Masquerade Ball

[Alize Rosenheim]

[SIZE=14.6667px]Alize nodded as Countess Kerrigan described the Silver Coalition, engrossed in her description of the organization and its methods of governance. ‘A [/SIZE][SIZE=14.6667px]lightsided[/SIZE][SIZE=14.6667px] organization that allows those who resided within its borders to do as they please - provided they commit no criminal acts. How interesting,’ Alize thought to herself. From what the Countess had explained to her, the Silver Coalition’s territory seemed like a suitable place for her to take up residence and perhaps maybe even call home one day. However, as much as the space in which the organization occupied enticed her, there was still something she had to ensure before she could consider making any arrangements.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=14.6667px]“Hypothetically, what if one who have committed a criminal act in the past was to visit and maybe even take up residence in the Silver Coalition's territory?” Alize asked as the expression of guilt and shame reemerged on her delicate features. “What if the crime that the person in question committed resulted in the deaths of several people and was committed out of perceived necessity? In this hypothetical situation, Countess, would she-the person in question still be welcome in the Silver Coalition’s territory? Can the past be overlooked provided no further criminal acts are committed?” She continued as she began to quiver and her palms slowly become moist with perspiration. Although her past actions had freed from her from one cage, she was now living in another crafted by the resulting guilt.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=14.6667px][member="Siobhan Kerrigan"][/SIZE]​

 

[Siobhan Kerrigan]

[member="Alize Rosenheim"]


I believe I'm talking to the person from this hypothetical scenario, Siobhan thought to herself, though her expression did not change. The young woman's words gave her pause for a moment. She suspected that Alize was hiding something dark and unpleasant in her past. The guilt and shame was obvious in her features, as was the slight quiver in her voice. This obviously created a bit of a moral conundrum.


Siobhan liked to consider herself a just woman. Perhaps not a good one, for there was too much blood on her hands. But a just one. But she also realised that the world was not purely black and white. Her own life was a testament to that. She also considered Firemane a sanctuary for people who had gotten bad breaks in life and sought understanding and redemption.


Proper redemption, not the half-arsed nonsense the Jedi preached. Finally, she simply liked Alize. The young woman's shame and vulnerability just brought out the mother in her. It reminded her a bit of her younger self. "Speaking as someone who used to be a member of the Assembly, I'd say they would be welcome, if they take responsibility for their actions and do not inflict trouble on the Sanctum. I'll be frank, I've been a soldier for most of my life, there's blood on my hands and many of my top employees have troubled backgrounds and a grim past. One of the reasons my wife and I built Firemane was to provide a home for people like that. Someone who has committed crimes can atone through their actions. It's not an easy road and you cannot simply wipe away your past by waving a magic wand and saying you're sorry, but nonetheless. The world's not purely black and white. Sometimes we have no clear-cut good options, only a list of bad ones and we must pick the one that's the least odious, even if we hate the choice necessity forces on us."

 

[Alize Rosenheim]

[SIZE=14.6667px]Taking responsibility for her past was something Alize was more than ready to do for a long time but, fear had prevented her from doing so. However, upon hearing the Countess’ response to her ‘hypothetical’ situation, a bit of the fear she once felt dissipated as the lure of a place where she might be able to call home enticed. Running around the galaxy with no sense of stability had [/SIZE][SIZE=14.6667px]tired[/SIZE][SIZE=14.6667px] her tremendously.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=14.6667px]“What would one have to do to redeem them self after committing the heinous act of stealing the lives of others? No matter what I do, I do not feel like I can be absolved of my sins. Their lives [/SIZE][SIZE=14.6667px]were not mine[/SIZE][SIZE=14.6667px] to take but I felt like I was left with no other choice at the time.” Alize dropped the charade and tears welled up in her eyes as she spoke. She dared not blink so as to prevent the tears from running down her face. “Even if I obtained redemption, I do not know whether I can forgive myself. Children have lost parents and been made orphans because of my crime and some will grow up as I did - without knowing their parent’s love.”[/SIZE]

[SIZE=14.6667px]Tears trailed down her face as she looked down in an attempt to obscure her expression from those at the table. “How did you do it? How did you [/SIZE][SIZE=14.6667px]atone[/SIZE][SIZE=14.6667px]? How did you forgive yourself for taking a life? When I did what I did, I did not think about the ripple effect my actions would have. Even the death of one person affects so many.” [/SIZE]

[SIZE=14.6667px][member="Siobhan Kerrigan"][/SIZE]​

 

[Siobhan Kerrigan]

[member="Alize Rosenheim"]


Siobhan frowned slightly. "I'm afraid there's no roadmap. I've killed a great many people. Many were truly evil and I feel no guilt about killing them because now that they're dead, they cannot hurt innocents anymore. Many were simply on the other side and neither better nor worse than me. Sith are evil, but the common stormtrooper's just a person trying to make a living and has family back home. Same as I and the soldiers under my command. We both knew what we signed up for. I take no pleasure in their deaths, but they don't torment me either. Some were...innocent and their deaths weigh heavily on me, no matter whether I caused them directly or indirectly. I shall bear the guilt of being the cause," she admitted.


In a way, the young woman was giving her pause and making her think about things. Siobhan did not often concern herself with ethical questions. She was a fairly ruthless woman who'd stop at nothing to protect her family. Her road to power had been paved with dead bodies. But she was no monster.


"I see redemption more as a journey. An effort. Remember the sins you committed, use them as drive to do better. You cannot undo the acts you perpetrated or bring the dead back to life, but you can make it mean something by striving to do better. Be just, honest, help people in need and take responsibility. It's not the most complex code, but it works for me."

 

[Alize Rosenheim]

“Even if I wished to, I will never be able to forget how I've greatly wronged so many people. However, simply forgetting my crime is not something I desire - I owe it to those who died and those who are survived by them to never forget and take responsibility for my actions somehow.” Alize said once she had composed herself a little, still staring at the table below her. Despite her best efforts to suppress them, tears continued to flow from her eyes, trailing down her cheeks. Stifling a few sobs, she continued. “I understand that the past is set in stone but I find it difficult to let go and move on, striving to do more good than I've done evil. Memories of the consequences often finds me when I lay in bed at night as I try to fall asleep.”

Frederick, who had sat quietly for the duration of the conversation occasionally inconspicuously scanning the area for potential threats, sensed Alize's tears and removed a simple white silk handkerchief from the pocket of his trousers then handed it to his lady who received it gratefully. As she dabbed at her tears, careful to not ruin her makeup, he started to stroke her back gently. Although he was but only a droid, he had begun to care for his mistress as he gradually gained self-awareness.

After she had successfully calmed down with Frederick’s efforts, Alize looked up, her eyes red and puffy from crying. "While I understand that every individual’s journey is personal and unique to themselves, I must admit, I feel a bit overwhelmed by everything, so how do you suggest I begin?” She asked as she attempted to hide the anxiety that had been brought on by speaking about her situation.

[member="Siobhan Kerrigan"]​

 

[Siobhan Kerrigan]

[member="Alize Rosenheim"]


Siobhan gave Alize a look that could only be described as motherly. Something told her that maternal love had been terribly lacking in the young woman's life. She reached out with her hand and touched the girl's cheek, wiping away tears that might have dripped down.


"If possible, I'd try to make reparations to the victims' loved ones, if they have any," she said carefully. "I believe you've already taken the first step. Look at it this way, if you were a calluous monster, you would not be burdened by shame and guilt over your deeds. It's what separates you from a sociopath. Now, I don't know the circumstances or what happened. You don't have to tell me unless you want, but know this: You're not a bad person, dear. You did not act out of cruelty or malice. I can also suggest some trustworthy people who can provide counselling for you. I can vouch for their discretion."

 

[Alize Rosenheim]

[SIZE=14.6667px]Surprised by the Countess’ touch, Alize flinched slightly as the older woman’s outstretched hand brushed away her tears. Without fully understanding why, [/SIZE][SIZE=14.6667px]Countess Kerrigan’s touch calmed her a little and brought about a slight sense of comfort within her that she was unfamiliar with. Slowly, Alize closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths, her abdomen rising as she inhaled and lowering as she exhaled. Finally, calm enough to regain some of her lost composure, Alize forced a small smile to feign the appearance of being alright[/SIZE][SIZE=14.6667px], however, the sadness that still lingered in her grey eyes betrayed her.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=14.6667px]“Thank you. It is reassuring to hear someone tell me I am not a bad person.” Alize replied weakly, her voice faint. The anxiety and stress that had built up within her from vaguely divulging her past tired her. “I appreciate the knowledge that you have imparted on to me, I will follow your advice and strive to provide those who were left behind by the deceased proper reparations for their loss. However, I do not know if or when I will be ready to confide in someone with the details of my past. Despite being[/SIZE][SIZE=14.6667px] the perpetrator of a crime that has[/SIZE][SIZE=14.6667px] left several people dead, and destroyed families, the event was quite a traumatic one for me so it is quite difficult for me to speak about.”[/SIZE]

[SIZE=14.6667px][member="Siobhan Kerrigan"][/SIZE]​

 

[Siobhan Kerrigan]

[member="Alize Rosenheim"]


"No problem, sweetie. I won't push. You can speak about it in your own time. Just remember: Bottling things up doesn't help. The guilt just eats away at you. Speaking from personal experience. It was a lesson that took me a long time to learn. And the people I refer to have walked similar roads, so they'd understand," Siobhan spoke. Her hand stroked across Alize's cheek, giving it a soft caress, before she withdrew it. "And you'll be very welcome in my home if you come to visit."


Alize's reaction to such a simple touch confirmed her belief that the girl was starved for love. Warmth and caring had clearly been lacking in her household. Poor dear. You're being very sweet with her, Chesna chimed in. Don't think it's a good idea to bring up the Force yet.

 

[Alize Rosenheim]

Alize froze as Countess Kerrigan caressed her cheek, unsure of how to respond to such a gesture having only experienced it for the first time. The warmth of the Countess’ hand felt rather odd against her cheek.

“Thank you for your guidance Countess. Even if I am not yet ready to follow a part of it, I am grateful for it and must emphasise my appreciation for your words of advice. It has helped guide me on what I hope is the correct path for me this time instead of just running away. I look forward to paying a visit to your home sometime in the near future.” She spoke with thankful tone. “Now, if you would excuse us, it has gotten quite late and speaking about my past has tired me quite a bit so I think it is time we take our leave. Goodnight Countess Kerrigan, Lady Chesna.” After excusing herself from the table, Alize stood up and made her way out of the ballroom and into the foyer with Frederick following her closely behind.

[member="Siobhan Kerrigan"]​

 

[Siobhan Kerrigan]

[member="Alize Rosenheim"]


"Goodnight, Lady Rosenheim, Mr Ashworth," Siobhan spoke politely. Just when Alize stood up, Siobhan reached over the table and passed a futuristic looking card into the girl's hand. "My address and contact details, dear. Sleep well."


The pair departed, leaving Siobhan and Chesna alone. "Well, that went well, Lady Mistress. She's very sweet. Poor lass. Are you going to adopt her as well?" The Eldorai asked innocently.


Siobhan groaned slightly. "Chesna..."


"What? It's a perfectly valid question, Mistress. You do love mothering over your little ones..."


Well, there was no denying that. "I do indeed. I hope I can help the girl," Siobhan said thoughtfully, then her lips curled into a wolfish smile. "But enough about that," as these words left her lips she pulled Chesna into a deep kiss. "I believe a certain little elf still has duties to perform tonight."


"My Lady is voracious. I shall happily oblige, for I live only to serve her incredibleness!" The trolling had reached stratospheric levels. And so the two made their way out of the ballroom to engage in other pursuits, after successfully evading Serenno nobles who wanted to engage in far less interesting small talk.