Once bitten, Twice Shy

[Jacen Voidstalker]

Two sides to every coin, but we don't know which is going to show until we flip it

Back when he had delved further into her psyche than intended, he had found her being drowned by her own fears. At the time he had thought that spectre in the deep to be Qorbin Fal. It hadn't been.

Even now, sensing that temptation was a new revelation. He'd seen the taint manifest on her features, known it must have indicated that she had drawn deep on the dark side in her past. Yet that streak ran deeper than he had realised.

That arduous process she had taught him in the months following his own brush with the dark side, she must have gone through it every day for years. He couldn't imagine what it would be to fight that battle constantly, but to do so alone…

She had been hiding from herself, now she was hiding from everyone. The only thing he was certain of was that this wasn't the best thing for her. She knew that, but she left because she thought it was for the benefit of others. ‘It isn't safe,’ she had said.

You are a good person, would you have sent me to isolation when I struggled? I see…I see why you left. But please, let me come to you.

 

[Adele Adonai]

[member="Jacen Voidstalker"]

Focus

A fine trembling ran along her limbs, the Weaver quivering in the growing strain and discomfort of the seiza position. Few could handle the long hours of meditation in such a position, but the discomfort was a familiar web that A’dele had wove around her shoulders. One could even suggest that the Iridonian utilized the growing numbness and ache as a bridge to continued concentration.

Perhaps, a lingering lesson learned during her time with the Darkside.

The Jedi philosophy would state that negative emotions such as fear, anger, and hate were of the Darkside. That such strong emotions had a tendency fuel the fire. It was those very emotions that A’dele struggled with on a daily basis. She knew how easily it was to fall, to tip over. It was the reason why she recited the Jedi Code as a mantra, as her tether.

One that seemed to grow ever so frayed with each passing second.

/ A pond is not an ocean. / she’d say simply. / Your struggles were not mine to condemn. / She had no right to judge anyone.

Least of all him.

The more he spoke the harder it was to try and maintain that level of control she held onto by a thin thread. It pained her, for she wasn’t able to simply fade away. To disappear. It was harder to do when under the light of the sun. Exposed and bare for all to see.

I…

I must go, she told him. Already she was pulling back, Jacen would be able to feel the waning connection. She was afraid. For him, for the others. It was a fear that one couldn’t just wipe away the slate clean. Not in a single night.

Not yet.

 

[Jacen Voidstalker]

I understand. No, no I don't understand. And that's okay. She'd sense him work through those thoughts as he used the last if his reserves to hold the connection.

You didn't judge me and I'm not here to judge you. Just to help, but only if you want me to. I'll try and reach out you again the same time in two nights. I promise I won't try and expose where you are or track you down. I will come when you want me to. Please don't suffer alone.

With that there was a mental sigh. His own walls slowly started to return and he loosened his grip on her consciousness. If she felt uncomfortable under that scrutiny, at least she would feel it ease off as Jacen allowed the connection to falter. Like an old stand of spider's silk caught on the breeze, it would seen gently drift away into the ether.

Unlike Adele he had no expertise, no techniques to teach her to save her from herself. But he had been through anxiety and depression several times in his own life. Knew that you couldn't force anyone to accept your help. All he could do was offer the be there when she felt she could tolerate his presence.

 

[Adele Adonai]

[member="Jacen Voidstalker"]

Please don’t suffer alone.

Don’t suffer alone.

Yet it was a constant for A’dele, it was all she’d ever known. It had been her trial, her battle, her path to atonement with only the Jedi Code and the Force as her ally. She had been content in that. Content in that muted existence the Iradonian felt she had to live.

Jacen changed that.

All creatures of the Force one way or another, desire a social interaction. A’dele had managed to tuck herself away behind her purgatory and sit there in isolation, watching the universe pass her by. The Hound had slipped past the mist and veils with the perseverance and curiosity of a honey bee. One that she’d become all too accustomed to the lulling sound of the beat of his wings.

Two days time. It was enough to consider things, but A’dele was still very much torn. Jacen would be able to feel the lingering tinge of the emotion, and while she would not say anything as the connection broke off, he’d know that at the very least she had not shut him off completely.

A seed had been planted.

Now would it take root?