No Longer Chasing Ghosts

[Setzi Lunelle]

“I would like that,” Setzi said, her cheeks wrinkling with a wide smile. Connor had roots, here on Voss. The padawan was placing her own embryonic tendrils down, hopefully to grow thick and firm in the ground on the Silver Sanctum. That didn’t mean they both couldn’t climb to the very top of the highest tree and jump off into the great unknown.

Luckily – or perhaps not – for Connor, Setzi had not only tasted the darkness, she’d been impregnated by it, and for a time, it had filled every fiber of her being. Yet, after her sojourn she had rid herself of the survivor’s guilt and just felt genuinely proud that she’d come back to the light. But it hadn't been easy. No spice, nor alcohol, nor lovers would even scratch the surface of her pain. Time and solitude, admiring the natural wonders of the galaxy, talking to simple folks, farmers identical to the parents she had growing up. Like the Temple monks she constantly derided, she had become one. Temporarily.

The brunette padawan didn’t not feel very monastic right now with Connor rubbing her palm with his thumb, a tickling and pleasing caress to which she closed her eyes to for just a moment to sink into the feeling.

There were three things Setzi wanted and could have discussed with the Jedi Master. The first was altruistic in nature, and she’d start with it. The second not so much. The third would remain unspoken for the time being.

“I know you have a bounty,” she said, her hand lying still, relishing the touch of his skin on hers. “Let me be your escort for a while. Darth Azurea had a bounty once after assassinating the President of Suarbi.” She swallowed, a lump visible in her throat at the memory. “So why I say this is that you won’t be safe until your hunters are caught and brought to justice themselves. Don't be reckless and go it alone."

A soft laugh escaped her lips, breaking up the seriousness of the conversation.

“Just what did you do to get a bounty, Master Harrison?” she asked, her voice rising playfully with the question.

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

The bounty! Of course. Something he'd put to the back of his head after encountering Dredge and reclaiming Keira Ticon to get her away from the Sith monster. He'd totally forgotten about that, but if Setzi knew, it means others would. Still holding onto her hands, link an anchor to keep him grounded, he fell back a little and rolled his tongue around inside his mouth.

"Hm. Yes. That's a pickle I forgot about."

He thought a little more, then looked at the alluring eyes that he felt nothing but support from. How times could change - from trying to behead him, to now sitting in his quarters wanting help him. Of course 10% still was ready to fend off an attack, but that was the old Harrison charm not totally letting go to the reality of friends / enemies who came in various guises.

"Basically when we moved on Korriban I sort of annoyed a local Sith Lord by beating him in a duel and sending him crashing into a tomb. I guess he was the wrong one to annoy, so he then started to purge surrounding planets to goad me out. He killed countless innocents and then made sure I saw and heard." Contrary to what Setzi may make of that, Connor didn't seem phazed. "I ignored his cry for my blood, and next thing I know a bounty is on my head and I managed to evade them here on Voss-ka while I sought him out myself. I wouldn't usually have, but he kidnapped a friend of mine and I wasn't going to let that lie. It was then when I faced him, he refused to challenge me. I don't know why to this day, but I think he wanted a clean cut Jedi who lived for the Light. That's not me. He let me take Keira without challenge."

Connor raised his brow and smiled.

"Seems he forgot to call it off. But, thank you, if you're sure, I'd really like you to stay around. I mean, as much as you can. I'm used to dealing with things on my own, but you sound like you know how to evade these hunters so I'll use that."

Settling forward again, feeling very comfortable and relaxed - talking about a bounty on his head did that? - he looked to the cups.

"Thank you for coming all the way here to tell me that. I guess I owe you a drink one time."

That wasn't just the reason, was it? The Lunelle girls were a complex breed to say the least.

[member="Setzi Lunelle"]

 

[Setzi Lunelle]

Setzi couldn’t help but smile when Connor recounted throwing a Sith Lord into a tomb on Korriban. Within the ranks of the Sith, she’d spent her own difficult days on the ancient world, her time wasted in apprehension and fear, her footsteps drenched in blood. Her crowning achievement was when she symbolically strangled a slave at the Eternal Pyre with a red scarf that Chastity had given her as a present.

Nodding her head, the brunette took in all of the details. She would pry him for names and more information later, just to keep both of them safe.

“I prefer to think he realized that you would strike him down. The coward,” she nearly spat, momentarily showing the fiery side he'd witnessed at Toola. “If I learned anything from my time with the One Sith, it's that despite all of their bravado and their dark whispers of letting passion roam freely, they are fearful children. It is at the absolute heart of everything they do. It’s why they are so extremely competitive. The Sith are terrified of losing from battle to family to… well, anything really.”

Sighing and releasing some of the anger and tension that built from just those statements alone, she remarked: “Like you and I, Connor. If you have lost everything, you have nothing more to fear.”

Still holding onto his hands, Setzi straightened her spine and titled her head to the side. Might be easier with a little alcohol to ask him again, what she’d asked him once before in the Valley. Silly nuna, she mused. Here you are talking about the Sith and fear, and there’s a Mynock in your stomach flapping at the thought of what you want to ask Master Harrison. Just do it now!

“You have every right to say no,” she said. “But I would be honored if you would make me into the most capable Jedi Master that’s every walked within the ranks of the SSC. I do not mean to atone anymore. That will be done naturally and through my actions. I just want to begin to… help. To fight.

To be by your side?

Oh how she wanted to say that but it seemed far too intimate of a revelation. Be satisfied with the touch of his skin on yours for now, she thought. Like her sojourn, she knew that some things – especially good things – took time to germinate.

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

He smiled at her fiery side, it was an attraction. Those who had that…flip side to them. The dangerous side. The side he couldn’t always predict. Kept things interesting. Kept things exciting. And she certainly spoke wise words from having come out of the darkness to want to help repel it; Padawan by rank, but a Lord of experience in Connor’s eyes.

He didn’t let go of her hands but automatically they curled a little in a protective grip as she asked him the question.

It was almost a horrid blast from the past; a Lunelle wanting to be trained to be something great. And they both knew how that turned out the last time he had tried. But her words – if you have lost everything, you have nothing more to fear – spoke volumes.

He gently bit his bottom lip and lowered his head for a second as a thousand thoughts raced around his mind, and then he looked up at her.

"I’m a Master – just – who has had more evident failure than most. I’m a loner, inwardly and outwardly. I have a desire to fight and will always fight against them, be it with the Silvers or not, but I do have the best intentions at heart." A hard sigh escaped his lips, as if limbering up for a leap into the unknown.

Nothing more to fear…

"I will teach you to be the Master you already are. You just need to have the guidance to finally release it, and then you’ll achieve wonders and…" he hesitated, "…you’ll make Chastity proud, wherever she is."

He shook her hands gently in his.

"I’m so grateful you came back to me. To here. Us."

Focus!

"The Order."

Maybe the static smile would be too late to hide his evident battle with his emotions.

[member="Setzi Lunelle"]

 

[Setzi Lunelle]

The padawan was no longer afraid of her own feistiness. Embracing this impish nature was part of banishing the fear that she’d spoken about a few minutes ago. Her time in The Pirate’s Foe in monastic solitude had allowed her to erect a mental wall between her darker nature and the light. It would take the blast of a super weapon to penetrate that barrier now.

When Connor admitted he was a loner… well, he couldn’t have described her own state of mind better. But she’d returned out of an almost magnetic need to connect with others again, and specifically with this Jedi Master. There was something to that – the feeling of having someone by your side, through the good and the bad. And at the mention of Chastity, Setzi had to hold back a sob, and she did quite valiantly. Tears would fall when she was alone – in her bunk in The Pirate’s Foe, in a claustrophobic jungle on a primitive planet, feth, even in a grimy spaceport refresher – but not today.

With a wide grin, the remaining Lunelle sister said, “Well, this is cause for celebration I should think! Do you have any ale or wine? Or even, better champagne?" Her eyes widened mischievously as though champagne was the most forbidden substance on the galaxy.

Needless to say it had been a long time since Setzi had felt this happy. When she was alone on her pilgrimage in her quiet freighter, humming through the stars, she’d been content, but true enjoyment was fleeting. She’d been determined, not on a joyride.

But her green eyes connecting with Connor’s blue ones would show nothing but optimism and hope for the future.

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

Seeing the tears in her eyes and feeling pang of hurt in her aura at her sister’s name, Connor felt bad for Setzi. Why did he mention Chastity? It wasn’t about her – not in a bad way, of course, she still meant a lot to them, but this wasn’t about her. Not now.

With a smile, Connor slid out of the table booth and nonchalantly drew his hands away and lightly drew them across the green leaves of a wall plant he passed by the small kitchenette.

"Ale, or wine, or champagne," he said aloud, knowing the answer. "I have something better."

Crouching down, he took the cold bottle from the fridge and another two glass beakers, not unlike the cups already on the table. He poured the cold, refreshing beverage in each, took them in each hand and walked back over to where a bright-eyed Setzi sat.

He handed over the blue milk.

"I don’t have much, I’m a simple man. We’ll have to go to Voss-ka if you want something stronger."

With a nod, he dropped glass to hers as he stood for a “chink”.

"Here’s to the future and everything that comes with it. If you put trust in me, I won’t let you down. I promise you, regardless of our history. That doesn’t matter anymore."

There was more he wanted to say, and hopefully there would be a chance to later.

[member="Setzi Lunelle"]

 

[Setzi Lunelle]

Setzi could detect the vast concern in Connor’s eyes when he mentioned Chastity and noticed her reaction. The thought of family brought to her mind another subject she thought that she would broach while they seemed to be connecting on the intimate level that she had hoped.

“Blue milk,” she said first, and with a nod to Chastity, added: “You know us farm girls well.” She curled her fingers around the glass, clinked his back and tipped the drink into her mouth, tasting the sweetness of the bantha milk, something that did actually give her a pang of nostalgia as she had adored it's fresh taste as a child. “I will take you up on your offer to go to Voss-ka. On my tab.”

He stood, while she still sat, and although even though he was on his feet, she did not take it as sign that he wanted her to leave. But speaking of the past and the present… the tall, blue-eyed Jedi Master probably knew most of Setzi’s prior affairs. She was not just the ex-lover of a Sith Lord. She was a mother to his children and whatever complications that may bring.

Sighing again, but not betraying too much emotion, Setzi said, “While I’ve lost touch with my twins, there’s a chance that one or both of them could show up here on Voss. We’ve been through this before, Connor. They may arrive, thick and corrupted with the darkside, seeking to commit matricide. Or they could be seeking forgiveness and redemption. Or it could be mere curiosity…”
You are rambling, Padawan Lunelle, she thought with a wry smile. “We have to accept that, and like your bounty, be on the lookout for them.” She asked no questions, but was very eager to hear his thoughts on the matter of her daughters.

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

A pleasant trip to Voss-ka with her? Connor drank to that and immediately wished his quarters were more social; somewhere better for guests. Saying that, he never expected guests or invited them, so when they DID arrive it was as much as a shock for him seeing them as it was for them seeing his small abode.

As she began to speak, he slinked back down, moving the empty cups to the wall and held the cold glass with both hands as he took in a truth he never knew about her; she was a mother.

It shouldn’t have bothered him, but it did. Why? She had lived a life far before she had come back to the Jedi, and so it was a worry for him in regards to the connections she would hold to her past. But, she was a mother and that was it. She had children – daughters- that would be her blood regardless of where they stood on the spectrum of the Force, and with Connor taking her under his wing, he had to tread carefully.

Processing the information quickly and focusing on the here and now, he took a sip of the drink and let it linger in his mouth for a second before swallowing and smacking his lips. He looked to the garden outside the small window beside them and hummed gently in thought.

"Ok. Well.”

He looked to the garden outside the small window beside them and hummed gently in thought. He returned to her absorbing eyes that seemed to make him feel everything he said was important to her.

"Ok," he said, placing the glass down, "I said I will protect you as much as I can, and I will. You have my word. If your daughters come here, I will be beside you until you tell me not to be. Should they have that desire to lash out and hurt you, I will not let them but will not take a life. Should they need help, I will support you giving it to them."

Blunt, as ever. Connor rubbed his chin gently to ponder the chances they would come to Voss. It was slight, but not impossible, for he assumed their father would know of Setzi’s links to the Silvers and so it would be a place to return to for sanctuary. As for the father, there was no desire for Connor to know anything more.

"I want to be here for you. I know of your previous pain and it’s down to me to take it away and heal the wounds of those who have hurt you. You asked me to help you, and I will. I will never hurt you.”

He’d never been so sincere, and he knew he was walking across hot coals, but right now, it was worth the risk of getting burnt.

[member="Setzi Lunelle"]

 

[Setzi Lunelle]

Connor needn't worry about his quarters. As the padawan sat there across from her former enemy and now friend, she knew he provided his wisdom and counsel to so many Jedi who'd come before her. She didn't think herself different or special in his eyes, but Setzi did have a soft spot for family. And she wondered about Master Harrison's own family.

Still, those details would make themselves clear to her in time, she hoped. For now, the woman who'd survived her steep plunge into the darkness would just revel in the present.
And for a moment, the older Lunelle sister had the strangest feeling that there was so much darkness encroaching around the two of them, always threatening to upset the balance of light and dark and blending the two like the most sublime watercolor painting. Still, Connor's quarters radiated a strong blue and white light which appeared to grow from his room, and whether it was from the blue milk that they drank, his cerulean eyes or even some strange ectoplasm from the Force or leftover from ghosts, the padawan felt that, as Connor promised, he would indeed protect her.
This man's abode was the most honest escape she'd found from the galaxy's hostilities.

Sentient beings, awash with hopes and dreams, driven to extremes for knowledge, power and yes, love. Setzi was one of them, but all she wanted was to continue her curious journey, but this time without harm to others, those who she loved - friends, family and even paramours.

And most of all herself. No harm will come to me by my own hand, she resolved. No more am I the Daughter of Agony, the false goddess Azurea, a pain effigy to a God who will continually fail me.

There was no fire from the woman, only acceptance. "Thank you," she said, bowing her head and raising it back up, her lips pressed together momentarily. "I will consider your words our bond. On Toola, I had been searching for my sister, but I was drawn to you. Perhaps this is what I've been looking for all along," Setzi admitted boldly.

Yes, both of them missed Chastity, but those left in the shadows were left behind to congeal, to come together, and forge their own way back into the light.

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

Connor nodded, smiled and raised his glass, drinking another mouthful of the drink he loved more than others. He sighed contently and swilled the blue milk around the glass for a second. He brought up his hand a scratched his chin gently, and set the glass down on the table.

”Shift up,” he said, nudging her gently as he edged his way to sit beside her. ”I’m leaving Voss in a day or so, to Kessel. We’re making a hit on a target there to try alleviate the criminal grip on the system.”

He drummed his fingers on the table, watching them make a pattern.

”I hope you will be here when I return. I want you to be here. Right now I just want you around me,” he looked at her, honesty in his eyes, ”and it’s not to compensate for anyone, or anything. I feel drawn to you to be honest and I really want to help you find your way forward because I think you can help me too.”

Leaning his elbows on the table, he laced his hands together, trying to form the right words as the cool air blew in gently from outside.

”Thank you for coming back Setzi. I missed you when you left Serenity Valley and seeing you again made me realise that.”

He rolled his tongue around his teeth and looked at her; so close to him. There was literally so much he wanted to say, but this still was uncharted territory; a meeting of former enemies with an unexpected bond and an invisible mist circling them like a calm storm.

”I know you’ve experienced this before, and I understand and respect your past and the wounds you’ve suffered because of that. Let me heal them. Let me be yours. Let me carry you forward to be something beautiful like you deserve.”

This was dangerous territory now, not just uncharted.

[member="Setzi Lunelle"]

 

[Setzi Lunelle]

Setzi shifted over to allow for the Jedi Master to join her on her side of the table. While his form fit perfectly next to hers, she marveled at just how tall he was when he was this close. As Darth Azurea, his foe on Toola, she had not appreciated these little details – the blue tapestry of his irises, the slight curl to his brown hair, the way, even smiling, he had a pensive quality about him.

Connor Harrison was now a mystery that the brunette padawan felt eager to unravel, but slowly, savoring every new piece of information she was able to glean.

Closing her eyes for a moment, feeling the breeze cool her face which must have been flushed right about now and shifting her hair off of her face, she opened them, watching him as he admitted that he’d missed her.

“It’s why I came to you first,” she said. “I think our bond transcends Chastity. Perhaps it didn’t before, but I have to admit that when I was traveling the galaxy, you were on my mind more than I realized you would be.”

Lowering her eyes for a moment, she lifted them back up and gave him a lopsided grin. “At least this time you’re not pushing me down into the snow.” And thank the stars he actually didn’t kill her right then and there on Toola. But it’s one of the reasons that Setzi was so drawn to Connor. Despite his own self-criticisms and his feelings of helplessness, he was so incredibly merciful.

Exactly what she’d hoped to be as a Jedi Master someday.

Biting her lower lip, she took his closest hand in hers again, stroking his knuckles with her thumb.

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

A little laugh burst from his lips, as without thinking he cupped his fingers around Setzi's who stroked his knuckles. Soft skin over his.

”That's a good point! And I'm SO glad you're sitting here rather than trying to take my head,” he glanced to her. ”Much nicer this way.”

Letting the calmness of the situation sink in a little, he heard a distant engine of what sounded like a Corvette-class ship land, probably bringing in diplomats from Kessel to prepare for their upcoming assault. There was always something. Always a lingering sense of duty. A sense that tomorrow could always be your last.

Licking his bottom lip, he looked to her again.

”Do you want to go somewhere outside of the grounds? We are surrounded by lush greenery, steams that traverse into waterfalls and a wall of mountains. We can go and talk and...get to know each other. Master and Apprentice need to knock down walls to form a strong bond.”

He didn't show it, but the well in his stomach opened up a little and he went cold as the thought of Chastity came to mind. What was he doing? Was he tempting fate again by letting someone in who he liked? Away from here, hopefully he could open up to Setzi, because he didn't want to lose someone he was so eager to please.

[member="Setzi Lunelle"]

 

[Setzi Lunelle]

Setzi heard the engine too, her head turning slightly at the sound, chin tilting up curiously to glance out the window. She knew the Academy was well-protected, so there was no sense of alarm in her being. She also realized at times Darksiders would come and go to Voss, having detected their presence on the peaceful world once or twice herself. The Silver Sanctum was an enclave of clemency. It had been on more than one occasion for the brunette Padawan.

“I would love that,” Setzi said. “Despite being on this planet more than a few times, I really don’t know my way around. The outer grounds seem like a perfect place to start.”

Not knowing her away around was an apt metaphor for her relationship with Connor as well, but like familiar visual cues in nature – a well-tread path or even the dark, foreboding clouds of an approaching storm, human relationships were somewhat the same, weren’t they? Sensory cues would help Setzi, and right now the cue - his warm hand in hers - was full steam ahead for forging a new bond, as the Jedi Master suggested. A part of her did want to find out if Chastity also experienced these same routes with Connor, but she tried to leave that part of the past where it should be. If her sister eventually came back – which seemed incredibly unlikely at this point - Setzi would be too overjoyed to worry about any fallout over getting emotionally close with the Sanctum Master.

“Lead the way,” she said as she was on the interior of the booth.

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

With a nod, Connor tapped the table and slid out, holding his hand for her to use getting up.

”Let's take a walk, Miss Lunelle.” he glanced to her.

And so Connor led the Padawan out of his quarters and talked as he walked casually beside her, pointing out all the Silver Temple had to offer on the route outside to the main door. Training theaters, lecture halls, study areas, a couple of cafes, locker rooms, a library and a communication centre. They also passed a hall that was only for Masters, with a guard on duty at all times to keep wayward Padawans and Knights out of the place that was the heartbeat of the Temple, and at times the whole Sanctum. There was plenty to show, and hopefully many of the places he pointed out would be of great use to her in training and recreation.

The cool air teased in his quarters was greatly upon them as they stepped outside and down the large stone steps. There, he pointed out the external hangar, the gardens and the training grounds. But he was continuing to walk, away from the Temple to the lush fields before them with a winding path that led deeper across the planet.

The path turned into a drive for those visiting to follow in or out of the grounds, but Connor broke away to let the grass provide their route as the sky started to look like an oil painting.

”I come here at times for peace, a little reflection and time to myself.”

He was walking aimlessly to a large tree growing on its own. The tree had provided him shelter numerous times from hot sun or cold rain.

”You can sit under that tree over there, and watch the birds, or the ships coming and going from the Temple and lose yourself for hours. I've also done some training here, only a little now and then, but there are no eyes on you and no walls. It's you, and the Force around us. That's it.”

With a small smile, he turned to the eager Padawan.

”Are you alright? I mean, with everything that has happened. Do you wake in the night with memories that never leave, or worries that never cease? I'm just curious."

[member="Setzi Lunelle"]

 

[Setzi Lunelle]

While Setzi likely received a tour of the Sanctum grounds from Krux Mullarus awhile back, witnessing all of the various places with Connor was like seeing with a fresh pair of eyes. She’d come to Voss before with so much Darkside residue still clinging to her that she could not appreciate the planet, and the absolute beauty held within, the many opportunities for training and teaching, and for helping others.

With wide eyes she took in the exclusive Master hall and said, “The secret lair of the Jedi, eh? You know I bet you behind those grand old doors, it’s nothing but a bunch of grizzled Masters playing Pazaak for warra nuts,” she teased.

But once in the outdoors, the picturesque view before them nearly took the Padawan’s breath away. “I never quite appreciated how lovely Voss really is,” she remarked. She was so thankful that the Silver Sanctum headquartered on the temperate planet between the Tion Cluster and the Wyl Sector. She knew that the Galactic Alliance’s base was on volcanic Sullust, and the Republic was jammed in there in the Core Worlds under ever-present threat from the Sith. If they weren’t Jedi, Setzi could see herself buying some farmland and setting up a little domus for her and… she snuck a glance at Connor, remembering not to get ahead of herself.

“I can see why you’ve chosen this place,” she said. The Living Force breathed through the expansive space, whispering upon every blade of grass and filling the brunette Padawan with hope that she hadn’t felt in such a long time. Not even Connor’s next question could shake the optimism she felt. He already seemed more buoyant than when she’d first arrived, and Setzi mused that perhaps her faith was infectious. Either that, or Master Harrison drew strength and vigor from the outdoors which was just as likely.

“Sometimes,” she admitted as she felt her booted feet sink into the grass, noticing hollow mounds where moles had made their dens. The farm girl in her never stopped assessing the land around her. “I tried to process much of it while I was on my six month sojourn, and at times… well, I’m not going to lie, there were nights I was so alone and despondent, I considered taking my life. But luckily, my will to live was stronger than the melancholia of guilt and regret.” She breathed the air in deeply, not wanting to crack again in front of the tall Jedi Master. “I know you understand. And talking about it helps."

While Setzi didn’t know the details, she was aware that Connor had forays into the Darkness too. She would not pry into these as of yet. It was enough to know that it was in his past and made him empathetic to her plight.

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

He didn't care for many people - not in that sense - but those he did allow inside the complex barrier, he cared for greatly. Maybe to his own failure, but he couldn't help it. He was a tough shell to crack, but he was just a human after all. Blood, muscle and flesh. That's it. So in that sense it was sad to hear the struggle Setzi had faced, for she too was human; she felt things, experienced things and lived things, much like he had. He offered one of those solemn smiles as she concluded.

”Chandrila is a place I visited a long time ago and it reminded me of here; lots of grasslands, sweeping horizons, farms and people simply living off the land making their way through life. I remember you have roots in the simple things too, and farming. I can see why. Even when I was on Jakku for a while, I saw people simply taking away the complications of living and just doing what they had to do without any hassle. It was nice to see, and I could easily retire to a place like that.”

He reached the tree and placed a hand on the wide trunk, feeling the gnarled bark under his palm.

”I tried to take my life once too,” Connor said calmly, ”and in the very gardens of the temple, in a place called the Isolated Gardens. I had lost control of my emotions, and there were many factors leading to it such as my struggle to stay on the Light and letting someone close to me go. I boiled over, and held my hilt to my throat. I could feel the burning energy inside ready to pierce my neck, but, however, I couldn't do it. I spent most of that night sobbing in to my arms and sleeping.”

With that, he sighed and shrugged a little, as if it was just one of those things everyone experiences.

”So if you ever feel like you have no-one, you have me, because I understand your pain and how you feel it's easier sometimes to take everything away. But you're stuck with me now, so it's not going to be easy yo take me away. Have you spoken to Krux Mullarus since we parted? I've heard nothing from him. Something's telling me you haven't either.”

He wasn't concerned about Krux's whereabouts, not at all, but he was trying to piece together what Setzi may have been through to bring her back here.

[member="Setzi Lunelle"]

 

[Setzi Lunelle]

Setzi hoped she wasn’t being too intimate right off the bat, but when Connor admitted he too contemplated suicide, she reached out for him again, this time gripping his forearm. As the Jedi Master held the tree trunk, the Lunelle sister held onto him as though he were an aboreal statue, both rooted in the ground, steady for eternity. She also hoped his depressive episode was not related to Chastity.

“Sometimes I truly think being a Jedi is a curse,” the padawan said, laughing so he'd know she wasn't serious. “Looking back I was much happier on my parent’s farm wondering if I would ever get that first dance at the town festival.”

Smiling and pressing her lips together, her face was a picture of amusement at the fact that she was now stuck with Master Harrison. What better guardian diathim to look after her than the tall, experienced Jedi? The leaves rustled above them, the wind picking up momentarily. The sun became obscured by a patch of grey clouds as though prefacing Setzi’s remarks on Krux Mullarus:

“No,” she admitted. “He’s another ghost of the past. And quite honestly, he was too much a part of my past to continue with, even if he had not disappeared. I wish him well and hope he returns, but my path is my own.” Not even their love could transcend the darkness that both of them had been subjected to. In Setzi’s mind and soul, Krux Mullarus would always be connected to something that the padawan could no longer be around. Even if he’d atoned for his sins and she hers.

But Connor was an entirely different story – she knew that for sure, without even knowing the details. Yet now, she was curious and the good weather held for more conversation under the large and protective tree, despite the clouds.

“When did you succumb to the darkness, and by the Core, Connor, how did you ever get back?”

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

It certainly was a curse being a Jedi. Connor had given up what life he had to follow the Code, but in the process had destroyed many of the tendrils of life he had out there. As Setzi commented, his eyes fell a little in reflection on the what ifs and what could have beens. Her touch was comforting, like an anchor keeping him grounded. To be fair, Connor didn't know where he would be had it not been for the Republic Jedi taking him in initially. Probably dead. It was as simple as that. He had no roots in agriculture, or science, or travel, or anything to fall back on. This pain was all he knew.

”When did I succumb?” He thought for a second. ”There have been a few bumps but the epicenter of it all was when the Taung possessed me on Shri-tal.”

Connor turned and gripped her hand, giving it a little squeeze before letting go and seating himself under the tree, resting his arms on his knees. It was like preparing to tell a story.

”From that point, after I touched a cursed hammer when the Silvers tried to liberate the moon, it tapped into a part of me that fed on the darkness. Not just what the Sith crave, but everything. Perversion. Power. Lust. Greed. Obsession. Destruction. Death. Grim stuff.”

He went on as the cool wind touched them about how he struggled to repel the possession even after, having it left a painful mark on his mind that started to make Connor believe he could be more, and those in the Silvers who tried to talk him out of it were nothing but the enemy. He touched upon how he attacked fellow Jedi, how he exiled himself, how he was brought down even more when trying to find redemption at the hands of Darth Arcanix, Sage Bane Matsu Xiangu. He explained the scars, the battles, the wounds, the pain. The Padawans lost or wounded, or those who fled.

”I embraced more of the Dark Side to use its power in combat, and my personality became tainted. I never trusted the Order fully, even with the merger. And I don't think they trusted me. Or still do. But I don't blame them. I gave them no reason to trust me.” He paused and looked at Setzi. ”Did you hear of Corvus Raaf? The Republic Jedi Master? She was a close friend, and part of me foolishly loved her. And for months I ignored it, but the more time we spent together, the more I felt a bond. When I told her about my feelings, she was unaware of what love really was, and so couldn't comprehend returning the feeling. It was hard. Very hard, but I understood.”

Then, the deaths of Iella E'ron and Sochi Ru came up, how that dented his faith even more. And all the while juggling with the knockback from Corvus. And when Corvus found love with a Sith Priestess who claimed to want to see the Light, that was one of the moments Connor lost it.

”She couldn't understand love for me, but later she found it with someone who had tried to kill us both during a tomb expedition.” Connor shook his head. ”That hurt, and that pushed me more into the darkness until you and Chastity came into my life. I was returning from a few months away to find myself when I saw you both. And we all know how that went.”

With a little smile, he looked away and continued, lost in his own narration.

”When I lost Chastity to the Primeval, that was bad enough, but when she returned and I tried to help her, then I lost her fully, that killed me. And so it was then I tried to take my life.”

Connor stopped, and flicked his eyes to Setzi.

”Sorry, but you did ask. After I pulled myself together, Corvus vanished soon after and to this day I don't know where. And Chastity too. I had a few old friends to help me along and I did manage to emerge still in one piece and focus on the Order, but recently I've been like a wandering man. Going from planet to planet, helping those who need it, taking down those who don't. And every day I come back to my quarters and turn the lights off and look out at the planet and wonder what is left for me.”

He exhaled loudly.

That about did it before he made the mood REALLY depressing any more than he already had!

[member="Setzi Lunelle"]

 

[Setzi Lunelle]

When Connor lowered himself to the ground to tell his story, Setzi also kneeled beside him. Grass stains on her cream-colored pants be damned! She was going to sit in the cool greenery and enjoy time spent with someone who she had missed more than she realized.

The brunette Padawan listened with the intensity of a wife whose husband had just returned from the dead. All of these facts she did not know, about Connor mostly, but also some about the galaxy at large. She’d been left so long in her bubble, literally the oxygen-filled structure which was her underwater home on Glee Anselm for many years.

Perversion. Power. Lust. Greed. Obsession. Destruction. Death. Grim stuff.

The Jedi-in-training could only nod in agreement. Familiar territory banished to the farthest reaches of her psyche, hopefully to never arise again. Some names were recognizable, and others were not. But Setzi’s heart sank when Connor admitted that the loss of Chastity caused him so much pain, that he’d tried to take his life. Of course, the loss of her sister had pushed her over the chasm into the darkside – a living suicide as it were.

When he stopped she let a pause sink in, her fingers worrying the blades of grass, but not jumping right in with words. His story deserved the attention of a hushed eulogy, and she waited minutes actually speaking again:

“We have been chasing ghosts, Connor. And it’s time that we stop pursuing them and reside among the living. Really live, not just among those before us, but with them.” Her green eyes met his blue ones again as he sat before her, living, breathing, not a poltergeist or an apparition at all. The two of them were flesh and blood, with all of the normal passion and emotion that would be part of the human experience.

And with that, Setzi crawled over to sit beside Master Harrison, lacing her fingers through his once more as though needing a tactile sensation as proof he was not a ghost.

"I am with you," she said with a soft smile.

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

The good in Setzi was evident, and she didn’t pander him with words or analysis. It was, as she observed simply, in the past and the names were now but ghosts. How many would be letting the memory of Connor Harrison bring them down wherever they were? Probably none. So why was he?

Because he had nothing to focus on; nothing to live for.

Looking at Setzi’s delicate fingers through his, it was clear where that focus was now and there was no point living if you couldn’t feel alive. The ghosts had to be buried.

”Be with me, and let’s go forward together.”

There was no Chastity, or Corvus, or anyone – only Setzi.

He turned into her and swept his free hand down the side of her face, cupping the nape of her neck gently and leaned forward to kiss her.

A slow, tender kiss that was important to signify his promise to her, the good made on his word and also not to make her feel overwhelmed after the recent whirlwind of events.

The planet around them was quiet, and there was nothing except Setzi to feel strength from.

[member="Setzi Lunelle"]