Not a Hero

[Nylea Apollodor]

Nylea wished recent events had never reached the ears of her fellow Jedi in Sanctuary. From what had happened on Voss to her efforts to protect the Jedi temple on Coruscant during the sudden collapse of the Galactic Alliance mere weeks ago, different stories of her deeds had been circulating and it had led to many not being shy to applaud her. Although the stories were in fact true, she rejected the notion it deserved praise in the slightest. The very reason the woman had decided to take up the mantle of Jedi in the first place was to right the wrongs of her past, to repay the galaxy for the things she had done. It would never truly be enough, but that was her own burden to bear. Paying off a debt was not something to be commended. In her mind, others deserved the praise instead of her. They were the true heroes, the ones who did what they did merely because they wanted to do good.

The praise had become hard to avoid, as well. The wounds and injuries following the events on Coruscant had not healed quite yet and wherever she went, the clicking sound of crutches colliding with the floor followed meant she could not remain in the background, but instead quickly drew the attention. Even though she always remained friendly and appreciative towards those who approached her, not shy to call out her 'feats of heroism and selflessness', deep down she truly did not know how to handle it. Soon she would be able to get back to her duties however, which would give her something to keep her busy and away from all of it until it blew over.

This all took a backseat for the moment though as Nylea, with her crutches and one leg, made her way through the halls of Sanctuary with Nora's office as the destination. Although her friend remained vague on the details, she had heavily implied that is was important and as such the echani, while wondering what the reason behind its urgency was, decided to not keep her waiting. Things had been strangely quiet during her short walk, but it was quickly chalked up as a coincidence.

Two gentle knocks on the door would let those inside the office know someone was at the door, and after a short delay it would open to reveal that it was indeed Nylea. "Hey, I hope I did not keep you waiting," she said as she made her way inside and took a moment to close the door behind her, struggling slightly due to the crutches getting in the way before turning towards Nora once again. "What do you need me for?"

[member="Nora Lithos"]

 

[Nora Lithos]

[member="Nylea Apollodor"]

“Don’t worry about it.” Nora smiled and stood up out of her seat to approach the door with Nylea. Her arms wrapped around her friend in a tight hug before she eventually let the injured hero get her balance back in proper again.

“I wanted to see you about a talk is all.” Nora said with a grin as she watched her friend hobble for a second. “With all the work that has been going on and the CIS flying their banners around Monastery there’s been a lot of administrative efforts that I have been forced to focus on for a while.”

She did her best not to mention Coruscant. It was a fresh memory for everyone around the galaxy. While the Sacred Lotus would have loved to save everyone they had also been spread too thin on the fields to really make much of an impact at all. The greater actors had done most of the work and internally it brought a lot of attention to whether or not the Order was still doing the right thing. Doubts were beginning to crop up within the ranks of the higher-ups again and that never ended well.

Nora pushed the thoughts aside and looked at her friend.

“I know you are relying on those crutches, but I have been sitting in that chair trying to find ways to make ends meet, so if you don’t mind I would love to stretch my legs for a bit.” Nora said and reached for the door to allow Nylea to walk right back out again.

They stepped out and Nora turned back to lock her door.

“So,” She said with a chuckle and a smile, still keeping her upbeat character intact despite the last few months' hardships. “Do you want the good news or the bad news first?”

 

[Nylea Apollodor]

While keeping her hold on the crutch Nylea gently returned the hug for as much as she could, but only doing so with one arm in order to keep her balance. "I see you had more than enough work lined up if I did make you wait, but you know punctuality is something I value." Both had been busy in their own ways, with the unfortunate side effect being that they hadn't had much time to simply spend together as friends. The echani figured that was the reason she wanted to talk.

"Things have been changing with the arrival of the CIS, and the changes have not been minute either. The military presence has been a major source of concern for me. It does not feel right, in a way that is hard to place." It wasn't the only thing on her mind, however. An edge of the Dark side had been creeping into the Force, which was never a good sign. "But you probably have to deal with those things more than enough already," she then remarked to put an end to the topic. It was doubtful that was the reason she had been called upon.

"Oh," Nylea replied to the request to talk outside of the office, "as long as you are okay with me being a bit slower than usual, it is more than fine to me." It was not hard to understand why Nora wanted to get out for a little while and get her mind off of her work. The two made her way outside and after the door was locked they would begin walking. The way her friend asked the question that followed made the echani slightly suspicious, but with nothing to go on she decided to not pay it any mind. "I generally prefer it when the bad news is out of the way first. I hope it is nothing too terrible, though." Nora's upbeat demeanor kept any real worry away, despite how she reacted to the two choices she had been given. "I am not in trouble, right?" She chuckled herself now, something she hadn't been able to do for a while.

[member="Nora Lithos"]

 

[Nora Lithos]

“Mhm.” Came a small grunt from the young Arkanian. Nylea had sure enough picked up on the fact that the last thing she wanted to talk about was the current political climate in which a majority of members were beginning to feel like the time to move on from Monastery was now.

The only problem with that was the finances.

“What, slower? Are you saying you weren’t before?” Nora spoke with a grin aimed at Nylea and her crutches. “No, no. You are not in any trouble. I wouldn’t have asked you to come as much as demanded it if you were.”

“I just wanted to talk, you know…” The arkanian said and continued to smile. “It’s been a long while since last and I would dread losing contact with the one remaining best friend I have.”

Of course Nora had plenty of friends in the Order, but none of them were as close as Nylea at this point. She had been there since the start of the journey when many more had simply left Nora behind. She didn’t house any greater contempt for those that had, but the value of those who had remained was certainly something that meant a great deal more to Nora.

“So, the bad news.” She said and lead them into the courtyard where she had once been stabbed. “We are missing a few people since one of our last run for meds in the Outer Rim, but we are confident they will return to us.”

“The good news…” Nora said and reached for something on her lower back. The sound of something unlatching echoed through the seemingly empty courtyard as Nora began to straighten her back. “Padawan Apollodor.” Nora said and held a saber hilt in front of her torso before she ignited it. “Kneel, or otherwise get seated.”

Given the situation with the crutches… Not the most sensible of ideas, but an exception was to be made. From the corner of their eyes shapes and figures of men and women of all races began to flood the courtyard. A chair was swiftly put in place behind the Echani, should she need it, as Karl and a few other Masters and Knights all lined up behind Nora to partake in the event.

A quick perk of Nora’s brows made her indifference for Nylea’s appreciation of the fact all the more evident. A sort of ‘shut up and just accept it’ that the Echani would deep down know that Nora had no intention of backing down from no matter how hard she argued it.

[member="Nylea Apollodor"]

 

[Nylea Apollodor]

"Oh, come on," Nylea responded with a healthy dose of humor, "I am normally not that slow. Besides, I always make sure to keep up with your breakneck speed." Had it not meant that she would awkwardly fall over while trying, she would've patted Nora on the back. Unfortunately in her current state that was not a possibility, and so things had to be limited to just her words. "And while I am being honest anyway, remember when you 'suggested' me to try out Nebulove?" There was no need to say any more than that. The echani had been pestered until she finally gave in and did it, even though she had been far from willing.

What her friend said next however cut back on her playful tone somewhat, however. Nylea had not forgotten what happened between Nora and Hazel, and although the arkanian did not show it she was certain it still affected her. "I will always be where the Lotus goes, that is where you can find me. Always. Things may have been hectic for us both, but those things are temporary." The lesson of how much this place meant to her had been a harsh one, but she knew it was too valuable to leave behind. "I am glad we can do some catching up now, though. It really has been too long."

And then the news was delivered. The bad news came first, as requested, and it was indeed somewhat worrying. "If they do not return before the doctors allow me to head out again, I will look to help with finding them." If she were to have been honest, the only reason she wouldn't go earlier than that was because no pilot was going to fly her there in the state she was in.

Then, with the bad news out of the way, the good news came. The sound of something unclipping echoing througout the courtyard alerted Nylea of the fact that things were simply too quiet, but when Nora referred to her in the way she did, every little detail she had written off as coincidence came together. Despite all the clues, she was still taken by surprise. The courtyard began to flood with people and at that moment she realized she had walked right into the trap. There was no way out.

The chair was placed behind her and she carefully placed the crutches next to the chair before sitting down. The lost soul that had been found all these years ago had proven that redemption was never out of reach. Even if what was unfolding at that moment in time wasn't something she deserved, the very least she could do was show respect towards those who had given her the second chance she so desperately needed back then. She wondered if Bethany was watching on from wherever she was now.

Somewhat overwhelmed by the amount of people that had gathered she looked around for a fleeting moment before returning her attention back to Nora, giving her a conceding nod. There would be no running away from it anymore.

[member="Nora Lithos"]

 

[Nora Lithos]

[member="Nylea Apollodor"]

There had been a good and warm chuckle at the ‘Nebulove Incident.’ Total disaster, but so much fun for Nora. Maybe not so much for Nylea, but absolutely for Nora.

As Nylea took her seat in the chair and the last few members of the order entered the courtyard to observe the ceremony. The hum of the silver colored saber pulsed before Nora and whistled as she lowered it to let it point at the ground, her movements slow and calculated almost as if rehearsed to perfection before she finally spoke up.

“The Order of the Sacred Lotus,” She began and looked out across the rest. “Is built on a foundation of trust, and compassion.”

The red thread in her mind began to slither away at the realization that everyone was now looking at her and Nora quickly turned away to look straight at Nylea instead. Blank eyes looked into silver with a warmth that could only be shared between two friends. A small smile crept on Nora’s lips as she continued her speech.

“We believe that redemption, rejuvenation and second chances are the cornerstone on which to build a successful society. That no matter how far gone someone may seem they should always get the chance to prove and redeem themselves before any harsher judgment be passed onto them by authorities greater than our own.”

Nora’s smile grew in size.

“Few people exemplify this better than you, Nylea Apollodor.” She said and turned around towards the others again. “Through her selfless acts in both the name of our Order and as a friend, Nylea has time after time again proved herself not just a valuable member to our Order, but the galaxy as a whole.”

“From the moral support she offered me on the first day I joined the Order to the battle just mere days ago on Coruscant, the actions which she has carried herself with shows not the woman she once was but the woman she has since become.”

“She is a friend to all of us.” Attention turned back to Nylea again as the saber was raised above Nora once more. “But most of all, an inspiration.”

“You got seated as a Padawan,” Nora said and lowered the saber gently onto Nylea’s shoulder without letting the beam touch. “But you rise as a Knight.”

The blade shifted to the other shoulder before it was retracted and extinguished. The rest of the people knelt while Nora remained standing, her hand reaching out to give aid if Nylea wanted it.

“We are all proud of you, and we have the utmost faith in you.”

 

[Nylea Apollodor]

When Nylea had sat down, despite begrudgingly accepting what was about to happen, she was unable to understand why anyone would have thought this was something she had earned.

It was Nora's smile, however, that caused the slightest of cracks in her stubborn opinion. The arkanian began speaking and explained what they stood for, a set of beliefs that had saved Nylea's life. It formed the foundation of the very things they did. Still, those values were held by all who had gathered here now, and she herself had been a mere recipient of the chance at redemption. That alone did not justify this moment in her mind. The perspective she saw things from simply did not validate any of the praise she had gotten up to this point. Her past had been accepted as it was and she had been able to leave it there, but it was still there. But, when Nora continued, that point of view began to shift.

"Few people exemplify this better than you, Nylea Apollodor. Through her selfless acts in both the name of our Order and as a friend, Nylea has time after time again proved herself not just a valuable member to our Order, but the galaxy as a whole."

Perhaps this truly wasn't about that is was her who had done those things, but the nature of the acts. Instead of looking at the person, the actions created the example to follow. It was a different take on it all and it lit a spark of enlightenment.

“From the moral support she offered me on the first day I joined the Order to the battle just mere days ago on Coruscant, the actions which she has carried herself with shows not the woman she once was but the woman she has since become.”

It was at that moment Nylea truly understood why her friend had been so adamant, why she had gotten the praise, why the time was in fact right to leave her title of padawan behind. She was seen as an example of how redemption was never truly out of reach and her actions were seen as an example for those who wished to be a Jedi. With those pieces of knowledge, it become more and more ridiculous to argue against being Knighted. As Nora said herself, to them she was an inspiration. That exact word was what truly got to her and humbled her greatly. A lump formed in the woman's throat and it became increasingly more difficult to keep herself from getting emotional, something that clearly showed in the expression that rested on her face.

And now, as Nylea slowly got up from the seat with Nora's help, she understood why she was here in this moment.

"Thank you."

While standing on one leg she did the one thing that felt right and gave her friend a tight hug, completely indifferent to whether or not it was fitting to the occasion. Tears slowly began to well up in her eyes, but she no longer tried to keep them at bay.

"I will do everything I can to live up to that faith. That I promise."

[member="Nora Lithos"]

 

[Nora Lithos]

[member="Nylea Apollodor"]

The scar on her stomach itched for a second as Nora grabbed Nylea’s hand to pull her up from her seat and for a second she tensed up as the pain made itself reminded of that day. Arms wrapped around Nora’s body and yet she remained frozen. Not until a few seconds later would her nerves let her calm down when she knew that it was all right and that it was just a memory, nothing more than that.

“You already are, my friend.” Nora whispered and let her cheek rest against Nylea’s shoulder for support of her own. “You always have been.”

They eventually separated and with that Nora gave her friend a warm smile as her hand rested on the Echani shoulder. They had been through a lot together, and this was just a small part of the trials that they had faced together. Death had been thrown at them, life had too in a sense, but no matter what they seemed to be able to tell that they had the other there whether they liked it or not.

More often than not though, Nora liked it.

The hand slipped from Nylea’s shoulder and yet Nora remained right there, looking at her friend with a sense of pride and accomplishment. They had come far. Further than Nora would have thought just a year ago. From Bethany and Sardun, Hazel, a whole host of trouble caused by Nora…

“Sorry for tricking you like that.” She chuckled. “You would have said no, I was not about to grant you the satisfaction.”

 

[Nylea Apollodor]

Nylea couldn't help but chuckle along with Nora as she wiped away a tear, still a bit shook by what had just transpired. "I think an apology from my side is appropriate, too. In a weird sense, I was very selfish about it all," she explained while she turned towards the chair for a moment and carefully took hold of the crutches again. A fear of not meeting the standard to which a Knight was held, believing that others were much more deserving of such a title, had been at the core of her aversion to the topic altogether. Now that the turmoil it caused in her head had been cleared up, she felt much more comfortable with the responsibilities that would be befalling her. "I don't think anyone but you could've changed my mind."

While the two exchanged words, Karl stepped out from the crowd that had gathered and walked up to them. "It was long overdue, Nylea," he said as she extended his hand towards the echani. With a smile she shook it while the realization they were seen as equals now made everything truly sink in. "I'm glad you finally accepted."

"What can I say? Nora is a persuasive individual." It was doubtful this would be the last time she managed to convince Nylea of something, either. Everything they had been through together though, both good and bad, had her come to the conclusion that she wouldn't have wanted to do so with anyone else. "And, uh, thank you. That means a lot to me." Karl had been someone she could rely on when she needed it. From Dagobah, to him bringing her home after being freed from capture courtesy of a Sith, and everything inbetween and in the future, Nylea had garnered a lot of respect for him.

[member="Nora Lithos"]

 

[Nora Lithos]

[member="Nylea Apollodor"]

“I try my best.” Nora smiled ever so brightly between the three of them. “Karl was one of the people who first agreed to set up the trap, you know.”

“Guilty.” He spoke with a laughter.

“Knight is… Not going to be all that different.” Nora finally admitted as the others began to leave. “Your duties are roughly the same, except you have more authority and sway in the Order’s business. Not quite Master or Elder, but considering we decided to scrap most of the hierarchy when we restructured it doesn’t matter.”

“You may now take on an apprentice of your own, as well as hold classes.” Nora motioned for the three of them to walk. “You can-”

“Right! I needed to hold a class!” Karl exclaimed with a tinge of panic to his voice before he pointed over his shoulder with his thumb and began to step away from the other two. “Telekinetic basics, you know how it is.”

Nora merely nodded and the man turned around to make haste.

“Like I said,” She chuckled. “Your focus will always be to learn, but starting now I will be asking that you also teach.”

“Your first student,” Nora said and tried her best to keep her smile going. “Will be me.”

“The saber I used for the ceremony wasn’t just for show. The council has decided that I need to be able to defend myself in case we are faced with a situation like the one we had a few months back, I rejected it until there was someone I felt comfortable learning it from and, well…”

“That someone was you.” She frowned. “I don’t want to, but those are my orders.”

 

[Nylea Apollodor]

"The fact Knights are often the direct example for Padawans is the major reason I am still a bit nervous about it. I think I will be fine, though." Like with most things, Nylea figured it would become easier to deal with that nervosity as time went on. If she pushed through she would settle into the role eventually. "It is nothing more than getting used to things. If anything, it is a challenge to better myself as a person." After all, that was a core belief of many Jedi, herself included.

Karl broke off the conversation, however, when he began running towards the class he was going to teach. The echani amusedly chuckled along with Nora as they watched him dash away, but quickly turned into an agreeing hum as she returned her attention to her friend and nodded. "One never stops learning, after all. But, what I do know I am glad to share."

The one she would teach first however, came out of left field.

"That- it is a smart decision." Although Nylea tried to hide it, a feeling of discomfort began to creep over her. Nora wouldn't be the first member of the leadership of the Sacred Lotus to be taught in the usage of lightsabers by her. Hazel had also learned the basics from her and although back then she was more than happy to do so, now it left her conflicted. Although she was able to cope with it now, guilt still existed within her being. Often times the echani wondered whether things would have been different had she not done so. Perhaps Hazel had not carried her lightsaber that day and had the attempt at Nora's life never happened. It would be kept to herself, though.

"I cannot demonstrate the motions or be a sparring partner at first, of course," the woman continued, pushing the thought to the side, "but I will do what I can. When did you want to begin?"

[member="Nora Lithos"]

 

[Nora Lithos]

[member="Nylea Apollodor"]

To lead by example was something you got used to. Nora had stopped any and all pretentions she once had the she would be able to hold the seat that she had now and still remain unseen by the people in the Order. Now every move that she made had the chance to be scrutinized and she had to ensure that every single thing that she did in public was something that not only aligned with the Order but made sure that the Order as a whole wasn’t tarnished for it.

Perhaps that was why she treasured the moments with Nylea so much. It was a chance to let her hair down and go back to being who she had been when they first met. It was a less demanding existence and one that Nora would lie if she said she didn’t long for, but this life had chosen her and she rolled with the punches for it. In the end she knew that she was good at what she did, even if it meant she couldn’t make a life doing the thing that she wanted to do the most.

“I don’t want to begin.” Nora said and sighed. Her arms crossed and she looked away from Nylea like an insolent teenager who had been told there was something that they had to do. “What I want is to collect viral samples and study them, but leadership is on the schedule again.”

There was something else they could do. Nora began leading Nylea away from the offices and courtyards and back towards the dormitories. Their walk through the hallways acted like a good reminder of why they were here and for a split second Nora felt guilty at having felt what she felt.

Sanctuary was a bit more populated as of late. Coruscant hadn’t only affected Nylea in the end.

“I wish there was more I could do, but… There is also so many things I need to do just to keep this boat from sinking.” Nora said and stepped up closer to Nylea to allow privacy in the open areas now host to sick people. “I want to talk freely, we’re going to my room.”

“For all I know there is bugs in my office or something. I don’t know, we’re getting reports of all kinds and I just…” She sighed and shook her head. “I need a moment. To rest.”

 

[Nylea Apollodor]

"Trust me, I understand."

Nylea grew up in a culture where combat was weaved into the very fabric of society, and even now she often found peace of mind through sparring with fellow Jedi. From footwork to blade angles, it was a dance where every inch mattered and it helped keep her mind sharp. More importantly though, to an echani combat was the purest way to understand the other. Actions were incapable of deception- the very way one moved in a simple spar often said more about a person to her than any amount of words ever could. Yet still, she understood why Nora was unwilling. It simply wasn't part of the arkanian's identity.

"If it means anything, I wish teaching you had never been necessary." Nylea would be able to step over her own hesitations in time. Nora and Hazel were vastly different people, something their very stances on being taught highlighted. After all, Hazel had approached her about it out of a wish to learn, a trait Nora absolutely did not share. It were those exact reservations her friend had, however, that caused the echani to have her own. "But, I will promise you that as long as I am where you are, you will not have to use your lightsaber."

For now though, Nylea was more than content with delaying the first lesson. If she was going to teach she would look to do it properly and diligently, which was difficult to do as long as she wasn't able to properly show the basics of bladework herself. Simply talking was more than enough for her. "Sounds good to me. It really has been too long since we have been able to just sit down and do that." It was something she had missed. The woman loved hearing Nora talk about her studies, or simply taking the time to relax and recharge. It also allowed her to address the growing sense of worry she had for her, clearly seeing the toll leadership was taking on her. "You know you can tell me anything."

[member="Nora Lithos"]

 

[Nora Lithos]

[member="Nylea Apollodor"]

Today was a day of celebration though. Things were not allowed to get too heavy on Nylea’s promotion day, and Nora would be damned if she was the one to let it get there. The walk to the dormitories wasn’t all that long. The pass through the regular dormitories would lead the duo into a section that held a smaller courtyard before it. A place where the leadership of the Order were housed and one of the few places where the rooms still stood vacant or had been repurposed into something else. More often than not they housed visiting benefactors at this point, as few as they were.

The wooden door into Nora’s apartment creaked with a familiar groan that she had grown so accustomed to. A vague smell of lavender seeped out through the door and upon first glance into the room it would be hard not to notice the fact that everything in the one-roomer seemed to be almost meticulously cleaned and positioned for a degree of pinpoint precision on its angles. It was almost as clean as her office was with the exception that there was no abundance of paperwork stacked everywhere in this room.

This was Nora’s sanctuary in Sanctuary and a place few other people had ever seen since all things considered Nora hadn’t had many ‘visitors’ in a long time now. Her parents could hardly afford the tickets to come visit in person, and the repercussions of a higher up bringing home ‘overnight visitors’ was something that was generally frowned upon.

Nylea had probably seen this place once in a while, but not often. The plants that lingered on the walls, the framed sprigleaf that Nylea had found her on the wall, the overabundance of potted plants and other symbols of peace and calm seemed to overwhelm each surface one could find.

“I know I can.” Nora finally said as they stepped inside. “I just…”

Her shoulders rose and sunk with a shrug to signal her loss for words. There was something to be said, but she wasn’t quite sure what it was. A hand reached for the small refrigerator under the sink to withdraw a flask of golden-orange liquid before she grabbed two glasses from the cupboard above.

“It’s a celebration. We should focus on what matters.” She said and took a seat on the nearby couch facing the holoscreen and smaller fireplace underneath. “You are a knight today, and my problems can wait for at least another day.”

“Now,” There was no chance for Nylea to decline, this drink was happening. “A drink would do both of us good, probably. Helps with your heart, potentially. Keeps the demons away, according to some. No empirical evidence ever seem to support either case, so I guess it’s a matter of what you want to believe in.”

Two drinks, one each, was poured up and Nora motioned for Nylea to sit. A hand moved up to properly undo the hairdo that had adorned Nora’s head until just now. It made the bags under her eyes all the more obvious. From the way she clutched her hands around the glass to the way her lower lip seemed to tremble ever so slightly as she stared at the wall where the mounted screen was.

“To knighthood?” Nora spoke with a chuckle once her eyes managed to break away from the wall. “And our friendship.”

“And the good times.”

 

[Nylea Apollodor]

Even though it was rare for Nylea to be here, those few times had been enough to create the habit to always take her seat on one particular part of the couch. There was no reason for it nor was it a concious thing, either. In fact, it was nothing more than an odd byproduct of her efforts to bring structure and consistency into her daily life, which she had been doing ever since moving to Monastery. Doing so back then had allowed her to truly shed her old life and focus on connecting with the Light and to this day those routines were still in place. It was simply invaluable in remaining balanced and in tune with herself. And so, the echani once again sat down in the same spot, but this time after gently pushing a chair in front of it and placing her crutches against the armrest of the couch.

"Keeping your personal demons to yourself will only make things worse," Nylea answered while Nora was fetching what she presumed to be beverages of some kind from the kitchen. It was clear that something, or perhaps even multiple things, weighed down on her friend, which worried her greatly. While Nora was doing that, she herself slowly sat down and gently lifted her left leg to place it onto the chair for support. The cast around it had made it necessary to do so.

The arkanian would then join Nylea, but the echani couldn't do anything but shake her head at the words spoken to her. "It is just a title, Nora. And I can tell there is something bothering you, how can I be cheerful when I know my closest friend is not doing well?" A simple notion that was nothing but truthful. "You gave me no room to refuse in the courtyard, now I will not let you refuse to get it out of your system."

Although Nylea did take the glass, she did not think of drinking its contents for even a second and instead leaned forward to put it down on the salon table in front of them. Had it been before committing herself to the life of a Jedi, she would have had no reservations, but now her view on life had radically changed. To remain grounded and having a clear mind at all times was something she valued deeply and alcohol was a delibitating factor in that. Since that shift, she had not had a single drink and even this occasion was not changing that. "Sorry. I... it goes against my personal values. I appreciate the gesture, though." She then raised an empty hand, her fingers curled to emulate the glass being in their grip. "To our friendship, that it may persevere always, and to the good times, that we may never forget them."

Nylea chuckled for a moment and let Nora have a taste of her drink before returning to what refused to leave her thoughts. Especially with how tired Nora looked she was worried about her, and with the memories of Hazel's slow descent which had begun in much the same way letting that happen again was simply an impossibility. In her mind she could have prevented it all from happening then, but failed. Now the woman was not going to make that mistake again, especially not when her best friend was involved. "I am serious about what I said, though. You are at your wit's end, that much is clear to me. I want to help you, but I can only do that if I know what is going on."

[member="Nora Lithos"]

 

[Nora Lithos]

[member="Nylea Apollodor"]

The corner of Nora’s lip twitched at the observation that she wasn’t doing well. Maybe she should have figured that being insistent in the courtyard made things all the more harder to escape for herself, but hindsight was twenty-twenty. Or something like that. Her glance seemed fixed on her glass as Nylea spoke, unwavering and unmoving from the liquids dancing around within.

“No, it’s okay, I should have remembered.” Nora finally said and looked over at her friend with a broken smile. “Drinking and such, not everyone does it.”

Nora downed it all in a sweep, her teeth gritting at the content’s march down her throat before she put it down on the table with an uneasy grip that didn’t want to let the glass go as if it was her last measure of comfort in this room. An empty, hollowed out glass that once housed liquids that had just tried to burn away the feeling that she suppressed in her heart. She wasn’t quite sure which of the previous descriptor she wanted to buy into just yet. The demon slaying and the heart fixing seemed like equally satisfying explanations for this predicament.

She moved closer to Nylea to grab at her hands.

“I am okay.” Nora said and gave her hand a gentle squeeze. “I am-”

“I am fine.” Her eyes closed for what felt like a second but was anything but. “I am.”

A single teardrop passed by her defenses before the dam broke down. Her lower lip trembled, her brows furrowing in an attempt to hold it all back. She had to be strong now, she had to be happy for her friend and the importance of this day. But Nora’s head slowly turned away as her lips began to part in full with the sound of sobs and snivels. She couldn’t speak, she couldn’t utter a single word to make it all go away. She tried, but it was nothing but shaken exhales and tears.

Her eyes closed again and Nora broke down into a full on crying mess.

“I am fine.” She gasped for air. “I am perfectly fine.”

 

[Nylea Apollodor]

It pained Nylea to see her like this, to see how much Nora struggled to even remain composed. She had seen her go from being the cheery student on the day they met to almost becoming a completely different person when the indicent happened, but deep down she knew that with that shift there were things beneath the surface that simply did not feel right. There was nothing to go on until right now, though, but it seemed Nora was finally beginning to let down her defense. Even if it hurt to witness, it was the first step towards making things better again. The echani simply watched in silence as she watched how tight yet feeble the grip on the glass was, giving the arkanian the time and space to get to what she wanted to say.

The same patience was shown when Nora took both of her hands, giving her a worried look. Still she remained silent, even through the repeated statement claiming things were fine. As much as Nylea wanted to rebut it, it was already obvious enough that both were keenly aware the truth was different. Her friend tried to hide it still, but when the tears become too much to hold in she freed herself from the trembling grip on her hands and wrapped her arms around Nora. "Take your time, let it out. I will stay here for as long as I need to." No matter how long it would take to get everything off her chest, she wouldn't be going anywhere before the last bit was out in the open. "Do whatever you need to do, Nora."

While still embracing Nora, Nylea gave her all the time she needed to get to a state where she could properly talk again. There wasn't anywhere the woman had to go to today and whatever she had planned for herself could be done another time.

[member="Nora Lithos"]

 

[Nora Lithos]

[member="Nylea Apollodor"]

Fingers dug into Nylea’s shoulder with a cramped grip as Nora buried her face into her friend’s shoulder. The tears just kept pouring and drowned out the fabric of Nylea’s tunic with a stream that didn’t seem to stop. What Nora needed was to feel close to someone, to someone that cared and was there, and Nylea had over time become that person to her. In fact she had become the only one that Nora felt like she still had to count on, and it made her life feel all the more empty. She used to have so many friends around the campus grounds, but they were all gone.

“All of them gone.” Nora sobbed against Nylea’s shoulder. “I tried to get them back, but it’s just me.”

“Am I doing the right thing?”

“Am I doing right by Kismet and Sardun?”

“Where is this all going? Are we delaying the inevitable?”

Her grip grew tighter around the Echani. She wanted to make sure she was there, that she remained with her even when all hope seemed lost. Between ragged breaths and the withheld panic it was hard to get any real measure of air. Ungraceful sobs tore at her throat. She had to compose herself, she knew that, but she couldn’t. She needed to be the leader that the Order needed after all the things that she had done for them. After all the things they had done for her.

“This is my home, it is all I have.” Nora put her cheek against Nylea’s shoulder and continued her sobbing. “If I lose this I will have nothing. Nowhere to go, nothing to do. No purpose.”

“I need the Order, I need it to live on, and…”

“And Hazel almost made it go away.” She sighed and closed her eyes to try and breathe, but it was still pointless. “I must uphold this organization, I must make sure it lives. I need to show her that she was wrong, that she was wrong to leave and that she was-”

- wrong to call me weak. Nora never finished the sentence. Nylea wouldn’t have wanted to hear it, she knew her friend well enough to know that.

“She was wrong.” She said instead. “I need to prove her wrong.”

 

[Nylea Apollodor]

Often times Nylea found that, when someone was in a dark place mentally, responding to everything they had to say with words of her own was not what they needed. In those moments nothing was more important than simply providing a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on, so they could oust everything and truly sort out how they were feeling. That was the first step in the healing process, but also the most important one.

And so, when Nora's stream of questions poured out, the echani did not immediately answer them. Many of her questions had been shared by herself back when she had decided to disappear in order to find a piece of herself again; those thoughts had haunted her for a long time, but in the end she realized despite how seemingly insignificant the Lotus had become, that wasn't the fault of anyone. They still made a change, even if it was on a smaller scale and as long as they continued to do so, the galaxy would always be a slightly better place. For Nylea, that was enough.

Throughout it all, the woman retained her embrace, gently rubbing her friend's back. The fact her tunic was being stained by Nora's tears was the least of her worries, she barely even noticed it in the first place.

Yet, as she continued to listen, a feeling of guilt began creeping into her concious. The woman had ran away herself and although she did come back, now that she knew how lonely Nora felt it was hard not to think about that. She already carried regret within her over the fact she had left without a word, but now that she heard exactly how badly Nora was able to handle the absence of those she cared about forgiving herself was suddenly much more difficult.

"All that matters is what you think, and what you do," she then finally said, "you do not need to prove anything to anyone. Your heart is in the right place, you give everything you have in order to make the galaxy a better place. I am proud of you."

[member="Nora Lithos"]

 

[Nora Lithos]

[member="Nylea Apollodor"]

Loneliness was an emotion that was eerily easy to get used to. It was the prolonged exposure to it that made things unbearable. The lack of interaction, the lack of touch and meaningful conversation. The lack of pleasure, or pain, or relief, and it was this that Nora had come to crave the longer her feeling of isolation lasted. She missed the innocent kisses of a first date and the other sensations, but most of all she missed the conversations. The news, the gossip, the act of simply sharing your world view and hoping the other person agreed or accepted you for it.

Back then it had been easy. Nora was a nobody, a small-time wannabe scientist that liked to poke at leaves and swamp water and see how it reacted. Now she was a leader, a role model and someone that people needed to have faith in even when she didn’t have any herself. She was only twenty years old but she felt almost twice as old. Her nerves were frayed with responsibility and her mind wracked with the importance and impact of her every decision. Nora no longer had the freedom to be herself, she needed to be perfect even when she knew she didn’t want to be and it tore her apart from the inside.

In the end what Nora was afraid of was that if she let up they would go back to the stagnation that they had once experienced, but that was to undermine the importance of the rest of the elders. She had already inspired leadership out of people that would otherwise have resisted it once, but it was hard to see her own creation from an outsider’s perspective.

Her tears continued to trail down her cheek before she pushed herself up from Nylea’s shoulders. Blank eyes peered deep into silver with a grateful albeit broken smile and for a second Nora felt herself letting up on the feelings that she kept contained within. The tears began to slow their approach and the sobs grew quieter.

“Thank you.” She sniveled and wrapped her arms around Nylea’s shoulders once more in another tight hug. “It means a lot to hear you say that.”

“I just-” Her voice stuttered between the shaken breaths that parted her lips. “Nothing.”

“I haven’t felt much at all. Nothing, I’ve felt nothing.” She whispered against Nylea’s shoulder. “Just worked. Let the days pass. Wake up, paperwork, meetings, eat, paperwork, eat, paperwork, sleep. Repeat.”

“It lets me rest. Ever since the incident, I’ve…” She paused for a moment. “I still see her in my dreams. I remember that feeling of slipping out of consciousness for the last time. The fear...”