside.

"Fuck."

He reached for the glovebox hopefully and pulled out a small medkit. At least the slavers were keeping up with driving laws. Dagon exited the vehicle with an inaudible groan. Why had the pain come now and so sharply? Had he been channeling the Force to numb his sense instinctively? To keep him going for more and more? He wasn't sure.

The Jedi set the medkit on top of the vehicle's roof and slipped off simultaneously his sweatshirt and t-shirt. Bandages, some with slightly smoldering holes, wrapped around nearly all of his chest; scars, some smaller and some larger, completed his athletic frame. He began fiddling with the old bandages but then conceded with a sore sigh, "You know anything about...field medicine?" a painful connotation of her emerged.

She could mend the soul and the heart.

But she was gone.

And he chased the thought away.

Ishani Dinn

 

[Ishani Dinn]

She really shouldn’t have lifted a finger to help him. Dagon’s injuries worsening would mean that it would be easier to get rid of him. But she had never liked seeing people in pain, had never learned to revel in it the way so many of her Sith peers did. She wasn’t that twisted.

Putting down her food, she stepped out of the speeder and walked around to his side. He looked like he could barely stand. “I’m no doctor, but even I can tell that’s not going to cut it,” she said, glancing at the field kit in his hand. The only thing she took from it was a bit of sanitizer to clean her hands. “Some of these bandages look like they should’ve been replaced a long time ago…”

Without waiting for permission and ignoring any signs of protest, she started ripping them off. She worked fast, but tried not to cause any more bleeding—despite her best efforts, his torso might as well have been one giant mass of wounds. “You fought like this?” she blurted out in disbelief, though she didn’t stop the movement of her hands. Reaching into her bag, she pulled out a small jar and opened the lid… then hesitated. As long as he doesn’t ask, he doesn’t need to know what this is. If he did, he would probably refuse her help… on the other hand, she had a feeling he was in too much pain to do much more than lean against the vehicle and let her do her thing.

“This may feel cold,” she said. Reaching inside the jar, she pulled out a glob of dark viscous matter and quickly dabbed it over the more serious wounds. Numbing his skin on contact, the stuff hummed with Force energies as it began to visibly mend his senseless flesh back together at an accelerated rate, closing the wound and smoothing it over. A pretty freaky sight, to be sure, but not painful at all. Ishani kept putting more on him, covering every bruise, scrape, and burn she could see, heedless of his reaction to what it was doing to him. Unless, of course, he tried to stop her.

Dagon Kaze​

 

[Dagon Kaze]

The pain increased with each passing moment. Exponentially. One of the deeper, older wounds had been busted open allowing too much blood to leave his body. He'd either severely underestimated the slavers or overestimated himself without the lightsaber. Hardly mattered. Just like whatever that is that Ishani pulled out of nowhere and spread across the larger injuries.

His flesh began to heal at an unnatural pace, slightly startling him. Almost, or equally, as fast as Force Healing. The innate curiosity prevailed over the hurt, "What's this?" there was no suspicion in his tone, it was buried under his current predicament.

Ishani Dinn

 

[Ishani Dinn]

Ishani grimaced at Dagon’s question. “You don’t want to know.”

Having said that, she kept going. Dagon's blood mixed with the stuff on her hands, smearing her fingers a reddish-brown. Once it had done its job, the mummia steamed off him, leaving no trace behind. Nothing but smooth skin, slightly stained with trace amounts of blood.

“Any other horrific injuries I should know about?” she asked. Her eyes very briefly drifted over his bare chest, looking for missed spots… although her gaze lingered a little too long. She cleared her throat, willing herself not to blush (she blushed a little anyway) and craned her neck to look him in the eye… oh. The busted lip and the cuts. Back to business, she attacked his face with the stuff, dabbing it over the various cuts and bruises on his cheeks, brow, and around his mouth.

Dagon Kaze​

 

[Dagon Kaze]

"What do y--" he raised an eyebrow but she was already all over him. Well, not in that way.

Her powdered hands spread the dark powder across different cuts and bruises on his face. Every little wound began to rapidly heal upon touch. As she worked her magic, drawing nearer to his face, Dagon's gaze unwittingly fell on hers. Blue met green. The curiosity over the substance abated, replaced by a mixture of thoughts and convictions plaguing his mind.

"Don't go back there." his voice was softer than before.

She knew where there was.

Ishani Dinn

 

[Ishani Dinn]

Shockingly, the Jedi sat still like a good boy as she rubbed alchemized human remains on his face. Discoloration and swelling disappeared; the bloodied lips she’d worried so much about went back to normal.

“You look much better,” she said, closing the jar. That was when she heard him speak.

"Don't go back there."

He had pinned her with his gaze. Everything about him seemed to have softened—his features, his voice, his attitude toward her. All because she had slapped some medicine on him rather than trying to kill him, as he probably expected from a Sith. She bit her lip.

“Why shouldn’t I? Even if I let you take the kids to Coruscant, I have a life there.” She couldn’t believe she had just implied she’d give the children up, but there it was. She knew what lay in store for them at the academy—those that survived the brutal training and trials, anyway. Her mind was still burning from Maliphant’s nightmare experiment in the academy’s basement, forcing his students to live out their deepest fears. Then again, if they became Jedi, wouldn’t they just be raised for the slaughter, dying while defending against the Sith they could have been?

Thesh must have found himself in a similar situation on Ossus, she realized. Only his actions had been easier to justify, less morally confusing. He hadn’t hesitated to save the children from harm. Yet what he had done meant that he had to leave the Sith. Had to leave her. And without him, she didn't actually have much of a life at the academy.

She froze, staring at Dagon. Now that she thought about it, he matched the basic description of the Padawan Thesh had left the battlefield with—the boy whom he had apparently let go, sealing his fate in the process. Taller than Thesh, with dark hair and blue eyes. He had diverted his course from Korriban to Coruscant… It was probably just a coincidence...

“Were you at Ossus?” she asked. Given the context of their conversation so far, it was probably quite a sudden question. But she had to know.

Dagon Kaze​

 

[Dagon Kaze]

The kids were a good start, at least that. But Ishani wasn't still too far gone, too. He could sense it; there was small reluctance, or rather disingenuity, concealed in her words. The dark side had yet to instill its claws into her soul and heart, she hadn't crossed that threshold. She hadn't fallen yet, no. He knew that, after all his brother--

“Were you at Ossus?” she asked. Given the context of their conversation so far, it was probably quite a sudden question. But she had to know.

Dagon's face turned pallid, his heart had skipped a beat, or a dozen. She didn't look any different, but the nature of her perturbation seemed different. That didn't alleviate the sudden turn of his state. Ossus, Ziost, Korriban - these were all words that invoked the worst fears and the greatest sorrows in his life. Ayana, Aeric, and many more.

"Yeah." he barely managed to utter, his voice cooler and distant, "Why?"

Ishani Dinn

 

[Ishani Dinn]

His disposition changed, going from soft and warm to cold and distant at the mere mention of the planet. She hadn’t been there herself, but gathering information in her quest to find out what had happened there had given her a glimpse. A glimpse was all she needed to guess why he had turned frigid.

On the other hand, there might be another reason for that.

“Someone I know was at Ossus,” she said. Putting the jar back into her bag, she wiped her bloodied hand on her pants leg. Blood doesn’t show on black. “ Arcturus Dinn . Instead of fighting, he helped a Padawan save younglings from the Temple, got them to a shuttle that took them offworld. Then he and that Padawan left the planet on board his ship, and he hasn’t been seen since.”

She was looking off to the side as she spoke, her expression troubled. “Thesh had a clear route back to Korriban from Ossus. Instead, his ship went all the way to Coruscant. I don’t know who that Padawan was, but… I guess I had a fleeting hope that you might be him, and you might know where Thesh is.”

But she could see now that there was no recognition in his gaze, either at the name or her description of the events. Her hopes were dashed for what seemed the millionth time.

“It doesn’t matter anyway,” she said, heaving a sigh. “If he ever does come back to Korriban, chances are high he’ll be executed as a traitor. Or worse. The fact that I even tried to find him probably put him in more danger. So you see… it’s better that you aren’t.” She wished she didn't sound so utterly disappointed, almost to the point of despair, but she couldn't help it. She was bad at lying, after all.

Dagon Kaze​

 

[Dagon Kaze]

Dagon crossed his arms and averted his eyes, staring into nothing in particular and half-listening to her words and another half trying to suppress the rising guilt in his guts. His silence was an answer enough for her as she released a long, troubled sigh. He let the quietness settle for a few moments before speaking.

"If he's with a Jedi on Coruscant, he's safe. They'll save him from the dark side." or try to. "I can check and see but I'm not aware of a captured Sith from Ossus being present at the Temple."

The Jedi's head finally turned back to her, "I am sure your friend's fine if he's at the Temple. No harm will come upon him." he took a step closer to her, maybe too close, and laid his hand softly on her shoulder, "Same goes to you."

Ishani Dinn

 

[Ishani Dinn]

Her eyes flashed briefly, betraying her fear at the notion of Thesh being captured, but she knew it was hypocritical. The consequences for the Padawan he had tried to capture would likely have been far worse if they had made it to Korriban. Torture, experiments, and death would have awaited the Jedi if he refused to switch sides.

But even if they used words like “save” instead of break, what the Jedi did to their prisoners would still be a form of forced or coercive conversion. Join us or spend your days in prison.

Her need to know what had happened to her friend prevented her from arguing with Dagon about it. She wanted very badly for him to check and see if Thesh was there. Because she was tired of waiting in limbo, uncertain if he was alive or dead, unable to grieve and move on or focus on rescuing him, if need be.

Instead, she turned her attention to Dagon and herself, here and now.

“You want me to turn myself in?” she asked incredulously, her brow furrowing. “Submit myself as a prisoner of war? I haven’t fought in any battles yet, you know. I’m just a student. I’ve barely gotten started. But I assume I’d have to be reeducated, reprogrammed like a faulty droid.”

The idea disgusted her. She’d already undergone her own self-imposed deprogramming when she ran away from home. How fitting, then, that she was being asked to do it all over again on her homeworld. As if she’d made no progress whatsoever. She shook her head. She was tired of playing musical chairs with ideologies.

“Look, Dagon,” she said, her tone resigned. “I like you enough that I healed you instead of kicking you to the curb as soon as you started protesting. I’m grateful to you for your help with this. But don’t push it. Please.” Her face fell. “You can’t expect me to go along with letting you capture me. Not when… I feel like I’m finally free.”

Dagon Kaze​

 

[Dagon Kaze]

"You're not free, Ishani." he replied, his tone was neither patronizing nor educating. It was a voice of concern.

"Not with the Dark Side and not with the Sith. They're masters of deception and will feed you the sweetest lies that you wish to hear. The darkness.... it promises you freedom and immeasurable power but instead chains you to its own malevolent will." the strain in his voice grew as his own experience with the dark side and the fall of his brother began to resurface.

"Before you know it - you're no longer you but merely a nameless pawn. You're not... too lost from saving, Ishani and by the sound of it - I don't think your friend is either."

Ishani Dinn

 

[Ishani Dinn]

“I know,” she whispered.

It was a jarring answer, even for her. She had joined the Sith because they were the ones who preached total freedom. Their code was all about breaking chains and becoming your own person. Seizing control of your destiny, rather than letting fate and circumstance rule you.

But her experience with the Sith hadn’t been all that liberating. Oh, she’d had doubts for a while now, but she’d swept them under the rug. Out of sight, out of mind. The truth was, she still lived in fear, even of the masters who were supposed to teach her how not to be afraid. She wasn’t allowed to question them, so she’d gotten into the habit of not even questioning herself.

A bitter laugh escaped her. It took her this long to realize this?

“You know, as far as conversion attempts go, I’ve never heard of anyone doing it shirtless in a Huttaburger parking lot,” she tried to joke. “Pretty persuasive, if you ask me.”

All traces of humor swiftly left her. She closed her eyes and smirked grimly, running a hand through her hair. “I need… time,” she murmured. “To see if Thesh comes back, or is caught. And time to think.”

There was a chance that Maliphant would forgive Thesh, or Thesh would find some way to redeem himself in the eyes of his master. If that happened, would she stay just because he was there? How could she continue to count herself among the Sith if she hated what they did and how they operated, and was apathetic towards their goals and what they stood for? Just because her boyfriend was with them? It sounded idiotic. Pathetic.

She didn’t want to consider what it said about Thesh, either. That they might not… work out. As swiftly as the thought came, she wanted to believe that it didn’t have to be that way, that it was possible to change his mind—but she already sensed it wouldn’t happen. She had a sudden image of him in her mind when she had asked him if he was still considered property, how he had never given her a proper answer… and didn’t seem to rightly care whether he was free or not, so long as he could continue his studies in alchemy.

As her thoughts raced, she had begun to rub her eyes, either from tiredness or trying to hold back tears, she wasn’t sure. “We should get going,” she said, forcing herself to focus on the present. “The kids—”

She’d forgotten about them again, damn it. “The kids…”

She pictured them screaming and fighting against restraints in the basement of the Korriban academy, while a long-haired albino creep peered into their dreams. She saw Thesh sitting on the ground, his back against a tree, clutching at a wound in his side inflicted by another student, and all the times other acolytes had manipulated, stolen from, and hurt her, desperate to survive or to win the respect of lords and masters who didn't really care about them. Grubby slaves squabbling over scraps.

“Take them. Nobody needs to know about this. I won’t tell anyone if you don’t.” With that, she walked back to the driver’s side, opened the door, and got in the speeder. She was in shock, pale as a ghost, fighting to stay in control long enough to get back to her ship.

Dagon Kaze​

 

[Dagon Kaze]

“You know, as far as conversion attempts go, I’ve never heard of anyone doing it shirtless in a Huttaburger parking lot,” she tried to joke. “Pretty persuasive, if you ask me.”

Dagon couldn't help but grin back at her remark, a burst of tension leaving through a snort. It came back in his next breath as her mood returned to that same grim place they had briefly escaped. He watched her tribulations more than he listened to them. Ishani was torn, in despair and possibly griefing; that much he could understand just by observing her features contort. The coping smirk, the nervous hand running through her golden locks. The Jedi had been there, more times than he wished. Once was more than enough.

He wanted to tell her that her return to Korriban might be her last but the words never left the tip of his tongue as she reminded both of reason they had come to Chaldea and frankly the more pressing concern.

"Ishani--" Dagon called out at her as she hurried back to the driver's seat. He pulled himself from the speeder and sat on the passenger's seat. The kids behind them were busy playing some verbal game, their interest, just like any kids' attention span, had drifted away from the adults. He was almost envious of them.

"Hey, listen-" he began, " -come with me to Coruscant and we'll see if your friend's there. If he's with a Jedi, I'll know." a pause, followed by a sigh; aware of what his proposition would be, "If he's not there - I won't stop you from returning back...there."

Ishani Dinn

 

[Ishani Dinn]

At the sound of Dagon’s voice, she exhaled a breath she didn’t know she had been holding. She glanced over at the passenger side. He was still shirtless. What a view. Even slouching a little in the seat to keep his head from scraping the speeder's roof. Looked like a young god, or a comic book superhero.

She really shouldn’t have been thinking about him that way, though. Not as long as she still had hope that the situation with Thesh wouldn’t turn out to be a complete clusterfeth. She turned away, a little guilty.

“I guess. I can’t be gone for very long, though,” she said. “Don’t want people getting suspicious. Assuming they even notice my absence.” She turned the speeder on and started to take off, headed back to the starport.

Dagon Kaze​

 

[Dagon Kaze]

He caught her staring, not because he was looking back but--

"The wheel, Ishani." Dagon put his hand on it, preventing an imminent crash course. An indecent smirk barely curving his lips.

The starport began to come into view.

"We'll come up with a reason. Hopefully, we don't have to."

"You've got enough space on your ship?"

He didn't mind lying on the cold floor of a cargo hold. The cold might actually be refreshing.

Ishani Dinn