The Mentor
Josh would look toward Scherezade when she would aim the device at him, curious a moment and surprised when she would bring up recording some things for Jason, including his favorite lullaby. He would let out a sigh, as he would look down, unable to meet her eyes. “Thank you” He spoke softly. “But I already did earlier.”
[SIZE=10.5pt]He found himself looking away, not wanting her to see if he ended up crying as he would try to keep exactly that from happening. “I even... Even recorded his favorite lullaby, so maybe that’ll help him get through some nights, but… It won’t be the same. He’s going to get older and he’s going to get wiser, he’s a smart kid already… One day he’s going to realize that daddy’s not live on that holovid anymore. One day he’s going to ask where daddy is, and one day they are going to have to tell him, if he doesn’t realize on his own, that daddy is gone. That daddy isn’t coming back. He’s already been asking where mommy is, and I never know what to tell him.”[/SIZE]
[SIZE=10.5pt]He couldn’t stop it. He couldn’t stop the tears that had started welling up. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=10.5pt]“The recordings won’t mean as much anymore. He’ll be alone, he won’t have mommy, he won’t have daddy… He’ll be alone. I lost both my parents when I was just a bit older than him, and once you are old enough to understand, realizing that they’re gone, that young… It is one of the most horrible feelings that I think a child can feel. Jason relies on me, I am all that he has… At his age, losing the two people that during that time are your entire world, it… I don’t want to imagine the pain he will go through, I don’t want to imagine my son being lonely. I can’t leave him to suffer alone. I can’t leave him to have to go through what I did. I have promised myself… Over and over…”[/SIZE]
[SIZE=10.5pt]He started to break into sobs, as much as he tried to keep it at bay.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=10.5pt]“I promised I would give him a better life. I promised that he wouldn’t have to suffer this way. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=10.5pt]To the point that many times I’ve considered just… Giving all of this up forever. This title of mine, this pride I have as a Jedi Master, all of that I have and what I am… None of that means anything if Jason is unhappy. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=10.5pt]I would give it all up in a heartbeat. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=10.5pt]But… If I do that, I am dooming other kids to suffer through what I have, when I could have been there. I can’t do that.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=10.5pt]But… What if I leave Jason alone? What if? I don’t want to think about it, and I try to push that thought away when I can, but… I… I just… I don’t want to imagine a world where I can’t be there, to be there for my son. I would rather die a thousand times if that meant I could come back and still be there for him.”[/SIZE]
[SIZE=10.5pt]He took a deep breath, trying to wipe the tears away.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=10.5pt]“We can’t fall here.”[/SIZE]
He was distraught, heavily. But he was trying... Trying to build himself back up and be ready for what was to come. Yet he could not shake the possibility.
[member="Scherezade deWinter"]
[SIZE=10.5pt]He found himself looking away, not wanting her to see if he ended up crying as he would try to keep exactly that from happening. “I even... Even recorded his favorite lullaby, so maybe that’ll help him get through some nights, but… It won’t be the same. He’s going to get older and he’s going to get wiser, he’s a smart kid already… One day he’s going to realize that daddy’s not live on that holovid anymore. One day he’s going to ask where daddy is, and one day they are going to have to tell him, if he doesn’t realize on his own, that daddy is gone. That daddy isn’t coming back. He’s already been asking where mommy is, and I never know what to tell him.”[/SIZE]
[SIZE=10.5pt]He couldn’t stop it. He couldn’t stop the tears that had started welling up. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=10.5pt]“The recordings won’t mean as much anymore. He’ll be alone, he won’t have mommy, he won’t have daddy… He’ll be alone. I lost both my parents when I was just a bit older than him, and once you are old enough to understand, realizing that they’re gone, that young… It is one of the most horrible feelings that I think a child can feel. Jason relies on me, I am all that he has… At his age, losing the two people that during that time are your entire world, it… I don’t want to imagine the pain he will go through, I don’t want to imagine my son being lonely. I can’t leave him to suffer alone. I can’t leave him to have to go through what I did. I have promised myself… Over and over…”[/SIZE]
[SIZE=10.5pt]He started to break into sobs, as much as he tried to keep it at bay.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=10.5pt]“I promised I would give him a better life. I promised that he wouldn’t have to suffer this way. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=10.5pt]To the point that many times I’ve considered just… Giving all of this up forever. This title of mine, this pride I have as a Jedi Master, all of that I have and what I am… None of that means anything if Jason is unhappy. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=10.5pt]I would give it all up in a heartbeat. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=10.5pt]But… If I do that, I am dooming other kids to suffer through what I have, when I could have been there. I can’t do that.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=10.5pt]But… What if I leave Jason alone? What if? I don’t want to think about it, and I try to push that thought away when I can, but… I… I just… I don’t want to imagine a world where I can’t be there, to be there for my son. I would rather die a thousand times if that meant I could come back and still be there for him.”[/SIZE]
[SIZE=10.5pt]He took a deep breath, trying to wipe the tears away.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=10.5pt]“We can’t fall here.”[/SIZE]
He was distraught, heavily. But he was trying... Trying to build himself back up and be ready for what was to come. Yet he could not shake the possibility.
[member="Scherezade deWinter"]