Private No Attachments

[Kassogtha Cthylla]

In the mess hall of the Jakku Jedi Enclave, Kass poured herself a cup of caf. She and Oukranos had amended their plans, deciding to spend a couple more days here. They both needed it.

Once this little "vacation" was up, they would have to go back to their normal lives. Though the grief would linger in the back of their minds for weeks or months after, they would be expected to move on. And they would, though right now Kass couldn't even think about cooking and cleaning, let alone returning to her job at the library as if nothing had happened. As if the galaxy wasn't changing for the worse, and she helpless to stop it.

Her eyes flicked over the tables. Someone had kindly brought food for the mourners, though much of it remained untouched. Kass didn't feel like eating, though she knew starving herself would do her no good. She sipped her caf. She hadn't been sleeping much either.

Cerys Dyn​

 

[Cerys Dyn]

The chocolate was divine. The only downside was the touch of guilt from eating something for the mourners of a Jedi Master she did not know. This wasn’t for her. But she had lost someone too. Justification enough.

She would have departed sooner, but there was a large mass blocking her path. She was not sure, exactly, where to look when addressing the being, so had forgone the awkwardness and just eaten a bit more chocolate. This could not continue indefinitely though. Moments after the last of the chocolate had melted and been consumed, Cerys knew she would have to break the ice.

”Excuse me…ah…” Sir? Ma’am? “…may I scoot past you there?”

Kassogtha Cthylla

 

[Kassogtha Cthylla]

Eventually Kass succeeded in pushing herself toward the table. One tentacle deftly balanced a plate, while others began serving up various foods. The temptation to eat what was comforting was strong; she wound up taking more sweets and junk than usual. But she tried to keep things balanced. Fruits, vegetables, yogurt and nuts for protein—

”Excuse me… Ah… May I scoot past you there?”

All of Kass' eyes blinked in surprise. "Oh, sorry," she said, slithering to the side and sucking in her gelatinous body to give the woman room to pass.

It took the Pylantian a moment to recognize her. "Ah, you are... Seras? I saw you earlier. How are you finding things here?"

Cerys Dyn​

 

[Cerys Dyn]

She wasn’t completely sure where to look. Where were its eyes? Or better yet its primary eyes? She instead, looked directly towards the source of the voice. The creature was large, amorphous and by some people’s reckonings quite horrifying. Cerys, though, did not flinch. Aside from some awkwardness about what the protocol was when addressing the being, she was not put off by its form at all. All sentient beings deserved and received the same level of compassion from walker’s of the old paths.

“Ah…Cerys,” she said, offering just a slight adjustment to the pronunciation of her name, “and yes…I am new here. The Enclave is largely what I expected it to be, for good and otherwise. Thank you for asking.”

“And who am I addressing? Or is there more than one….? Forgive me, I am not familiar with your kind.”

Kassogtha Cthylla

 

[Kassogtha Cthylla]

"Glad to hear it, Cerys." Kass' numerous mouths curled into friendly smiles.

“And who am I addressing? Or is there more than one….? Forgive me, I am not familiar with your kind.”

"Oh goodness, I forgot to introduce myself. I am Jedi Master Kassogtha Cthylla." She bobbed low to the ground in an approximation of a bow. "Don't worry, we're not an especially common species, so I often get asked questions. I am a female Pylantian, and as far as I know there's only one of me."

She spoke warmly, but her manner was subdued, her tentacles undulating slowly. "My husband was a student of this Enclave. Master Jade and the other instructors practically raised him. We came here to pay our respects."

Cerys Dyn​

 

[Cerys Dyn]

“Pylantian…” Cerys mused, she tilted her head as if it were a way to file the information away for future use.

She glanced around for another large mass of being, but found none like Master Cthylla. Curious. “Cerys Dyn. Padawan to the late…Master Ev’Lana Vaas.“ Cerys was aware that it was unlikely any Jedi associated with the New Jedi Order would know who Master Vaas was. Jedi that walked the path of the Old Oaths rarely interacted with the lesser varieties of their ancient Order.

”This Master Jade seems to have been well respected…the degree to which people mourn her passing…is surprising…”

Kassogtha Cthylla

 

[Kassogtha Cthylla]

"I'm sorry for your loss." Master Vaas was unknown to Kass, but she could sympathize. "My master was killed before I completed my Trials. I remember how... difficult it was." Her sorrowful tone conveyed what words could not.

”This Master Jade seems to have been well respected… the degree to which people mourn her passing… is surprising…”

Another Jedi might have taken offense, but Kass just assumed she wasn't from around here and meant well enough. "Oh yes! Romi Jade was among the best Jedi of her generation, and an incredible woman. She devoted her life to fighting evil, defending the helpless, serving those in need..." As she spoke, Kass became more animated, her tentacles undulating in excitement. Where she had been speaking with only one of her mouths before, now she used more of them. "A few years ago I worked with her on a project to store and preserve all of the Order's knowledge. It was a massive undertaking. Master Jade was so driven, so committed... I never knew her as well as I wanted to, but I always admired her. Oukranos could tell you more about her."

She gestured toward her husband. He was seated at a table a couple rows away from the serving area. Male Pylantians looked nothing like their females. Where she was a blob of tentacles and eyes, he was starkly humanoid in appearance—and incredibly handsome, with chiseled features and piercing blue eyes. Upon realizing that Kass was pointing at him, he froze, a spoonful of soup halfway to his open mouth. His gaze shifted to Cerys, his expression that of a deer in headlights.

Cerys Dyn​

 

[Cerys Dyn]

She found her eyes darting about trying to take in the mass of activity. She had always attempted to look at the face, primarily the eyes, of the person to whom she was speaking. This proved…challenging with Master Cthylla. Cerys smiled nervously and nodded in understanding.

Whoever this Romi Jade was, she sounded impressive. Cerys was, however, less impressed with how devastated the Jedi were in her passing. They clearly showed far too much attachment. It was the great weakness of the old Jedi that had been leant into by the New. Despite the rising feeling of hypocrisy, Cerys steeled her heart against the feeling of loss, and maintained her superior mindset towards the New Jedi Order.

“The only difficulty I find in Master Vass’ passing is in finding a worthwhile replacement,” Cerys said with a coldness that even surprised her.

“Master Jade would surely be honoured to know how much she is missed,” Cerys said, even in disagreeing with the sentiment it was a truthful saying.

Her attention was brought to a man just a little ways off. He looked surprised to be pointed. Cerys was unsure of the significance of this human looking man, this Oukranos, but she nevertheless could tell that Master Cthylla was eager to include him in the conversation.

”Is he your padawan?”

Kassogtha Cthylla

 

[Kassogtha Cthylla]

Like many people the Pylantian had met throughout her career as a Jedi, Cerys seemed nervous and awkward, unsure of how to behave around someone so very different from herself. Kass had learned to be charitable with others. Most people were well-intentioned, even if they weren't always able to convey their goodwill.

“The only difficulty I find in Master Vass’ passing is in finding a worthwhile replacement.”

Kass' lack of a face already made it hard to tell what she was feeling; she seemed deliberately impassive in response to the Padawan's cold words about her late master, offering only a sinuous flick of a tentacle and a few faint, knowing smiles in reaction. For all that the NJO claimed to have banished the old teachings, there were many who still practiced 'there is no emotion, there is peace'. But it was always a bluff. No one was completely devoid of emotion, unless they belonged to a species for whom feeling was an alien concept—and Kass had yet to meet such a being. But she would not pry. No doubt Cerys had her reasons for distancing herself from her grief.

The conversation turned back to the subject of Romi Jade. Cerys may have been callous with her own emotions, but she was not cruel when it came to the feelings of others. She spoke kindly about Master Jade.

”Is he your padawan?”

Kass' eyes widened, then she laughed merrily. "Oh, no," she said, still giggling. "He's my husband."

Letting his spoon drop with a soft clink against the rim of the soup bowl, Oukranos rose from his seat and positioned himself at Kass' side, holding out a hand for Cerys to shake. "Master Oukranos Cthylla." His manner was somewhat stiff and his gaze was saturnine. It was obvious that he wasn't a "people person" and didn't like to talk. But his aura was gentle and he meant no harm.

"I was just telling Padawan Dyn about Romi Jade," Kass said, "and how she was your teacher."

"One of my teachers," Oukranos amended her statement. Gazing sidelong at his wife, he quietly asked, "What, should I tell her a story about Master Jade?"

"Something like that," Kass replied, wriggling with excitement. "I'm sure it would be quite interesting."

Cerys Dyn​

 

[Cerys Dyn]

“Ah…”

She tried not to do a double take. And failed. The triple take was just embarassing. The quadruple take she thought was likely just offensive.

“…your husband?”

Cerys forgot completely about being offended by the preposterous idea of Jedi marriage. Instead she was trying to do a quick biology summary. Was it possible for them to copulate? Despite it being morally reprehensible…was it possible!?

She realized she was shaking his hand seconds after she had started. Auto pilot seemed to have set in.

She had so many questions, and none she could rightly ask.

“Yes…stories of Master Jade…”

Cerys felt weak in her knees, and took a seat.

Kassogtha Cthylla

 

[Kassogtha Cthylla]

“Ah…”

“…your husband?”

As the Padawan did a third and then a fourth take at the couple, Kass' excited undulations slowed. This sort of reaction was nothing she hadn't dealt with before, nor was it the worst she'd experienced, but having to explain Pylantian sexual dimorphism to nearly every person she met got a little tiresome.

Oukranos, however, had a mischievous glint in his eye. "Believe it or not, Padawan Dyn, my wife and I are female and male of the same species," he said. "It may seem strange to you, but from our perspective Humans are the strange ones. To me you look no different from a man."

Kass shot him a disapproving look, although her little intake of breath gave away that she'd nearly laughed. She was eager to move on from this subject, and no doubt so was Cerys.

They joined her at the table. Kass "sat" by arranging her bloblike body in a certain way on the chair.

“Yes… stories of Master Jade…”

"Where to begin..." Oukranos leaned back in his seat. "The curriculum taught here was quite different from what is taught on Coruscant. We learned skills the NJO did not, and our Trials were oriented more toward strengthening the mind as well as the body. I had to pass tests to prove that I could withstand terrible pain, or remain conscious and alert for as long as possible after being struck repeatedly with stun bolts.

"The one I dreaded most of all was the Empath Test. All Jedi have the power of empathy in one form or another—the ability to sense the depths of another being's psyche, their hidden feelings and secrets, and manipulate that knowledge. But those who have greater sensitivity must receive special training, as it can be hard to control. The Test would determine just how empathetic I was. I was afraid to know the answer..."

Cerys Dyn​

 

[Cerys Dyn]

She was trying and failing to regain composure as Cerys attempted to make sense of the species sexual dimorphism. It was not a subject that she was accustomed to dwelling on, and her cheeks turned a rosy tint.

In order to continue embarassing herself and the Cthylas, she instead devoted her attention to the story told by the oddly ‘not human’ man.

It was indeed fascinating that Master Jade seemed to take a different approach to the mainline Jedi, but there was still one glaring weakness, Cerys felt the question bubbling to the surface. Perhaps it was partly to distract from how damned uncomfortable she had become in their presence, but she soon felt worse.

”This all sounds fascinating…but this Master Romi Jade still fails to teach her students to disassociate…and this Enclave is filled with the same rot as that that has taken the New Jedi Order since the days it actually deserved that nomenclature…in my time here I have seen Jedi with babies…Jedi with anger issues….Jedi with serious romantic entanglements…even marriage…attachments that fly in the face of what keeps one stable and focused on the good of all.”

Even as she spoke the last few words, her embarassment hit new heights. However, she had said what she believed, and the adjustment to her posture showed that. If she thought it, and said it, she may as well own it.

Kassogtha Cthylla

 

[Kassogtha Cthylla]

”This all sounds fascinating…but this Master Romi Jade still fails to teach her students to disassociate… and this Enclave is filled with the same rot as that that has taken the New Jedi Order since the days it actually deserved that nomenclature…"

Oh. Oh boy. Kass blinked once, a few of her eyes flicking toward Oukranos in surprise and alarm. He, on the other hand, seemed to take Cerys' rant in stride.

"In my time here I have seen Jedi with babies…"

"Who is she talking about?" Kass discreetly whispered to Oukranos.

"Lossa probably," he replied.

Kass had noticed the Zeltron touting her daughter around the Enclave. That situation was indeed concerning, if only because the child's father was nowhere in sight. Then again, there were other Jedi with children that Cerys may have been referring to who were in a better position. Kass supposed Cerys would be upset about it regardless.

"Jedi with anger issues…."

That one was harder to pinpoint. "Gatz?" she guessed. Oukranos shrugged.

"Jedi with serious romantic entanglements… even marriage…"

"That's me," Oukranos said casually, raising a hand. "And you." He pointed to his wife.

"Attachments that fly in the face of what keeps one stable and focused on the good of all.”

Kass cleared her throat. "I wasn't aware of your views, Padawan Dyn, or else I would have exercised more discretion."

Oukranos shook his head, unwilling to leave it at that. "What's so bad about getting married, Padawan? Or having babies? Or getting angry? I've done all three of those things, and I'm more stable and focused on the good of all than ever."

Cerys Dyn​

 

[Cerys Dyn]

“I am so sorry…I have spoken my mind too freely.”

Her cheeks were the deepest shade of red imaginable.

“And in doing so, I have revealed my own lack of control of my emotions. I will accept any reprimand that you see fit.”

Even though she heard the questions, she seemed to be purposely avoiding any answers to them. It was probably better this way. She had already shamed her late Master enough, with the water, and the general unpleasatness.

”Please. Disregard all I said. I understand that this Enclave holds to a less temperate ideal when it comes to attachments.”

Kassogtha Cthylla

 

[Kassogtha Cthylla]

Kass' many mouths pressed together in thin lines, no longer sure what to say or do. The tone of the conversation had shifted dramatically in the span of a few minutes; where once Cerys had been bold and blunt, now she looked ashamed. The librarian didn't know what exactly had prompted this sudden change, but she found it disconcerting.

“... I will accept any reprimand that you see fit.”

"Reprimand?" Kass echoed, eyes widening. Her tone turned gentle. "Padawan, you spoke your mind. There is nothing to punish."

Oukranos, still waiting for answers to his questions, looked at Cerys in puzzlement... then winced and looked away as if he were the one who had embarrassed himself.

”Please. Disregard all I said. I understand that this Enclave holds to a less temperate ideal when it comes to attachments.”

"It's quite all right, Padawan," Kass assured her. "Every enclave has its differences." She lightly touched a tentacle to her husband's arm. "How about you continue that story about Master Romi Jade?"

"... Sure." Oukranos took a deep breath and slowly raised his eyes, gazing upon Cerys again. "If you don't mind hearing the rest..."

Cerys Dyn​

 

[Cerys Dyn]

The young padawan opened her mouth to reply to his questions, but it would have been more of her dodging. She was not hundred percent sure it was wise to tell them how wrong they were in their relationship.

“Feel free to continue your story…”

Her posture had become rigid, her presence in the Force tumultuous. These two did not seem so bad, but they had done that which should be forbidden. It seemed all the Jedi had, in some way.

Kassogtha Cthylla

 

[Kassogtha Cthylla]

"Right. The Empath Test..." Oukranos began. "It involved a series of scenarios in which we were tasked with showing compassion towards those who were suffering. The scenarios were always different, so there was no planning ahead what you would say or do. Cheap displays of kindness would result in failure. You had to be sincere.

"At that age, I was already something of a misanthrope. I was angry at the galaxy and all its inhabitants for their cruelty and ignorance. Whatever lofty ideals I upheld, even the heroes didn't measure up. You would think I must've thought very highly of myself, but I didn't. In fact, I considered myself among the worst. So of course I would fail the test. Perhaps I would prove to be so lacking in compassion that I would be deemed unworthy to be a Jedi.

"Master Jade administered the Test to me herself. I remember in the first scenario, a complete stranger started rambling to me about her health issues. I didn't know what to say, so I just sat and listened. Apparently, that was all she needed. Not all of the scenarios were so simple, but... It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be.

"The results came in. I was an empath. I felt the way I did about people not because I felt too little, but because I felt too much. My anger was a shield, a wall I had built up to protect myself from being overwhelmed. Master Jade recognized my capacity for empathy and used the test to show me that part of myself. The other instructors were good teachers, but they didn't have the wisdom and insight she did. I am where I need to be today because of her guidance."

Kass listened in silence until Oukranos finished his story. It was rare that her husband spoke at length to someone he barely knew. He must have thought Cerys needed to hear this story, or at least might find something useful in it.

Cerys Dyn​

 

[Cerys Dyn]

“She sounds like an insightful woman,” Cerys said, with a rigid tip of her head.

She had listened politely. There was an unmistakeable air to the tone and delivery of the story. Oukranos was trying to teach her something. This caused her back to stiffen even more than it had been. It was not for insult’s sake, no, but rather that she still felt shame for her outburst.

There was no good holding to such high ideals about the dangers of attachments if she could not control her emotions in a simple conversation. What was wrong with her?

”I judged Master Jade too quickly. Despite some clear failings…”

She caught herself with a bite of her bottom lip.

”…everyone has something to teach us, and Romi Jade seems to have had more than others.”

Kassogtha Cthylla

 

[Kassogtha Cthylla]

Kass was not a combative person, nor did she look for reasons to pick a fight. Cerys, on the other hand, seemed intent on causing offense (or at least discomfort and awkwardness) with her choice of words. Yet she blushed and appeared ashamed after she uttered them. Was it an unconscious thing? Did she not truly believe what she was saying?

Something was up with this girl. That was no surprise; she'd recently lost her Master, after all. Kass felt sorry for her and wished she knew the right way to help. Given the way she was talking, Cerys would probably reject any overtures of comfort. But an offer of help could be dressed up as duty.

"How long will you be staying on Jakku?" Kass asked. "We will be returning to the Vonnuvi shortly, and I was wondering if you might like to try and find a new master there. If nothing else, the library could use a volunteer."

Oukranos, having said his piece, had turned his attention away from Padawan Dyn and was swirling his soup around in his bowl. It had gone cold. He got up from his seat without bothering to excuse himself and went over to the serving table to get some more.

Cerys Dyn​

 

[Cerys Dyn]

Why was she so bad at this? Perhaps it was not her?

Still rigid of back, Cerys nodded a goodbye the very human looking husband and then bent her ear towards the mass of arms, ears and mouths.

“I expect to leave on the next transport off world. It does not seem that I fit here…well…at all. And as for Vonnuvi. I am not familiar with the world. Does it have an Enclave as well?”

Kassogtha Cthylla