Narrow Streets of Cobblestone [Sorel]

[Théodred Heavenshield]

Csilla

As the morning wore on and the talks between the Iron Empire and Silver Jedi came to a pause for lunch, the two parties moved to another room to refresh the minds and mingle. No doubt new friendships would come out of this, breaking bread is sometimes the best way to strength relationships more so then a conference room. And with both sides offering differing solutions to issues within the galaxy and within their own interests for the people they protect, Théo hoped some sort of treaty would be formed. But that was for the leaders to decide and that was yet to pass.

But it was not the talks he was eager to participate in, and it was not the lunch in the grand hall that enticed him out the door, as much as that would be grand to attend, but he was eager to seek the company of a young lady and take her to out to a place he knew in the city, there to have a quiet meal and conversation. He had found Sorel among the chatting gathering crowd, and although she can hold her own in such situations, he suspected that she might like to get some repose from all this and that uneasy sense he had felt from her on arrival.

And so they walked the cobbled streets away from the House Palace, not so far to be inconvenient in distance, but there would no escorted presence, no military patrols but they could sit and watch the daily lives of others pass them by. It is a nice little place, nothing fancy but the food is good and in courtyard there is a table for two, simply in design and decoration but very pleasant seated in the sun here on this cold planet.

Théo pulled out a chair and offered it to Sorel to be seated, and did the same for himself . A bustling waiter had already arrived with cold water and glasses, a basket of bread and cheese and two menus, the philosophy behind this place is to place good food on the table before you, so you can stay for a life time. "I come here often", he said as he poured her glass filled with water.

[member="Sorel Crieff"]​

 

[Sorel Crieff]

Sorel ate alone.

No, not entirely factual. Sorel ate alone 99.9999% of the time. She typically ate ration packs on her ship or in the library if she was not on a mission. Real food was not something she believed she had time for. It was a luxury she felt she could ill afford.

But the rare occasions she ate freshly cooked food, she enjoyed it immensely. It was just it felt like wasted time. Cooking and even eating was time she was not teaching or learning or doing. But she was here and there was no wandering off unless she wanted to risk offending anyone. And she had promised to talk to Théo. And given she would invariably find time to discuss Jedi matters, she convinced herself this was the real reasons she was leaving the conference room and heading to the grand hall.

She was going to talk Jedi business. It just so happened that she was going to be eating something at the same time. She could talk and eat! She was a Jedi, multi-tasking was entirely possible. Talking and eating – not eating and talking. The order was important.

She’d reconciled this in her mind as the talks drew to a natural break and refreshments were on the agenda for this time. So as those gathered made their way from one room to another, Sorel allowed herself to be swept up by a small group that chattered away. Sorel’s input was to smile and nod occasionally, she did not want to appear rude, but fashion was not a topic she was either versed in, nor had even the vaguest interest in.

Which was when Théo intervened and she gratefully allowed him to steer her from the group before she realised they were heading away from all the others. And before she had time to ask, they were out of the Palace and heading down a cobbled street. The fresh air was welcome and the lack of a crowd similarly so. It was not that Sorel was an introvert per se but she gained energy from time alone and being with a crowd sapped it. One to one with Théo was on the right side of the equation.

And before she knew it they were in a small courtyard, the eating establishment looked informal and friendly – which suited Sorel. There was no risk of holding the wrong utensil or taking the glass of the person sitting next to her by mistake.

She gave a false scowl when he pulled back a chair for her but she took it none the less. Aware they hadn’t spoken as they’d walked the short journey here, she found his first few words surprised her.

“Often?” she repeated, “You must have a lot of friends then.” She broke off a piece of cheese and nibbled it. She didn’t realise how hungry she was until this point and she took one of the menus and absent-mindedly picked up a piece of bread and took a small bite as she read what was on offer. “So, regular diner, what do you recommend?” she asked, in between mouthfuls.

[member="Théodred Heavenshield"]

 

[Théodred Heavenshield]

A small grin was hidden behind the rim of the glass of water he raised to his lips. "As often as time permits, and no, I dine here alone". And mostly he preferred it that way, however, today was different. For a moment, he watched her nibbling on the cheese before placing his glass down only to pick up the menu. It was not really a necessity as he knew the menu well enough to order without it, but it gave him something to do with his hands.

"Everything on the menu is good here, but I do like the Luilris mushroom pie..", he began while pursing the list, ".. and the Fleek Eel soup is exceptional as is the spring vegetable soup. I don't know you sort of look like a Bantha ribs kinda girl", his blue eyes flick up from the menu also hiding his cheeky grin, ".. Or maybe the beetle broth is more to your liking".

Eventually, he placed the menu back on the table while she continued to make her decision, which was a mistake for now his mind began to think. She was the first person he had invited to this place, in fact this was the first time he dined with a girl out side of the Order and it's mess hall and that had been out of necessity rather then design. Theo raised his hand and rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, "Thanks for coming to lunch", he said finally. And at this point Theo was rescued by the arrival of the waiter ready to take their orders.

Not sure if Sorel had decided, Theo went first. "I'll have a nerf burger with a side of Corellian potatoes please, and an Ale", it was the closest thing to Midvinter mead he was ever likely to get on Csilla.

​

[member="Sorel Crieff"]​

 

[Sorel Crieff]

Sorel kept her face impassive. She wasn’t precisely teasing Théo, but she was curious to see how he reacted to the banter and how much information he wanted to share – as much as ascertaining what he wouldn’t. The latter was often more telling in Sorel’s experience. It wasn’t always about what people said, it was what they didn’t that pointed you in the direction your next question. If you wanted to probe that is, and Sorel had to admit she was curious.

“In my experience, the first choice is invariably the best one. I have no issue with soup and the ribs might be a little messy given we’re planning to re-join company. So the mushroom pie is the one I have to plump for.”

She was no social butterfly, but neither was she a wallflower. As long as she could talk about Jedi matters, or to Jedi, she could hold a conversation all day. Once she was side-tracked from her one topic of confidence she struggled. In truth she could talk about crystals and droids and ships, but these subjects never came up with people who weren’t interested in Jedi ways.

She smiled when he thanked her for being here. “Thanks for inviting me,” she said. “That makes us even, yes?” She listened as he ordered and was surprised that he hadn’t recommended the burger to her. Was it in deference to her gender, she wondered as he finished his selection.

“Me too,” she said and smiled at the waiter as she handed him back the menu. “And medium rare please.”

She gave Théo a mock reproachful glare. “If I’d ordered first, I’d have missed out on the burger. And I would probably have ordered more water, given we’re probably officially still on duty. So if I get tipsy, I’ll hold you responsible.”

She glanced around at the other tables. It was predominantly couples. “Are you sure you’ve only ever been here alone? I can’t say I’ve ever sat in a restaurant by myself.” She continued to glance around. “Actually, other than the mess hall at the Academy, I’ve never actually eaten in a restaurant of any kind.”

As the waiter arrived with the beers, Sorel picked up her glass and tapped it against Théo’s. “To a lasting friendship.” Did she mean the talks? The gleam in her eye was hard to decipher.

[member="Théodred Heavenshield"]

 

[Théodred Heavenshield]

While one can glean much from what a person says or rather does not say, it could be argued the same could be said from what a person would order in restaurant. And although someone may ask for recommendations, most of the time they make up their own minds regardless. Sorel, very much a woman of her own mind, did exactly that. Théo's experience with girls and what they eat limited to within the family unit and mostly the habits of his sisters, who by his reckoning, eat barely enough to sustain life. Mother, not so much as she enjoys cooking and enjoys the eating of it and is good at it which is a good thing them all for if they had had to reply on his father, they would have all starved to death.

He had to muse on what Sorel might think of the habits of the Valkyri, after all that had been the only other place in which he could say he had eaten with company other then Jedi. That experience he placed in the back of his mind and one day, if she was willing, he would take her there. And so, as orders were placed Théo gleaned the knowledge that Sorel was not pretentious and would much prefer to enjoy herself.


Once they were alone again, he watched her as she gazed around her surroundings and noticed the fall of her hair around her face. It was only when she mentioned once more if he dined here alone did he turned to look for himself. "Only ever alone .. except for today". He is not one for concerning himself with what others might think dinning here alone, and he lacks the understanding as to why their is a social question mark when one does, to Théo the place is relaxing and good food is good food. That is all that matters to him. But there was no denying this place was a place frequented by couples and given it's location away from the main strip, it is a more intimate setting.

With the arrival of beer, Théo raised his glass to her as well. "To a life long friendship", he added as he looked into her eyes. And he found himself wondering when he would receive his next scowl or reproachful look because he liked the way her nose wrinkled when she did. His eyes followed his own hand as he placed the beer to the table, he had not forgotten.

"How is your hand?", he asked suddenly, remembering her injury from the mission.

​

[member="Sorel Crieff"]​

 

[Sorel Crieff]

Sorel took him at his word. She was not overly curious as to his eating habits, more in his decision to break a habit of dining alone to bring her here.

She had many acquaintances – almost exclusively Jedi – but few friends. She could lose a finger or two and still count the number of true friends she had on that one hand. Not that she minded, she was a Jedi at the end of the day and duty always came first. But missions with people you could get along with were far better than ones where you found no common ground. And the final factor in her social circle was that Jedi tended to come and go. Padawans progressed and formed a new group of acquaintances and many Jedi she’d worked with drifted away from the Order for a whole variety of reasons. Sorel had insufficient time to purely socialise, so once someone exited her working environment, she rarely saw them again.

Which was why today was such an enigma. Taking time out to chat and eat was not usual. Heading to a restaurant was even less likely. But here she was and she would not beat herself up over the time devoted to herself and a friend.

She took a large sip and then another. The second she savoured, as she did her best to place the flavours. She didn’t drink alcohol as a rule – she was a water or fruit juice person. Even coffee and tea were rare for her to be imbibing – perhaps because she found making them took too long – time she could be spending more productively.

But here she could kick back and relax with limited guilt. Until the talks re-opened, there was a limit to what she could do, and so a cultural taster of what the Iron Empire was about was entirely logical.

She was in two minds about the ale. It wasn’t unpleasant but neither was it refreshing in the way water was – or healthy in the way the fruit smoothies she drank were. Like the food she was about to eat, it was in a sense alien to her character. Food was fuel, not something to be enjoyed. That didn’t mean she always liked the cardboard-tasting ration bars she would often live on during missions – but they served a purpose. It was a metaphor for her own life in a sense. Practical and to the point. No frills, nothing wasted.

She gazed down at her hand. “It’s good. It’s had a bit of damage since that mission – on Ossus in fact. But the Healers worked wonders and I’m fortunate that it’s still my original hand and not a replacement.” She held the hand up and twisted and turned it between them, as if testing how it worked. As she moved it around, it was clear the palm had signs of scarring but unless you looked for it, you wouldn’t notice the burn damage.

“In a sense we were both lucky to get out alive, let alone in one piece. Or two pieces…” She pointed first at Théo and then herself. “If you know what I mean. Not that luck played a part. You showed what a great asset you were to the Jedi that day.” She chuckled, “Not that I’m saying you’re not an asset other days, but that was the mission I witnessed.”

She took another sip and decided she rather enjoyed the ale. “Perhaps I was a little stubborn?” She frowned slightly and her nose wrinkled – as it was prone to do. “But I would probably do exactly the same again. The mission was the priority, not my health and the plan was as good as any. Yes, I would change certain details but overall? We made the right calls at the right time. And we ended a civil war. At least for now.”

She looked into the distance. “The trouble with being a Jedi is that we live a life in a normal lifespan but we operate in a timescale of millennia. Sooner or later they will be fighting again. Not soon I hope but in a hundred years. Or maybe a thousand. It puts our own input into perspective. We do our best and play our part, but we are always a small cog in a much greater Jedi machine. And I don’t mind that. In fact, it gives me comfort. And that perspective stops me thinking that I’m bigger than I am. For me, that is a factor in keeping on the light-side. Ego is a constant threat to falling in my opinion.”

She sighed and then smiled. “Way too deep, sorry. We’re here to eat and drink and chat, not philosophise. And can I let you into a secret?” She lowered her head and whispered in a conspiratorial way. “I’ve never eaten a burger before.”

[member="Théodred Heavenshield"]

 

[Théodred Heavenshield]

He had become a man of few words in a short space of time, and Sorel the lady of letters as she spoke about many things. All Théo could do, or rather wanted to do was sit and listen to her. And on occasion he took up his glass of ale to sip. A smile crossed his lips as her nose wrinkled once more through the chatter and although she talked much about them both and Jedi in general, he caught a few phrases. And the Hall in which the talks would take place on return, the furthest thing from his mind. Her hand however, did concern him, but she was resolute in her assessment of it and Théo knew by now not to question her on it. Stubborn? possibly .. but then he had been unreasonable as well, but both had been born out of concern for each other and the mission.

"I agree with you, I think many Jedi .. and not only those in the Silver Jedi, have too much personal ambition. Whether that is a result of ego or stems from it I don't know, most likely. Jedi should never seek reward for service, knowing they have made a small contribution should be enough reward", She was correct in her philosophy with regard to the greater good and their limited imprint on history. History had already shown them that, not just in their life time but all the tomes on all the libraries would demonstrate this. History repeats itself, there is no truer saying. So why do we do it? to fulfill a sense of self importance? No. Jedi do it to bring some form of stability to peoples lives in the here and now.

He did not mind speaking of such matters, not if the subject kept her here with him and he was starting to relax more himself, purely because she was that much was evident. Whether it was his company or the ale, he could not tell. As she leaned inwardly to speak her secret, he followed suit but since he is much taller the average he was able to move a little closer then expected but he smiled, "Then maybe we should have ordered the ribs after all", he whispered back.

And before she could pull back, "But tell me, what are you afraid of?", his low baritone voice inquisitive, "And please don't tell me that is would be a fear of inability to succeed in duty", Théo was not being facetious but rather preempted her response either rightly or wrongly. He wanted to know more about the girl, not the Jedi. Why she works so tirelessly, so logically toward anything in her life. He had wonder if she was afraid to live life. So who was deep now.

The burgers arrived.

​

[member="Sorel Crieff"]​

 

[Sorel Crieff]

Sorel always felt comfortable talking about Jedi matters. In no small part because she was sure of the subject matter. She had few, if any, outside interests and so invariably deferred on most topics of discussion. But she always had an opinion on Jedi and Jedi behaviour. But, like Théo, it was something she was familiar with – since she was very young it was all she had known.

She shook her head, clearly animated by something he said. But her words indicated she was not in disagreement and her annoyance was with those he described. “Ambition? An ambitious Jedi is an oxymoron. I aim to be the best Jedi I can be, I’ll accept that. But I am the only yardstick. I do not seek to be better than you, or Orihime or any other Jedi. Or any other Order. Just to be the best I can be. And that’s all I ask of the Padawans I teach.”

“All I seek is truth between my heart and the Force. To do the greater good.” She was aware her voice was racing and she smiled and drew a theatrical breath. “Sorry,” she said and took a long sip of ale. “I can get carried away – but I don’t need to tell you that.”

She reflected on the choice of meal he’d hinted at. “Ribs? Perhaps next time,” she said and after another sip realised she’d drunk the entire glass. “Where did that go?” she said and realised Théo was speaking at the same time. She cradled the glass in one of her hands and tilted it, so she could stare at the bottom of the container, as if expecting to find some ale she hadn’t yet drunk.

“What am I afraid of,” she repeated, her eyes still trained on the inside of the glass. “I don’t know. And that’s no clever answer. I mean…” Her eyes were still staring into her glass but the glassy expression suggested she was deep in thought.

“No, nothing I’m afraid of,” she said, her eyes now meeting Théo’s again. She was telling the truth – up to a point. There was one thing she wasn’t precisely scared of but she was apprehensive about. It was falling to the dark-side. It happened to her first Master and given he was her primary teacher when she was young, she wondered if he subverted her learning in a way that pre-disposed her to turning. “What about you?” The best for of defence was attack in these circumstances.

[member="Théodred Heavenshield"]

 

[Théodred Heavenshield]

She becomes so alive when speaking on the subject of Jedi, and some of this was aided by the ale he suspected, only minor however although there appeared to be a slight rosy flush to her cheeks. His ale on the other hand, had sat idle as all he could do was sit and listen to her which was far more appealing thing to do. “Next time”, there would be a next time? This small comment pleased him greatly.

People find talking about their fears difficult at times, even with friends and maybe independent council is the more prudent path to take but to deny them is a dangerous path to tread and they are always present to eat away at ones soul. They always would be, but an ownership of them can aid the fight against such things and Théo knew she was hiding something. It might not be a fear as such, but apprehension is akin to it and forms doubt in a person and their purpose. His brow creased slightly, he was not looking for a clever answer, but a truthful one as everyone has fears else they would not be a being of emotions. But he would not push her for an answer and maybe in time she would allow him in to her heart of hearts.

“You are fortunate to not have fears, I have many”, he said flashing a look into her eyes searchingly and he pulled his own glass to his hand to take a sip partly because he realised he needed to catch up with Sorel’s empty one. “And some of which are self-imposed. Like not being able to live up to the Heavenshield name which is a good part of the reason why I am here with the Iron Empire”, he looked at her ones more knowing she would not approve of this.

“But my main fear is to not be strong enough to protect the ones I love”, which was not just restricted to a personal relationship, family and friends, but the members of the Order and Empire, and those they serve to protect. A love for the Jedi Way and the duty in which Jedi hold themselves bound to fulfill their mandate. “As cliché as that may sound, it is real enough”. He held a stoic look.

“And I am not too fond of serpents”, he added to lighten the mood of lunch, after all they are here to spend some time away from the talks and, he hoped, enjoy each other’s company. And his form of defense come in the form of his burger now growing cold on his plate. He took a large bite while holding it in his hands while some of the juices dripped down his fingers, the best way to stop himself from talking was to fill his mouth with food.

[member="Sorel Crieff"]​

 

[Sorel Crieff]

Sorel was pleased he picked up the mantle of speaking. The subject was probably the only one she found uncomfortable. Not because of the truth but in the manner of her discovery of it. Her Master had been kind and attentive. He had taught her so much of what she took for granted right now. And although he used the dark side from time to time, she felt his memory deserved more than to be forever remembered in that way. Was keeping it a secret a folly? Who knew – but she was comfortable in maintaining her silence on the subject and would continue to do so unless it jeopardised the life of another.

She contemplated having many fears. It was not that she saw herself as brave – in her eyes she was simply pragmatic. Death was inevitable – so worrying about the means or the date was futile. And given she had no attachments, she did not fear losing anyone or anything. In her own mind, it was all part of being a Jedi.

His first confession was not one she could have guessed at. In no small way because she had no family to speak of and therefore nothing to live up to. She afforded him the space to share fully before responding to his confidences.

“I can understand your concerns about being the son of your parents. But fear? You can only be the best Jedi you can be. Nobody should give you a score out of ten, or compare you with anyone but yourself. Only if you fall short of your own potential should you be disappointed – but that is in your hands, so a fear seems irrational. At least from where I’m sitting, which is an easy place to speak from, I admit. You are a fine Jedi, full stop. You are Théo, Jedi Knight – that’s what you do. Théo, son of Thurion and Coci is who you are.”

“Maybe it’s the beer talking,” she said apologetically. “I can speak my mind even when it’s not advised. It’s just who I am. I learned not so long ago that I am not always right. And then I learned that just because I’m not always right, it does not mean I’m not entitled to an opinion. It’s a balance – and I won’t pretend I always remain on the tightrope. But I do my best.”

She brought the glass to her lips and tipped it, before realising it was still empty. “Love? Love is the most powerful of emotions and I suspect the most destructive. To love, to truly love, means something specific. And I don’t know if that is compatible with being a Jedi, or at least the sort of Jedi I am. I have emotions, we all do. But I can put them aside in making a decision. Could I be so dispassionate if the life of a partner were on the line. Or my own child? I suspect there is nothing a mother would not do to protect their offspring. Yet as a Jedi, I would be expected to ignore those feelings in making a decision.”

She gazed off into the distance. “No, I don’t know how I could be strong enough to be a mother and a Jedi. I know my limitations. So, to change my previous statement slightly, it is perfectly reasonable for a Jedi to be in love. Just not this one.”

She took a sharp intake of breath and exhaled slowly, before bringing her gaze back to Théo. “And I can’t say I like snakes, or Rancors, or Wampas – but I wouldn’t go as far as to say I’m afraid of them.”

“But a cold burger? Maybe that is something to be fearful of. I think I talk too much.” And she picked up her burger with both hands and took a massive bite.

She struggled to say something as she chewed but all that happened was a little relish dribbled down her chin, so she focused on the eating and grabbed a napkin to wipe below her lip. But her nodding suggested she was pleased with the choice.

[member="Théodred Heavenshield"]

 

[Théodred Heavenshield]

He had over half his burger gone before she had finished speaking. I must learn moderation, he though as he put the remains on the plate and took up his ale to wash it all down. He wiped his hands on the napkin provided for them, and it was much needed considering their choices and after this he rested back in his chair contemplating what she had said. She was correct to a point, although he is in no fear of not living up to potential, everyone has that one but there is more to it all. Théo stems from a family of great nobility on both sides, it is this that he questions he has the capacity for. Great deeds had been done by a man that was not Jedi or even attuned to the force, and yet he had shown Théo exactly what had been expected of him, not directly so nor did his grandfather ever insisted on him being a certain way but the long ancient history of the Valkyri is so written on him that that would never be denied, regardless of Jedi. Théo does not hold himself above anyone, one of the more direct lessons learned from Thrand from an early age and he had done so through example of actions. He had given his life in order to save his people not just his family. Would Théo do the same? In less then a heart beat. Maybe, she was right after all.

Apart from one thing, "I don't do Jedi .. I am Jedi and I am a Heavenshield .. not that that means anything grand or whatever, it is who I am but I still have to learn to live with it". To Théo Jedi is not a job and he knows full well Sorel does not think it so either, it is a way of living, it is a way of life. There was a smile on his as the juices of her burger trickled to her chin and he enjoyed watching her enjoy herself, he had never seen her so free of decorum. And that was really good and he was pleased he had given her that. But he had not realised Sorel was so chatty and that thought made his smile widen.

"Never apologies to me, ever", he added as a softness enters his eyes. He leaned forward just enough to take hold of his glass of ale but rather then drink from it, he sat it against his thigh as he leaned back in the chair. Like her, he used it to think, "I have known love from ..", thinking, "the day I was born". In reality it was before that, his parents had loved him the moment they knew he was conceived. "And I have seen it from that day. All forms of it. And I don't know where I would be if I had not .. it is also a big part of who I am and without love I would have no strength .. no purpose". He told the glass in his hand and the idea of not having love was strange to him. It was the very thing he drew power from as a man firstly and this informed him as Jedi.

He could go on about it, how the Sith fuel themselves through hate for the most part, fear to them was a tool but hate was their true sense of power. Why would love not be the driving force in a Jedi? The Jedi of old had held a fear of it, the very thing they strove to teach was to have no fear of anything, yet they held that one, even the most powerful and wise of them. Love is only destructive to those that do not truly know of what it is to love. Love is not something to be possessed, to be owned not even in ones self, but to him it is the opposite. It is freedom and it is most powerful.

No emotion regardless of what it might be, is a choice. We can choose to use it, deny emotions, but it is there and it does inform us .. that is the way Jedi use them, to be able to make a choice for the right course of action not be driven by them and so many he has seen in the Order and others that let them guide their actions and opinions but that is something not learned in lessons but through life and it's experiences, the trick is to learn the lesson. And be humbled by mistakes.

"How do you know? .. how do you know your limitations when it comes to love", he asked this of her, not in general. Or was it that she was afraid of it, a fear in a sense, she had not recognised or considered and he was not about to talk her into it. But he was most curious, if she had never known love how she could be so informed of it. In this sense that is. Or maybe she had loved.

​

[member="Sorel Crieff"]​

 

[Sorel Crieff]

Sorel munched away and listened, aware he was way ahead of her and she had some catching up to do. Every now and then she would nod her understanding, or just to show she was listening.

Finally, she had eaten enough to show that she’d made a good effort to finish the burger and felt a pause was in order. And once he asked her a question, she took it as her turn to speak whilst he ate.

“I had never considered the whole child of a parent thing. Or child of a long line to be fair. I have no expectations of me – either of myself or anyone I know. At least not that I am aware of. But I can understand a little of the potential pressure of lineage. And also the duality – Jedi and Heavenshield. I can’t say I fully understand because it would be a lie. I expect only you, or your siblings, would fully comprehend what it means.”

She was aware he was occasionally glancing at her chin and she quickly swept up her napkin and dabbed it.

“I guess I knew love. When I was a child. But that’s not even a memory. It’s just a recounting of a memory and feels like someone else’s experience. It was an honour to be asked to become a Jedi and I understand my parents were proud.”

“And since then I have known friendship – on various levels – but not love. Maybe it is about perception or definition.” Her nose wrinkled as she considered the conundrum.

“I mean, to have feelings for someone that means you would put their needs above your own? That applies to everyone I meet. So that can’t be love, that to me is being a Jedi. I would lay down my life to protect anyone.”

“So I would define love as a feeling that I would put their needs ahead of someone I had never met but who was in equal peril. If that is love, it sounds a terrible conflict. Truly terrible.”

“But as I say, maybe I just don’t understand?” And with that she picked up her burger and began to make headway into the half she had left.

[member="Théodred Heavenshield"]

 

[Théodred Heavenshield]

He placed the glass back on the table and decided that he had had his fill of the food and so he grabbed his napkin to wipe his hands and remove anything that might have clung to his beard. Theo's eyes flicked from the pattern on the table cloth to her eyes, so bright with life and they seemed to sparkle like the crystals in the caves of Rhen Var, as he listened to her reveal more of the woman rather then the Jedi. Although the topic of Jedi was never far from her mind. She spoke of her early life, her parents or rather what she recalled of them and it appeared her family had made a hard decision to let go of Sorel to come to the Jedi. He knew it would not have been the Silver Order, they do not demand children, that practice the previous grand master would never allow. And as she continued to talk he realised he too had revealed more of his mind to her then he had ever done. He had never spoke of the pressure of family before this day.

There it was again, the pretty nose wrinkling and he could not help but smile. "You worry too much", he said leaning forward to place his elbows on the table and he meant it too. "If by needs you mean the need to protect them, yes that is paramount and one day that might happen or .. it might not. And this is a fear one would have to live with each and every day, but I would fear more that I would not have someone to love in my life. That would be worse".

"Love, I believe is a want to make someone happy, only to wish for them to be happy. I don't believe in unconditional love, in the sense that it doesn't exist. No emotion whether it be love or any other does not come without something attached to it. Even the most faithful of creatures, loyal and dedicated will have conditions for the giving of their love .. they give it in order to survive". But sentient beings are not base and more complex and she is well aware of this. After all they two could speak for hours on this, weeks even and Theo did not mind the idea of that at all. "But one thing I do know for certain, is that I am no authority on the subject", no one is, but what was certain to him is that he would be nothing without it.

"I guess love can be conflicting whether one is Jedi or not, but everyday people in the galaxy seem to get by alright", he smiled as he rested his chin in his palm. "Care for another ale?".

​

[member="Sorel Crieff"]​

​

Apologies M'lady​

 

[Sorel Crieff]

She smiled at the notion that she worried too much. But then, nobody ever thought they were excessive in any regard. What was the saying, ‘we see the world not as it is but as we are.’ We tended to fill in the world around us from our own vantage point. Our own vantage point was invariably seen as moderate and central and we saw extremes as how far people were away from where we stood. Anyone that thought you worried too much would no doubt be seen in return as someone who didn’t worry enough. Or didn’t appreciate the seriousness of some situations.

So she let the gentle admonishment go. She knew it was not intended as a criticism and a debate on the subject would never go anywhere useful. Plus it was a side-show to the current conversation, which was far more interesting. Interesting but above all challenging.

Debating the Code was straightforward. At least for Sorel. Discussing the application of a Force technique she could do for hours. In both cases she was coming from a position on knowledge and of experience. Love, on the other hand, was nothing more than a concept to her. At least, that’s how she perceived it.

“Not loving is worse than loving and the associated fears and complications that brings with it.”

She rolled the words around her tongue as if tasting a new kind of ale and seeing what she could learn just from saying them.

She shook her head slightly. Either she didn’t like the taste or she could not make her mind up. “It’s…complicated,” she shared. “And maybe it’s like ale. You can talk about it for hours and describe the flavour and the effect – but sometimes, unless you’ve actually drunk some, you can’t possibly understand.”

“And on that note, I’d be delighted with another.”

She glanced at his plate. She was concerned she’d made heavy weather of her burger, so she was pleased he hadn’t finished all of his own either.

[member="Théodred Heavenshield"]

 

[Théodred Heavenshield]

A growing smile formed on his face before a laugh issued from his mouth. "An analogy to ale is rather fitting and if you have too much of either, it will make one heady with intoxication or find yourself doing rather silly things". He allowed his mind to entertain the thought of Sorel in this position .. doing silly things, and he suspected that her coming to lunch with him she might consider just that. As the waiter passed by, Theo grabbed his attention and ordered the much needed second ale for them both. The table was cleared in the process and they had room to move. The offer of dessert was made, and although full up from the burger Theo ordered a platter of fruits for them both to nibble on if they wished.

"I hope .. one day .. you will find an understanding of love", he said when they were alone once more. Theo was sincere in his words, hoping she would find a happiness beyond anything she could imagine because he believed that it would be a shame, a waste for one such as lovely as Sorel to never know it.

There was a pause in the conversation as it seemed to have come to a natural end, and Theo leaned back once more to take in the surroundings. He had not noticed before this that the sky had grown dark with heavy cloud and laden with snow he surmised. He knew this type of weather well enough. And as if on cue, the first fall of white flakes began to float down around them, and it was impossible for him not to smile. His eyes settled back on Sorel and watched as a flake floated gently down and settled on her hair. "You really are very beautiful", the words that had formed in his mind as he looked upon her, escaped his lips softly.

​

[member="Sorel Crieff"]​

 

[Sorel Crieff]

Sorel’s brow furrowed. “Silly things,” she echoed. Her eyes told the story that she was clearly accessing her memories for both the concept and the practical application.

“Nope,” she finally admitted. “I can’t say I’ve ever done anything…silly. Not really. Not at all. I mean, I must have done things that I thought were reasonable at the time but others thought were foolish. But I can’t say I’ve ever knowingly done anything daft. I guess I just haven’t lived.”

She had clearly chosen not to dismiss the notion and nor had she positioned herself as someone incapable of silliness – she merely reflected on her situation to date.

She welcomed the new ale with a hearty swig and picked at the fruit platter without really denting it. The burger and ale combined had really made her feel full. And then she offered her glass to Théo in a toast. “To an understanding of love,” she said. “Although I suspect even seasoned practitioners might struggle to ever truly understand it. Perhaps experiencing it is as good as most people get?”

She blushed softly at his compliment. “I am Sorel,” she replied. “I am a Jedi and I am loyal. And I am many things. Many, many things.” She was thinking of a way to link back to his words in a way that was natural and in keeping with her nature of being self-effacing. She did not take compliments well.

She raised her glass. “And you have a wonderful heart,” she finally said by way of a response.

[member="Théodred Heavenshield"]

 

[Théodred Heavenshield]

“Never?”, now it was Theo that frowned. She must have as a child, but from what she had said of her history, mostly likely not as most of her early years were spend in a Jedi Temple. Well it was sort of the same for him too he surmised, but with one difference. He had spent most of his time trying to escape it and had done a many a silly thing in order to achieve it.

“To an understanding of love”, he repeated the toast as he raised his ale, “and to finding love”, he added as there was simply no better subject to toast to. Theo took in a large draft of ale and allowed himself to enjoy the flavour as it tasted especially good after the food and more so that he had wonderful company in which to spend the time of day. He dreaded the thought of having to return to the talks any time soon, he would much prefer to spend the remains of the day with her and those sparkling eyes so full of purpose and determination.

“When you are right, there is no denying it”, he said as she spoke of herself struggling with the compliment. Although he smiled, his intention was not to make her feel awkwardness but rather make her feel happy and her compliment to him warmed his ‘wonderful heart’.

“Sorel, take one more gulp of ale and give me your hand”, he said doing the same and wiped away the froth that clung to his upper lip. And he stood holding out his hand to her. Theo was about to introduce Sorel to the fine art of being silly, quite frankly he was a master at it.

[member="Sorel Crieff"]​

 

[Sorel Crieff]

She smiled and shrugged simultaneously as Théo said ‘never’ with such incredulity. The smile widened as he added to her toast. It was a romantic notion to her – to find love. Like wealth, it was not something she considered and therefore paid no interest in seeking it. Peace, on the other hand, she saw as some holy grail that she would forever pursue, despite what the history books told her.

Sorel’s smile twisted slightly to a naughty grin. “Let me tell you a secret,” she said in a conspiratorial whisper, her head lowered and closer to his to maximise the effect. “When I was young I used to think I was always right. I mean, if I had an opinion, it was based upon logic and sound reasoning. So I deduced I had to be right. And would tell anyone that wanted to listen – and even those that didn’t – that they were wrong.”

“But as I grew up, I realised that there was a difference between facts and opinions. So many things we hold as truths are just thoughts. And as humbling as it was, that changed me. I still have opinions and beliefs – but I accept that others think differently. It does not make me wrong, but I no longer feel the need to prove anything or to automatically dismiss an opinion that is different to mine.”

“Some things I will not be swayed on. The truth of the light side and the honour in the Code.”

Aware she was getting a little serious again, she listened to Théo once more and took a swig of the ale before offering her hand to him. She had no idea what he was going to do, but she trusted him and so allowed herself to be guided wherever he saw fit.

[member="Théodred Heavenshield"]

 

[Théodred Heavenshield]

"The truth of the light side and the honour of the Code, there we have common ground Sorel", for it was the same for him. To be able to possess the virtue of honour in all aspects was important to Théo, not just for the Code but in life. As her hand rested in his, so soft to the touch, he looked at it there so slight and delicate against his rough hardened skin before his fingers folded around hers gently.

He contemplated the many things he could do in this situation, in this moment, but this was to be her first act of frivolous behaviour with little purpose to it. Well for him there was purpose in even such actions and they had means beyond anything that would be considered as important to ones life. They had the importance of memories, of moments spent with someone dear and actions that break the bonds of set parameters placing them in more intimate experiences of life .. and living.

Théo considered her in this, he did not wish to make Sorel uncomfortable or awkward and so he would take her out of sight of the others dining. Small steps as they say. "Are you ready", he asked with a smile, but he would not let her answer for fear she would change her mind. He moved close to her as his arm wrapped around her waist pulling her to his body and without hesitation he lifted her off the ground and jumped. The force cushioned their descent to the roof of the restaurant landing them both in a soft layer of settle snow but he did not release her, instead he remained fixed with her in his arms and he began to sway to the rhythm of the music wafting up from the restaurant. From the roof top there is wonderful view of the city, in the distance the House Palace in which the talks are taking place, the old streets lined with people going about their daily business and even the many military soldiers stood out against the stone walls of the buidings, but nothing compared to the Sorel. In this moment, nothing else existed.

A gentle squeeze of his hand on hers and raised his arm, and Théo pushed away only to turn her on the spot before bringing her to him once more. "A snow dance my lady, for the sheer pleasure of it. And when I am right, I am right too". A small tease.

​

[member="Sorel Crieff"]​

 

[Sorel Crieff]

She allowed Théo to hold her hand and wondered where this was going – but allowed him to hold her hand none the less. In truth she felt slightly uncomfortable – but given they’d put their lives in each other’s hands before, this literal use of her fingers was hardly something to be overly concerned with.

She smiled at his question. “If I wasn’t ready, I wouldn’t have offered you my hand.”

The words were no sooner out of her lips than she was surprised and a little shocked when he moved closer and holding her tight, launched them both onto the roof of the restaurant.

As they landed, she felt the soft snow underfoot and she half expected him to release his grip and so was a little startled when he did not. But she had made a promise and so continued to honour her word.

And then she realised his intention. The music and the movement of his body suggested he was dancing. Not that she was judging his performance, rather she was not familiar with the practice and so would happily believe he was the best dancer the galaxy had ever produced. And as he moved and she relaxed into the sound of the melody, she initially saw the magnificent view before she closed her eyes and did her best to give herself to the rhythm of the music. Matching Théo’s movements was not an option right now, instead she allowed the tempo to dictate her movement. In a sense it was like sparring, but instead of listening to the Force to direct her, she relied on the music.

[member="Théodred Heavenshield"]