Private Not By Chance

[Ashin Cardé Varanin]

Ashin's lips quirked up at the corners. "I practically had to take a neuronic whip to you before you'd stand up for yourself effectively. Drag you kicking and screaming into the realization that you had power to act. What's that hesitance, if not fear? To be a Sith, you'll need to admit your fear to yourself - and use it to find power. Just as now, fear leads to anger. There are ways to weaponize it. You'll learn all this in time-"

She broke off as Avalore spat on the window.

"Clean that up immediately. Your disrespect gives me serious doubts about your value."

 

[Avalore]

Avalore's features grew reserved at once, her face pinched as she grabbed a wad of gauze and rub the flem off the window. She crinkled her nose at it, picking at the sides of the bandage to wrap it up within itself and shove it back into the kit.

She let out a heavy breath, her upper lip slowly growing into a pout. When she spoke again, it was with disdain. "Fear doesn't make you stronger, it makes you weak."

 

[Ashin Cardé Varanin]

"Make. You make yourself. Fear is a natural and unavoidable part of being a mammal. But fear can lead us down any number of paths, and it's within our power to choose that path. Turn one way and you do wind up weak, reactive, blindly angry, a coward, contemptible. Turn another way and you find your judgment and attention keener, improve your power to recognize and preempt threats, harness anger and hatred at need. Fear is nothing but a fire, Avalore . It can burn your hand, or it can burn down your enemy's stronghold, assuming you know how to use it."

The shuttle leaped to hyperspace. Ashin sat back in the pilot's seat and laced her fingers across her belly.

"Those are hard lessons, and talking alone won't make them sink in. That's why we pursued a practical lesson today. Would you have had the strength to set that fire down there if you hadn't been afraid?"

 

[Avalore]

The glow of hyperspace played in her eyes, an intake of breath the only thing to mark her awe.

Ashin Cardé Varanin 's question hung in the air, unanswered as Avalore's attention shifted bit by bit from the windows, back into the cabin they sat in. She fussed with the tubes in her lap, shrugging in response. That was teen speak for, Fine. You're right, I guess.

Ashin's point tugged at her, her stomach churning in discomfort. Why did she get the feeling the woman was going to make her face her fears a lot more? She squirmed in her seat, a small edge of concern creeping through her. Perhaps she shouldn't have run off with the first person that offered to take her away from that place.

But of course, Ashin was offering her so much more than that.

Nevermind that.

She frowned at the box at her lap. "I don't know any of these. Where's your Nysillin leaves?"

 

[Ashin Cardé Varanin]

Ashin closed her eyes and let the blue-white of hyperspace bleed through her eyelids. "It's probably the active ingredient in at least one or two of those. Just find the one that says 'for burns.'"

Her eyes snapped open as a troubling new possibility sank in. "You can read, can't you?"

Avalore

 

[Avalore]

"Yes," she lied. "Of course."

She stared at the tubes in hand, her gut coiling. She grabbed one, covering its label as she undid the cap and squeezed it onto herself.

 

[Ashin Cardé Varanin]

Ashin glanced over and did a double-take.

"I see your hand is afflicted with brain parasites. Wipe that nonsense off and use the blue one. I have no desire to teach you to read, but you need to learn. This ship has a protocol droid and a good-sized library in both Basic and Sith. If you fail to apply your best efforts, I'll use a rare and uncomfortable technique to push the knowledge into your head - make you able to read overnight. I'm sorely tempted to do it now as the consequence of lying to me."

Avalore

 

[Avalore]

Dammit.

She grabbed at the flem gauze and gingerly wiped it back off, unresponsive to the chastising that her lying had earned. Brain parasites...? She turned the tube over in mild curiosity before discarding it for the blue.

She stopped from her work, perking in interest as she looked to Ashin.

"There's a shortcut for learning? ... Do it now, I don't care." Came the semi-confident assertation. She was genuinely intrigued.

 

[Ashin Cardé Varanin]

Avalore got a longer look.

"You may regret that request, but I'm impressed. May you continue on this path of courageous initiative."

There was nothing gentle about the technique that various ancient Sith Lords had used to impose their language on their servants - Revan with the Rakata, for example, and possibly Sadow with the Massassi. It was an inversion of the power to take knowledge by force, as practiced by Jerec, Kylo Ren, and others. It would not be comfortable.

But it helped that the girl already spoke Basic. Just adding literacy would be less traumatic than implanting an entire language ex nihilo.

Ashin locked eyes with her newest apprentice, and began.

 

[Avalore]

Avalore held the gaze of the Sith Lord, flinching at the invasion. To look down was to be weak. At least, that how it worked with the village boys that often poked and prodded her for a response. She didn't want to give that to Ashin, not when she felt like she had so much to prove. She gripped at her legs, her fingers digging into her thighs to keep her steady.

Blood slid down her nose.

Then she cracked.

She crumbled into her hands with a gasp, hiding her face as she rocked through it. While she shook her head no, she never uttered the request for Ashin to stop. Why would she? She wanted to read.

 

[Ashin Cardé Varanin]

Avalore

This deep in Avalore's mind, Ashin had a perfect view of the tension between discomfort and endurance.

<Good,> she said at last - no more than two minutes had elapsed - and withdrew from the girl's mind. "It's done. You should be able to read and write Basic at a reasonable level, and I gave you the simplest fundamentals of Ancient Sith to start your broader education." Anything more and there could have been serious side effects. "How do you feel?"

 

[Avalore]

If there had been any creeping doubt about the validity of Ashin's abilities, it was gone now. Avalore breathed through the pressure inside her mind, a slight gasp of relief hitching in her chest as Ashin withdrew.

She lifted her head as the woman spoke, her face pale as the woman's approval earned a smidegon of light in her eyes. She primed, rubbing at sweat and blood as she tried to recompose herself.

"Fine," she lied.

She blinked back spots in her vision, turning at once to the medicine in her lap. The swirls across the tube solidified before her eyes, the world walloping as the meaning hit her at once.

"For brain mites," she whispered, turning the tube in her hands. A smile touched her lips.

 

[Ashin Cardé Varanin]

Avalore

"You know," Ashin said absently, poking through the navicomputer interface, "I was tempted more than once to do the same for my daughters - accelerate their literacy and other learning. I never did. You don't have cause to know this yet, but power in the Force will weaken you if you aren't careful. If it's the only tool or muscle you use, everything else atrophies.

"But that's enough cryptic muttering for now. You've had a long day and not a little pain. Go figure out the 'fresher and the sonic shower and pick one of the passenger bunks. Good rest is a prerequisite for what we'll do when you wake up."

 

[Avalore]

Avalore burned with curiosity. She kept it to herself, her movements slow as she repacked the first aid. Her temples throbbed, the swift turn of the events starting to leave her feeling disconnected. She took the reprieve with no complaint, standings and turning to leave Ashin to her flight seat. She paused, her resolve to ask later shattering to a pressing thought.

"Is that where we are going?" She glanced over her shoulder, her chest tight with the thought of daughters she could connect with. " 'Home'? "

 

[Ashin Cardé Varanin]

Avalore

"Of a sort. We're going to a planet called Eshan. It's very cold and full of strong, aggressive, disciplined women. I think you'll find it formative."

She'd taken the liberty of increasing Avalore's vocabulary by a bit. Words like 'formative' and 'atrophy' would make sense.

"I don't have a home as such, and I have no idea whether any of my daughters or clones will be around. I'm not a particularly...present...mother "

 

[Avalore]

If she had thoughts towards that she didn't reveal it. She clutched the kit to her chest, nodding once. With no further ado, she turned away. Sonic showers, a mattress not filled with hay. Her thoughts grew thick, the sense of disconnect growing. She wound down in her bunk, reading the labels to the medicine bottles until the thick haze of her mind grew stronger, and sleep over took her.


The world felt clearer when she woke next. The hum of the ship left her sitting up, unsettled as she felt the vibration in her palm as she touched the wall. After a deep breath in and out, she left the space to face her choice.

Bed head and all.

 

[Ashin Cardé Varanin]

The ship had touched down while Avalore slept. Snow covered the windows apart from frost-blurred views of a remote estate house on Eshan - one of the many, many places the Varanins had called home. The building jutted up from snowy fields, dwarfing the large shuttle.

Ashin was just emerging from her own berth. Rather than the robe and mask of Anger, she wore nondescript clothes that could pass unnoticed on many worlds and in many social strata. She wore a lightsaber at her belt. The clothes weren't appropriate for the cold.

"The Force can keep you warm," she said. "It'll be a chilly walk to the front door unless you get the hang of it. Stoke your anger deep in your heart like a furnace, and control your body. The Force will do the rest."

The ramp hissed open, letting in a blast of bitter wind. Ashin headed down.

"Also, good morning."

 

[Avalore]

Avalore cringed back against the blast of cold, the blanket of white leaving her gasping as the sight of snow greeted her. It was a stark different environment to the muggy swamp back on Sorgan. She gaped, watching the back of Ashin step unbothered into it.

"...Morning," she uttered, rubbing at her eyes. A shiver ripped through her, keeping her rooted in place. Let her anger... stroke... through her? She fumbled at the concept, repeating the words in her mind without stirring the emotion in her heart. Angry angry angry. Blame it on her sleepiness or just her lack of familiarity, but Avalore had not consciously connected the dots to when and why the force started working for her.

She wasted another a frivolous moment spamming the word in her mind, before Ashin had stepped too far away and she went running after her. "How can people live in this?" She called out, unwarmed and shivering as she nearly slid into Ashin's side. Even the walking texture was wrong. Crunchy.

 

[Ashin Cardé Varanin]

Avalore

"A few billion, but most of them live in enclosed cities - in domes or underground - or in the warmer regions."

Ashin halted in the shin-deep snow at the middle of the courtyard. The wind really was getting nasty. "We'll stay out here as long as it takes for you to learn this. Anger, focus, contained and intense heat. You controlled heat yesterday; do it again, but within yourself. Obviously I'd prefer you not cook yourself from the inside out, so be aware of your body without giving in to its weaknesses."

 

[Avalore]

Her hair wiped around her, stinging her skin. Also a new experience-- it was like it was alive. She wanted to know why this place wasn't in a dome, but the question was swallowed by the impromptu lesson. She stopped short, the uncomfortable turning painful as they lingered in place. Ashin was given an exasperated huff.

"What does that even mean-- Can't we just try this again indoors?" She pleaded. Even her breath was tight and hard to catch. What insanity was this.